Pica

by Jeff Gardiner

  I got up onto my feet again – which was difficult without hands to push myself up – and walking sideways, I tried to feel around with my bound hands to find out what was in the garage. My fingers were numb. It was while I stood that I realised how much I needed to go to the toilet. My bladder already ached and while I had no qualms about emptying it in this garage, I couldn’t actually manage it with my hands tied behind my back. From that moment, the desperate urge to urinate dominated my thoughts. I stumbled about a bit, tripping on heavy objects and scraping past sharp things sticking out at every angle. Anger throbbed in my brow; the darkness made me feel anxious. The pain in both arms spread to my shoulders, neck, and now pounding head; my aching bladder needed relieving …

  I screamed as loudly as I could and charged, shoulder first, at where I could just see a square of thin light framing the garage door. As I barged against the unforgiving sheet of metal, my head also slammed against some concrete block jutting outwards at exactly head height. My mind went momentarily blank as I fell, and I felt my ear and cheek thud against the gritty and very solid ground. I couldn’t move. I lay there wondering … why me?

  First, I became aware of something scuttling over my face and very close to my open mouth. This made my entire body squirm as if being pricked by a million pins. I blew out between pursed lips and shook my head vigorously, yet couldn’t get away from the sensation that bugs were crawling over my face and up my nose.

  Then it happened; I felt the wet warmth trickle down my thigh. I was a baby, no longer in control of my own bodily functions. How humiliating. As it had already gone this far, I relaxed fully, finally glad to release the build-up. The feeling of relief was immense and improved my outlook on things considerably. That was one problem out of the way. Now for my numb arms. How long would it take before they shrivelled and fell off from lack of blood?

  I lay still and ignored the pain, blanking out any silly fears of insects eating into my flesh, and surprised myself with how calm and lucid I felt at that moment. I even laughed aloud at just how stupid this whole situation had become. If I was going to die here, then so be it.

  A new thought occurred to me in that instant.

  ‘Guy?’ My voice was broken and dry. ‘Are you there, Guy? Now would be a really good time to appear. I don’t even care if you’re naked. Please come and help me.’ Then I started to giggle inanely. It came from an instinct inside me. Not that I’d given up – but more that I wouldn’t let those boys, or this daft situation, beat me. At that precise moment I had nothing to fear. My mind remained calm and my faculties were working well – better than ever. I was either experiencing a peculiar moment of inspiration, like an epiphany. Or this clear-sightedness signified the onset of complete insanity.

  But as I lay prone on the floor, my arms and hands no longer ached. My head and shoulders felt fine. Inside, I became aware of a real power renewing me. I could smell every object in the enveloping darkness. It seemed my eyes had finally adjusted as I could now make out objects on the floor and walls around me. The stench became overwhelming.

  Strangely, I noticed that my hands could now be pulled free from the binding, slipping out easily as they relaxed and contracted. I brought them around in front of me and shook each limb carefully. Then I rolled slowly onto all fours.

  I would wait for them. A new determination gripped me and made me glow inside. I would wait for them to come back and I didn’t care how long it took.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Two voices woke me up. I heard them advance towards the garage, two distinct footsteps and two loud voices, so I readied myself by climbing onto a big box that sat to one side. They wouldn’t see me straight away, which would give me an advantage. The voices and movements of both boys identified them. As the door slowly opened I knew Connor would be standing on the left, nearest me, with Simon on the right. I crouched right down with hunched shoulders and head perfectly still.

  A clunk and a vibrating rattle preceded the influx of daylight as the door rose up steadily. Initially, the glare blinded me but I launched myself anyway. Animal instinct helped me find my target. Connor’s eyes widened in fear as he saw me attack his face. He shrieked as my claws dug into the soft flesh of his cheeks.

  I knew I moved too fast for him as he limply swatted his hand at my shadow. I used his shoulder to propel myself forwards, before jumping on top of the garage, and up a nearby tree.

  Watching the two boys through a gap in the leaves I was filled with a confidence I’d never felt before; an arrogance and self-belief never experienced. I had changed.

  ‘What the hell was that?’ Simon sounded bewildered. ‘You OK?’ Connor was sobbing loudly and holding his face, now red-streaked and torn. ‘Was that a cat? Flippin’ psycho moggie. Must have been trapped in there.’ He peered inside the garage – presumably looking for me. ‘Where’s Luke got to? He can’t have escaped.’ Simon went right inside to investigate. ‘He has, you know. He’s got away. How did he do that?’ Simon stood in front of the still-whimpering Connor. ‘Do you want me to get some help? God, that looks sore. Just missed your eye.’

  ‘I’m fine.’ Even though Connor mumbled in a cracked whisper I could hear him clearly. I marvelled at these new heightened senses I’d developed. ‘Just a stupid bloody cat.’

  ‘I think you’re the bloody one, mate.’ Simon winced as he examined Connor’s face. ‘Gonna have some nasty scars.’

  Connor went back to nursing his stinging cheeks.

  ‘That cat looked desperate to get out. Must have been trapped in there,’ Simon continued. ‘No wonder it was desperate to get out if Luke was trying to shag it.’ He broke into a braying of guffaws, which fizzled out when he saw that Connor wasn’t laughing. ‘I think I should get you home, mate. You might need to go to hospital or something.’

  From the safety of my tree I watched Connor trudging slowly away, with Simon uncertain whether to put an arm round him in public or not.

  I’d done it!

  This was even more amazing than I could have ever imagined. But why a cat? I sprung effortlessly down onto the garage roof, and without a moment’s doubt, right down to the ground, even though the drop must have been more than ten times my own length. It felt like gliding. The power in my haunches made me some kind of superhero – except I was a cat. What was better was that I was still me; I had an awareness of being Luke – a human – but with the physical appearance and reality of a cat.

  I couldn’t believe my luck when I saw the garage door had been left open. Even though I’d been careful to pull my human clothes out of sight once they all slipped off me during the transformation, I felt glad Simon hadn’t spotted them when he’d gone in. Now I had to think what to do. Perhaps I could tug them with my teeth and hide them carefully behind something. I padded into the garage and found them in the corner where I’d managed to drag them.

  But as I considered what to do I felt an unbearable spasm in every muscle and sinew. Some parts of me splintered and collapsed, others bent and began to remould themselves into a different length and shape. The pain forced me to collapse and I gave in to the throes of agony surging through each cell and atom. For those few moments I lost my new-found strength and agility and succumbed to torment. How long would this last? When something that acute racks your whole body, even for a few seconds, it seems like eternity stretching out in your mind.

  I swear I heard bones crack and snap into place. Like having a fit, my body got thrown into strange angles and shapes as limbs and torso rebuilt themselves. Fur melted and I had a new desire to stand upright. Then I became aware of the cold and how I stood in a strange garage completely naked, my entire frame stiff and aching. Every muscle groaned with cramp and all my joints clicked back into place. In this weakened, numbed state I attempted to put my clothes on, which became a struggle. They were also cold and damp. But once clothed I checked around to see that no-one had seen this bizarre event. I quickly lowered the vertical door with a minor crash and limped off home, ho
ping not to meet too many people on the way – especially Connor.

  I gratefully reached home without a problem. Once home I crept upstairs and curled up under my duvet where I slept – like a cat.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  After that, I felt like a different person. While the experiences were hazy in my mind, there was no doubt that I knew more. I simply understood. The things Guy had told me made much more sense now. I could see beyond myself and this paltry world. Being alive meant being a part of nature, not a species fighting against it. Humans always seemed to want to destroy and control and manipulate, or prove themselves better than nature, while animals were disrespected or put up with. Land was possessed and used only for the good of other humans. We were like spoilt little children unwilling to share a possession that we’d found and claimed as our own. This was what Guy had been talking about all this time and now I finally understood the enormity of what he meant.

  The whole numen thing made this sharing even more pronounced. Now I saw things as an animal might see them. Not as a pet, but as a wild creature fending for itself. While instinct to survive became important, so did seeing your place within a complex system and learning how to be the best you can be within that system. Well, it made sense to me.

  Now I had completed my initiation – I had flown through the air and known the freedom of my own thoughts; my changing into Felis being the equivalent of fire because of the pain required for each transformation. Fire melts metals into new shapes and my own body had been resculpted in the shape-shifting flames. I’d been part of the earth itself and knew the freedom of water which flows and touches everything, slowly understanding as it moves and spreads in its never-ending cycle.

  Everything changed. How could it not? To begin with I had no control over the changing. The only way I could make it happen was by sitting in silence for about an hour, really focussing everything mentally and physically – which is a great deal harder than it sounds. Just concentrating for more than five minutes is difficult.

  Guy helped me. He woke me up that night. In the darkness I couldn’t tell if he was in my head or next to me. Then I felt his weight press down on my feet and I knew he’d be sat there naked, cold, but too polite to get under the duvet with me. He knew my feelings on that subject now. I switched on my bedside lamp. He already wore my dressing gown and had slipped his legs under the bottom of the duvet just below my feet.

  ‘I should call you Felis Catus from now on,’ Guy whispered. It felt so strange. There was a whole part of me that I hadn’t known existed. At that moment I didn’t fully understand the difference. ‘I just hope you’ll remember not to catch and eat any magpies or toads. We could become enemies.’

  I smiled at him.

  Guy taught me how to control the changes. One time I woke up and, at first, I thought Guy had turned into a giant, cradling me in his arms with his massive face close to mine. But he hadn’t grown – it just seemed that way from a small cat’s perspective.

  ‘There’s a good boy. Aren’t you beautiful,’ he whispered. I couldn’t tell by his tone whether he said this ironically, although the mischievous look in his eye followed by a grin gave me a good clue. ‘I really prefer you like this to when you’re human.’

  ‘Put me down or I’ll scratch your eyes out!’

  My numen could talk!

  ‘Shame it hasn’t improved your personality, though.’ He put me down on the floor. ‘There you go, Cuddles.’

  ‘Sod off, or I’ll change my mind and have magpie for breakfast.’

  I nearly slipped in my paltry attempt to jump up onto my bed, and then remembered I had claws to help me hang on. Although I’d never practised, something in my instincts told me that the leap up would be relatively simple. I hunched down and sprang up. On turning around for a reaction I caught Guy shrinking down to become Pica, who immediately took off through the open window with his stuttering flight and long steering tail. The sun was rising and the night was nearly over.

  My biggest concern was that if I went to sleep now my parents might come in and see a cat instead of me. How would they react?

  I needn’t have worried. A few hours later I woke up as a human; naked, but definitely human. I’d have to ask Guy what had happened to my clothes next time I saw him. I expected to be stiff and aching with muscle pain, but after a good stretch I felt vibrant, and much more well and alive than I’d felt in ages.

  My mother was right.

  ‘What?’ I jerked my head around, making it crick and sending shooting pains through my neck. Behind me sat the usual classroom full of bored pupils. Another day; more lessons and humiliation. Each classroom had become a dungeon, every corridor a black hole, and all pupils became hissing demons. Now I sat in yet another lesson. All lessons melted into one another, into a spiral of boring crappiness.

  Guy was inside me. I couldn’t get used to the idea. As a parasite he could somehow put his voice or thought in my head. No privacy for me, then. I couldn’t talk aloud without getting told off and dragged away for being insane – not to mention bullied for the rest of my life.

  ‘Luke! Turn around,’ screamed Miss Blewitt.

  I controlled my thoughts and phased back out of the droning lesson.

  Can’t you get the hell out of my head?

  No, Luke. I’m dependent on you as my host.

  My eyes widened. I hadn’t expected an answer. I really had been invaded. At least it saved me the humiliation of being seen to talk to myself. I really could exist in my own world. So when Guy “spoke” to me it involved more than just sound, and more to do with an exchange of thoughts. If my mind hadn’t been blown already then this certainly finished the job.

  My mother’s dying. The words conveyed no tone or emotion, as they were being relayed without a voice.

  Do you know where she is? Is she in hospital somewhere?

  There was a long silence, during which I tried to listen to what Blewitt was saying and hoping my name didn’t come up. We were supposed to be writing something down. I picked up a pen and pretended to write. She’d never come to check and today wasn’t the day to give in books to be marked so I’d be OK. I could copy off Cheryl, who sat on the other side of the room. She saw me looking in her direction and waved. She was texting someone on her mobile under her desk – she could text with one thumb superfast and without looking at the screen. I hoped she wasn’t texting me because I couldn’t remember if I’d put mine on silent.

  I need to find her, Luke.

  How?

  I don’t know.

  This seemed incredibly odd. How could he not know where his mother was? But then I remembered he was in care and being fostered, so perhaps she had abandoned him or he’d been taken away for some reason. Abused? I didn’t really want to think about it.

  You said something about your mother being right. What do you mean?

  About you.

  Me? Does she know me?

  She sent me out to find you.

  This came as a shock. I didn’t know his mother and yet she had picked me out.

  What the hell are you chatting about, Guy?

  She told me there was someone who was more sensitive than the rest … who could harness the energy. It’s you. Nobody else could’ve found their numen so quickly. You’re strong. Only the strong ones become mammals. Being a cat shows the strength of your spirit.

  So did that mean my ‘power’ was greater than his?

  It just means we’re different.

  I’d forgotten Guy could read my thoughts.

  We have different purposes. I am a guide and a channel. You are a leader. You are being prepared for something greater. I was sent to find you and help you to find yourself.

  And this is to do with your mother?

  She is your mother, too.

  I carelessly snorted aloud in derision. Everyone turned to look at me.

  ‘Luke! Stand up!’ Miss Blewitt screeched. ‘Is my lesson not good enough for you? Are you one of these know-alls who do
esn’t need an education, then? Some children in other countries would give their right arm to get free education, but spoilt brats like you just take it for granted and have no appreciation. I suppose it’s your right, is it?’ She signalled double quotation marks with her fingers as she emphasised the word ‘right’ sarcastically.

  I had no idea what she was talking about. My face took on a perplexed sneer.

  ‘Detention with me today – lunchtime and after school. You dare be one minute late and I’ll get your parents in.’ She waved for me to sit down again and carried on pointing to the interactive white board, whose whizzing sentences and images wafted before me in a complete blur.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  I went round to Cheryl’s the next evening and although I assumed Guy was still with me, he had the sense to keep his host happy by remaining quiet.

  Cheryl’s parents allowed me to spend as much time with her in her bedroom with the door closed because she’d obviously told her parents I was gay, so they wouldn’t worry. While her father eyed me suspiciously, her mum treated me like one of the girls and I felt happy imagining the countless hours to be spent in Cheryl’s boudoir.

  ‘Blewitt the Bag has it in for you, innit?’ she said casually as I watched her changing into a freshly ironed T-shirt. Today she was wearing a white bra with embroidered flowers, red and blue.

  ‘Oh yeah. I need to copy out the work from today.’ I looked up hopefully.

  Her face dropped. ‘I was gonna ask you the same. I didn’t do anything in that lesson. No idea what she was on about.’ She stretched her mouth out widely and put an index finger to her lips. I remembered she’d spent the whole lesson texting.

  ‘Didn’t you see me getting told off?’ I asked, surprised. ‘I had to do two detentions.’