Healer of My Heart

by Sheila Turner Johnston

  It seemed a long time before he dropped his hand and backed away from her. “I must go.” He walked backwards for a few steps. “It’s still up to you, Robyn.”

  Then he walked away. He took a set of steps in two strides and walked briskly along the path towards the museum and the gate. His head was up, his back was straight, and, although she watched until he was out of sight, he didn’t once look back.

  On Monday there was still no news of Penny Woodford. Robyn tired of keeping up professional appearances and came back to her flat straight after school. She needed activity. She turned the radio on to a local music channel, wrestled the ironing board from behind the kitchen door, and attacked a pile of ironing. At five o’clock, near the end of the news summary, there was mention that police frogmen had pulled the body of a female from the river in Belfast, near the Lagan Weir. It was thought that the body had been in the water for several days. A post mortem would be carried out later.

  Robyn unplugged the iron, unease unfurling in her head.

  Tim felt so much for his friend that he couldn’t say anything. He sat in the den in David’s grand house and blinked across at him. For something to do, he ruffled Manna’s ears and put his nose down to receive a warm lick that knocked his glasses askew.

  “Manna doesn’t understand at all,” said David. “He keeps going to the study and putting a paw on Dad’s chair. He whines up at me. And I can’t explain it to him.”

  Elizabeth came in with some sandwiches and coffee. Lines that should not have appeared for several years yet furrowed her cheeks and mouth.

  Tim stood up awkwardly. “Thank you, Dr Shaw. How are you?”

  The inanity of it struck him, but he had to say something. Elizabeth smiled briefly.

  “Oh, you know. Still in the denial phase, I suppose.” She set the tray down. “I’m going to bed, David. Remember to put all the lights out.”

  She bent to give him a peck on the cheek. Before she could straighten, he put an arm out and pulled her cheek to his again. “‘Night, Mum. Do you need anything?”

  “No, I’ll be fine.”

  When she had gone, David said: “You know what makes me feel worse? Mum and Dad really loved each other. Sometimes I think I can’t handle my own feelings and hers as well. I just want to be left to work this through on my own.”

  “Yeah, man.” Tim ran a hand through his hair, the red curls twisting round his fingers. “Have you seen… Miss Daniels?”

  “I have.”

  “And… um?”

  “And I’m not going to say any more.”

  “OK, man. But we all miss you.” Manna rolled over, giving Tim the excuse to bend and rub the dog’s tummy. “There’s something else I need to tell you. I don’t suppose you’ve been listening to the news?”

  “It hasn’t been the first thing on my mind, no.”

  Tim sat up. “They found a body in the Lagan last night.” He watched David carefully. He wasn’t particularly engaging with this. “A woman’s body. A young woman’s body.” David’s eyes swivelled to his. “It hasn’t been identified yet.” Tim pulled a cushion onto his knee and squeezed it. “Chloe phoned the Woodford’s house. Her brother answered.” He put the cushion back. “He said police had called at the house and his mum had gone with them. To the hospital.”

  The next morning David trawled the news web sites and listened to every news bulletin. It wasn’t important enough to be in a main report. There wasn’t much time for meticulous detail on young women fished out of the Lagan. Eventually a few facts were available.

  The body had been identified as that of Penelope Woodford who had been missing from her home in south Belfast for ten days. The post mortem had been rapid and simple. She had been alive when she entered the water, and in her veins ran a lethal cocktail of drugs and alcohol. He frowned. How could she afford the drugs?

  David checked his watch. Still lunchtime. He rang Chloe. Chloe had contacts. As he expected, the bush telegraph was filling in the details. There was such a mess of drugs inside her, Penny must have been off the planet. Not only that. She wasn’t – and never had been – pregnant.

  In shock, David sank into a chair and asked God to be kind to Penny Woodford. She had gone looking for amnesia and had found oblivion. She did not deserve to die like that. As his shock settled, he began to get angry. A fury grew in him, rose and filled him, blazed up through his body and brain and sent him to his car and down to the school before his thoughts could order themselves into logic.

  The bell for the end of lunchtime had just gone and Tim was standing at a window in the corridor with a group of friends discussing the news. Nothing like this had happened before and it was going to take a long time to talk out. Tim knew they would have a lot of questions to ask themselves in the coming months. He was already putting the hard ones to himself. Was he really such a complacent prat? Had he been so busy building his own life that he couldn’t see the person next to him unravelling her own? Why was David the only one of them all with the insight to see what was going on and the moral courage to try to do something about it? They had left him to it, to pay a price which David himself could never have imagined would be demanded of him.

  As they dispersed, Tim turned to lift his bag. A green hatchback lurched up to the main door and was abandoned. With surprise, and then with alarm, Tim saw David leap from it and hurl himself up the steps.

  Angus Fraser was settling his class, junior brats, when the classroom door was flung wide. He opened his mouth to bawl at the intruder, and then stopped. Shaw! He shouldn’t be here. The bugger’s suspension might be over, but his old man had snuffed it. Shaw strode to the centre of the classroom and ordered the class out of the room.

  “Hey!” said Angus.

  “Out!” roared Shaw. In a shoving of desks and clatter of chairs, they fled like lemmings.

  When only the two of them were left in the room, Shaw seemed to become very calm. Angus stood warily, his fists bunched, as Shaw circled him.

  “How much did you give her, Fraser?”

  “Get out of my room, you bastard!”

  Shaw circled closer and repeated: “How much did you give her?”

  Angus made for the phone on top of the filing cabinet. Shaw threw himself in front of it and yanked the cord from the socket.

  “Oh no,” he snarled, “This is between you and me, Fraser. Just you and me.”

  Angus felt fear dampening his collar. Shaw came closer, his own fists curled and rigid by his sides. Then he pulled away. Angus exhaled slowly.

  “Isn’t it funny?” Shaw ruminated. “Apparently Penny Woodford’s story was supported by a member of staff. I wasn’t told who that was. But it was the clincher. I wondered who it could have been.” He spun round, making Angus jump. “Someone who was out to get me, obviously. Then I knew it couldn’t have been any one else. Nobody else is quite such a slurry pit of lies and pig shit. How much did you pay her, you asshole?”

  “You can’t prove anything, Shaw.” Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw a red head at the glass in the door.

  Shaw’s finger jabbed towards his nose. He recoiled. “You paid her enough to buy half the crack in Belfast. Plus a few bottles to mix it with.” Shaw’s voice became a roar again. “Didn’t you? Did you know she was an addict, or was it just a lucky guess?”

  Angus’ head started to hum. This was the person in his way. This was the person who had succeeded where he was despised. Robyn Daniels had let Shaw put his hands on her. God, how he hated him!

  “It was worth it!” he spat. “Look what’s happened. Beyond my wildest dreams, boy!”

  Shaw circled him again. “And this was all to get at me? You have as good as killed someone just to get at me?” His face suddenly stilled for a moment as a thought occurred to him. “You’re not just a dirty old man, are you? You’re sick, Fraser. You must be.”

  Angus’ felt himself swell with pride. “I got Woodford, I got your reputation. And what a bonus – I got your old man too!” />
  As Shaw’s fist flashed through the air, Angus grinned. That’s right, you bugger. Hit me. That’ll really finish you!

  26

  ROBYN WAS COLLECTING homeworks when there was a brief knock and a junior boy ran into the room, his voice squeaking.

  “Miss Daniels! One of the prefects sent me to get you. He says you’re to go to Mr Fraser’s room now!” He gasped with the importance of his message. “Now, he said, Miss.”

  Robyn lifted her finger to the class. “None of you move. I’ll be straight back.” Puzzled but impelled by the urgent tone of the message, she ran down the corridor.

  Angus closed his eyes to brace himself for the impact. It didn’t come. Instead there was a clatter and a thud. He opened his eyes just in time to see Shaw being knocked across the room by the airborne body of Thompson. They fell into the desks which went spinning and crashing in a deafening tangle. Shaw rolled to the floor, Thompson on top of him. Thompson straightened his glasses and rearranged himself to sit on Shaw even more firmly.

  When Robyn spun through the door, Angus was standing frozen near his desk. David was on the floor by the window, a chair toppled across his shoulders. Tim was sitting firmly on his back.

  Angus came to life. “Shaw’s a bit stressed out. Naturally.” He dusted his sleeves. “I won’t report this. This time. After all, there’s no harm done. To me, anyway.” He walked to the door and Robyn moved away from it quickly. “I’d better go and see where my class has gone.”

  Tim was quickly losing the battle to keep David on the floor. “I sent them to the library, sir,” he said, wobbling.

  “Thank you, Thompson. I’ll retrieve them.” He went through the door, then put his head round it again. “Perhaps the floor could be tidied up before I get back.”

  When Angus disappeared, Tim struggled to his feet before he could be knocked sideways. As David rose from the floor, his face white, Robyn rounded on him, furious.

  “What the hell were you doing?”

  “Something he” – David pointed angrily at Tim – “shouldn’t have stopped me doing.”

  “Well now…” said Tim.

  “Were you attacking him? Were you really being so stupid?” Robyn couldn’t keep her voice down.

  Tim pushed the door shut. “Maybe…” he said.

  David strode over to Robyn. They were inches apart, yelling. “You don’t know the reason. If you did, you would have helped me!”

  “Perhaps…” said Tim.

  Robyn punched a finger at David. “How much trouble do you want to be in, you stupid fool? Haven’t you had enough?”

  “Look…” said Tim.

  “I’ll be in more before I’ve finished with him!”

  “You’re a walking disaster, David!”

  “And I suppose you’re Mother Theresa!”

  “Shut up!” yelled Tim.

  He pushed between them and gripped an arm of each. “Shut up for a minute!” He looked at Robyn. “Excuse me, Miss, but shut up for a minute. You’re both going this way.”

  One volcano Tim could deal with. Two erupting at once he was going to leave alone. Especially these two. He could think of only one place where he could put them with rapidity. At the top of the main staircase, beside Fraser’s room, were the girls’ cloakroom and toilets. He propelled David and Robyn to them, opened the door and pushed them inside, shutting the door firmly.

  He leaned against the wall and rubbed his elbow where he had hurt it in his tumble. Further up the corridor, Matt Harkin’s head appeared from his classroom.

  “What’s going on down there?” he called.

  Tim raised a hand in a reassuring gesture. “It’s OK, sir. One of the juniors fell and made a bit of a racket.” The noise of angry voices reached his ears from behind the door. “She’s fine now,” he called loudly. Mr Harkin’s head disappeared. Tim closed his eyes and asked God why he hadn’t made him a better liar.

  Another door opened and a girl emerged. Tim realised with alarm that she was coming towards him, towards the cloakrooms. Oh, why wasn’t Chloe with him? He called out:

  “Go to the ones at the other end. These ones are out of order. Blocked cistern or something.” The girl turned round and went the other way.

  Thanks, Lord, said Tim silently. That one was a bit better.

  He thought for a minute and then trudged back to Robyn’s room. There was a hum of conversation as he entered. Twenty-five pairs of eyes lit on him expectantly. Something Was Going On. Tim nudged his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Right. You’ve to go to the library for the rest of this period. Off you go.”

  As they filed out past him he asked God to give him a really good whopper to tell Mrs McKinley, the librarian, because she was going to be after his head. Another pupil was making her way to the girls’ cloakroom. He panted back up the corridor, calling: “Don’t go in there! I mean, it’s out of order. Broken cistern. Use the other ones.”

  She went down the stairs instead. He looked into Fraser’s room. It was still in a mess and Fraser hadn’t returned. He could sort that out himself. Tim went back to the cloakroom door and listened. It was quiet but they were definitely still in there. Then he heard David’s deep tone again, still raised. He sighed, wiped his brow and went down the stairs as fast as he was able. As he expected, David had left his keys in the ignition. Tim pulled them out and dropped them into the pocket of his blazer. Then he hauled himself up the stairs again to resume his guard on the door.

  David looked as if he didn’t know and didn’t care where he was and Robyn didn’t waste time on surprise. As soon as Tim closed the door she lashed out.

  “OK, so you’re not a pacifist. Point taken. But do you have to be suicidal?”

  David came to a stop by the drinking fountain and whirled round. “You tell me. You’re the one who’s done the fieldwork in that area!”

  She gasped. “You bastard! And why are you so mad at Fraser anyway? He hasn’t been near me in ages.”

  “He’s been a lot closer than you know. And anyway, can’t you believe there might be other reasons apart from you?” He stopped. “Except there aren’t.”

  “What the hell do you mean?”

  He moved round the room, banging the cubicle doors. “You’re not to go within half a mile of that freak. He’s sick. Do you hear me?”

  “Don’t you dare tell me what to do. I’ve had enough of that. I’m certainly not going to take it from you!”

  “Damn it, Robyn, You don’t know what he could do.”

  “Now you’re being melodramatic.”

  He came towards her. “You’ve heard about Penny?”

  “Yes.”

  “He paid her.” His voice rose in a fury again. “He paid her to say what she did.” He stopped, his breath coming in rapid beats. Robyn looked at him in disbelief. He spread his hands. “And now she’s dead. What if it had been you? What if I turned on the news and heard that…” He spun round and leaned his elbow on the tiled wall. He ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes for a moment. His voice was dredged from a pit of exhaustion. “Robyn, have you any idea how tired I get of trying to be good?”

  She put a hand out to him but he shrugged away. “You’re worn out, David. You’ve been through so much. Things will look different…”

  He flung his hands in the air suddenly. “Bingo! Things will look different in the morning. There’s the cliché at last!”

  She flared up again. “Don’t be so bloody cynical! You’ve just been saved from assaulting a teacher by the best friend you’ll ever have. You’re far too young to be screwing up at the rate you’re doing it!”

  He thumped the wall. “And what are you? Methuselah? What’s your excuse?”

  “I don’t need excuses…” she began furiously.

  “Bullshit! You’re screwed up big time. And when you mess up your own life, you mess up every other life that touches it.” He flung a hand in the air. “Come on, English student! Repeat after me: ‘No man is an island entire of itself�
��… Come on, what’s the rest of it?”

  “‘Every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main …’”

  He broke in again “‘If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less…’”

  “Shut up! And I didn’t mess up my own life. Somebody else did that for me!”

  He strode the length of the room to stand in front of her. “And you’re going to let him away with it? For ever and ever, amen? Because it was a man, wasn’t it?” He waited, his face close. “Wasn’t it? How thick do you think I am, Robyn? I’ve got a brain and it has worked overtime on this.” He stormed back to the far end of the cubicles and swung round again. “You’ve got to face it. You’ve got to take out whatever happened, look at it and say this will not control my life.”

  She flung her hand out. “Stop sounding like such an expert on life skills! I’m not stupid either. You’ve messed up too, but you’ve never told me about that, have you? So stop acting all self-righteous with me.”

  “Of course I messed up! Why do you think I know about the cage you’re in?” He raised his arms and then dropped them to his sides in frustration. “Oh Robyn, you’ve been rattling the bars so loudly this past while. Step through them.” He stretched out one hand towards her. “Step through them to me.”

  She went quiet. “David?” she asked slowly. “Why are we so angry with each other?”

  He put his back to the tiled wall and slid down it until he was hunkered on the floor. His fingers ruffled his hair and his expression was one of total fatigue. “Because there’s nothing else left to be.” His head swivelled up to her. “Fire burns. But so does ice.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that I can’t be friends with you. I thought I could, but I can’t. Just before my father died, I had decided to leave this school. Coming here at all was a stupid idea. So expulsion would be pretty pointless.” He stood up slowly. “Look what’s happening to us. I have fought with you. I have prayed for you. I have laughed with you. I have tried to stay only what you need me to be.” His voice dropped. “I can’t do it any more.” Robyn was shaking so hard she put a hand on the wall for support. “Do you know how long my parents had together?” he asked. “Twenty-four years. And it’s over like that.” He snapped his fingers in the air. Then he took her by the shoulders and shook her. “It should have been longer,” he shouted. “But at least it was twenty-four years more than nothing!”