Lust

by Sam Crescent

  “He lied to save his own ass.” She hissed the words at him, wishing he’d keep his voice down. “I don’t want to talk about this with you.” Zoe ignored his comment about her being his old lady.

  You know it’s the truth.

  You’re being stubborn again.

  A perfectly good man with a little bit of a past, and you’re going to make it difficult for him.

  Shut up.

  Once she finished her shift at the café, they both went back to the apartment to wash for the bar where they worked. It was more of a dance club than a bar. Zoe pulled her hair above her head, donning the all black uniform the club preferred. They drove together to the bar without talking. She didn’t mind the silence as she thought about another year of college, what she’d do afterward. Zoe tried to occupy her thoughts with things other than the man who’d taken possession of her heart and squashed it.

  The days turned into weeks, and before she knew what was happening an entire month had come and gone. During that month she’d had a real battle on her hands not to call him. Zoe missed him all the time, and even her dreams were filled of him. During the day she could fight it with the help of exhaustion. Her dreams, however, wouldn’t allow her to forget him. She had to constantly fight her own self. College would be starting up again soon. She’d ignored calls from Holly and Mary, and Raoul. He tried to call her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to accept his call. Her stubbornness shining through once again. During the night when she heard Landon fucking one of the women he loved to bring back to the apartment, she’d tried to delete the sex tape she and Raoul made together. Her finger had hovered over the delete button, and she’d been unable to cancel it or delete it. She missed him all the time. Zoe didn’t even know what the hell she was doing staying away anymore. It seemed a hell of a lot simpler in the beginning. Raoul had lied to her, and she’d run away.

  Coward.

  You’re better than that.

  Stubborn.

  You want him, you love him, and now you’re all alone.

  What if he finds someone else who isn’t stubborn?

  Into her second week of the second month, Zoe was delivering drinks to the tables as they were down a waitress. When she approached one table, she stopped when she caught sight of Duke, Pike, Daisy, and Crazy.

  Seeing their leather jackets was like a blow to her system. The very sight of them opened up a whole set of wounds she’d tried to hide from. Raoul’s lie had hurt her more than she thought possible. Not only did it open wounds, it awakened her body and all the good memories she’d been trying to run from. Raoul was part of a whole club, a club that had accepted her into his life.

  She placed their orders down without looking in their eyes. The moment she went to leave, Duke grabbed her arm.

  “No, you don’t get to leave. Sit.”

  “I’ve got wor—”

  “Landon’s spoken with your boss. Take a seat. We’re not here to hurt you. Believe it or not, you’re under our protection.”

  You love Raoul.

  Stop being stubborn.

  You’re miserable, and only getting older, wasting away.

  What are you actually doing this for?

  I’m hurting.

  Does it hurt as much as being without Raoul?

  No.

  Over the past couple of weeks, Zoe had found herself weakening, seeing past Raoul’s lies, to his true feelings. Holly and Raoul had been in the past, before he’d even met her. It wasn’t Raoul’s fault that she’d been a virgin, and she couldn’t change what he did. He’d become a better man for it.

  He lied.

  The excuse was starting to wear a little thin, and even she could see she was clutching at something that no longer existed.

  Reluctantly, she lowered herself into the nearest seat. “What can I do for you?”

  “This shit with Raoul. You’ve got to forgive him.”

  “It’s not your business, and you shouldn’t be com—”

  “Raoul is one of my fucking men. I watched him claim you as his old lady. I’m the president of the fucking Trojans. It’s my business when someone from my club is hurting. Raoul and you are hurting. This separation is fucking horseshit.”

  “He lied to me.” Pathetic excuse. You love him. It’s in the past. Stop being so bloody stubborn.

  “About you being the only one he took the virginity from.”

  “How can you even be here now, defending him? It was Holly that he took it from.” Her cheeks had to be the color of a strawberry. They were heating every second they spoke to each other.

  “No, he didn’t take anything that wasn’t freely offered. Raoul, Holly, and I have made peace over the shit that happened way before he ever fucking met you. This wasn’t months ago, Zoe. This was over three fucking years ago since that happened.”

  “Why did he hide it from me?” she asked, tears filling her eyes. Duke was doing what she’d been trying to do, breaking her down, opening her eyes. He was fighting her own stubbornness, and making her realize everything she’d been thinking about. “He didn’t need to hide it from me.” He didn’t want you to not feel special. Raoul made you his old lady. He loves you, and you’re being a total bitch to him right now.

  “Really? The first time you found out, you ran. Do you think the news of not being his first would have been any easier?” Pike asked, speaking up. “Our brother is hurting, and he’s not focused on the work at hand. In our world, it could get him killed. Do you want that? Do you want him to come home in a body bag?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Do you still love him, Zoe?” Duke asked.

  Zoe nodded. “Yes.” She’d never stopped loving him, and she hated the fact she’d made them both miserable.

  “Then stop this shit. Come home with us. He’s hurting more than you can know. What’s worse, Zoe? Being the first and never giving a shit, or being the first and it being the best moment of his life? Holly wasn’t for Raoul. She’s mine, all mine.”

  “You don’t need to tell me.”

  She nodded, swallowing past the lump in her throat. Yes, this is what we need. Go to him, you silly bitch.

  “Landon will be driving you. You’re not coming back here. Raoul hit the fucking roof when he heard you were working in a bar. He drank himself into oblivion for three days to stop himself coming for you,” Duke said.

  “Why didn’t he come for me?” If at any time in the last month he’d have shown up, she doubted she’d have been able to fight her need for him. She loved him, and she’d been a damn fool.

  “He was giving you space,” Daisy said. “He loves you.”

  Landon was already waiting in the car when she left the building. “I’m pleased you’ve seen sense.”

  “I’m going to go and talk to him. Nothing else.”

  “You’ll do more than talk when you finally see him.”

  She didn’t say anything else while they drove toward the clubhouse. After the talk she’d had in the bar, the last thing she wanted to hear was how much of a bitch she was being. Zoe had already realized she was being a bitch, and mean, and every bad word she could think about. She had been stubborn, and because of that she’d caused herself over a month of misery. What kind of woman did that?

  The drive didn’t last as long as she wanted it to. The clubhouse was in full party swing.

  “He’s in his room,” Duke said.

  She nodded, not looking at anyone as she made her way towards Raoul’s room. When she was standing outside of his room, she raised her hand with her heart pounding. Before she could stop herself, she knocked.

  Victory, here is your first step.

  “Fuck off.”

  Okay, he doesn’t know it’s you. He’s thinking it’s someone else.

  Raoul didn’t sound like himself.

  She knocked again.

  “I said fuck off.”

  You’ve been stubborn in keeping him away, so now be stubborn in getting him back.

  Zoe

didn’t give up. She knocked again knowing his temper would make him open the door.

  “Are you fucking deaf? I told you to—” The moment he opened the door, Raoul stopped talking.

  “What will you do?” she asked, smiling.

  He looked a mess. His hair was all over the place, and he had to have a month’s growth on his face. Raoul looked like he lived on the streets not in the clubhouse. Even under all of his clothes she saw he had lost too much weight. The guilt hit her hard. They had both been miserable because of her stupid behavior. She was a first class bitch, and she had to make it up to him.

  “Zoe.”

  “Raoul.”

  All of her anger and hurt dissolved at the sight of him. She’d been hurting, but so had he. Without waiting for an invitation, she walked into his arms, slamming the door closed behind her.

  “You stink,” she said wrinkling her nose. “Really bad.”

  “I’ve not found the time to shower.”

  “Ew, that’s totally gross.” She kept her arms wrapped around him and walked him through to his bathroom.

  “Am I dreaming right now?”

  “If you are, lucky you. I’m not dreaming. You stink, really bad. The worst smell in the world.”

  She released him long enough to run him a bath. Every now and then, he reached out to touch her.

  Unable to hold back, she cupped his cheek, staring into his sad eyes. “I forgive you, and even though I don’t deserve it, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I’ve been a total bitch, so wrong, and so damn stupid. I’m really sorry.”

  “Thank you so much, baby. There’s nothing for me to forgive. You were hurting, and Holly meant nothing to me, Zoe. I mean it. She was just a fucking chick I banged.”

  Pressing her palm over his mouth, she shook her head. “No, I don’t need to hear anything else from you. I don’t need to know why you did or what you felt. I’m your old lady, and you love me, right?”

  “More than you can know, and yes I forgive you. I can’t bear to go on living if you’re not in my life. I’m in a bit of a shock right now that you’ve admitted to being a bitch to me.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I’m here, Raoul. I’m not going anywhere, and don’t push it.”

  He took hold of her hand that still bore his wedding band. “You didn’t take it off?”

  “No, I couldn’t bear to take it off. You’re still going to marry me?” She bit her lip, hating how sad she sounded even to her own ears.

  “Yes, I’m going to marry you.”

  She finished putting the water into the bathtub. Staring into his eyes, she removed her shirt, followed by her pants and underwear. Climbing into the water, she held her hand out. “Are you coming in?”

  Raoul tore his clothes off, climbing in the water behind her. She gave him enough space to wash before she rested against him.

  “I’ve missed this,” she said. Zoe stroked his arms where he held her.

  “I missed you.”

  “I missed you as well. I never want to go through that again.” She heard him sigh, and seconds later he kissed her head. “Why did you lie to me?”

  “I was scared.”

  “What?” She was so shocked that she jerked around to look him in the eye. “You were scared?”

  “What happened with Holly was before I even knew you existed. I never intended to sleep with Holly that night nor take her virginity. I was such a fucking bastard to her. I didn’t care.”

  “I’ve heard this.”

  “I didn’t tell you because the truth is, I may have taken two women’s virginity, but you were the only one I cared about. I didn’t want to hurt you. The thought of hurting you even just a little kills me, Zoe. I love you. I love you more than I ever thought possible for a woman.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “No, you don’t understand. Women were mere fuck holes for me. Then you came along, and everything changed. From that night I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were in my heart long before you showed back up here to see me.”

  She chuckled, recalling the night that she had just turned up. “You weren’t exactly in the best position to be receiving visitors.”

  “No. It was you I was thinking about. I didn’t give a fuck about anyone else. I was thinking about you as I fucked another woman. I’m not proud of what I did with Holly. I can’t change it, and if I could, I would.”

  She pressed her hand to his chest. “Stop apologizing. You don’t need to. I’ve put us both through enough hell to last us a couple of years. I was hurt, and I worked my ass off just to stop myself from remembering you. I should have known it wouldn’t work.”

  “I’m glad it didn’t.”

  Zoe told him about Duke and some of the boys coming to see her.

  “They didn’t frighten you, did they?”

  “No, they opened my eyes and made me realize I was angry and wrong for it.”

  “You weren’t wrong for being angry at me.”

  “I was for running away like that. I was running from something neither of us could change.” She stared up into his beautiful blue eyes. “I won’t run again. I promise.”

  “I won’t hold anything back or lie to you either.” He leaned down, kissing her head. “I love you, Zoe.”

  “And I love you.”

  She snuggled up against him, happy and content to finally be in his arms. There was nowhere else she’d rather be. The past month she’d been living a lie.

  “I’d have come for you soon,” Raoul said.

  “You would?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t want to lose my reputation, Zoe. I’m never going to let you go. If you’re ever pissed at me again, don’t expect me to allow you to be gone for this long again.” He kissed her temple, and she chuckled. Slowly, the kiss went from just a gentle touch to something more. He kissed down her neck, sucking on the flesh right above her pulse. His hands moved down from her stomach, going between her thighs.

  His fingers slid against her pussy with ease. She was so wet that nothing hindered his touch. He caressed over her clit, and Zoe let herself go in his arms.

  Reaching behind her, she wrapped her fingers around his length, giving him pleasure just like he was giving her.

  “That’s it, baby. When we’re out of this bath, I’m going to fuck you so damned hard, you’re never going to remember you were away from me for a month.”

  Zoe moaned, thrusting her pussy onto his fingers. She hadn’t experienced any great orgasm in the past month. Her body rebelled against her own fingers.

  “You know me, Zoe. This body knows its master.”

  She whimpered at his touch, knowing he spoke the truth. There was no one else she wanted, no one else she trusted in the world with her body.

  The peak of her orgasm was nearing, and from Raoul’s heavy breathing, he wasn’t going to last much longer.

  They came together, calling out each other’s names as their release rode them both hard. When it was over, she didn’t waste any time. She turned around, not caring that his seed was spilled in the bath. The room was small enough that she was able to reach over him, pressing her breasts against his face. She filled the sink and grabbed a razor. Zoe started working on his facial hair.

  “This has to go,” she said.

  “You don’t like my growth?” he asked, running his hands up and down her body.

  “No, I don’t. It’s gross.” She loved the way his hands were always on her body, touching her. They were both making up for lost time.

  It took her a good twenty minutes, and the water was nearly cold by the time she finished. Cupping his cheek, she ran her thumb along the smooth skin. “All better.”

  Raoul reached between them to his already erect cock.

  “I’m making up for a month of not having your pussy.”

  Zoe had no complaints. She was on the pill, and she lifted over his cock, sliding down onto his length, taking him to the hilt. He filled her to the point of pain, but again, she no longer cared.

  All that mattered was the love she felt for this man, this man who was once a cad but now the love of her life. Zoe held onto him tightly, never wanting to let go.

  Raoul whispered words of love against her ear as they fucked in the bath. He gripped her ass with one hand while the other sank into her hair, holding her in place, tight against his body. It was perfect, and Zoe knew it was never going to stop being like that.

  ****

  The following morning, Crazy had a fucking migraine as he made his way up to his apartment. He didn’t knock on his door though. He went straight for Leanna.

  It was early, and Landon had dropped him off home. He still had too much liquor in his system to allow him to drive.

  She opened the door, pulling together a silk night-robe.

  “Crazy?”

  “Hey, baby.”

  “It’s early.” She reared back a little once she got a whiff of him. “You’re drunk.”

  “I’m not coming for Strawberry. I just wanted to say something to you.”

  “Crazy, whatever it is can it wait until you’re sober?”

  “No, it can’t. I refuse to wait another moment.” He leaned heavily on the door. “You were right. I was going to use you for Strawberry, but I’m not going to do that anymore.”

  “You’re drunk. I don’t think we should be talking about—”

  “I’m not going to give up. I no longer want you for my kid, Leanna. I want you for myself, and I will have you.”

  Those were his last words before he turned away, leaving her shocked. He walked into his apartment, and slept off the drink he’d consumed the night before.

  Epilogue

  Zoe stormed into the clubhouse angry at the orders she’d just received from Landon that Raoul wanted her now, and if she didn’t come, he was going to spank her ass. How dare he order her around? It had been four months since that night they’d made up in the bath, but that didn’t mean he could order her around.

  In the last four months they had shared everything together, their hopes and dreams, their loves, and of course sex. She couldn’t get enough of him, and he couldn’t get enough of her.

  “Raoul, where the fuck are you?” she asked.

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