Healer of My Heart

by Sheila Turner Johnston

  She couldn’t see him. Further along, the lawn elbowed to the right into a secluded corner. She turned into it, and saw him sitting on a garden bench, his head lowered. Manna lay on the ground at his feet. The dog looked up and whined. His tail brushed the ground twice and then he set his head back on his paws.

  When David saw her he stood slowly, his eyes fixed on her. He looked as if he hadn’t slept for days, his eyes were hollow, his hair unkempt, his feet bare. Robyn stopped six feet from him and set her bag down.

  “I was a mile from you,” she said. “All weekend, I was only a mile from you. Why didn’t you tell me?” When he said nothing, she went on. “I called you once when I needed you. Remember? And you came. Did you think I would do less for you?”

  His voice was hoarse with tiredness. “I wanted you to hear it from somebody else, the way everybody else has heard it.” He took a shaky breath. “And I’ve been waiting to see your face.”

  She spread her hands. “Well, here I am. What do you see?”

  He didn’t speak for a moment. Then: “Tell me.”

  She came right up to him and reached up to put a hand on each side of his face, over the roughness where the stubble was starting to grow again. She turned his head down towards her so that she could speak to the pain in his eyes. She made her words very clear.

  “You see a woman who does not believe any of this. You see a woman who did not believe any of it from the first second she heard it.” She watched her words registering in his brain. “David Shaw,” she went on, her hands still on his face. “I trust you.”

  She folded her arms round him and pressed her cheek to his chest. The strong beat of his heart was slightly fast. After a moment, his arms went round her and his own cheek dropped onto the top of her head. Behind them, Manna rolled his eye towards them and his tail brushed the leaves on the ground.

  Later, when Elizabeth came to see what had happened to Miss Daniels, she was startled to find her sitting on her coat on the grass. The full length of her son was stretched out on the garden seat, his head propped on her bag. He was deeply asleep. Elizabeth turned without a word and went back into the house.

  Robyn watched the clouds gather overhead and felt the air grow chillier. When the first spatters began to land, she repeated his name gently until he stirred. Even so, he was groggy, confused, looking round as he sat up as if he wasn’t sure where he was.

  Robyn pulled him to his feet. “Come on. You need to be in your bed. Not out here getting soaked. Let’s go in.”

  He leaned on her shoulder as they walked back to the house.

  “I think I was dreaming about you,” he said, his voice still husky with sleep.

  “Was I an angel or something?”

  He shook his head and said quite seriously. “No. You’d just driven my car into a gatepost and I was about to yell at you when you woke me.”

  They reached the edge of the lawn. “You know, of course,” she said, “that I would have yelled back. Even in a dream I can be a right old shrew.”

  Through the kitchen window, Robyn saw his mother getting up and going towards the back door. “Listen, David,” she said urgently, checking his weary face. “Are you awake enough to listen to me?”

  “I think so,” he said fuzzily.

  “I don’t care what time it is. Right now, you are to have a shower and then go to bed and sleep some more.”

  He focused on her briefly. “And you?”

  “You need to talk to me. When you’re rested.”

  His father appeared from the hall as they came in. Robyn noticed that David passed him without a look and without a word. Vincent had been pale when she had met him before. Now he was grey. Elizabeth went to him and took his arm.

  “Sit down, Vincent. I’ll make you a cup of tea.” She turned to Robyn. “Thank you for coming. David appreciated it. Obviously.”

  “This is a nasty thing to happen, Dr Shaw. I’ll do everything I can to get this nonsense sorted out.”

  Unexpectedly, Vincent snorted. “Nonsense is it? Do we really know that young man at all? Just when you think you can trust him again…” He leaned heavily on the back of a chair. “Years it’s taken. Years. And now this.” To Robyn’s discomfort, tears began to well in his eyes.

  Elizabeth gently pushed her husband into a chair. “What they’re saying isn’t true, Vincent. It’s not true. When you are calmer, you will realize that. You’re upsetting yourself.” She turned to Robyn. “Thank you again. Please forgive me if I don’t show you out.”

  As Robyn walked through the thickly carpeted hall, she heard the sound of water running upstairs. Thank God. Then David was unlikely to have heard his father’s words. Unless, of course, he had heard them before.

  When Robyn emerged from the Shaw’s gate and turned back towards the city, Angus waited for one minute exactly – he timed it – before following her. He had been going to wait for two minutes, but she walked quite fast, so he emerged from the overhanging branches before she went out of sight. She had been in there much longer than he had expected. He couldn’t see her face, but she kept her head down most of the time, her hair lifting and falling with the rhythm of her walk. Occasionally she pushed it out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. He really hoped she was devastated. He really hoped she had scratched that bastard’s eyes out. He had to stifle a laugh. Play with fire, Robyn Redbreast, and you’ll go up in smoke! As for Holy Joe, Angus crowed to himself, let’s see you pray your way out of this one!

  He followed her until she turned the corner into her own street.

  The next morning Robyn received a letter. The envelope was neatly printed and bore only the anonymous postmark: ‘Royal Mail’. Inside was a handwritten letter and a cheque for a high five figure sum. Immediately, she recognised the writing and a glance at the signature on the cheque confirmed that it was from her mother. She pushed it into her bag and hurried to work.

  There was a pecking order in the school and Robyn knew that, as a temporary sub, she was at the bottom of it. Although she knew the Headmaster had some regard for her – she got the job after all – he would tell her nothing if she asked him outright. There was an etiquette to be observed and it didn’t involve either him or his senior staff talking freely about serious matters of discipline.

  It didn’t stop the tongues elsewhere. In the staffroom, Edith still chaffed.

  “I think I’ll call and see the Shaws. I’m sure they could do with some support.” She sighed. “I really can’t believe this.”

  “Then don’t,” said Robyn. “It isn’t true, Edith.”

  Matt Harkin arrived and dropped into a chair near them. “The only thing I wonder is how she’s managed to avoid getting pregnant up to now.”

  Across the room, Billy Dobbin jabbed a finger at the men around him. “They’re all the same. Do you know what I heard an honest-to-goodness Sunday-go-to-meetin’ businessman say once? Owned a garage. You know what he said?” He looked around, chewing vigorously. “I saw him cheat a customer. I saw him. I said to him afterwards, I said ‘I thought types like you weren’t supposed to do things like that’. You know what he said?” Billy leaned forward and clapped his hands on the knees of his tracksuit. “He said ‘Ach Billy, sure Calvary covers all!’”

  He sat back and laughed. His cheeks distended and a huge membrane of bubblegum swelled from his mouth. It burst over his cheeks and his tongue darted out to pull it in again.

  Robyn stood up and set her mug beside the sink with a steady hand. Then she walked to the door. As she passed Billy Dobbin, she stopped and looked down at him. She spoke quite calmly.

  “Billy, David Shaw has more courage in his little finger than you have in your whole body. And you wouldn’t know integrity if it burst all over your face.”

  The staffroom went deathly quiet as she turned and opened the door. As she closed it, she heard Angus Fraser’s drawl break the silence. “Well! I know pupils get crushes on teachers. It’s a bit rare to find it the other way round.”


  As Robyn walked back to her room, two thoughts were uppermost in her mind. The first was that she wouldn’t be going back to the staffroom for a few days, maybe not again at all before the maternity cover was finished. The second was that, actually, Billy Dobbin was almost right. She thought of her father, the familiar quiver of anger rippling her brain. Then she thought of one sunny day in the park, of David handing her a pink rose, replete with fragrance, and telling her not to judge a whole species by one example.

  To avoid the staffroom, she went to the dining hall near the end of lunchtime. The Headmaster was there, sitting at the staff table. Robyn set her tray down and took an empty chair near him.

  “No word of Penny yet, Headmaster?” she asked casually, unloading her food from the tray.

  The Headmaster looked briefly at her over his glasses. “I’m afraid not.” He continued eating.

  Robyn lifted her knife and fork. “I think David Shaw has been set up.”

  He didn’t even bother looking round. “You don’t know the facts of the situation,” he said dismissively.

  Robyn took a deep breath. “Is there proof?”

  The headmaster wiped his mouth with a paper napkin. “Robyn, you’re very young and very inexperienced, but even you should know that I wouldn’t have taken such action if there wasn’t at least a case to answer. Of course there’ll be a proper investigation. But this is a prestigious school. One of the best in the UK. Things like this may happen elsewhere in this day and age. But they won’t happen here.”

  Robyn kept quiet for several minutes, wondering how far she should push this. She craved more information, facts, not gossip. The Headmaster was nearly finished his lunch. She wished he was a little easier to talk to.

  “Well, I hope Penny’s OK,” she said. She set her glass down carefully. “I’m sure David denied everything?”

  “Of course he did.” He pushed his plate away irritably. “But the allegation came with the support of a member of staff. And he left me no option but to suspend him on the spot, after what he said to me.”

  Robyn closed her eyes, ghastly foresight hitting her. With a sense of dread she asked: “What did he say to you?”

  The Headmaster stood up and she thought he wasn’t going to tell her. But after a moment he said: “Perhaps you should know this. It might help the staff understand my actions. Shaw leaned over my desk and told me that if I believed such rubbish, then I knew where I could put my school.” He crunched up the napkin and threw it on the table. “Actually, he was more specific than that.”

  As he walked away, Robyn dropped her knife and fork and slumped back in the seat.

  “You idiot, David!” she raged silently.

  24

  BEFORE HER NEXT class arrived, Robyn searched her desk for an envelope and addressed it to her mother. Then she took out the letter she had received in the morning and, unread, she tore it into tiny pieces. She took the cheque and tore it apart also. She put the pieces in the envelope, sealed it, went down to the office and dropped it into the outgoing mail tray.

  After the final bell went, she stayed on for half an hour to catch up on some paperwork. There was a knock at her door. She saw Chloe’s face through the glass pane. She thought she also spotted the edge of short red curls that quickly disappeared.

  Chloe came in, looking strained, ill at ease. She started to talk quickly. “Miss Daniels, I’ve known David Shaw all the time he’s been here.” She tossed her head. “I’ve known him… quite well. I know he wouldn’t…” She stopped and swallowed “…do what they’re saying.”

  Robyn set her pen down, wondering where this was leading. “I know that too, Chloe. None of his friends believes it, I’m sure.”

  Chloe looked over at the door. Robyn glanced at it and just caught the edge of the red curls darting away again. Chloe was twisting her tie, a scarlet flush beginning to bloom across her cheeks. She tried again: “He doesn’t…”

  Robyn put her hand up to stop her. “He doesn’t sleep around. I know, Chloe.” She stood up and went round her desk. “Will you tell Tim something for me?” Chloe nodded. “Tell Tim that I think David’s fortunate to have a friend like him. Tell Tim that I’ve already told David that I believe in him totally.” She came back and sat again, picking up her pen. “And tell Tim that I don’t need any more messengers.”

  Chloe stared at her for a moment, then turned and left without another word.

  Sensing where David was going, Manna nosed open the door of the study and padded to Vincent’s side. David’s father was seated at the table, photograph albums in a pile beside him. He had opened one and was turning the pages slowly, one by one.

  David approached and, when he was ignored, sat down at the table, opposite him.

  “Dad?” he said. Vincent continued to ignore him. David reached across and gently closed the album. “Dad,” he pleaded, “I’m here. Now. And I need you.”

  Vincent put his elbows on the table and covered his face. He spoke in an exhausted tone through closed fingers. “I’m too tired just now, David. I think I’ve had enough.”

  David rose and went round the table to his side. He went down on his heels beside the chair and gently removed one of his father’s hands from his face so that he could see him.

  “I have done all I can, Dad. What more can I do? Maybe I’ve had enough too.” There was no response. David took his father’s hand between his own two. “Talk to me, Dad.”

  “Tomorrow. Leave me alone just now.”

  Slowly David stood and backed away from him. Manna followed him, his tail low. As David reached the door, his father ordered: “Leave the dog with me.”

  David hooked Manna’s collar and steered him back. Then he went out and closed the door.

  At least David looked as if he had slept, but there was still an edginess about him, a shadowing under his eyes. Robyn knew he didn’t normally say much when he was driving and was content to be quiet. He drove along the coast, turned under the railway bridge and pulled up at the sea front at Holywood, on the southern shore of Belfast Lough. He got out of the car and she followed him. With only the briefest glance at her face, he took her hand and she followed him up onto the shore walk towards the low wall that ran along the top of the large boulders that filled in the space between the wall and the sea. He stepped up onto the top of the wall and, with a little tug on his hand, she followed to stand beside him.

  The far side of the lough was hidden in mist, the hills of the north side of the city totally enshrouded. A patch of darker mist hung to the east, where it was already raining. After a moment, he let go of her hand and circled her with his arm to pull her into his side. Robyn watched the fussing and squabbling of seagulls bobbing and wheeling at the edge of the water. Then her arm stole round his waist and they stood together, facing the mist, listening to the chattering of the little waves on the rocks.

  They took their time getting into talk. It was as if they both needed to settle, to find a point of calm. A train droned past on the line behind them. It was rush hour, time to go home, and the carriages were full.

  She felt his arm tighten a little as he spoke finally, pensively. “Where is she, Robyn?”

  She twisted her head on his shoulder to look up at him. “Penny, you mean?”

  “Yes. There’s no answer at her house phone, although that doesn’t surprise me. But she’s not answering her mobile either.”

  “You’ve been trying to contact her?”

  “Of course I have.”

  “After what she’s done to you?”

  “Especially after what she’s done to me. I’m afraid for her.”

  “Why?”

  It was a moment before he replied. “Because she’ll be hating herself.”

  Robyn took this in, turned it over. “Is she pregnant?”

  He shifted his feet a little. “I don’t know. She could be.”

  A motor launch scudded past, bouncing on top of the waves. Towards the city, the ferry came into sight, ploughing its way to
wards the open sea. To the north-east a plane eased itself down to the City airport, hanging and humming like a giant dragonfly.

  He let her go and jumped down to sit on the wall. He held up his hand for hers as she hopped down to sit beside him.

  “I think you’ve been very kind to her,” she said.

  “I think I was the only one who was.”

  “Does she have family?”

  His tone became angry. “Her mother is so legless most of the time that she’s either lying in a sodden stupor on her bed, or out playing the local drunk round the streets.” He stopped for a minute, his face twisting. “Her father was in prison until July. He’s out now.”

  “Why was he in prison”

  “Her father used to be a paramilitary. He got done for drug dealing.” He spread his hands in a gesture of amazement. “They let him out! They let him out. Penny had seen it coming and she was terrified. He wasn’t just violent to his enemies; he was an all round, all time brute to his own family too.” He stood up and paced restlessly. “He came home and beat up his wife, broke her nose. Penny took her two younger brothers and hid in a neighbour’s garage until the next day.” He gave a bitter smile. “He’s still around. To coin a famous phrase, ‘he hasn’t gone away, you know’. But Penny went looking for love and amnesia.” He stopped in front of Robyn. “She looked for the love from me.” Robyn held her breath, guessing what he was going to say. “She couldn’t accept that that had its limits.” He paced away again. “So she looked for it elsewhere.”

  “And the amnesia?”

  David came back and pulled Robyn to her feet. Folding her into his arms, his voice was muffled in her hair: “That’s the bit that worries me.”

  While they walked a little way along the sea front, she told him what the Headmaster had said. “You know what you need?” she said.

  “What?”

  “A tongue transplant. He mightn’t have suspended you if you’d kept your mouth shut.”