by Sherry Lewis
Smiling apologetically, Siddah bent to kiss Bobby’s cheek. “I’m sorry I’m late. I thought I had time to stop by the store and still get here on time, but I misjudged.”
Bobby grunted something Siddah couldn’t understand, but she was growing used to that.
“I’m sure you’re eager to leave,” she said, “but you’re welcome to join us for supper if you’d like. I’m going to grill some burgers on the patio.”
The color in Whitney’s cheeks deepened a shade. “Thanks, but I can’t. Mom’s making a special dinner tonight for my dad’s birthday.”
“Tonight?” Siddah felt about two inches tall. “I wish I’d known. I would have made sure I was home on time.”
“That’s okay. I…” Whitney shot a glance at Bobby and turned to Siddah. “I need to talk to you for a minute before I go.”
Eager to make up for her tardiness, Siddah perched on the back of the couch. “Sure. What’s up?”
“It’s…” The girl moistened her lips and shifted her weight from one side to the other, and Siddah started to feel uneasy. “Look, I don’t want to leave you hanging or anything, but school starts pretty soon and it’s my senior year.” Shifting again, Whitney chewed her bottom lip and made an effort to smile. “The thing is, I kind of need to stop baby-sitting.”
The air left Siddah’s lungs in a whoosh, and for the first time since she walked through the door, Bobby looked away from the television.
Something on the screen exploded, but he didn’t look back. “You’re not going to be here anymore?”
With a fond smile, Whitney tousled Bobby’s hair. “It’s not that I don’t want to, squirt. It’s just that I’m gonna have tons of homework to do…and other stuff.” When she looked at Siddah, her eyes were filled with equal measures of regret and pleading. “You understand, don’t you? It’s my senior year.”
Understand? That she was quitting? Now? Just when things were beginning to look up? Whitney couldn’t have chosen a worse time to make this announcement if she’d tried. Somehow, Siddah got a couple of words out of her tight, dry throat. “How soon?”
“Like, right away.” Whitney flashed another apologetic smile, for all the good it did. “A bunch of my friends want to drive over to Glacier before school starts, and I kinda want to go with them.”
A dull ache pulsed behind Siddah’s eyes. How could she work extra hours if she had no baby-sitter? How could she work at all? She couldn’t leave Bobby alone all day.
Whitney flashed a concerned smile. “Do you hate me?”
Fighting panic, Siddah forced a shake of her head. “Of course I don’t hate you. I’m just a little surprised, that’s all. And it would have been nice to have some notice. Can’t you please stay on for a couple of days so I can find another sitter?”
“If I do, I’ll miss the Glacier trip. They’re leaving tomorrow morning.”
And God forbid she should stay behind, Siddah thought before she could stop herself. She remembered how it felt to be seventeen, and she could guess how important this trip was to Whitney, but all things considered, she had trouble rating it high on her own list of priorities. “If you can’t sit with Bobby, do you know anyone else who can? A friend who isn’t going on the trip, maybe?”
Whitney shook her head. “I already tried to find somebody, but everybody I know has plans.”
Arguments rose to Siddah’s lips, but she bit them all back. Obviously, Whitney had made up her mind. Siddah might be able to guilt her into changing plans, but her aunt Suzette had used that tactic on Siddah when she was younger, and she wouldn’t let herself do it to anyone else. Wiping away the scowl she could feel creasing her face, she turned toward the front door. “Well, then, you go home and enjoy your dad’s birthday dinner. I’ll get busy making phone calls. I hope it’s okay if I drop your check off in a few days.”
Whitney looked relieved. “Sure. Mom’s going to let me borrow the money for the trip, so I’ll be okay.” She glanced back at Bobby and wagged her fingers. “See ya later, squirt.”
Without a word, Bobby flopped back against the couch and started a new game. Siddah couldn’t tell if he was angry, hurt or indifferent. Even after she’d closed the door behind Whitney, Bobby didn’t look away from the television.
She considered telling him about meeting Gabe, but decided she wasn’t ready for him to know yet. She didn’t even know what to make of Gabe’s unexpected return, so how could she ask Bobby to deal with the news? Her heart broke at the slump of his little shoulders, the blank look on his freckled face.
Refusing to let Whitney’s bombshell discourage her, she perched on the arm of the couch. “I’ll be sad to lose Whitney, but I’m sure we’ll find another great sitter for you. And I have a little good news. Want to hear it?”
He dipped his head.
“There’s a chance I’ll be getting a sort of promotion at work, and I thought it might be fun to barbecue tonight to celebrate. What do you say?”
One thin shoulder lifted in response. “I guess.”
“We can invite Ivy and Rebecca over.” Maybe Ivy would even have a suggestion or two about day-care options.
Bobby manipulated buttons on the remote for a few seconds. One of the animated figures on the TV screen exploded and he rolled his gaze toward Siddah. “Do we have to?”
“You don’t want to?”
“Not really.”
“Why not? You like Rebecca, don’t you?”
“When she’s not being stupid.”
Siddah struggled not to let frustration creep into her voice. “I know you’re a big, tough guy and it’s probably not cool to be friends with a girl, but Rebecca is certainly not stupid. And nobody else will know that she’s here, so you don’t have to worry about your reputation.”
Another explosion filled the screen. “You can invite her if you want. I don’t care.”
That was the problem. He didn’t care about anything lately. Pretending enthusiasm she didn’t feel, Siddah stood and smiled down at him. “Great. Want to help me start the grill?”
“Not really.”
“Well, would you help me anyway?” She leaned into his line of vision. “It’s not going to be much of a celebration if I have to do all the work myself.”
With another roll of his eyes, he ended the game and tossed the controller onto the floor. “I’m not very hungry. Whitney made tuna sandwiches for lunch.”
“What time did you eat?”
“I don’t know. A while ago.”
After spending the day assuring people that Bobby was fine, she felt the sudden need to prove herself right. She willed her small son to smile the way he used to. But he didn’t. Not really. The expression that passed for a smile these days was a far cry from what it used to be.
His brow wrinkled and he scratched his belly. “How come you’re late again?”
“I had a lot to do.” Again she skirted the issue of Gabe’s visit and focused on mundane every day things that would probably bore her son to death. “We got a new case today, and I had to file documents with the court on a couple of others. Evan was in one courtroom all afternoon and Chris was in the other. That left Amanda and me scrambling to handle everything else.” She walked slowly, leading Bobby toward the kitchen as she talked.
He stuffed his hands into his pockets and scuffed his feet along the carpet. “Grandma came over.”
Siddah’s smile faltered. “She did?” Had she told Bobby about Gabe? Smiling as if a thousand questions weren’t racing through her mind, she passed Bobby the drink she’d opened. “What did she want?”
“Nothing much. She said she’d take me shopping for school clothes if I wanted, but I told her I didn’t need anything.”
Siddah cast a wry glance at the pants that had grown too short over the summer and the T-shirt she’d patched twice already. “It’s nice of Grandma to offer,” she said, “but we’ll make do. I’ll bet we can find a couple pairs of jeans and some new T-shirts at the Ben Franklin for not much, and we can pick up
more things from my next paycheck in a couple of weeks.”
He shrugged again—his response to everything these days—and pulled ground beef from the bag on the counter. “Okay.”
“Okay then, that’s what we’ll do.”
With Gabe back in town, she and Bobby weren’t the strongest link to Peter, and the fear that Helene would eventually grow tired of pretending to be Bobby’s grandmother loomed large. And what if Gabe stayed in Libby? Got married and had a family? Produced biological grandchildren for Monty and Helene to bond with? Siddah’s heart sank as she realized that potential hurt loomed around every corner. Even the most determined mother couldn’t keep it away from her child.
“How about tomorrow after work?” she suggested. “We could even stop by the Sports Center to check out football equipment if you want to.”
Bobby’s head lifted, and for an instant she thought maybe she’d lit a spark. She didn’t care if he got excited about rejoining his friends or angry with her for pushing him. She’d have welcomed any show of emotion. But Bobby merely rolled his eyes away again and lifted that shoulder in a gesture so lifeless she wanted to scream.
She sat so she could look him in the face. “Bobby, honey, you used to love to play with the team, and I know Coach Russert is eager to have you come back. I’ll bet if you just tried, you’d start getting into the swing again real fast.”
As if she hadn’t spoken, her son picked up the ground beef and looked at the patio door. “If Ivy and Rebecca want to eat, they’d better come over pretty soon. It won’t take very long to cook some burgers.”
Hope faded as quickly as it had flared. “You’re right. I’d better call right now.” She managed a smile, but her heart wasn’t in it, and it wasn’t easy to hide the tears of frustration that swam in her eyes. Grabbing a box of matches and the cordless phone, she headed outside for a breath of fresh air and a chance to pull herself together. She’d been so certain that Bobby would recover from Peter’s death in time. But time only seemed to be making him worse, and the security she longed for seemed more elusive than ever.
CHAPTER THREE
TWO HOURS LATER, Siddah pushed through the kitchen door with her shoulder and stepped out onto the patio carrying two glasses of lemonade. She’d made a few phone calls already, but so far she’d had no luck finding a replacement baby-sitter. Between Bobby’s mood, Whitney’s decision to quit, and Rebecca’s excitement over starting fifth grade in a week, their quiet celebration dinner had left Siddah more tightly wound than she’d been before.
In the backyard, Rebecca wandered around the flower beds while Bobby sat listlessly on the swing set, drawing patterns in the sand with the toe of his shoe. Ivy had curled into one of Siddah’s new padded chairs beneath the spreading branches of an elm tree, where she could keep an eye on the kids. A slight breeze ruffled her short blond hair and a smile played on her lips.
She looked up as Siddah approached, and held out a hand for one of the glasses. “Bobby’s quiet tonight.”
“Bobby’s quiet every night.” Siddah sank into a chair beside Ivy’s and put her feet up on a planter filled with petunias and marigolds. “Does he seem worse to you than usual?”
“A little, I think. Is he worried about starting school?”
“If he is, he’s not saying anything to me.” Siddah kicked off her sandals and arched her feet. “I think I’m more worried about it than he is.”
“Oh? Why?”
“Whitney quit tonight.”
Ivy’s blue eyes grew wide. “No!”
“Yes. So here we are celebrating this great opportunity at work, but I have no way to take advantage of it.”
“Don’t be silly. There’s always a way, we just need to think of it. Why did she quit? I thought she liked the job.”
Siddah shrugged. “I thought so, too, but she’s a senior in high school and she has better things to do.”
“Hmm. Well, I guess I can understand that. I probably would have felt the same way at her age, but she sure has lousy timing. What are you going to do about the promotion?”
“I’ve worked too hard to give up now.” High overhead, the wind chimes Peter and Bobby had given her for Mother’s Day sang out in a whisper of breeze. Usually, Siddah found the sound soothing, but tonight it torched her already frazzled nerves. “I hate to ask this, Ivy, but do you think Bobby could spend the day with you tomorrow? He’d be a big help getting things set up at the school, and I just can’t leave him home alone.”
Ivy’s expression sobered. “I wish I could say yes, but I’m scheduled to be in meetings with people from the district offices all day. Rebecca’s not even going with me.”
“Who’s watching her?”
“Estelle from next door. I’d ask her about Bobby, but…well, you know. She’s nearly eighty and I’m afraid two kids might be too much for her. How about Helene? I’m sure she’d take him.”
“I can’t ask Helene. I don’t want Bobby over there right now.”
“Why not?”
Siddah checked to make sure Bobby hadn’t come closer, then brought up the subject that had been tormenting her all afternoon. “How well did you know Peter’s brother?”
Ivy pulled back with a sharp laugh. “Gabe? What does he have to do with this?”
“What would you say if I told you he was back in town?”
“Gabe? Here?” Ivy laughed again. “I’d say you were nuts.”
“Well I’m not.”
Slowly, Ivy uncurled her legs. “Are you serious? Gabe King is back in Libby?”
“I’m afraid so. I met him this afternoon, but I don’t want Bobby to know yet.”
“You’re sure it was Gabe?”
“That’s what he said.”
“But what…” Ivy shook her head and sat back hard in her chair. “Start from the beginning. Where did you meet him?”
“He came to the office looking for me. Apparently, Helene thinks he should try to help Bobby.”
“And you’re just getting around to telling me this now?”
“Like I said, I don’t want Bobby to know yet.”
Ivy nodded and dropped her voice a few decibels. “Have you talked to Helene?”
“Not yet. I was too busy at work, and when I got home, Whitney delivered her news.” The enormity of the situation hit her, and she shivered in spite of the warm evening. “I just can’t figure out what Helene is thinking. After everything he’s done, why would she think Gabe could help Bobby?”
“Maybe he can.”
Siddah gaped at her friend. “Be serious!”
“I am. Let’s be logical for just a minute, okay?” Ivy reached across the space between them and touched Siddah’s hand. “Maybe this would be good for Bobby. It won’t cost you a dime to let him get to know his uncle.”
“Gabe isn’t his uncle.”
“Peter would have said he was.”
“Peter was an optimist,” Siddah reminded her. “I’m a bit more realistic.”
“You’re always saying that you’re worried about Peter’s parents losing interest in Bobby, but you’re the one who’s pulling back. Can’t you see that? You should be doing everything you can to cement his place in the family.”
Siddah shot to her feet and rubbed her arms against a sudden chill. “Including letting him spend time with Gabe?” Filling him with the same strange mix of emotions she was feeling?
“Come on, Siddah, you weren’t even around when Gabe left. All you know is what people have told you. You can’t judge him on that.”
“I’m judging him on a whole lot more than that,” Siddah shot back. “I was married to Peter when Bobby was just a year old. In all that time, Gabe hasn’t been here once. He’s never met me until today, and he hasn’t even seen Bobby.”
“Here’s here now.”
Siddah let out an angry laugh. “So you’re saying I should just ignore the warnings? Don’t you think that’s a little irresponsible?”
“Normally I’d say yes, but I know Gabe…at l
east I did.” Ivy sat back. “He’s a good guy, Siddah. You should give him a chance.”
“A good guy who deserted his family for ten years.”
“If he’s staying with Helene and Monty, obviously things aren’t as bad as Peter made them sound.”
“We don’t know that.”
“So call Helene and ask what’s going on,” Ivy suggested. “You have to move on with your life, and you have to do what you can to help your son.”
Siddah nodded miserably. “I know. And if I really thought it would help, I’d probably agree. But how do I know?”
“You don’t.” Ivy sent a pointed glance at Bobby, who still hadn’t moved from the swing. “But you need to try. What’s going on right now isn’t good for either of you.”
“I’m fine,” Siddah insisted. “It’s Bobby I worry about.”
“And I’m worried about you. You’ve withdrawn from everyone since Peter’s death.”
Siddah gaped at her. “How can you say that? You and Rebecca are here tonight. I have a job. I’m going after a promotion. It’s not as if I’m sitting inside the house with the blinds drawn, feeling sorry for myself.”
Ivy swatted away a gnat and smiled gently. “You don’t laugh anymore, and you haven’t been to any of our progressive dinners since Peter died. You’ve stopped doing anything with the community theater, and I’ve hardly even seen you in church. Working all the time isn’t exactly living.”
Siddah sighed. “How did we switch from talking about Gabe to picking on me?”
Ivy quirked a smile. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while now. Tonight just seems like the right time. And before you start telling me all the reasons I’m wrong, you need to know that I’m not the only one who’s worried. I don’t think a full week goes by that somebody doesn’t tell me how concerned they are.”
Stunned, Siddah sank into her chair. “Who?”
“Friends of yours. Ann and Cody. The Jamisons. Mrs. Pritchett from the theater.”
“Why don’t they talk to me?”
“How can they? You’re either at work or home.”
