Myth 18 - MythChief

by Asprin, Robert

  Matfany looked a little uneasy, but he seemed proud of his new fur color. He was now dark brown with gold high-​lights. The whole effect made him look noble and hand-​some. I noticed he was no longer wearing his glasses.

  “Ears and Pelt number six,” Massha said, proudly. “You'll only have to touch it up every six weeks.”

  Hermalaya touched the curls on the top of his head. “It looks so nice. I don't know how to thank all of you for all you have done for us?”

  I grinned. “Ask us to the wedding, of course.”

  Myth 18 - MythChief

  THIRTY -EIGHT

  “Being the boss is not as easy as it looked.” F. CHRISTIAN

  I combed confetti out of my hair and threw myself down in my desk chair.

  “That was a great wedding,” I said, happily. Gleep gal-​loped over to me for petting. “Here, boy!” I had brought him a roasted squab from the feast table.

  “Skeeve, you have to make him work for it, or he won't learn,” Nunzio said, taking the meat from my hand. “C'mon. boy, sit up! Beg!”

  Obediently, Gleep rocked back on his haunches and pawed the air. Nunzio tossed the treat to him, which he downed in one gulp. Gleep dropped down again and gave me a wink when no one else could

  see it. He wasn't going to give away our little secret.

  “What a terrific party,” Tananda said, spinning until the dark purple skirts of her low-​cut dress spread out like a bell. “I think I danced with every Fox in Foxe-​Swampburg.”

  “They just couldn't get enough of you, Little Sister,” Chumley said proudly. He removed the festoons of ribbons that had been wound around him by the enthusiastic party-​goers. Gleep ate them as they hit the floor.

  “Didn't the bride look wonderful?” Bunny asked, her eyes shining She leaned back in her chair and kicked her feet happily. Her party dress of brilliant blue silk shim-​mered around her magnificent figure. “And what a Cake! Ninja and the others did an incredible job.”

  “They wanted to make amends for nearly making layer cake out of Skeeve here,” Guido said.

  “That's the kind of cake I wan! when I get married,” Pookie said. We all stared at her. “What are you all look-​ing at?”

  If she was embarrassed, she managed to cover it by swatting the next Humbee that came whizzing through the office. It fell to the ground in two pieces. Gleep loped over to eat them both.

  “The best part,” I said, with satisfaction, “was when Hermalaya and Matfany went to the throne room together for the first time to accept the accolades of their subjects, and the doors actually opened up for him.”

  “About time,” Nunzio said. “He was a decent guy.”

  Massha fanned her pink cheeks with a shocking tur-​quoise feather fan. Her dress, yards of filmy chiffon, matched it in color. “Hermalaya had that consort chair made for him that goes with her throne. It's not as fancy, but he said he wasn't comfortable with something that had that much gold or gems.”

  “What a tool,” Aahz said. 'Go for what you can get, that's what I say." He took the D hopper out of his pocket and tossed it end over end in the air Among the whole group that jumped him and Matfany on the mountaintop, the one person who picked it up was honest enough to return it. I was glad. D-​hopper's were rare, and it had been a present from me.7

  7. For the whole intriguing yarn, read Myth Alliances.

  “The Old Folks finally accepted Matfany,” I said. “That's a good omen for the future.”

  “The dye job couldn't have fooled them?” Bunny asked.

  “No, they know,” I said. “Everything's great. They're go-​ing to live happily ever after.”

  “And the presents!” Bunny exclaimed. “There must have been thousands of packages!”

  “I gave them a manual on marriage from Trollia,” Tananda said, with a wicked smile. “It's got illustrations, just in case something gets lost in translation.”

  “I gave them the best gift possible,” Aahz said. “My sage advice on staying married. I told him always to agree with everything she said. I told her to go easy on him. That ought to last them a lifetime.”

  “What did you give them, Skeeve?” Bunny asked. “Oh, I went back and borrowed the Hoho Jug from Marmel in Sirecoose,” I said. "I wanted to make

  sure there was enough wine for everybody. No sense, as Matfany said, in wiping out the newly replenished treasury on unneces-​sary expenses."

  “No wonder it was so tasty,” Guido said. “And suitably potent to the occasion.”

  “And he paid our bill.” Bunny said, happily. “Both of them.”

  “That reminds me,” Aahz said. “Who won the contest? Who is going to be president of M.Y.T.H., Inc.?”

  Bunny threw back her head in exasperation. “Oh, how-​can you ask about that now?”

  Aahz was adamant. “Because it isn't settled. We put the question aside until after we got the romance under way, but now I want to know.”

  “All right.” Bunny sat up and became all business. She pointed at Aahz and me. “Both of you totally lost sight of the objectivesyours was to solve Matfany's PR problem and get the kingdom solvent, and yours was to put Hermalaya back on the throne.”

  “But they were mutually exclusive goals,” I said.

  “Right,” Massha said. “The really important thing was to put the two of them face-​to-​face and sort out their per-​sonal problems. The kingdom would take care of itself. It took both of you to fix it so it would really work. And it did. They'll live happily ever after. It's soooo romantic.”

  “So who won?” Aahz pressed. “Who's the new presi-​dent?”

  All of the others looked at each other, but it was Tananda who delivered the bad news. “Neither of you. You both tried to sabotage each other, which is a no-​no. You focused on the money, which is never our primary goal. You tried to use the rest of us to spy on the other, and you know bet-​ter than that. We all got together and discussed it. We want the one person who really listened to the clients, who kept everyone organized, and who didn't indulge in fits of tem-​per or ego or go off for months without explanation. We want a leader with common sense and a cool head.” I could almost hear the drumroll as she turned and lifted a hand to gesture at that one person. “Bunny.”

  Bunny's eyes went as round as saucers. “Me?” she asked. “Really?”

  Tananda gave her a big hug. “You. Really.” “Well, wow,” she said. “I don't know what to say.” “Say yes,” Chumley advised, giving her an all-​enveloping hug.

  “We were all incredibly impressed at how impartially you handled both of these big idiots and kept them from causing trouble for each other. Do you want the job? Be-​cause we really need you. We've been coasting for months, and we know it. We'd be pleased and honored if you'd be the president of M.Y.T.H., Inc.** Tananda looked over her shoulder at me. ”Oh, Skeeve. You can come back, too, if you want. We've really missed you."

  “Why Bunny?” Aahz demanded, with his fiercest scowl.

  “She doesn't have any experience as the head of a major magikal investigative organization.” Nunzio raised a finger.

  “Neither did Skeeve. The operation just grew with him at its head, and he did fine. But since we started diversify-​ing, we need more than that. She's Don Bruce's niece. She was brought up to run a much bigger organization than this one.”

  Chumley cleared his throat. “She has a superb gift for subtlety, what? Without making a big deal out of it, she has kept Skeeve in contact with everybody elsealmost everybodyand she gets along with everybody.”

  Aahz and I looked at each other.

  “What the hell,” he snorted, sitting back and crossing his legs casually. “I didn't really want it.”

  “Neither did I,” I said. “I just wanted to come back. Now I can.” I settled down and beckoned Gleep over. My dragon was happy to come and drop his head across my lap for an overdue ear-​scratching. “Miss me, fellah?”

  “What are you doing that for?” Bunny asked. I looked up,
stunned. “I've got a new job for each of you! If you re-​ally want to handle business right after a party, move it!” I jumped up. So did Aahz. “I want you to get rid of these darned Humbees! If the Foxe-​Swampburgians can fix their bug problem, we have to be able to solve ours. I mean, we're M.Y.T.H., Inc. already.”

  Aahz and I looked at each other and grinned. “Whatever you say, Chief,” I said. “We'll get right on it,” Aahz agreed. Bunny smiled. She sat down and swung her silk-​shod feet up on the president's desk. “That's better.”