by Becky Norman
“Lori, shhh,” Noel breathed softly next to her. He reached out and laid a gentle, calming hand on her arm. He could feel her trembling powerfully through her sleeve.
“Noel, do something!” she pleaded, her voice strained with anxiety.
“I will, Love, I will.” He inched in front of her and the cat’s attention swivelled to him. He took a deep breath and released it, reaching back to push Lori away. She was giving off a tremendous amount of fear and panic; he could feel it – almost smell it – from behind him.
“Lori, just take a couple of slow steps back and please try to stay quiet, okay?”
She whimpered and let out a shaky breath. “Oh God, Noel. Please be careful.”
“Shhh,” he soothed.
The mountain lion wasn’t paying any attention to Lori at this point, which Noel took as a good sign. Still, he would have preferred if this meeting hadn’t taken place in the barn, with two frightened horses getting a whiff of the cat and a woman who was in near hysterics behind him.
Noel took a few steps closer to the cougar, his hand held out to the side of his body, fingers splayed. “Namasté, brother,” he said softly and the cat narrowed its eyes, studying him.
Noel knelt down when he felt he’d entered the correct range and heard Lori muffle a sob behind him. He closed his eyes briefly and prayed for guidance. Everything will be alright, he breathed. To everyone there.
**********
Lori thought she was going to lose her mind with fear. Her heart was flopping around in her chest like a fish tossed on a creek bank and she was certain she was going to vomit soon. She couldn’t believe Noel had actually knelt down by the thing, but there he was, just feet away from the cougar, with no protection whatsoever at hand.
She looked around frantically herself for a weapon of some sort and seized on a shovel standing in the aisle way. She slid over to it and grabbed it gratefully then took a step closer to Noel to defend him.
When the cat saw her coming, it hissed viciously and crouched, getting ready to strike. Noel gave a quick glance back at her, his eyes widening when he saw what she had in her hands.
He lowered his head and took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, visibly calming himself.
“Lori, put the shovel down,” he said firmly.
“What? Are you crazy?” she demanded.
“Lori,” Noel said through clenched teeth. “Please trust me on this. Put the shovel down. He will attack if you keep threatening him.”
Lori slowly lowered the shovel to the floor, but kept it at her feet as security. Noel turned back to study the mountain lion and Lori cocked her head when she heard him begin speaking.
She leaned forward, straining to hear, but it wasn’t a language she recognized. It was soft and breathy, full of accents of sound and sliding syllables. It was beautiful, hypnotic, calming. Noel continued to kneel there on the barn floor, the cougar standing taller than he, and spoke to the amber-eyed creature. Noel had both arms bent at the elbows, his hands out, fingers splayed and Lori felt a start of recognition with the posture her minister took when delivering the benediction. He continued to mumble while watching the animal and she saw from over Noel’s shoulder that the cat was relaxing ever so slightly.
Noel paused then and lowered his head just a fraction, tilting it as though he were waiting for a secret to be whispered back from the cat. Lori watched in fascination as Noel closed his eyes and nodded, as though gaining an answer and then to her amazement he smiled and nodded again in a more pronounced way.
Noel rolled forward from the balls of his feet until his knees were touching the concrete floor and he made a graceful, ancient gesture with his right hand. The cat stared intently at him for another moment, then turned and padded away. “Go in peace, brother,” Noel called after him.
Lori stumbled blindly past Noel, her legs shaking so badly she could hardly walk, and she pulled at the sliding barn door with numb hands. She could hear herself sobbing as she yanked on the wood, her hands slipping now and then as she tugged at it. Finally, it came gliding across and then Noel was there behind her, placing his hands lightly on her shoulders in reassurance.
The touch was startling when she had been isolated for so long and she gulped a great draught of air, trying to steady her nerves. She realized with alarm the sobbing was growing even louder and she was close to hyperventilating. Lori turned blindly towards Noel, seeking to steady herself and then he was gathering her into his arms and she was clinging to him as though every bone in her body had been removed.
He held her for a long time, murmuring things again in that strange, melodic language, while she drew ragged breaths and heaved them back out with tears. His arms were comfortingly strong and his body was warm as she teetered on the brink of shock. One of his hands was stroking her back while the other massaged the nape of her neck and she was conscious of his deliberate, steady breathing.
Slowly – slowly – she gained control of herself again, but burrowed in against the crook of his neck and shoulder as exhaustion swept over her. She wanted to lie against him, a dead weight, surrendering any strength she had left, but instead she cleared her throat and pulled back slightly, taking on the burden of her own body again.
He released her slowly, letting her go but ready to catch her again if she should fall. His eyes were brimming with concern for her as they pulled away from each other and he squeezed her neck lightly one more time in farewell.
“You alright?” he asked hoarsely.
She nodded and ran a hand across her running nose. “Yeah, I guess. What are we going to do, Noel? What are we going to do?”
Noel firmed his lips and shook his head minutely. “It’s over, Lori. You won’t see him again.”
Lori pushed the hair out of her eyes and stared at Noel through her drying tears. “What? How can you be sure?”
Noel gave her a helpless kind of smile. “I can’t go into it right now, but I promise you – the cat won’t be back. I’ll explain later, but we both need to calm down first, okay?”
He lifted an arm, inviting her to come back under its protection; as she did so, he steered her away from the barn door and towards the loft stairs. “Let’s go have a tea, shall we? I think we both need one.”
**********
Lori sank into the beaten-up old chair next to the beaten-up old table and took a deep breath. Noel was in the so-called kitchen, setting water to boil and preparing cups. Her hands were still shaking and the corners of her vision were still fuzzy from the overdose of adrenaline, so she rested her elbows on the table and concentrated on her breathing.
That was too close, she thought. She never expected to see the cougar in the actual barn. It could have killed both of them...so easily. She wanted to jump up and run away; at the same time, she wanted to crawl into her bed and sleep for a week.
Noel was soon finished and brought the steaming cup over to the table, set it down under her nose and sat down next to her.
“How are you?” he asked with care.
“Alright, I guess,” she said haltingly. “Just in shock.”
“Mmm,” he answered, in what she took to be agreement.
Lori looked up at him and picked up the cup, inhaling the green tea vapour with appreciation. “What do you do now? Do you have a live trap for something like that or do you shoot it with a tranquilizer?”
Noel ran a thumb and finger along the line of his beard, eyes steady on her. “Neither,” he finally responded. “I’ve told you – he’s not coming back.”
“Look, Noel,” Lori said with a trace of exasperation. “You keep saying things like that, and forgive me for saying so...but I need more than just your conviction that this thing isn’t going to return. I want some type of assurance. I want to see it hauled away in a cage and given to a zoo or something.”
Noel grimaced and shook his head. “No,” he contradicted her, definitively. “You don’t.” He set down his cu
p and stood, clearly agitated by the thought. He began to pace, reminding Lori of a wild cat himself, penned up in a zoo.
“Listen, Lori. There are things at work here that I can’t really explain. I wish I could...but I can’t interfere. You have to draw your own conclusions.”
She looked at him, baffled, and he glanced at her with frustration as he continued to pace. “I know you think I’m crazy, but that cougar came as a visitor – as a symbol. He was here to tell you something...and to tell me something.”
Noel gave her another beseeching look and she shook her head in confusion. “What do you mean, ‘tell me something’? He can’t talk to me.”
Noel made a growling noise of irritation and sat down abruptly across from her again, grabbing one of her wrists to convey his urgency.
“Think of it this way,” he started. “Do you remember how I said when you were training Ebony yesterday that it didn’t look as though you were doing anything out of the ordinary and yet the horse was responding? To the casual observer it looked like she was reading your thoughts and vice versa.”
Lori stared into Noel’s brown-black eyes and nodded slowly. “Yes, I remember. And I told you that we were communicating – through a variety of different ways. Body language, looks...that kind of thing.”
He nodded and relief washed over his face. “Yes. Yes – exactly like that. Well, I have that ability with cats. You see?”
“Yes, okay.” Lori gently extricated herself from his grasp. “And you think this cougar told you something?”
“Not think – I know he did. He was confirming something for me that I had suspected all along. But I can’t tell you more than that. It’s not my place to say. But do you see? That’s why he came. To convey the message. Now that he’s done that, he won’t be back.”
Lori gave Noel a very dubious look. “I’m sorry, Noel, but that seems pretty far-fetched.”
He looked crestfallen and Lori almost felt sorry for saying it. “I know it does,” he conceded. “I know. But that’s all there is to it. The only way I can prove it to you is over time...when you don’t seem him return.”
He leaned back and sighed explosively. “I’ll stay around if you want – for a few more days, anyway – but it’s not necessary.”
Lori looked down at the tabletop, doing quick calculations in her mind. “How much is this all going to cost me?” she asked. “I’ll have to take that into consideration.”
Noel shook his head. “I’m not charging you – I didn’t do anything. If you just let me stay here in the loft, we’ll call it paid in full.”
Lori squinted at him. She was having a hard time determining what was going on here; Noel seemed to be talking far above her head. Besides which, she couldn’t figure out his motive. If he was in this for extra money, why wasn’t he charging her something?
She pushed her face into her hands, rubbing her temples and the sinus cavities under her eyes. “Okay,” she finally acquiesced. “Okay. I want you to stay a few more days. And I want you to be ready next time in case it does come back.”
Noel had regained his composure and the hint of a smile played around his lips. “I’ll put a trap out if you want me to, but I promise you...he’s not coming back.”
Lori clucked her tongue and rolled her eyes. “We’re talking in circles here.”
“Yes, we are. But I don’t know what you want me to do about it. I’ve given you my assurance. Now we just wait and see.”
“I suppose so,” she replied, a bit more tartly than she intended. She softened her voice and gave Noel another questioning look. “You can’t tell me any more about this message?”
Noel hesitated and then jerked his head in the negative. “I can’t. It’s something you’ll figure out on your own in the days to come and when you do understand it, give me a call and we’ll talk. But for right now, all I can say is that first, there are messages all around you these days, you’re just not hearing them. And second, it’s not a coincidence that mountain lion appeared in your life when he did. Think about those things – really think about them – and you’ll understand.”
Chapter 11
As he had predicted, they saw no more of the mountain lion in the next week. Noel continued to wait for signs that Lori had come to a deeper understanding, but aside from her seeking him out to ask about his point of view on where the “messages” he’d mentioned might be, she gave no other indication of realizing what he had been trying to convey.
He had seen the frustration building in her eyes and his advice not to force the issue only made her chomp at the bit more.
“I feel like I’m looking for a needle in a haystack,” she expressed in annoyance one day when they were discussing signs, omens and symbolism.
“You’re trying too hard,” Noel cautioned. “The more you try to force the messages to come, the greater your difficulty in seeing them. You’re trying to push the trees aside so you can see the forest.”
Lori sighed explosively. “Then what do I do?”
Noel smiled in sympathy. “Just relax. It will come when it’s supposed to. I know that’s frustrating when you want the answer. I used to hate that when people said it to me. But until you stop trying to direct it and instead just let it flow around you, it will continue to elude you.”
He debated on the next offering of advice, but said it, anyway. “Meditation might help.”
She gave him a distinctly sceptical look. “Meditation? You mean like sitting on the floor saying ‘ohm?’ What religion are you, anyway, Noel?”
Noel paused and studied her carefully. “Lori, do you think that only one religion has moments during the day where one is wise to silence the outside world and reflect on how you’re living? Doesn’t Christianity suggest setting aside time for prayer?”
“Well, yes...but –”
He cut her off. “It’s all the same. Remove some of the distractions from your life – even for a few minutes a day – and you’ll be amazed at what comes through to you.” He nudged her cowboy boot with his own. “And in regards to my religion, I try to embrace the common threads of all that speak to my heart. There is value in all ideas that bring somebody closer to the Great Creator.”
Lori smiled. “Great Creator? Now that sounds distinctly native.”
Noel shrugged. “They understand that aspect of Divinity well.” He paused and gave her an amused look. “Do you think it’s ‘quaint’?”
Lori shook her head hastily. “No, no – I actually like it a lot. I never really cared for this male God that so many religions today are outgrowing. But I still have a hard time thinking of God as Goddess, too. I like Great Creator – it’s gender neutral.”
Noel nodded with a smile. “You’re catching on, Grasshopper.”
**********
Rather impulsively, Lori decided to throw a barbeque at her home on the Saturday afternoon before Noel was to leave on Monday. The weather was still holding for late September, but she knew any day now autumn was going to set in with a vengeance and she wanted to enjoy the milder temperatures while she still could. Besides which, she wanted to thank Noel for his help, see all of her family and friends again...and if truth be told, she wanted to oblige Shannon, who was itching to get a look at him.
She had been blessed with her choice of day – the air was slightly damp from the rain they’d had earlier in the week, but that only leant a fragrance to the atmosphere that brought back memories of spring; hearing the distinctive scratchy call of the starlings who were gathering before migration further reinforced the idea. There was just the hint of a breeze, so Lori opted to go with bright blue tablecloths on the picnic tables, using clamps to hold them in place on the corners.
She mentally ran through the list of guests – Shannon and Mark, her mom and dad, Rick Meyer, Rita Dennymede. She had also managed to persuade Anne and Jesse to come with the kids, but not Cody’s mother. That left Noel and hersel
f and two guests that Noel had asked if he could bring. Lori was particularly interested to meet acquaintances of Noel’s – she had completely convinced herself that he was a lone wolf; she wanted to know what type of person he called a friend. All in all, that was fifteen people – she would have to bring out a few more lawn chairs and TV tables to make room for everyone.
Lori first boiled the potatoes for the potato salad she was going to put together, then lit the barbeque and returned to the kitchen to start her assembling. She also planned to do up a Chinese version of coleslaw and her infamous devilled eggs, plus combine the ingredients of a punch recipe she’d found online. Her parents had graciously offered to bring all the meat – hot dogs, Oktoberfest sausage and ground beef for hamburgers and Sloppy Joe’s were already in transit, according to her mom’s latest phone call – and Rick and Rita said they would take care of the alcoholic beverages on their end.
Jesse and Anne were bringing the snack foods, primarily because their kids wouldn’t eat certain kinds, and Shannon and Mark had assured her they had dessert covered. Noel had offered to bring all the buns, plus a lettuce salad and some vegetarian options for the grill. Lori wasn’t quite sure how that was going to go over with her meat-loving friends and family, but she had welcomed his gesture nonetheless.
Her parents arrived as she was putting the potato salad in the fridge, followed closely by Shannon and Mark. The women immediately set to work in the kitchen, helping Lori peel eggs, wash dishes, and generally make the time pass by chatting about what had been going on in their lives. The men had started cleaning up the lawn furniture and filling the ice chests with ice, just in time for Rita and Rick’s arrival with the beer and vodka coolers.
When Jesse and his family arrived, the decibel level went up a few notches – especially when the kids found a used croquet set Lori and Cody had bought at a garage sale. Soon little wire hoops were decorating the lawn between the house and barn; and adults, with a mallet in one hand and a bottle in the other, were showing the kids how to play the game.
At one point, Lori found herself alone in the kitchen as the women made trips to and from the house with food, condiments, paper plates, and napkins. She paused at the back door, listening to the cacophony of laughter and conversation from the adults, the shrieks and giggling from the kids, and let it wash over her. An alarming and powerful sense of melancholy shot through her as the silence of the house was juxtaposed with the din from outside.
