A Very Special Midwife

by Gill Sanderson

  'What a great idea! He's had you to himself far too much recently. Bring him here with you, I'll fix a lightning tea and we'll get straight off.'

  'Good. And, Sue, how's the baby coming along?'

  'Growing and thriving. I'm beginning to feel really excited, started thinking about names. And Harry will be home soon. He's going to get a shock.'

  'He'll be happy. I'll see you later.' Jenny rang off. She felt better.

  'I want yet another party dress,' she told Sue as they parked outside the largest department store. 'Mike's taking me out on Saturday night; I want something a bit special.'

  'Another one? Making your total of evening dresses a stunning two? You are being extravagant. Now, what's going on in here?'

  They were moving across the ground floor, making their way to the lifts to the third floor where the women's fashions were kept. But there seemed to be some kind of show in front of them. A crowd of women—mostly young—were peering at a small, well-lit stage.

  'It's a wedding dress display,' said Jenny. 'Look, there's a sign advertising it.'

  'Let's have a look,' said Sue. 'We've got plenty of time and it's not often I get the chance to get out shopping with another woman. We'll have a laugh for fifteen minutes. Come on.'

  'All right,' said Jenny. She had found that most big shops went out of their way to make sure disabled customers were welcome. And most customers were only too happy to make way for her. So it was easy for her and Sue to make their way to the front of the crowd, to sit and watch assorted models come on in assorted wedding dresses.

  'Not real models,' Sue whispered after a while. 'They're all smiling.'

  'You have to smile in a wedding dress. Part of the contract. Does this bring it all back?'

  'And how. Getting married was wonderful. The day was fantastic. And I loved Harry so much. But before, all those decisions! Church, invitations, flowers, dress, reception—there were times when I wondered if it was all worthwhile. I wanted someone just to make it happen.'

  'Sounds a good idea.'

  Both looked as a creation in pink and yellow appeared in front of them.

  'Now, could you walk down the aisle in that?' Sue asked.

  'No. No man is worth being seen in that.'

  It was an interesting show, fun to sit there and whisper comments to each other. And then, right at the end, came the dress. It was simple, a classic long dress in white satin with no ornament at all. There was a lace cap and veil.

  'Now, that is absolutely gorgeous,' said Jenny. 'That dress is worth getting married for.'

  'Provided you have the right size and figure,' Sue said critically. 'You've got the right bust for it. But, yes, it is gorgeous.'

  The show was soon over and it was time for serious shopping.

  'I want a trouser suit in linen or some other soft fabric,' Jenny said. 'Perhaps with short sleeves.'

  Sue ran her finger down Jenny's arm. 'You should show your arms,' she said. 'All this pulling yourself in and out of the wheelchair is getting you beautifully curved there.'

  Jenny grinned. 'And my bust that you mentioned is up half an inch,' she said. 'Because I'm developing big pectorals.'

  They had a lovely time shopping. They moved from shop to shop, tried on half a dozen outfits. When they were exhausted they went down to a coffee shop and had an evil cream cake and coffee.

  'The lemon one with the low neckline or the blue one with the mandarin collar?' said Sue.

  'The lemon one,' said Jenny.

  Once it was said there was no need to think further. They went back upstairs, bought it and drove home happily.

  'A job well done,' said Sue. 'There are some things that a man just can't do.'

  That night in bed Jenny thought about her new dress. She was looking forward to wearing it on her evening out with Mike. And then she thought about their relationship.

  She knew that usually things developed at their own pace. There was the initial meeting, some liking, a gradual getting together and then, almost unnoticed, love. And love grew.

  She and Mike had got together very quickly. At times she still had difficulty in remembering much about it. And then they had decided to take things easy a bit, to get to know each other better and to enjoy the process of finding out about each other.

  That plan had been ruined by her accident. The accident had pushed them together in a way that both of them realised was not ideal, and—wisely she thought—they had decided to wait until she was better before making any big plans.

  Had they decided that? Or had she decided it?

  She knew what he was like; he was a man who saw no point in waiting. He was an honourable man, he had done as she'd asked and not pressed her when she'd still been suffering the after-effects of her accident. But now he thought she was better. She was capable of making decisions.

  She also realised that he wanted this coming Saturday evening to be something special, something that she would remember. So she needed to be prepared, to think in advance. He was going to ask her to marry him.

  Jenny shivered. She loved him so much but she knew she was going to hurt him.

  Chapter Eight

  The evening got off to a good start. Jenny had gone to Sue's for the afternoon, to talk to her and to play with Sam. She bathed and changed there. Mike had been doing an extra session at the hospital, he came home and changed. Jenny was in the bathroom when he arrived.

  When she wheeled herself out of what used to be her bedroom, in her new lemon dress, she was thrilled to see the look on his face. There was love there, surprise and—when he looked at her rather low-cut front—just a little lust too. Good. She was wearing the green medallion he had given her, and it rested on the swell of her breasts.

  'You look fabulous,' he said, the glazed expression of his eyes showing that he meant every word.

  'Thank you. You don't look bad yourself. Did you buy a new suit?'

  He held his arms out, pirouetted. 'I can't be entirely outdone by my gorgeous partner,' he said.

  He was wearing a light grey mohair suit. It was superbly cut and emphasised his slim waist, the depth of his chest. For once he was conventional in a white silk shirt and a sober burgundy tie. He looked glorious.

  'You two enjoy yourselves,' said Sue, kissing them both. 'Jenny, you're to phone me tomorrow and tell me all about it.'

  'I certainly will,' said Jenny. She hoped her confident voice hid her doubts. She was also going to enjoy this evening. She was going to ensure that Mike enjoyed this evening.

  And things went well. When he'd booked Mike must have told them that she was in a wheelchair as there was a parking place reserved for them right by the front door. The maitre d'hotel came to supervise them personally, ensuring that she had an easy passage to their reserved seats in the little lounge. The lady who came to take their coats whispered to Jenny that she had nursing training so if Jenny needed any assistance when going to the cloakroom she would be very happy to help.

  The meal was as good as the service. This time Jenny was determined to remember what she had—in fact, she asked if she could take away a menu.

  'It will be our pleasure to provide one,' said the maitre d'hotel.

  As they sat in the lounge they were given a tiny tray of bonnes bouches—fragments of hot pastry with a variety of fillings. Then they were invited into the dining room—seats near the window this time, with views over the moors.

  There was so much to choose from. Eventually Jenny chose duck—the restaurant was famous for it. Mike asked for sole.

  'Remember the last time we came here?' Mike asked.

  'I remember it well. The meal was fantastic. But I was unsure. I knew I liked you a lot—but I hardly knew you and I was a bit frightened. I'd got the wine and so on back at my flat—but only at the last minute did I manage to get the courage together to invite you in.'

  'Didn't you know what you wanted?'

  'I thought that perhaps I knew what I wanted. Does that make sense?'

  'Not a
lot,' he said cheerfully, and they both laughed.

  'Anyway, this time, I can tell you in advance. I've got the same bottles of wine waiting at my flat. I've even got the same party platter that I bought last time.'

  'You're just an old romantic,' he said. 'What's my chance of staying the night?'

  'As they used to say—you might get lucky, boy.'

  And then their first courses arrived.

  For the rest of the meal they talked easily, casually, going over the hospital gossip, Mike's plans for the future and what she might do with her course at the university. They talked about their early lives—and once again Jenny wished that she could have had a brother or sister. And then it was time to go.

  It was dark now. They swept down the hill, seeing the array of lights below on the Lancashire plain.

  'It's quite early, no need to go straight back home,' Mike said. 'Shall we go for a little drive?' His voice was elaborately casual.

  'I'd like that,' she said. She made her voice happy, she owed him that.

  They drove to the coast down a little road and parked by the beach. It was lonely. There were no lights but the distant Christmas tree effect of an oil well far out to sea. There were the stars. The tide was in; they could hear the faint noise of the waves.

  They sat in silence for a moment. Then he kissed her. And she knew she had to take the initiative, he mustn't start first.

  Her voice was urgent. 'Mike, hold my hands, hold both of them tight. Please!'

  He did as she'd asked, then said anxiously, 'Sweetheart, are you all right? You sound a bit... unsteady. You're not in any pain or anything?'

  His concern hurt her even more, but she had to carry on now she had started. 'Mike, please, listen and try to understand. I know you want to talk but there's something I want to ask you first.'

  'You've lost me,' he muttered.

  'I want you to listen to me then it'll be your turn. This might be forward of me but I've got to say it. Mike, I love you. I can't imagine loving anyone else, imagine loving you more. I love you.'

  'And I love you, sweetheart,' he said urgently. 'I love you so much that I—'

  'Mike, please, stop!' Her voice was high as she interrupted him. 'I'm not sure what you were going to say and this might be even more forward of me.' She stopped and swallowed, making sure her voice was clear. 'I don't want you to ask me to marry you.'

  The silence in the car was deafening. Then he said the one thing that might have made her change her mind. Almost like a little boy he said, 'But I love you so much.'

  She felt the tears on her face. 'And I love you, too. But I can't... won't marry you.'

  'Why not? If we love each other so much, what can stop us?'

  'Me being in a wheelchair can stop us.'

  'No... it... can... not.'

  She had to explain. 'I think I know what you're going to say, that me being in a wheelchair doesn't matter and you love me anyway. And, Mike, I believe you. But I'd feel happier if you'd ask me when... when everything is settled. When we know for certain whether I can... whether I'll ever walk properly again.'

  Now he was angry. 'Whether you walk again or not, I don't care. I love you, whatever. You're wrong to think I might change my mind. What do you take me for?'

  Desperately she squeezed his hand. 'Please, don't shout, Mike, this is hard enough anyway. And I take you for the man who loves me as much as I love him. I don't think it's much to ask. Wait another three months or so and then we'll know. Ask me then. If you still want to. After all, we've not known each other too long.'

  Then there was silence. After a while he took out a little box.

  'I was in a bit of a hurry, I didn't have time to buy a ring. So I asked Sue. She lent me this; it was my great-grandmother's ring. I thought you might like to wear it till we got something with diamonds or something.'

  He switched on the car's indoor light. Then he opened the box, took out the ring and gave it to her.

  It was worn but beautiful, a thing of filigree surrounding an amethyst.

  Jenny looked at it. The urge to put it on her finger was almost too much to bear. But she didn't. Instead, she handed it back to him.

  'No, Mike. Wait till we know, then we can be certain. You know how much I love you. Please, don't make me say no to you again.'

  She heard him breathe out, and by her side his body relaxed. She hadn't realised just how tense he had been or that she had felt his tenseness. But now it seemed to have gone. He leaned over, kissed her gently on the lips.

  'I feel a certain sense of anticlimax,' he said. 'This is not the way I expected the evening to end.'

  'Mike, I've had a wonderful time. Look, now we know we love each other. We've said so. That's a big step. And now you can take me home. The evening's not over, you know. And what did you say about climax?'

  He shook his head. 'You're just too much,' he said. He started the car, and then stopped it. 'You've just turned me down, you know. And I'll do what you say, I won't ask you again. But I'm going to be pushing you. You know me; I’m allergic to the word no.'

  She sighed. 'I'll give you the same answer. But I love you for asking.'

  And then he drove off.

  Their lovemaking that night was different. There was a sense of desperation about him. But finally, after calling his name in that ecstatic way that she always did, as she collapsed into his arms, he gasped that he loved her.

  'And I love you, too, sweetheart,' she murmured, 'more than you can guess.' So perhaps things would be all right.

  She fell asleep soon after that. Mike lay still, but awake, listening to her heavy breathing. Her hand was curled in his. Usually he slept at once but tonight was different. He couldn't get her answer put of his mind.

  She wouldn't agree to marry him and he was disappointed. But he had to respect her honesty. She hadn't said no, she just didn't want to be asked yet. Until they knew exactly what her future was. Then he could ask her. And she had indicated that she would say yes.

  Well, that was good but he was a man in a hurry. Certainly he'd wait as long as she liked for the actual ceremony. But he wanted her to say yes. To say yes now. He would ask her to marry him whether she was in a wheelchair or not. He didn't want her thinking that he was waiting to see if she'd recover or not.

  Then something struck him. He had seen her toughness. Perhaps if she found out that she would have to stay in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, she'd refuse to marry him. Out of consideration for him!

  The idea was so possible—and so unpleasant— that for a moment he was tempted to wake her, to ask her to marry him there and then. Then he smiled sourly as he remembered that Jenny was never at her best when first woken up, she'd most probably turn him down.

  She had to marry him! But he'd be careful now in his approach. She had a mind of her own.

  Jenny was alone when Sue rang her next morning. She and Mike had just finished a late breakfast and he had gone to her flat to change his clothes so Jenny and Sue could talk without anyone overhearing.

  Sue often phoned just for a chat, but this time Jenny guessed that it was more than that. She decided to tell her friend what had happened.

  'Did you know he was going to ask me to marry him?' she asked Sue.

  Sue was thrown by this question. 'Well, I wondered when he asked to borrow that ring,' she said after a while. 'But, Jenny, you did say yes, didn't you? I would so much like—'

  'I asked him not to ask me,' said Jenny.

  'What?'

  Jenny found it hard not to laugh at her friend's amazement. She tried to explain and felt that at the end Sue understood.

  'But you know that he won't accept that, don't you?' Sue said. 'He's tough when he gets his teeth into something. He'll be nice and he'll keep any promise he's made, but he'll keep pushing somehow.'

  Jenny sighed. 'You can't guess just how worried I am about all this,' she said. 'But I still feel I'm right. And... and... I hope everything comes out well between us.'

  She knew
that Sue had detected the tremor in her voice. And her friend said briskly, 'It'll come out well, don't worry. But it might not be the way you expect. Now, can I tell you my good news?'

  Jenny had thought that Sue seemed even more full of life than usual. 'Go on,' she said.

  'Just heard this morning. Harry's on his way home. He should be here in another week or so.'

  'Sue, that's wonderful! You know I'm so much looking forward to meeting him.'

  'So am I,' said Sue.

  Mike came back shortly afterwards. Without saying anything, they both seemed to agree that this was not the time for further emotion. And it was pouring with rain. So they sat together, read, had a simple tea, watched TV, and went to bed early.

  'I like the simple life with you,' he said.

  She knew he meant it. But she wondered how much longer her life would remain simple.

  Next day Mike was working away from the hospital at a clinic, but he drove Jenny in and dropped her off. She would take a taxi home. Jenny was almost glad to find that she had a pile of paperwork needing her attention. In work she could find a respite from her churning emotions.

  There were reports on her third-year students and Jenny reached for the one on Ann Mallon. There were varied comments by people Ann had worked for, including an account of a big mistake she had made some months ago.

  Ann, it seemed, had been working in the antenatal ward. She had accompanied a patient down to the delivery suite as the birth seemed imminent. All seemed to be going well.

  All the student midwives were told how important it was to maintain a comforting presence with the mothers, to chat to them and try to keep them from becoming too nervous. Ann had done this. But she had not noticed how pale and sweaty the mother had become. She hadn't quite got around to checking the now high blood pressure or the too rapid pulse. Only when she had felt the woman's abdomen and discovered how hard it was, had she wondered if something might be wrong.

  And at the moment an experienced midwife had come into the room, realised what was wrong and had instantly buzzed for help. The woman had been in shock. She had an ante-partum haemorrhage; the baby was in danger of drowning in its own blood.