Renounced

by Bailey Bradford

  “Maybe even more than you were,” Nathan added, coming up to stand by Marcus. “Remember, you’re more than your looks.”

  “Nice words,” Tiago said. “I’m the one with these.”

  Marcus pointed at Dallas. “You’re the one with him and with two packs willing to support you and your mate in any way possible. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself.”

  Tiago sighed and actually rolled his eyes. “Fine. I will quit having my pity party tomorrow. For tonight, let me mourn what I’ve lost.”

  “Concentrate on what you’ve gained,” Marcus advised before leaving the infirmary. “I wish Shania was here.”

  “She needs to come meet with Tiago and see the rainforest, learn what he knows about the plants here.” Nathan glanced in the direction where Tiago and Dallas were being treated. “Of course I’m sure Tiago will want to protect the rainforest ecology. We will find a middle ground.”

  “We will,” Marcus agreed. He waited until they were alone in their rooms before pulling Nathan into his arms. “Are you okay?”

  Nathan hesitated then shrugged. “Once Olin and Keegan got back and I didn’t have them to worry over, it really hit me that I’d blown a man’s brains out. A jaguar. Whatever. I killed him. I know I told you there was no honor in that fight.” Nathan shivered and pressed his forehead to Marcus’ chest. “I meant it. I don’t know what that says about me. I couldn’t risk him killing you, though. I’d rather have the guilt from what I did than have you hurt, even.”

  “It says that you love me, and can’t live without me,” Marcus murmured, brushing his lips over the top of Nathan’s head. “You’ll fight for me and defend me at all costs—just like I would do for you. Nathan, I’d kill anyone I had to if it meant keeping you safe. That’s a scary thing to admit, but it’s true. Fortunately, I love good people and they wouldn’t ever try to harm you. Someone like Butler? I wouldn’t have a second’s regret over killing.”

  “Yeah, well. I’m going to be seeing that for a long time when I close my eyes.”

  Marcus cupped Nathan’s chin. “Look at me.”

  Nathan raised his head. He licked his lips as his pupils expanded.

  Sex and death. Life and death. They were all intertwined. It wasn’t a morbid thought. Many people had sought out sexual affirmation of life after a brush with death or a loss of a loved one.

  There was comfort to be had, and peace.

  Marcus felt that peace as he slanted his mouth over Nathan’s. He let it flow into his mate, seeking to ease the guilt Nathan carried.

  There would be no instant absolution for it. Over time, Marcus hoped it would vanish.

  Nathan clung to him, shaking at times, rubbing at others. He made those sweet, dear sounds that Marcus knew so well.

  Marcus kissed him until they were both past the trauma of the day. It might have only been a temporary pass from it. That was okay. As Marcus led Nathan to the bedroom, he knew they’d find in each other what they needed to move on. They had a continent of shifters to take care of, Marcus, as Alpha Anax, and Nathan as the guiding force that helped Marcus keep himself together.

  His clothes came off with Nathan’s help. Marcus in turn stripped Nathan and took the opportunity to caress every bit of his body.

  Nathan arched beautifully when Marcus cupped his balls, and when he went down on his knees for Nathan, Marcus knew every horror of the day was forgotten. At least in that small moment in time, it was just him and Nathan—and the love they had for each other.

  Also available from Totally Bound Publishing:

  What’s his Passion?: Unexpected Moments

  Bailey Bradford

  Excerpt

  Chapter One

  Carter tugged at his shirt cuffs. He shouldn’t have been as nervous as he was, but his heart fluttered and his pulse raced. He touched his tie. Reassured it was straight and that he was as attractive as possible, he entered the restaurant.

  The host glanced up at him and smiled warmly. “Good evening, sir. Are you meeting someone or dining alone?”

  Carter’s cheeks warmed. “Er, meeting someone. Carter Hausemann is the name the reservation is under. Another gentleman, Mr. Canales, will be joining me shortly.” I hope.

  The host nodded. He ran his finger down a paper in front of him then checked Carter’s name off it. “There you are, right here. Very good, sir. I’m Rogelio and I’ll be seating you tonight. Follow me, please.”

  There was no reason for him to be so edgy. He’d spoken with Eddie the night before and confirmed their plans. Still, Carter kept thinking, what if. They didn’t really know each other, besides having had sex a few times.

  Spectacular sex. And we did talk during the hiking trip. Carter had been stunned to discover the park ranger leading the group on the hiking adventure was one of the same men he’d hooked up with for a threesome just a couple of days earlier—the one man he’d really been into during that fun little orgy. Yes, Eddie Canales was everything Carter wanted in a man—hopefully. Carter had no problem imagining the two of them hiking along the Appalachian Trail. That was his dream vacation, the one thing he was determined to do above all else. He’d love to share the experience with Eddie.

  “You could seat us both.”

  Carter turned and couldn’t keep back a smile when he saw Eddie standing there. “Hey, you made it.” He immediately felt like a fool for saying that. My insecurity must be showing. “You look good,” he added, before Eddie could respond.

  ‘Good’ was an understatement. Eddie was sexy as hell in a black suit and blue shirt. No tie for him, which was fine. Carter liked the dressy-casual attire on Eddie almost as much as he liked him in leather or naked. Not quite, though.

  “This way, sirs,” Rogelio said. “I have the perfect table for you.”

  Carter gestured and waited for Eddie to step in front of him. Eddie gave a slight shake of his head. “No, after you.” He leaned forward and whispered, “I want to watch you walk and see your cute ass move beneath that jacket. Think about what I’m gonna do to it, and you, later.”

  Carter sucked in a shaky breath as he flushed hot from his head to his feet. He couldn’t meet Eddie’s gaze or else his burgeoning erection might turn into a full-blown hard-on that even his suit jacket couldn’t hide. Carter stepped back then turned to follow Rogelio.

  Rogelio led them to a table set in the back corner. They were more secluded than if they’d been seated elsewhere, and Carter appreciated the privacy. “Thank you,” he said, taking his seat.

  Rogelio winked at him. “It isn’t always easy in this town for men like us to have a romantic date.”

  There was no point in denying that he and Eddie were on a date. Rogelio wasn’t likely to bash them, though Carter did understand the need for discretion in Odessa. As much as he’d like to be able to touch Eddie and kiss him if the mood struck, they couldn’t be as free in public as straight couples could.

  Eddie murmured a thank you to Rogelio.

  “Mathias will be your waiter this evening. Can I start you off with one of our wines?” Rogelio handed them a thin drink menu, followed by the larger meal ones.

  Carter and Eddie took them.

  Carter deferred to Eddie. “Would you like to order, or…”

  Eddie grinned. “I’d really like a beer, to tell the truth.”

  “Same,” Carter agreed. “What do you have on tap?”

  Rogelio took the wine listings back. “We have the usual line up—Bud, Bud Light, Miller and so on, or we have an excellent local brew, Dare’s Pale Ale. It’s been getting rave reviews. Dare’s also has a stout that I would highly recommend.”

  “I’ll try the stout,” Eddie said.

  Carter preferred a lighter beer. “The Pale Ale, please.”

  “Very good, sirs. Mathias will be right over with them.” Rogelio left them.

  “It’s good to see you again,” Eddie murmured, his gaze burning through Carter’s nervousness. “It might seem too soon to say but the truth is, I’ve mi
ssed you.”

  That confession eradicated the rest of Carter’s unease. “It’s not too soon. I feel the same way.”

  Eddie shifted in his seat, leaning back and resting his folded hands on the table. “I wasn’t sure. You seemed kind of uptight when I got here.”

  “I was afraid you’d change your mind.” Carter rolled his eyes and groaned. “And now you know how insecure I am. Sorry. I swear I’m not usually so immature.”

  Eddie chuckled and surprised Carter by reaching across the table to hold his hand. “I worried you’d realize I’m just not good enough for you, so let’s both admit we have faults and let it go. You’re here, I’m here, and for what it’s worth, I can tell you I never once thought of not showing up. You’ve been on my mind every day since I saw you two weeks ago.”

  “Oh.” Carter was so pleased he figured he was beaming. “Same. I… This starting a new relationship thing is complicated.”

  “It’ll be worth it.” Eddie released his hand and sat back just as a waiter approached.

  “Good evening, gentlemen. I’m Mathias and I’ll be your waiter tonight.” He set their beers on the table while he started naming off the specials, spending a solid minute extolling the virtues of the aged steaks that cost a ridiculous amount of money.

  Carter’s mouth watered. He was going to splurge since he’d been anticipating this date for two weeks. “Thank you. We’d like a few minutes to examine the menu.”

  After Mathias left them, Carter perused his options. “I think I’ll have the aged steak. How about you? No pressure, of course. I just want to try it once in my life at least.” And since they were going Dutch on the bill, he didn’t feel bad about ordering it, either.

  Eddie hummed and didn’t answer right off the bat.

  Carter liked the way he took his time and didn’t seem to feel rushed. He thought Eddie was enjoying their date so far.

  “I’ve had it before,” Eddie finally said. “Not here, but at this place in Indiana. It was really good, too. So I’m hung up on ordering it or the surf and turf.”

  Carter gave an exaggerated glance around them, then whispered, “You have to wonder about the surf part of that since we’re practically in the desert.”

  Eddie chuckled and closed the menu. “True enough, but I’m feeling daring tonight.”

  “Daring enough to risk the chance of botulism?” Carter asked, arching a brow at him.

  Eddie arched one right back. “I doubt that’d be a possibility here.”

  “Probably not.” Carter had only been teasing, and Eddie’s expression let him know he was aware of it. “I’ve really been looking forward to seeing you again. It feels kind of weird being out like this after what we’ve done.”

  Eddie’s smoldering expression had Carter’s dick firming up fully. “What we’ve done has led us to understand we want something more. Although, I intend to be doing more of, well…you.”

  The cheesy line should have been laughable, but Eddie said it with so much sincerity that Carter considered forgoing their date to head back to his place instead.

  “We know we’re more than compatible in bed,” Eddie continued, after a glance around. “That’s a huge thing in a relationship and so far, what time we’ve spent talking shows that we do well there, too.”

  Carter didn’t want to be a downer, but he knew how it always started in relationships. Everyone was on their best behavior, trying to win the other person over and once they did…people changed. He’d done it himself, back when he’d been younger. Of course, he and Eddie were both older, so maybe they were more comfortable in their own skin so far. Plus, they’d met at a club and immediately hooked up with a third man to have sex with. Perhaps they didn’t have to pretend to be better than they were.

  But Carter did wonder something. “How old are you?” He would have put Eddie in his mid-thirties. “Sorry if that’s rude to ask.”

  Eddie waved the apology off. “It’s not rude. Anything having to do with me is open for the inquisition.” He winked. “I’m thirty-four. You?”

  Carter’s stomach went a little jittery from that wink. On all levels, Eddie just did it for him. “Thirty-one. Just had a birthday on the twelfth of last month.”

  “Oh really?” Eddie asked, amusement lighting up his features. “Well, I think you should get a belated birthday spa—” He cut himself off when Mathias suddenly appeared. “I’ll have the surf and turf and another beer with it, along with a glass of water.”

  They’d been so tied up in each other that neither of them had noticed the waiter approaching. From the amusement clearly showing on Mathias’ face, Carter thought the waiter might have heard enough of what Eddie had been saying to catch on about the spanking. Not that Mathias knew it was more than a joke, Carter reassured himself. Only Carter and Eddie knew he liked things rough.

  “The aged steak, loaded baked potato and green beans, thank you.” Carter handed over his menu. “I’ll probably need another beer by then too and a small glass of water.”

  After Mathias left, Carter and Eddie resumed their conversation. It was a pleasant meal and the underlying sexual tension kept Carter’s cock half-hard the whole time.

  “What’s your dream vacation?” Eddie asked him at one point.

  Carter didn’t have to think about it. “It’d take months to do it right, but I want to hike the Appalachian Trail.” He chuckled and peeled part of the label off his beer bottle. “I’d have to be financially secure enough to take a leave of absence—or retire altogether—so I don’t see it happening for a long time. That sucks, too, because I would prefer to hike it while I’m young and healthy, but with the economy and all, I might never get to do it.”

  Eddie nodded. “I know what you mean. I’ve always wanted to hike it, too, and Everest—that’s on my bucket list.”

  “That’s mountain climbing,” Carter pointed out. “Quite different and more dangerous than hiking a trail.”

  “I think more people die while hiking than while mountain climbing,” Eddie argued. “That could be because more people hike, sure, but we’ve had several die from heart attacks alone. Then there’s falls, exposure, animals and snakes…” He shrugged. “I will admit that Everest is deadlier still, and it’s a pipe dream anyway. I don’t have much experience with real climbing, either. Not more than rock walls at the gym.”

  Carter tried not to shiver. “I know it’s stupid, but the heights thing gets to me. Hiking is different. I don’t really like trails that are on mountain ledges, though I can handle them. The idea of climbing up a mountain, that makes my skin crawl. You’re a braver man than I am.”

  “Or a more foolish one,” Eddie tucked his napkin under his plate. “Who knows? If I did actually try climbing a mountain, I might hate it. There are lots of things a guy can fantasize about doing that wouldn’t be so great in reality.”

  “Yeah, I’ve heard that before.” Carter sipped the last of his beer then set the bottle on the table. “This Dare’s beer is pretty good. It’s a local brewery, like Rogelio said. I wonder if they do tours—or if it’s made in some guy’s bathroom.”

  “In the bathroom?” Eddie asked, frowning as he picked up his beer. “Why the bathroom?”

  Carter chuckled at a fond memory. “I had a friend back in college, he made his own beer for a while. He didn’t have all the equipment he needed, so he’d scrub down the bathtub and pour the ingredients in there. The whole apartment smelled like beer. It was crazy, but not too bad until he made the batch that exploded.”

  Eddie’s eyes went wide. “In the bathtub?”

  “No,” Carter said. “No…in the bottles. It was, er… Well, we didn’t get our deposit back from the apartment when we moved out, even though we fixed the wall and ceiling. At least the damage was only to our place.”

  “Man, tell me this friend of yours didn’t go into the beer industry,” Eddie mused.

  “Actually, he was studying law. I’m not sure what ever happened to him.” Carter didn’t want to bring a depress
ing topic up, and admitting that his former friend had severed their friendship over Carter’s coming out would likely do that. “He’s probably still making explosive beer.”

  This time they saw Mathias coming over to their table. “Would you like to see the dessert menu?” Mathias asked. “Another beer?”

  Carter gave the barest shake of his head.

  “No thanks,” Eddie answered. “Dinner was excellent and we’re both pretty full. Do you know anything about the company that makes this beer? It’s damned good stuff.”

  Mathias preened a little as he picked up Eddie’s empty bottle. “All I know is that it’s awesome beer. The Pale Ale is my favorite, actually. I’m not man enough for the stout.” He grinned and set the bottle back down. “I think the restaurant owner is friends with the guy who makes the beer. Or maybe they’re friends now because of it. I’m sorry I’m not being very helpful, but I’d bet you can Google it and find out anything you’d want to know.”

  “Of course, Google knows all,” Carter agreed. “I would seriously be lost without it.” He’d look the microbrewery up and see if they did tours. It’d be an interesting date for them to have.

  “If you’ve got the bill ready, I can give you my card,” Eddie said.

  “And mine,” Carter added. He raised a hip so he could remove his wallet from his back pocket. “Here you go,” he said to Mathias a moment later, while handing over his credit card.

  “This was a nice splurge.” Eddie ran the toe of one shoe along the side of Carter’s ankle. “It won’t be the highlight of this date, however. I want to take you home and fuck you until you scream.”

  Carter wanted that too, so badly that he had difficulty swallowing around the lust that welled in him. “Me too,” he rasped, pressing a palm over his erection. “You’re staying with me this weekend, right?”