Room for Recovery

by D. J. Jamison

  Chapter 15

  Wade led the way to a shiny red vinyl booth at Sheryl’s Diner. It was one of those retro places with lots of chrome and neon lighting. An old-fashioned soda fountain, complete with five red-and-chrome barstools, took up one wall. Each table was outfitted with a plastic menu, condiments and its own individual jukebox that could be played for quarters.

  Wade slid into one side of the booth, and Shane took the other. This placed Beau in the awkward position of choosing where to sit. After hovering a moment, he sat next to Shane. Despite Wade’s mixed messages, Shane was the more laid-back of the two and the one who wouldn’t cause any awkward bodily reactions if their arms brushed.

  Wade and Shane shed their bulky coats, looking comfortable in jeans and long-sleeved T-shirts as the waitress placed glasses of water before each of them and promised to return soon. Beau was stuck in his marching band uniform, and he felt incredibly out of place even after he took off the hat and outer jacket, leaving him tassel-free in a white button-down shirt.

  He grabbed a menu and pored over the options, though he knew he’d order a double cheeseburger with the works, fries and a root beer float.

  “That was my first football game,” Shane said. “You took my football cherry, man. Never thought I’d go to a school sporting event.”

  Wade snorted. “I’d like to say the same, but I lost my virginity when I was fifteen.”

  A sip of water went down the wrong way, and Beau choked at that inopportune moment. Coughing and wheezing, he endured a hard back-slapping from Shane.

  “Easy, Beau. I was talking about my first football game, not sex.”

  “I know!”

  Wade cracked an evil grin. “Though I lost that virginity not long after.”

  Beau knew his eyes widened. Wade had sex at fifteen? He knew the guy had a lot of girlfriends, but geez.

  “Damn, aren’t you worried about knocking up some chick?” Shane asked. Then he frowned. “I hope you’re using protection with Anna.”

  Wade looked offended. “Fuck you, I’m always safe.”

  “Sorry, not my business,” Shane muttered, his face reddening.

  An awkward silence fell between them, and Beau started to babble about marching band and how much he hated it. Wade watched him, quietly listening as if he cared about Beau’s rush of word vomit, so he carried on until a girl called Wade’s name.

  Beau instantly recognized Wade’s girlfriend, Anna. She was a pretty girl with dark hair and warm brown eyes, and she wore a huge smile as if the sight of Wade made her night.

  She stopped by their table. “I didn’t think you were going out tonight! Didn’t you have a family thing?”

  “Uh, yeah.” Wade waved to Beau. “My surrogate cousin here was in the marching band. I promised I’d give him a lift home.”

  “I could have met up with you after the game,” she said. “Just give me a second. I have to tell Amy what’s up.”

  Anna darted off, and Wade groaned. “Damn.”

  “Don’t act so happy to see her,” Shane said in a surly voice.

  “And thanks for dragging me into your lies,” Beau added.

  Wade had never made plans to give him a ride home until after he interrupted him and Miles. And why was Wade even there anyway? As far as he knew, Wade hadn’t gone to any other football games. Beau could have missed him in the stands, but Wade was not the sports fan type.

  Before Wade could answer, Anna returned.

  “Scoot over,” she ordered, nudging Wade until he slid over and made room for her on the bench seat.

  Beau regretted his seating choice when he got a front-row seat to Anna grasping Wade’s face and kissing him.

  Beau glanced at Shane to check his reaction and possibly commiserate. The naked longing in his eyes stopped the joke he was about to make. He realized he wasn’t the only one at the table harboring a crush.

  Shane wanted Wade’s girlfriend.

  She pulled back and reached across to slap Shane’s hand playfully. “You stole my boyfriend again, you rat!”

  He laughed, cheeks going pink. “I’m innocent. He dragged me out of my home against my will.”

  She huffed. “Yeah, right.” Her gaze turned to Beau, making him squirm with guilt for fantasizing about her boyfriend.

  “Hi, Beau,” she said. “How’s the tutoring thing going with Wade?”

  “Really good,” he said, casting a curious look at Wade. He’d told Beau and his mother about his improved grades. Had he not shared that small tidbit with his girlfriend, or was she just making small talk? He couldn’t read Wade’s expression, except to say that it looked uncomfortable.

  “I saw that video of you,” Anna said. “People are so mean. I was at the party, but I totally missed what was going on because Shane was teaching me to game.”

  “She’s a natural,” Shane said.

  She laughed. “Yeah right, I couldn’t even keep the controls straight.”

  “Just takes practice,” he said with a shrug. “I’ll give you another lesson anytime.”

  “Dude, I’m sitting right here,” Wade said. “Stop hitting on my girlfriend.”

  Wade didn’t sound upset, and Anna and Shane laughed it off, so Beau assumed it was a frequent joke among them.

  Anna turned back to Beau. “Anyway, sorry things turned out that way for you. Wade told me some guys tried to harass you.”

  Beau felt oddly uncomfortable with the idea of Wade talking to Anna about him. When he went home to fantasize about his crush, did Wade go hook up with his girlfriend and share all their conversations with her? The idea was painful.

  Thankfully, Wade changed the subject.

  “So, what are you up to? You want to order food?”

  Beau relaxed and exchanged jokes with Shane while Anna monopolized Wade’s attention with occasional breaks to draw Shane into the conversation. It was clear she considered him a friend, at least. She was polite to Beau, but they didn’t know each other, which left him feeling even more out of place.

  Watching her touch Wade — she clutched his arm, leaned into him, and pecked kisses to his lips in between bits of conversation — was torturous. But maybe it was a torture Beau needed to experience. He was never going to have Wade Ritter like that. He’d never be free to touch and kiss and claim privately, much less in a diner.

  ***

  Wade dropped off Shane, then drove to Beau’s house. Anna was still in the car, presumably going home last so she could get some alone time with Wade. She was a nice girl, but Beau couldn’t help wishing she hadn’t shown up. She made it impossible to ignore all the reasons he should stop pining for Wade.

  He said goodnight and gratefully slid out of the back seat. A car door opened and shut behind him, and Wade followed him onto the porch.

  “Hey, Beau?”

  He turned toward Wade. “Yeah?”

  “I want to say sorry. Again.”

  Beau lifted his eyebrows. “For?”

  “Uh, everything?” Wade said with an embarrassed laugh. “For barging in on your date and embarrassing you, and for using you in my little fib to Anna.”

  “Why did you barge in on my date, Wade? I’m confused.”

  “Join the club.”

  What did that mean?

  The car honked, making them both jump. Wade waved a hand at the car. “I better go. Anna is waiting.”

  Beau dropped his eyes. “Right. Anna.”

  Wade lowered his hand to Beau’s shoulder, patted it awkwardly and then muttered “fuck it” under his breath and yanked him in for a quick hug and back slap.

  “See ya!” he called and ran down the steps. Beau stared after him.

  He was more confused than ever about Wade’s motivations, but one thing was clear. The date hadn’t kicked his crush with Wade. If anything, it’d made it clear to Beau his feelings for Wade weren’t going anywhere any time soon.

  ***

  Wade started the car, but before he’d reached the end of the block Anna’s hand had sli
d over his thigh. “How about we go out by Crupper’s Farm?”

  Wade struggled to keep his face neutral. Crupper’s Farm was a well-known make-out spot for teens. Not only did he not want to go there tonight, but he also wasn’t sure he could successfully fake it when his head was full of Beau and how it made him feel to see Miles’ hands on Beau’s body.

  “I’ve got a curfew,” he said. “Mom still has me on lockdown outside of studying.”

  “You weren’t studying tonight.”

  There was a vaguely accusatory tone to her voice.

  “No, but Beau was marching, so you know. Moral support. After all the tutoring he’s done, I kind of owe the guy.”

  She laid her head on his shoulder, leaning over the center console to be close to him. He continued to drive toward her house because he wasn’t going to get drawn into making out. Despite what Shane thought, Wade hadn’t slept with Anna yet, and he didn’t intend to go that far with her. He’d tried it with other girls. He figured if he was going to try to be straight, he had to commit. And the first couple of times were awkward, but still ... friction was what it was, and orgasms happened. It was the feelings he got most hung up on. He could go through the motions, but he couldn’t connect.

  He’d felt bad about faking it, but he’d taken comfort in the fact that the two girlfriends he’d slept with weren’t in love with him or anything. They liked him for his looks, and it didn’t go much deeper than that. No hearts were broken.

  Anna was different, though. She was a nice girl, too nice for someone to fake it with her. And as nice as she was, he couldn’t connect with her any more than he had with Lara and Callie.

  He’d had more connection in that brief hug with Beau than any amount of making out or sex with girls. Hell, in one conversation with Beau.

  “Wade? Can you please just stop so we can talk?”

  He turned down a quiet side street that led to a cul-de-sac and parked. Without facing her or turning off the car, he apologized. He didn’t know how he knew, but he sensed that their relationship was at its end.

  “I’m sorry, Anna.”

  “You are?”

  “This isn’t working. I don’t—”

  “No,” she cut him off. “Don’t you dare, Wade Ritter! This is my break-up speech, and you aren’t going jump in and dump me before I say my piece.”

  He shifted, unable to meet her eye, but she certainly had his attention. “Okay.”

  “You look shocked. Am I really the first girl to break up with you?”

  Wade cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah.”

  “Geez, no wonder you’ve got such a big head.”

  “Ouch.”

  “You treat me like an accessory for the hallway at school. You never call me to talk, and you don’t ask me to hang out after school. I don’t know anything about your life, and you constantly go out with your friends and don’t invite me.”

  He couldn’t think of anything to say, and after a brief pause, she continued in a shaky voice.

  “I saw you tonight with Beau, and …” she trailed off, shaking her head. “Is there something between you two?”

  “What does that mean?” he said while his heart beat erratically in his chest. “Why would you—”

  “Because you never want to touch me!” Anna yelled. The tears welled in her eyes. “Either I’m repulsive to you, or you… you’re …”

  “Don’t say it,” he warned. “Don’t even go there.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, backing off at his tone. But Wade understood her implication, and he wasn’t happy about it.

  “I just don’t understand you,” she went on. “Shane seems to like me more than you do.”

  Wade groaned. “Probably because he’s half in love with you, Anna.”

  That pulled her up short. “Really?”

  “Want me to call him up and let you two schedule your first date?” Wade asked sarcastically.

  “No, of course not,” she said. “Sorry. I just didn’t realize ...”

  He was ready to end their relationship, but he couldn’t say he liked the idea of his ex-girlfriend and his best friend hooking up.

  “That stuff you said about me being repulsed by you,” Wade said. “That’s not true, okay? I just … I’m a mess and I’m distracted by my own problems, you know? It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

  “Okay.” She didn’t sound entirely convinced, but she wasn’t arguing, so he was relieved.

  “I won’t date Shane if that would bother you,” she said after a minute of silence. “He’s a nice guy, and I could use one of those,” she said, voice growing watery, “but I don’t want to mess up your friendship.”

  Somehow, he ended up comforting her. She sank into his embrace and snuffled against his chest. “I’m always falling for guys who are hot, but they only ever care about themselves.”

  “You do know I’m right here, right?”

  She sat up and poked him in the chest hard. “I thought you’d be different.”

  “I am,” he said. “Just not the kind of different you need.”

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  “Join the club,” he said for the second time that night. “I confuse myself. I’m fucked up, Anna. But I’m sorry I made you unhappy. And if Shane is what you want or need ... then go for it.”

  “Really?”

  He blew out a breath. “You guys might as well be happy. I’m never going to be.”

  “Aw, Wade.”

  He waved off her pity and started the car. “I really do have to get home. Mom is gonna be on my case.”

  “Okay,” Anna said.

  As Wade shifted into drive and turned the car around, she asked in a sad voice, “So, who’s the next girlfriend going to be?”

  Wade winced. He had a reputation for going from one girl to the next. He was never single long. But this time, he couldn’t stand the thought of stringing along another girl who might feel something real for him.

  “You know, I don't know. Maybe I’ll try out the single life.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, right. I guess we’ll see.”

  ***

  Wade stepped inside, taking care to shut the door as softly as possible. “Where have you been?”

  His back stiffened at his mother’s words. Shit. She’d waited for him.

  He turned slowly and lifted his hands. “I gave Beau a ride home from the football game. You remember Beau,” he teased, “your favorite good boy?”

  Her lips thinned. “Spare me the smartass remarks. The football game would have been over at least an hour ago, and last I knew Beau didn’t kiss you.”

  Wade’s breath stuttered. “Uh, what?”

  She rolled her eyes. “You still have lipstick on your neck.”

  Wade slapped his hand over his neck, flushing. He could imagine what his mom thought. None of which was true. He scrubbed at his skin.

  “I took Beau out for a burger. He was bummed because a friend bailed on him. Anna showed up while we were there.”

  Helen nodded, waving her hand. “So, you expect me to believe you made out in front of Beau? That’s tacky, even for you.”

  Not so far off when you considered all his PDAs at school.

  “No, I mean, what the fuck? You want to be pissed, be pissed. I don’t know why I’m still grounded when I brought home better grades. Didn’t you say you’d back off if I started doing better?”

  She sighed, backing down. “I guess I did. I thought maybe you needed the hard limits. If I give you freedom, are you going to fail another year?”

  Wade shook his head. “Thanks for nothing. I guess I’m just a loser no matter what I do.”

  He flipped the lock on the front door and started past her toward the stairs. She grabbed his arm.

  “No, I’m sorry. You have done so much better. I’m so proud of you.”

  He snorted. “You're a crappy liar, but thanks.”

  Shrugging off her hands and her words of protest, he took the steps two at
a time and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

  What a shitty night. Anna dumped him. His mother had no faith in him. Beau's voice haunted him.

  Like what you see?

  Don’t look at me like that unless you want to take Miles’ place.

  He’d spent years shoving down his attraction to Beau, but now it wouldn’t be put aside. He imagined himself holding Beau the way Miles did. The feeling of Beau’s hips in his hands, the warmth of his body pressed all along Wade’s front. His hair brushing Wade’s cheek before their lips met. Then Beau’s hand would slide down, cupping Wade through his jeans.

  Wade groaned, ripping open his pants and palming his cock. “Fuck, what the hell am I going to do?” he whispered as he started stroking hard and fast to the fantasy of Beau’s tongue in his mouth.

  Do you like what you see? Beau’s voice whispered in his mind as he stripped off clothes, rubbing his bare skin up against Wade. Look at me. Touch me. Fu—

  Wade’s cock pulsed in his hand, orgasm rushing through him. He lay there and trembled until his breathing had calmed.

  Then he felt empty.

  “Damn,” he murmured to himself, still shaken by the force of his orgasm. Then reality set in and he groaned with absolutely no pleasure.

  “I’m so fucked up.”

  Wade cleaned up and stripped down to his boxer briefs and T-shirt, then pulled the blanket all the way over his head, hoping to block out the shame he felt.

  He couldn’t lead Beau on any more than he led Anna on. He couldn’t be with a guy. He’d resolved long ago that he wouldn’t do that. It was the last thing his father ever wanted from him, and as angry as Wade felt about his father’s suicide, he couldn’t push aside his father’s discouraging words when he tried to come out.

  But he wanted Beau like he’d never wanted anyone else. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to destroy someone – either himself or Beau, maybe both. He had to put a stop to the insanity before he fucked over another person.

  Chapter 16

  When Beau ran up to Wade’s car Monday morning, Katy was in the front seat. He altered his course to slide in the back, disappointed they wouldn’t be alone. Their trips to school and back had become Beau’s favorite part of the day. When they studied, they both had to focus on work, though breaks were nice. Beau had some of the most serious conversations of his life with Wade.