Foolproof

by Jennifer Blackwood

  She scoffed. “How can you make decisions for yourself when you obviously need our help?”

  Como? Pretty sure I was the one who earned my grades, not her or Dad. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “If we hadn’t checked you into rehab last year, you’d have lost your spot in medical school. We’ve put so much time and energy into this. You were meant to be a doctor.”

  I clutched my coffee and ground my teeth together. Nothing I said was getting through to her. My head throbbed and an ache filled my chest to think that she didn’t give a crap about what I wanted. I had to squeeze my hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

  “Dr. Presley, the one who I introduced you to at the Christmas party two years ago told me she’d love to help with your residency after you graduate. It’s all planned.” She continued on, mapping out my future for me, completely ignoring what I’d said. She honestly thought that she could rule my life, like I was a little kid, scheduling soccer practices, art lessons, and quiz practice time.

  No more.

  I was better than this. I deserved to be happy. This was my life.

  “I know you said you aren’t that fond of the hospital, but the emergency room would be a good place to start—”

  “Stop.” I didn’t yell, but my clipped tone made Mom’s mouth gape open.

  “Excuse me?” She blinked a few times, clearly shocked that I had interjected.

  “Just stop.”

  “You know, Eric would never talk to me this way.”

  “Mom. Please, listen to me. I am not Eric. I’m Jules, your other child, the one who doesn’t want to be a doctor, no matter how hard you try to push her in that direction. I want to be an athletic trainer. When I return in the fall, I’m going to change my major.”

  “I won’t support this.”

  I pressed my lips together and nodded. A small part of me knew this might be the case. My mom had a my way or the highway mentality. Any side routes or avenues were unwelcome speed bumps in her life. “I accept that, but I’m still going to do it. This is my life, and I need to do something that makes me happy, not what makes you, Dad, or Eric happy. I’d really love your support, but I’m doing this for me.”

  “You’ll be cut off, without a dime. You’ll be on your own.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll find a way.” Even though this was completely terrifying, something became clear: I didn’t need her approval. I was free from her reign. Support or not, I was going to pursue the career I really wanted. The pressure in my chest lifted, and I sat a little taller.

  I did it.

  She pounded her fist on the table, losing her perfectly poised persona for a fraction of a second. She looked around the coffee shop to make sure that no one had noticed and said, “You’re making the biggest mistake of your life. Your father and I are the only ones who have been there for you and now you’re just going to betray us like this?” Her voice was a venomous whisper.

  Who was this woman? If this was how Mom was going to treat me, it was time to peace out. I wanted no part of this. She’d just keep trying to tear me down. And I’d worked too hard to build myself up.

  I pushed my chair away from the table, the legs screeching against the linoleum. I took one last look at my mother, aching for her to be kind and loving instead of giving me ultimatums. But if it came down to it, I had to put myself first, even if it hurt to push her away. “Hope you have a safe trip home. I’ve gotta get ready for work. Nice seeing you, Mom.”

  She grabbed my wrist, her face flushed, eyes wide. “If you change your mind, we’ll invest in your future.” Her last attempt at a power exchange. And I wasn’t going to give in.

  I shook my hand free from her grasp and stood up straight, looking down at her. “I won’t, but thanks.” I strode out of the coffee shop before she could say anything else.

  Tears streamed down my face as I got in my car. I may never please my parents or live up to their expectations, but it didn’t matter now. I was my own person. I didn’t need anyone else to dictate my happiness. Not parents, not friends, not guys. Dr. Ahrendt was right.

  Ten minutes later, I pulled into the lot of Office Jax and stared at the building. Work was the last place I wanted to be, but at least it would get my mind off the events of the last twenty-four hours. Bonus, Ryan wasn’t on shift today. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to tell him I loved him. At least I learned that I didn’t need him to be happy.

  As I settled into my shift, I focused on the mundane tasks, blinking away fresh tears. Between last night and the fight with my mom, I was surprised I had any left. As I rang up a customer, I resisted the urge to swipe at my eyes. I grabbed the shopping bag and handed it to the gentleman along with his receipt. “Thank you for shopping at Office Jax, I hope we fulfilled all your office supply needs.”

  A pang surged through my chest as I watched the customer leave, staring at the door. Who was I going to joke around with about the horrible music or cheesy slogans? Who would I tease about having a stupid unicorn on his ass? It was all just a game to him, I had to remind myself. You don’t need him.

  Just as I was about to turn to the register to sort labels, Ryan breezed through the door, looking so handsome in a fitted black tee and jeans that it took everything in me to remind myself that I hated him. Player alert. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.

  I leaned against the register, looking away, hoping he didn’t catch the glossiness in my eyes. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’d crushed me. I may not have had it in me to give some snide remark, but I’d get the point across that I wanted nothing to do with him.

  He strode up to the counter and before he could say anything, I blurted, “Ryan, I don’t want to talk to you.” I turned away, not wanting to look at him. I hated how much my voice shook, betraying my resolve. If I could tell off my mom, who’d had me under her thumb for years, I could definitely do the same for a guy I’d only known a month.

  He leaned over the counter, moving into my personal space, trying to get me to look at him. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I called to apologize to Lex, not get back with her. I had to do that so I could forgive myself. So that I could move forward with dating you.”

  I thumbed a stack of papers on the counter, pushing away the queasiness in my stomach. Just being in the same room as him made me want to upchuck. “Save it for someone who cares.”

  He touched my arm, the warm pad of his thumb stroking over my skin. “I think you do care. I know that I care. You mean everything to me, Jules.”

  Even though my body ached for his touch, I pulled my arm away. A small part of me wished this was true, hoped we could work this out, but I wouldn’t let him see that. I scoffed and pushed a few pieces of paper around on the counter. “How can you say that? I saw the magazine. I’m not dumb.”

  He threw his hands in the air and grunted. “Yes, I used that fucking magazine. Stupidest thing I’ve done. And if we’re being honest, I started the summer wanting a fling. But it turned into more.”

  “I don’t care.” I was not going to let this guy dictate my happiness. I didn’t need him, even if my fingers itched to reach out and touch him. I deserved better. Not someone who still talked to their ex and used me as a summer fling experiment. “You talk a good game, Ryan, but I’m done playing. Just leave. I don’t have anything else I want to say to you.”

  He chewed on the inside of his lip and those baby blues pleaded with me. I wished I could forget the past day, but I couldn’t. Words only went so far.

  I folded my arms over my chest, staring him down, trying to convey I was so over him. Couldn’t he see he’d done enough damage? My heart couldn’t handle much more—not when it took every ounce of strength to stand up to my mom earlier.

  Instead of leaving, he reached for the store phone, picked up the receiver and pushed a few buttons. What the heck? I asked him to leave and he takes the time to make a personal call? What part of leave didn’t he understand?

&n
bsp; This was all too much, too soon. Yes, I was all about me being the key to my own happiness, but I needed at least another day to wallow. Maybe curl up on the couch and eat a sleeve of Oreos. But I was at work and had to put on my customer service game face, something proving harder by the second. A tear spilled down my cheek and I quickly dabbed my eyes on my shirt sleeve. “What are you doing?”

  The music cut out as he pulled the receiver to his lips. What the hell was going on?

  “If you won’t talk to me…if you won’t believe what you mean to me, I guess I’ll have to show you.”

  Oh dear God. What was he going to do?

  He cleared his throat and muttered fuck under his breath—and then started belting a song at the top of his lungs. Or at least I thought it was a song. If I’d heard this on the radio, I’d think it was someone in pain or dying. I couldn’t tell what song it was, the lyrics a jumbled, nervous mess. Once he got to the chorus, I realized what he was singing.

  98 Degrees, “I Do Cherish You.” He was about an octave and a half too low, completely off-key. Nick Lachey would be weeping right about now. But Ryan was singing me a love song. In public.

  If it were possible, Ryan sang even louder when he hit the next chorus, his voice cracking on the high notes. Amazing, I didn’t think anyone was more tone-deaf than me. Customers came out from the aisles and stared at him as his singing filled the store. A little kid clung to her dad, her poor little ears being assaulted. The guy had major cojones. I gave him that. Most people wouldn’t put themselves out there and act like a complete idiot in public.

  Ryan hopped up on the counter as he transitioned into the third chorus, messing up a few words here and there. His dad stood in the doorway of his office staring at Ryan. More customers had congregated, watching Ryan make a complete ass out of himself.

  He finished the song in a completely different key. It was quite possibly the worst singing I’d ever heard, but so damn cute, my heart momentarily forgot it had been crushed by him.

  He coughed into the crook of his arm and pulled the receiver back to his mouth. “I’d like to make an announcement. When I met Jules Carmichael, I saw the sign.”

  “Stop!” I reached to press the button to disconnect, but he grabbed the phone base and held it to his chest.

  Why was he doing this to me? Cheesy nineties songs wouldn’t change what he’d done.

  “What? Do you need more than words?”

  “Ryan.” I shook my head, tears freefalling down my cheeks. Stop crying. He doesn’t deserve one Goddamn tear.

  “I love you, Jules. I know I screwed up, but please, if you give me another chance, I promise, I’m yours.”

  He hung up the phone, cutting off the intercom message. A few more customers had gathered around. Ryan’s dad hung back, staring at Ryan making an ass out of himself and me crying like an idiot.

  What could I say? Did he really mean it when he said that this was real to him? Could he be that one person who could stand by my side as I started my new life? “Ryan.”

  “Please just tell me you feel the same way.”

  I shook my head. This was too much to process. Emotion overload. “You hurt me. If you think singing a song—badly, I might add—is going to win me back, you obviously don’t think very highly of me. This isn’t a game, Ryan.”

  Did he really mean it when he said he loved me? To hear those words come from his mouth, the sincerity in his eyes, the way he looked at me like I was his everything. This could be real, right? I wanted it to be real. Not because I needed it to be happy, but because, deep down, I really cared for Ryan.

  “What we have is real, Jules. It wasn’t a game to me.”

  I folded my arms over my chest. “How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

  “Do you think I’d get up here and make a fool out of myself if I didn’t really care?”

  “Maybe. How am I supposed to have a relationship with someone I can’t trust?”

  “But I’ve been straightforward with you the whole time. Yes, I used the stupid magazine, but the feelings are real.”

  “I…” This was just too much to handle. “Don’t think I can do this. I’m sorry, Ryan. I just need time.”

  “But Jules…”

  My chin wobbled as I cleared my throat, swallowing back my tears. “Just go.”

  Could he actually be telling the truth? Could this work? Things had been going so well before I’d found out about the whole magazine article fiasco and his chat with Lex. But I didn’t know if I had it in me to put myself out there again.

  His shoulders slumped. He pulled a CD case out of his back pocket and placed it on the counter before turning to leave. “Here. I made this for you.”

  I looked down at the CD. Numbers with song titles and a note for each one was written around the whole surface, spiraling until it met the middle. Little unicorns decorated the outer rim.

  1. Jules, you’ve Been Caught Stealing my heart

  2. From the moment I saw you, I thought, All I Want is You. Only you

  3. It’s All the Small Things that make me love you

  4. Like the fact I Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You whenever you’re around

  5. Or how I can’t stop thinking about how you turned my ears Violet for a week after smashing me with a paint balloon.

  6. You’re more than Just a Girl, you’re my whole world

  7. I Come Undone when I see your smile

  8. I may want to be All Over You when we’re together, but it’s more than just physical

  9. When it’s Just the Two of Us, I can tell you make me a better person. Someone I want to be.

  10. But most of all, you gave me Faith. I love you, Jules.

  Tears streamed down my face as I finished reading the CD. I looked up, through blurred vision, but everyone had gone back to their aisles, and Ryan was gone.

  Oh my God. I just let Ryan walk out. He may have been an idiot to use that stupid magazine, but I knew he meant it when he said he was sorry. I didn’t care if it all started as a game for him, it was real now. We may have pushed each other’s buttons, but what he said rang true. He made me want to be a better person, too. He accepted me, all of me. And I wanted to be with him.

  Mr. DeShane strode over and handed me a tissue. “I think he’s still outside if you want to catch him.”

  I nodded and wiped my eyes. Racing out from behind the counter, I tore through the store and out the exit. He loved me for me. Not because of what career I wanted, what I wore, who my friends were. He wasn’t trying to change me into something I wasn’t. There weren’t any ultimatums with his feelings. And I loved him. All of him. I loved his dirty humor, the way his fingertips felt as they skimmed across my skin, the way I didn’t have to be someone else while I was with him. Ryan didn’t make me a complete person—I realized that. I was already whole, but I wanted him as my equal, my teammate as I navigated through all these changes that were about to happen.

  Ryan was just about to get into his car when I grabbed his arm. “Did you really mean that?” My voice came out forced, my throat thick and scratchy.

  “Mean what?” He turned around. His lips pressed into a narrow line and his eyes glistened in the sun.

  My voice cracked when I said, “That you love me.”

  He nodded, taking my hand in his. “Yes, Jules. I love you. I started falling the moment I met you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He gave me a wobbly smile and said, “Thank God.”

  I pulled him into a hug, kissed him, and quickly pulled back. “Ryan?”

  “Yeah?” He smiled, tracing his finger along my lower lip.

  “P.S. You rock my world.”

  Epilogue

  Ryan

  Six months later…

  “Okay, ready?” I whispered into her ear.

  “DeShane, what is this?” Jules giggled.

  The room was dim, candles lit. Hell, I even set the table.

  “Surprise,” I said, removing my hands from her eye
s.

  She stared a moment in stunned silence. “Oh. My. God. Is this what I think it is?”

  “An Oreo feast fit for a princess. And for the first course, we have Oreo brownies.” I slid the plate to the center of the table. Jules’s eyes widened.

  “DeShane. You know the way straight to a girl’s heart.” She picked up a brownie and popped it in her mouth. I stared at those damn perfect lips as she chewed, wishing I was the dessert right about now. She closed her eyes and let out a sexy little moan, indulging in her sugar-fueled ecstasy.

  “I thought I’d already gotten to your heart.”

  “Yes, but this definitely helps.” She said, her mouth full.

  I shook my head. I didn’t think I could love her any more than I already did, but each day, she did something to make me fall a little more. Call me a pansy for admitting that, but I was head over heels for this girl and proud of it. “Just wait for the next course.”

  “Shit, there’s more?”

  I nodded.

  “I’m gonna need to unbutton my pants if I eat any more.”

  “I can help you with that.” I lifted my brow suggestively.

  “You’re sick.”

  I gave her a wink. “You love it. Wait right here. Course two coming right up.” I got up and went to the kitchen, plugging my phone into the portable speakers I’d set up.

  “You’re killing me softly with anticipation.” Peach called from the dining room.

  These past six months had been the best. I’d gotten the internship at Humboldt—a paid one at that. They’d been paying for me to take classes at Drexler, and some of my core classes from Baylor transferred as I worked my way toward a degree in fish and wildlife protection. Humboldt had been so impressed with my work that they’d surprised me by offering me a permanent full-time position. Dad and I were still on good terms, and I was getting ready to move out soon and live in an apartment with Blake once he graduated.