by Sherry Lewis
“They could call.”
“Yeah, but you know how it is.” Ivy ran her fingers through her pale hair. “Look, Siddah, summer’s over. Our progressive dinners are going to be starting up again, and tryouts for the first play of the season are in just a couple of weeks. At least think about getting back to the things you used to do.”
Stung by the mild criticism, Siddah shook her head. “Were you not paying attention before? I don’t have day care worked out for the hours I’ll be working, much less baby-sitters lined up so I can have a social life. And I don’t think that my being gone even more is going to help Bobby.”
“Having a mother who’s living her own life might.”
“I am living my life,” Siddah argued. “Life’s just different now than it was before and it’s unrealistic to think I can simply go back to living the way I was.”
“It’s unrealistic for you to think you can lock yourself away and be happy.”
Siddah laughed in disbelief. “Are we really having this conversation? I invited you over here to celebrate what I thought was a victory. Instead of congratulations, I’m under attack.”
Ivy leaned up and put a gentle hand on her arm. “I’m not attacking you. I’m your friend and I’m concerned. Somebody needs to be since you don’t seem to care.” Before Siddah could argue, Ivy gripped her hands and held on tight. “I’m really thrilled that Evan’s going to let you work on a big case, Siddah. Honestly, I am. But can you blame me for wanting to see you smile again? To hear you laugh? You used to love doing stuff with the theater group, and our dinners were one of your favorite parts of the month. Just think about coming back, okay? That’s all I ask.”
A dozen arguments rose to Siddah’s lips, but even she couldn’t deny the truth. She had loved the theater group once, and she’d found great joy in preparing her part of the progressive dinner, making sure the house sparkled, and setting the table just-so once a month.
But that was then. This was now. She wasn’t the same woman she’d been back then, and her life wasn’t her own. She’d find time for herself later…after she built the life she wanted for Bobby.
SUNLIGHT BEAT down on Gabe’s head and shoulders and perspiration ran down his back in rivulets. He swung the ax high overhead and brought it down, finding again the rhythm that was buried deep inside. A rhythm he thought he’d forgotten.
He wiped his face with the back of his arm, grimacing at the pull of his muscles. Physical pain he could handle, but he’d never been good at dealing with his emotions. Peter had been much better at voicing his feelings aloud, processing them, making sense of them. To Gabe, emotions had always been something to run from. Something to be locked away.
The song of a meadowlark danced across the clearing and memories drifted all around him. The sound of Peter’s laughter mixed with his own floated in and out of his head, and Gabe swung the ax once more in a vain attempt to escape it. Every muscle in his body ached and a chill traced through him.
Gritting his teeth as if sheer force of will could keep a recurrence of the fever away, he split another log and sank onto the stump to catch his breath. He didn’t want the old man to catch him resting. He’d never hear the end of it.
The fever had changed him, and not for the better.
He’d spent too much time in the past day thinking about Siddah. Frankly, she’d been a surprise. A wave of shimmering brown hair, and eyes that fluctuated between gray and blue…
She was a beautiful woman. No surprise there. Peter had always been attracted to beauty, in nature, in wood, in women. But when they were younger, Peter had been attracted by women who had a little less bite. Gabe had been the one drawn to women who knew what they wanted and knew how to get it. And if ever he’d met a woman who fit that category, Siddah did.
Apparently, Peter’s tastes had changed.
Not that Siddah was all fire. Behind the blaze in her eyes was a veil of sadness. He’d seen the shock on her face that afternoon and he knew that she’d mistaken him for Peter, if only for an instant. Watching the emotions play across her face had been hard on him, too. He wasn’t eager to put either of them through another meeting, but if he didn’t make an effort with Bobby, he’d lose this battle before it ever got started.
Setting aside the ax, he picked up an armful of wood and carried it toward the house. He wondered whether the old man would find fault with his efforts or if, just once, Monty would simply thank him.
“Gabe?” His mother appeared in the kitchen doorway, holding open the screen with one hand. “You have a phone call. Someone named Randall Hunt?”
Suddenly alert, Gabe dropped the wood against the wall and wiped lingering bits of sawdust and bark from his chest as he walked toward the house. He’d worked with Randy many times over the years, and he respected him as much as he respected anyone. Contacting Randy had been one of the things he’d done as he passed through Virginia, and he’d been more than grateful when Randy had offered to call in a few favors to help Gabe get on his feet again.
Inside, he snagged the phone from the counter where his mother had left it. “Randy? What’s up?”
Randy didn’t answer his question and asked instead, “How’s Montana treating you?”
Small talk? That didn’t bode well. “So far, so good. How are things at your end?”
“Busy, as usual. It’s been one thing after another since I talked to you last. Hayley’s got her driver’s license, you know, and we decided to get another car for her to drive, so we’ve spent far too much time on that.”
Gabe’s mother hovered near the sink, obviously eavesdropping. He shifted so she wouldn’t notice the slight tremor in his hand and tried to sound interested in Randy’s story. “You found a good car, I hope?”
“Finally. Now we just need to get her some experience using the clutch.”
“She’ll get it,” Gabe said. “She’s a smart kid.”
“Yeah, she is.” Randy fell silent for a moment, then, “Listen, Gabe, I’ve been making those calls we talked about.”
“And? What have you found out?”
“I don’t have good news for you, I’m afraid. Nobody’s willing to put up the backing you need to return to Ecuador.”
Stunned, Gabe sank into a chair at the table. “Nobody? Who did you talk to?”
“Everybody I could. Problem is, word’s out. People know you’ve been ill and they know the university’s doctors have warned you about going back to work too soon. Nobody’s willing to put up that much money when the risk of you having a relapse is so great.”
“It’s not great,” Gabe growled. “I’m fine.”
“Not according to Dr. Rawson. The university is skittish, and that’s making everyone else skittish.”
“There has to be somebody with some common sense. Let me meet with them. Let them see me face-to-face. That ought to convince them.”
“It’s not going to work, Gabe.”
“Then we’ll try somebody else.”
“There isn’t anybody else. These people were my last resort. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
Gabe felt his stomach knot, and a sense of dread settled over him. “So you’re giving up?”
“For the time being.” Randy let out a deep breath. “I hate to say this, Gabe, and I know it’s not what you want to hear, but maybe you should take the doctor’s advice. Spend a few months recuperating here in the States. Rest. Build up your strength. Let’s see where we are in six months or so.”
“Six months?” The words shot out of his mouth before he could stop them. He caught the quick turn of his mother’s head and tried to soften his voice. “I can’t do that, Randy.”
“I’m afraid you’re going to have to. The university doesn’t want to touch you until Dr. Rawson gives you the all-clear, and neither does anybody else.”
And how was he supposed to live in the meantime? Gabe stood quickly and paced from one end of the kitchen to the other. “There has to be another way.”
“If there
is, I can’t find it. If you want my advice, I think you should just stay where you are. Relax. There’s no place like home, you know.”
Except that this wasn’t home. It hadn’t been home for a long time. But Gabe didn’t want to say that with his mother listening. “Yeah,” he grumbled. “Thanks.”
“I’m sorry, Gabe. I’d really hoped to have better news.”
“You tried,” Gabe conceded. “I can’t ask for more than that.”
Still numb and uncertain, he disconnected a few minutes later. The last thing he wanted was to spend six months or more in Montana. But with his bank account empty and his career in shambles, what choice did he have? At least here he had a roof over his head and three squares a day. That was more than he’d have if he left.
“HOW ABOUT potato chips?” Siddah asked as she slowly wheeled a grocery cart down the aisle. “Should we get some of those cheddar cheese ones you like?” It had been a long day at work, and Chris’s never-ending demands had left her short-tempered and out of patience. Or maybe it was thinking about her conversation with Gabe that had put her in such a sour mood. She was going to have to give him an answer soon, but she still didn’t know what would be best for Bobby.
What she really wanted was to forget about everything unpleasant and just curl up at home with a good book, but she had to do her weekly shopping. They were out of almost everything at home.
Bobby walked beside her, head down, shoulders slumped. “If you want, I guess.”
She couldn’t tell if he was tired or bored, but she sure could have used a little enthusiasm to help her get through the evening. “I thought maybe I’d make sloppy joes for dinner tomorrow,” she said, keeping her tone light. “Sound good?”
“I guess so.”
“Is there something you’d like better?”
He shook his head and scuffed his feet as the reached the end of one aisle and started up another. “I don’t care, Mom. You decide.”
“You mean that?” She grinned wickedly. “Okay then, how about liver?”
Bobby’s attention shot to her and his lip curled. “I don’t like liver.”
“You don’t? Well, for heaven’s sake, I thought you did. Maybe I was confused. What should we have instead?”
Bobby rolled his eyes at her lame joke and worked up a halfhearted smile. “Anything. Chili-cheese dogs are good. So is macaroni and cheese.” He let out a heavy sigh. “Shopping is boring. Can I go play the video games instead?”
Siddah hesitated before nodding reluctantly. Having Bobby’s company might make the job easier on her, but she couldn’t blame him for not being fascinated by the varieties of canned vegetables or the nutritional value of cereal. She dug a few quarters from her wallet and handed them over. “Play just until the money’s gone, then come and find me, okay?”
“Sure. Okay.” Clutching the coins tightly in one hand, Bobby loped off toward the front of the store. Siddah watched until he disappeared, then turned back to her cart with a sigh.
For the next ten minutes, she worked her way through the store, keeping track of how much she’d spent to make sure she didn’t go over budget. Battling a yawn, she reached for a package of bow-tie pasta just as a chance piece of conversation drifted toward her from somewhere nearby.
“Gabe? Is that you, or am I seeing things?”
Instantly awake, Siddah froze. Gabe answered too quietly for her to hear what he said, but the low timbre of his voice made her heart stop beating.
Scarcely daring to make any noise herself, she tried to figure out where they were. The next aisle over? The dairy section up ahead on the left or the meat department on the right?
She glanced around quickly to make sure Bobby wasn’t coming back, then pushed her cart resolutely toward the end of the aisle. It had never occurred to her that they might run into Gabe at the grocery store or pumping gas for his car, but now that she’d been jolted out of that fantasy, she had to make sure Bobby didn’t see Gabe tonight.
There he was, in front of the dairy aisle talking to a tall woman with graying hair. Gabe said something Siddah couldn’t hear, but the woman’s delighted laugh made Siddah wonder if Ivy was right. Was there more to Gabe’s story than she’d heard?
This wasn’t the time to find out.
Thinking only about finding Bobby before he came looking for her, she wheeled her cart around.
“Siddah?” Gabe’s voice made her stop short again. From the corner of her eye, she saw him excuse himself from his conversation and start toward her.
Everything inside told her to ignore him, but she could feel the woman’s curiosity and she didn’t want to start gossip about the family. Monty, Helene, and Bobby had been through enough already.
“This is a nice surprise,” Gabe said as he drew closer. “I was just thinking about you.”
“About me? Why?”
“I wondered if you’d had a chance to think about our conversation the other day.”
“It’s been hard to think about anything else,” Siddah admitted, “but I haven’t made a decision yet if that’s what you’re wondering. I’d rather Bobby didn’t see you until I’ve had a chance to tell him about you.”
“He’s here?”
“Up front playing video games.”
To her surprise, Gabe actually looked concerned. “I don’t think this is the best place for us to meet, either. Too public. I should go.” His smile sent a shiver through her, but she couldn’t say it was an unpleasant feeling. “Before I go, I should probably tell you that there’s been a change in plans. I’m going to be staying around for longer than I originally thought.”
That might be good news for Helene and Monty, but Siddah wasn’t sure what it meant for her. “Can I ask why?”
“I’m not needed back at the university right away, so I might as well stick around here. That is, if you don’t mind.”
“If I—?” She laughed in disbelief. “Does that mean you’d leave if I wanted you to?”
He grinned almost boyishly. “Well…no. But it means I’ll do my best not to bother you if that’s what you want. It also means that you can take a little longer to decide what you want to do about Bobby if you need to.”
Not at all sure what to make of him, Siddah tightened her grip on the shopping cart. “How long are you planning to stay?”
“Six months if I can find a temporary job. Less if I can’t. But since I don’t need to get back to work right away, I’d like to stick around and make sure Mom and Dad are really doing okay.”
Six months? That meant he’d be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Even if she wanted to keep Bobby away from him she wouldn’t be able to.
“Is that a problem?”
Did he really care? Yes, Siddah realized with a start, she thought he did. But she didn’t have time to explain all the reasons why his staying in town wasn’t a good idea. She wasn’t even sure she understood them all, herself.
She forced a smile, but she knew she wasn’t fooling him. “No, of course not. I’m sure Monty and Helene will be thrilled to have you around for so long.”
With a shrug, Gabe hooked his thumbs in his back pockets. “Mom is. Dad’s barely speaking to me.”
“That won’t last long. After all, he invited you to stay.”
Gabe laughed softly. “The old man is tolerating my presence because of Mom. If he had his way, I’d be back in Ecuador.”
He might have been smiling, but his eyes told a different story and an unwanted pang of sympathy shot through Siddah. She’d been a member of the family for nine years. She knew how intractable Monty could be. But, she reminded herself firmly, Gabe had brought this on himself. He’d known where to find the family. He could have come home any time he wanted to.
“Well,” she said, checking over her shoulder once more for Bobby, “I’m sure it will all work out once Monty realizes you’re serious about staying. I’m going to find Bobby before he comes looking for me. Give me five minutes before you come to the front of the store, okay? I�
�ll keep him distracted while you leave.”
Gabe nodded and took a step backward. “Sounds good.” He lifted his head and his eyes locked on hers. It only lasted a second before Gabe looked away, but it was a second too long and the odd feeling of awareness left Siddah feeling uncomfortable.
She mumbled something about calling him with her decision when she finally made it and escaped up the frozen-foods aisle, but she could feel him watching her as she walked, and she had the strong feeling that the next six months were going to be a challenge.
She just hoped she would be strong enough to face it.
CHAPTER FOUR
GABE WAITED until dinner was over the following evening to put the first step of his plan in motion. He’d been in Libby for just two days, but already it was painfully clear that he couldn’t just show up and hope the old man would let the past die. Judging from the monosyllabic grunts that passed for dinner conversation, and the speed with which his father left any room Gabe walked into, he’d have to wait a lifetime before that would happen. But something had to change or Gabe wouldn’t last one month here, much less six.
He stood outside on the back porch, adjusting to the dry western air and the cool mountain evening, grateful that the symptoms he’d experienced the day before had disappeared and wondering how long it would take Siddah to reach a decision—or if she ever would.
He’d been surprised to see her at the market, and more than a little uncomfortable to find himself thinking about her wide dark eyes at odd times during the day. That was something he’d better get a grip on or the next six months would be miserable.
A scuff of footsteps in dirt brought Gabe’s attention back to the moment just in time to see his father walking across the yard. Without even a backward glance, Monty let himself into the small wooden building that had been Peter’s work shed and closed the door behind him.
Gabe had never been one to drag his feet when something needed doing, so he waited for a minute or two, then gathered both his courage and his patience, and followed.
Inside, Monty was plying the concrete floor with a wide push broom, his face a mask of concentration as he maneuvered around the table saw and router. Remembering his mother’s assurances that the old man wasn’t delusional, he searched his father’s expression carefully.
