by S Doyle
“How do I know you’re not full of shit?”
Another shrug. “I suppose you don’t. Does Thornfield Home mean anything to you?”
The abrupt change in subject disoriented me. “What do you know about Thornfield Home?”
“I’m asking the questions.”
I bristled at that. “It doesn’t mean anything to me in particular. It was a state-run foster home located on the edge of town. My friend Heath lived there until it was shut down. Adler and Eyre did, too. As well as Ed’s girlfriend, Bee.”
“Why did it shut down?”
I held up my hands. “I don’t really know everything behind it. My mom said they did a study that found that foster kids did better with individual families instead of grouped in a single home. Institutional settings, apparently, stunt their ability to make meaningful connections with people. It was decided the kids were better off with families, so they were placed with families around town and the place was shut down. It’s still abandoned now. By the way, they were right. Heath’s a different person than when I first met him. A better student overall, he’s even got a scholarship to college.”
Locke nodded. “And you, Rochester and Cliff. You’re all tight with one another?”
“We’re friends, yes. Why?”
Locke shrugged. “You think Wickham is behind the betting ring?”
“I do. It’s exactly like him. Sleazy and lacking all moral integrity.”
Locke nodded. “I agree with that assessment, however, you’re not going far enough. Wickham’s not smart enough to pull something off on this scale.”
I pressed my lips together not really buying Locke’s conclusion. It felt too much like a dark conspiracy, where the reality was probably much more simplistic.
“Locke, I get that maybe you think this is a bigger deal than it is, but you have to understand, kids in this town have money. Real money. And they like to play with it.”
“Except you,” he said. “You don’t play.”
I could feel my back stiffening, my shoulders tightening. Owning every inch of my six-foot-two height.
“I would never bet on when a girl might lose her virginity. It’s disgusting.”
Locke took another hit on his pen. “You sure about that? Because I have to tell you there is wicked money being wagered on a new name added to the list in just the last few hours.”
“How do you know that?” I growled, getting frustrated with his elusiveness. I took an intimidating step forward, but he didn’t flinch. “I’ve asked everyone I know at this school, and let me be clear, I know the whole damn school, and no one will tell me anything.”
“Exactly. They fear you. Maybe rightfully so, I don’t know. Me, not so much. But I’m here telling you what I know, aren’t I?”
“What’s in it for you?”
“A favor.”
“From me?”
He nodded once. “Nothing that will compromise your righteous moral integrity, I promise.”
“Find me who’s behind all this and I’ll gladly grant you a favor. Hell, I’ll throw in my dad’s autograph for good measure.”
“I would rather have your mother’s. According to my brother Croft, she’s going to be President of the United States one day.”
I didn’t comment. That was a family rule when questioned by anyone about my mother’s political future. Reporters and citizens alike.
“Is that all?” I asked.
“It isn’t enough?” Locke asked somewhat offended.
“Basically, all I know now that I didn’t know before is that you think it’s someone other than Wick behind everything. And you think there is something more happening than rich kids being rich and bored. Forgive me if I’m not overwhelmed.”
“Oh. Well. Sorry to have wasted your time.”
I started to walk away feeling like this had been a waste of time. I didn’t know Locke. I didn’t trust Locke. I knew he was cheating the students of Haddonfield High out of their cash with fake drugs.
Which, I’ll admit, was pretty funny. I’d started ragging on Gigi about the minute she woke up after her Melatonin experience. She hadn’t been amused. At the very least she’d learned her lesson about putting strange pills in her mouth.
I was at the edge of the bleachers, when Locke called out.
“Darcy, you didn’t ask me who.”
I turned back to him with a bored look on my face. I really wasn’t about the dramatics. It’s why I played football instead of playing the lead in the fall play.
“Who what?”
“The new name on the list. The one attracting all the action.”
I didn’t take the bait. He was either going to tell me or he wasn’t. But I still couldn’t help the sudden pit of dread I felt in my stomach.
Locke smiled and maybe took some appreciation in my unwillingness to play his game, by his rules.
“Her name isn’t spelled out,” he said as he approached me. “Just her initials. B.B.”
B.B. It didn’t take longer than a second to understand his meaning. He gave me a two fingered salute and walked off before I could say anything.
No, I thought. It couldn’t be.
B.B.
But I knew it was.
Beth Bennet.
Fuck!
I slammed the gym locker door shut and took minor satisfaction in the loud clang, but it wasn’t nearly enough. I wanted to hit someone but, unfortunately, practice was over and there was no one around to unleash my rage upon.
I thought I was alone in the locker room, but I heard someone approaching.
“What bug crawled up your ass?” Ed asked me.
I turned and saw him and Heath in my locker row, taking a seat on the bench.
“Why are you still here?” I asked.
Practice for Ed was long since over, and Heath didn’t do after school activities. He found them beneath him. He’d once told me he was interested only in life activities. School activities were for kids.
Heath shrugged and jerked his thumb in Ed’s direction. “The human bottomless stomach needed to eat after practice and apparently you ghosted him, so I had to fill in as his date. You know Ed can’t eat alone. He’s sensitive like that. We were driving back this way and saw your car still in the parking lot. Figured we better check up on you.”
“I don’t need a babysitter,” I grumbled.
“Sounds like that bug is crawling up a little higher,” Heath mentioned. “Dude, out with it.”
I turned and slammed my back against the lockers, feeling the lock dig into my lower back. I didn’t talk to the guys about Beth. They either knew or suspected how I felt, but they didn’t ask questions and I didn’t offer answers.
What we had was private. Hell, even Beth was still clueing into it.
“The Freshman Bait List is expanding,” I said.
“What? How?” Heath asked.
“Names are being added to the list. Non-freshman names.”
Ed crossed his arms over his chest. “Why do I feel like you know one of those names?”
“It’s Beth,” I spit out.
“Shit,” Ed whistled. “Since the party?”
“Yes.”
“What am I missing?” Heath asked, looking between Ed and I.
“Fitz brought Beth to Chas’s party.”
“Oh shit!” Health exploded. “You two are official now?”
“We’re not officially anything. We showed up at a party together. That’s it.”
I said this even though I didn’t mean it. Taking her to the party was crossing a line, and I knew it. There were societal norms in this school and if you showed up at a party with a girl, it was assumed you two were together.
I wanted that assumption. Now that I’d let myself acknowledge what I felt for her, I craved it. I wanted to plant the Darcy flag on Bennet’s ass and let everyone know she was mine. But I hadn’t thought about the consequences.
“I made her a target,” I said. It was the realization I’d come to just
now while taking a shower. She hadn’t been on the list before; she was now. After the party. That wasn’t a coincidence.
Given I’d hit Wick pretty hard, it only made sense he would add Beth’s name to list. This couldn’t be anything other than revenge and only proved my theory that he was behind the list all along.
“What are you going to do?” Heath asked.
I considered everything Locke said. That it was beyond Wick’s capabilities, that there had to be some mastermind involved, but I knew from physics class the shortest distance between any two points was a straight line.
Wick was the first person to mention the list to me. Wick went after Gigi. I broke Wick’s nose. Wick was now going after Beth.
Simple and logical.
“Breaking his nose wasn’t enough of a deterrent apparently,” I muttered.
“Really?” Heath said, arching his brow. “Because you should see his face. It’s pretty fucked up. Although I hear he is garnering a lot of female sympathy.”
“Look, Fitz, I know how you feel about him…” Ed began.
“He gave my sister booze and drugs! He didn’t know what the fuck the pill was and still he encouraged her to take it. Now he thinks he’s going to humiliate Beth. As if either one of us would participate in this game. He has to be stopped.”
“How?” Ed asked. “What are you going to do? You’re lucky he didn’t call the cops after you broke his nose. Maybe somewhere in his conscience he knew he deserved it, but if you continue to push him, it could backfire. You’re Fitz Darcy. You have a reputation you have to maintain, more than anyone else in this school. And part of that reputation is remaining squeaky clean. You said it. As long as you and Beth are…discreet, no one has to know anything.”
“Ha,” Heath laughed. “You’re going to fuck the impenetrable fortress that is Elizabeth Bennet. Too bad I can’t watch.”
I snarled at Heath enough so that he raised his hands and backed off.
“You don’t say her name,” I barked. “Neither of you.”
Ed titled his head, bemused. “Look, Fitz I know she’s not a trophy for you.”
“You don’t know what she is to me. So leave it. Beth Bennet is not a topic for discussion unless you hear or see someone threatening her in anyway. Got it?”
Ed nodded and, after a time, Heath also nodded.
Now came the hard part. I had to tell Beth.
Or maybe not. Maybe there was another way.
16
Tuesday
Beth
Walking down the crowded hallways between first and second period I realized I was holding my breath. Thankfully, no one could possibly know how I nervous I was. For the hundredth time since Friday night, I tried to convince myself there was no reason to be anxious.
It wasn’t working.
The truth was I didn’t know what would happen the next time I saw Fitz.
Would he bend down and kiss me? Would he pretend we weren’t a thing, because despite what he said, what I’d said was reality? In this place, in this time, in this school…I was out of his league.
My nerves were so bad that I’d employed a strategy of avoidance.
Yesterday had been easy. Our schedules were completely separate, so I was spared having to worry about my reaction to him. All I had to do was skip lunch so I wouldn’t have to deal with him in the cafeteria and the chances of us seeing each other were slim.
What might have happened in the lunchroom if I had gone? Would he continue to sit next to me? Would he have expected me to sit next to him?
Just because we’d kissed on Friday?
He’d said I wasn’t ready to label what we were, and he was right. I wasn’t. One didn’t go from thinking someone was a mortal enemy to a boyfriend overnight. Although the more I thought about it, I never really considered Fitz an enemy. A competitor, and adversary and person worthy of pitting all my intelligence against. Yes.
Someone I now wanted to climb like a tree and do nasty things to his man parts with my lady parts.
Say the words. You can’t do it until you can say it.
Great. Now Fitz was in my head.
I wanted to have sex with him. I wanted his penis in my vagina.
Not even remotely sexy. Try again.
I wanted to make love with him. I wanted him to give me an orgasm.
Nope.
I sighed.
You know you can do better, Beth.
Fine.
I wanted to fuck him. I wanted him to bend me over and thrust his powerful cock inside my wet pussy until I exploded in pleasure.
Well done.
“Go away,” I muttered, which earned me a side glance from a classmate walking next me, who probably thought I was losing my mind. Which was totally fine because maybe I was.
Today Fitz and I shared one class and our free study periods overlapped, so there was no hope avoiding him a second day in a row. I swallowed and decided my best strategy was to play it cool. Don’t approach him. Let him make his move first.
He’d definitely taken the lead role in this dance between us and, for the first time, I was happy to oblige him. Let him figure out all the complexities and just tell me where to stand.
I was so caught up in thinking about how I might react to seeing him that it almost slipped my notice he was walking toward me from the other end of the hallway. I glanced up and there he was. Tall, handsome, commanding in a way that was just part of his overall being.
I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Suddenly, the sight of him made me smile.
He, however, did not. In fact, he didn’t even bother to look at me. I know he saw me. There had been a second of eye contact before he looked away. Then nothing. Dismissed as if he hadn’t had his tongue in my mouth seventy-two hours ago.
The fuck?
Maybe this was some kind of tease of his. He was still moving in my direction. Maybe he was pretending not to notice me then when he was closer, he would laugh and bump my shoulder and kid me about how I was crazy to think he would ignore me after everything that happened Friday.
Except now there was only a few feet and two underclassmen between us. Then he breezed by me with absolutely no acknowledgement. Not chin nod. A wink. A twist of his lips that always hinted he was in on some secret about me even I didn’t know.
Nothing. Like he didn’t know how I sounded when I was overwhelmed with the desire.
The rest of the day was a haze. I considered texting him, but I felt stupid. What was I supposed to say? Was that intentional? Were we being discreet?
Did he finally come to his senses and realize the two of us together was a ridiculous idea?
I skipped lunch again in favor of the library. Janie and Reen were both suspicious of my actions, I knew, I but didn’t want to suffer the awful feeling of him ignoring me.
Again.
An insidious idea started to circle through my brain.
Had it all been a joke? Were he, Ed and Heath all laughing hysterically at my expense, thinking, for one second, I might entertain the idea that Fitz was into me?
I’d told him about my father, about the money. He seemed to genuinely care…
I forced myself to shake off the thought. It was one brush-by in the hall. A single event. Had I done mental gymnastics over it? Yes. Was I going to let that one action decide everything? No.
All this back and forth in my brain, I was becoming something I absolutely loathed.
A besotted teenage girl.
Friday
Beth
Fitz was a dead man. I was going to hunt him down and kill him. Clearly, those were my only options.
The hallway brush-by was not an isolated event. He didn’t make eye contact in the any of the classes we shared. He didn’t approach me during study period. But worst of all, the very worst of all…
He hadn’t responded to my texts.
I had sent exactly two. One to question why I hadn’t heard from him. One to follow up and make sure my text hadn’t been dropped in the k
nown blackhole of texts. I couldn’t keep texting him if he wasn’t texting me back. There were rules to this game.
Still, it hadn’t prevented me from typing out several questions before deleting them.
Me: So did you dream about me?
Me: I’m getting a weird ghosting vibe from you. I’m being dramatic, right?
Me: Did you intentionally pass me in the hall today without making eye contact?
Me: Are you seriously ghosting ME? YOU started this!
They became progressively meaner after that.
Me: You know what? Fuck you. See? I can TOTALLY handle saying fuck now!
Me: Why are you doing this? Were you just completely fucking with me? What an asshole. How do you sleep at night?
Me: I hope your dick falls off. Literally!
Then oddly sadder.
Me: Because you know this is it. This means there is no more Beth and Fitz in any way. Ever again. You’re dead to me.
Me: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ll miss you. I really will.
Me: We didn’t have to change. We could have kept things the way they were. As competitive adversaries. Why did you have to go and break us? Then break us up?
I sent none of them. Just the first one.
Me: Hey what’s up?
And the appropriate follow up.
Me: Hey did you get my text?
Anything beyond that and I would just appear desperate. I would not be desperate for Fitz. I would not allow him to hold that much power over me.
Last Friday night I’d been planning to go to a party with him. Last Friday night he’d been kissing me in the front seat of his car and saying all these suggestive things.
This Friday night I was most likely going to end up alone in my bedroom, purposefully stopping myself from crying by pinching my thigh every time I imagined his stupid fat face coming closer to kiss me.
I slammed my locker as hard as I could with absolutely no satisfaction.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
“I’ll say. We’ve got a new problem.”
