by Becky Norman
“You have come,” he spoke in a voice heavily accented with a tongue Lori had never heard before.
“You have called,” Mist respectfully replied. Lori was astonished to hear her own voice coming from the cat.
“The others?” he asked.
“Coming, too,” Mist assured.
“There is one...” the jaguar began.
“Yes. I have felt it, too. We have not seen him,” Mist provided.
“It will take a great deal of work,” he cautioned.
“Do we have time for that?” Mist asked in that eerily familiar voice.
The jaguar grunted. “Doubtful. But do what you can. If not...” he paused then stretched out a paw, his long, curving claws like mini scythes digging into the earth. “I will take care of it,” he promised ominously.
“And Shadow?” Mist asked.
The jaguar tilted his head, listening to something far off; then turned his blazing gold eyes on Lori again.
“He understands. Or he will. Soon...very soon.”
The jaguar turned as the sun broke the line of the horizon and the light flooded over the rolling hills around them. He dissolved into the sunshine and Lori awoke to a blinding light flooding into her bedroom.
**********
“That’s amazing,” Jeret was saying into the phone as Noel came in with the bag of groceries. “That makes it official then, Lori – all four of us have had dreams about a jaguar this week.”
Jeret nodded at Noel in greeting and the two roommates looked at each other with significance. Noel set the bag down, dumbfounded, as he listened to Jeret speaking with Lori, then gestured for the phone.
“Hey, Lori? Noel’s here now – I’m going to pass you over to him, okay? It was nice speaking to you again.”
Noel waited with patience as they said their farewells, but eagerly took the phone when it was handed to him.
“Hello, Beautiful,” he greeted her, not sure how the term would be accepted but missing her and needing to say it nonetheless.
“Hey,” she answered back. She sounded surprised but pleased by his words.
“You’ve dreamt of the jaguar, too?” he asked, skipping any other pleasantries.
“Yes,” she answered in a breathless sort of way that told Noel exactly how much she had been affected by her dream. As had they all.
For each of them it had been slightly different, a slightly altered message specific for them and their cats, but the fact remained: they had all been called to meet with this stranger in the jungle, accompanied by their spirit friend, and all had mentioned the jaguar speaking of another cat arriving.
“Did you recognize the jaguar, Noel?” Lori was asking him on the phone.
“No, he seems familiar to me, but I think it’s just a soul recognition – not someone I’ve met in this life.”
“And do you know who he means by this other?”
Noel shook his head, even though she couldn’t see him. “No, but the cats at the zoo are telling me to keep my eyes open – that another is arriving soon.”
“Okay,” she responded. “Don’t make fun of me, but I’m worried about this one – it doesn’t sound like a friendly cat, Noel. When Mist and the jaguar were talking, it was as though the jaguar had doubts about its behaviour. And he said we were to do what we could and if we couldn’t handle it then he would.”
Noel squeezed the phone a bit tighter in his grasp. “Mmm. I got a similar message – Jeret and Lynta didn’t. Theirs was more of a ‘it will be taken care of so just trust in me’ kind of thing. I wonder why it was different for you and me...” he trailed off, having an inkling of exactly the answer to that question.
“Well, I don’t know, but it makes me nervous – ”
He interrupted her, trying to force his tone to be light and teasing. “And what have I told you about worrying?”
She clucked and answered with a smile in her voice, “That it doesn’t help at all...and probably makes things worse.”
“Right.”
“But Noel...when Mist asked about you, the jaguar said you would understand soon. Do you know what’s going on?”
Noel felt the chill go down his spine, the wave of adrenaline causing him to close his eyes momentarily.
“You spoke of me?”
“Well, I didn’t,” Lori corrected. “Mist asked about Shadow...and the jaguar said ‘he understands. Or he will very soon.’”
Noel felt his heart pounding and ran his free hand through his hair, pulling it back off his forehead to cool himself down.
“I think I might know,” he acknowledged. “But if I do, it’s something I have to handle alone, for now. It will be alright, Lori,” he said softly into the phone, willing himself to believe. “We’re being protected.”
**********
“I have a really funny feeling about this,” Jeret murmured to Noel the next afternoon as they stood out front of the small holding area, watching a new addition being added to the mix of big cats.
Noel peered into the cage, trying to see the caracal housed within but all he got were flashes of eyes deep within the recesses of the box and the occasional tuft of an ear or a paw sticking out.
“Well, he clearly doesn’t want to be in there,” Noel observed as the cat pawed at the door. “How old did they say it was?”
“Only three,” Jeret answered, “And pulled directly from the wild, so it’s going to have a hard time adjusting – it’s not used to humans yet.”
Jeret turned away from the cat for a moment to look at Noel, his blue eyes clouded with concern. “Noel, the zoo administrators told me it’s had to be tranquilized through the entire trip because it’s so aggressive and wired. For the sake of the cat, I’m worried about its health and its ability to fit in here. And for the sake of the human that might be attached to it....” He shrugged his shoulders and left the rest unspoken.
Noel nodded. “Do you think this might be the other one the jaguar spoke of?”
Jeret cocked a pierced eyebrow and tipped his head. “It all seems to fit, doesn’t it?”
Noel looked back towards the cage in speculation, watching as two of the handlers cautiously got in position to open the gate on the kennel. “Well,” he said as they pulled open the door then scurried to safety as the 30-pound spitfire leaped out of the cage, “they warned us it was coming, didn’t they?”
**********
Noel went back to check on the caracal later, hoping it had settled enough to finally “speak” to him in a way that he could understand. Upon its release into an environment set up to resemble its native habitat in western Asia and Africa, the cat had been frantic, racing from one side of the enclosure to another, hissing and spitting in anger.
Noel had stood calmly within view of the cat and breathed in the same rhythm he did for meditation. He’d found in the past the regular, soothing breath worked well with the big cats and he had hoped it would do the same here. But the caracal continued to bound around, voicing its anger to the world, and the thoughts Noel was able to tap into from the cat were jumbled and chaotic.
Now, on his second visit, the cat had at least stopped running around, but Noel feared that was more from exhaustion than it was from coming to an acceptance of its new home. It was lying near a boulder placed off to the left of the enclosure, panting heavily, when Noel arrived but he noticed immediately its attention was riveted on another human off to Noel’s right.
He watched the man for several minutes, unobserved, as human and cat locked eyes, and Noel knew they’d found the person the jaguar had named. He was of slim build and not much taller than 5’7”, Noel estimated; his skin was the warm honey-brown of an East Indian and his hair was the same jet black as Noel’s. Noel would have called their eyes the same tint of obsidian, as well, save for the maniacal gleam that came from his counterpart across the way. Noel kept breathing in a calm, steady way, trying to counteract the energy flooding to him from the other man.
Finally the stranger seemed to pull out of the cat’s gaze and looked over to Noel with hostile defensiveness.
“Hello,” Noel said, walking towards him with both hands visible, palms up in reassurance.
When he had crossed the gap between them, he extended his right hand in greeting. The man took it uneasily but gave him a firm handshake.
“I’m Nahuel,” he offered, not understanding why he made the distinction from what the others called him – why he’d harkened back to his ancestral name – but feeling it was a necessity.
“Iftakar,” the man responded stiffly.
Noel nodded. “Do you know this cat?” he asked, gesturing with a tip of his head.
Iftakar laughed uncomfortably. “You could say that,” he said, looking down.
“It’s a beautiful animal,” Noel offered. “The white rings around the eyes are very dramatic. A lot of people aren’t familiar with this particular type of big cat.”
Iftakar shrugged, clearly uninterested in praising the attributes of the caracal.
Noel took in the other man’s posture, his cold eyes, and tried to think of words to break that impenetrable armour.
“Do you ever dream of caracals, Iftakar?” he asked, deciding to put it out in the open.
Iftakar stiffened his spine noticeably and almost gasped at the question. He turned slowly to look at Noel, a haunted look seeping into his eyes.
“Why do you ask?” the East Indian guardedly asked.
Noel shrugged casually, turned and walked a little closer to the enclosure in nonchalance.
“I’ve had dreams of cats before,” he offered, not looking at Iftakar. “In fact, if you’d met me many years ago, you might have seen me standing in front of a black panther’s cage in the same way you’re doing here.”
There was a silence off to his right as Iftakar watched him, but Noel refused to make eye contact.
Finally, the East Indian spoke. “Is that right?” he asked, with an edge to his voice.
Noel nodded, turning around to face Iftakar head on again. “There are others, as well,” he said softly.
Iftakar locked eyes with him, scepticism and desperate hope vying for mastery. “How many?” he asked, just as quietly.
Noel shook his head, once. “We don’t know yet. Four so far – five, counting you.”
“All different cats?”
Noel nodded. He waited until the time was right to offer more hope.
“We can help, maybe.”
Iftakar snorted at that. “How?”
“By letting you know you’re not alone. By comparing stories, trying to make sense of it.”
Iftakar pointed at the caracal. “How can there be sense to this?” he challenged.
Noel looked down, shaking his head. “We’re not sure yet, to be honest with you. We’re recording what happens and looking for patterns. But I think something is going to happen soon. There seems to be a lot of...omens, shall we say?”
Iftakar continued to eye him and Noel got the distinct feeling of being judged. How do you prove you’re trustworthy, he thought to himself, when you’re not given the opportunity to demonstrate it?
“Look, if you’re ever interested in pursuing it further, just let me know. I’m here most days, as well as my friend, Jeret. We both work here. He’s a blond, with lots of piercings and tat-”
“I know who he is,” Iftakar interrupted rudely. “I saw him with you earlier.”
“Ah,” Noel answered. “Then you’ll know who to look for,” he answered, turning and walking away.
He heard Iftakar snort in derision as he left.
**********
“I need to go into town for some last-minute baking supplies,” Shannon announced to Lori over the phone the week before Christmas. “I want you to meet me there – you need to get off that farm for a bit and have some girl time with me.”
Lori laughed. “I need girl-time? I think it’s you who needs it,” she contradicted.
“Well, yes. That’s true. I miss talking to you – is there a crime in that?”
Lori smiled into the receiver, touched by her friend’s admission. “No crime. I’ve missed you, too.”
She met the petite spitfire at the grocery store in Delhi and they went back to their favourite coffee shop, Just Like Grandma’s, afterwards to catch up. There Lori found out that Shannon was seriously contemplating endurance racing the following year; that Mark was looking at a gaited Rocky Mountain Horse since his back had started to act up on the trails; and that the couple was exploring the possibility of putting up a steel barn next year that could be climate-controlled. They were living the high life, certainly.
“And what about you?” Shannon asked before shovelling another forkful of pecan pie into her mouth. “How’re things going with Noel?”
“Noel?” Lori asked, taken aback.
Shannon smirked. “Yeah, Noel – you know, that guy that’s been hanging around your place on occasion, drooling over you behind your back?”
Lori felt herself go instantly red. “He has not! I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Of course you don’t,” Shannon purred. “He does it behind your back.”
Lori shook her head, speechless that someone had noticed.
Shannon watched her friend closely for a moment, then let up on the teasing. “It’s good to see, Lori,” she said in a gentler tone. “Despite how I felt about him at first, I think he’d treat you right. And he’s obviously besotted with you, which can’t be bad...can it?”
Lori looked up and straight into Shannon’s eyes at that, desperation eloquent on her face.
“I don’t know,” she started, breathless, “I mean...I wasn’t exactly head-over-heels with him myself at first...and there’s so many reasons why he really isn’t my type...and it’s way too soon after Cody...but...”
“But it’s nice to feel wanted again, and have somebody there for you,” Shannon finished for her.
Lori nodded. “Yeah. I feel safe with him and he understands me...I feel kind of a bond with him, you know? I wouldn’t call it love yet, but I do feel happy when he’s around.”
Shannon set down her fork, reached over and squeezed Lori’s hand. “That’s a great place to start, Lori. Don’t force it to be more than it is right now...and don’t beat yourself up for having the feelings to begin with. Cody’s passing has left a big hole, but I don’t think you’re trying to fill it up with Noel. I see it more as a...a detour to a different path you have to take now. It’s not necessarily going to be better or worse...just different.”
Lori looked down at the tabletop and tried to dislodge the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. She nodded and said quietly, without looking at her married friend across the table, “I still miss him terribly sometimes, though.”
She glanced up to find Shannon looking at her through misty eyes. “I know, kiddo. That’s natural. And you’re bound to have some crazy days ahead – where you’re missing Cody and enjoying Noel’s company at the same time. But realize that that’s normal, too, okay? Don’t think you’re being a terrible person for getting on with your life. You know Cody would have wanted that.”
Lori sighed deeply and sat back in the booth. “How did you get to be such an expert with this kind of thing, Shannon? You almost sound as though you know what you’re talking about!”
Lori had intended it as a joke to lighten the mood but Shannon didn’t laugh along with her.
“Mark wasn’t my first guy, either, you know,” she stated. “I had a high-school sweetheart I was certain I was going to marry. We made big plans – even in Grade 10 – that after graduation, we were going to get married, buy a house, start up a business together...we had it all planned out.”
She shrugged, looking into the depths of her coffee mug as she thought about that long-ago time.
“What happened?” Lori asked.
Shannon pulled her gaze out of
the mug and gave Lori a small smile, full of understanding and empathy. “He was killed in a freak accident when we were 16. He and his dad had gone into an enclosed space on their property to clean it out and they were both overcome with fumes and died.”
She looked up at Lori, holding her stare.
“So you really do know what I’m going through,” Lori whispered.
Surprisingly, Shannon shook her head. “No, not really. Paul wasn’t my husband. And I’d only met him when I was 14 so we didn’t have the kind of established relationship that you and Cody did.”
Lori shook her head, refusing to diminish the feelings Shannon had experienced. “It doesn’t matter. It’s the same blow to the system – the same feelings of desolation and abandonment, I bet.”
Shannon shrugged a shoulder and took a sip of her coffee. “It was hard for awhile after, absolutely. But Lori...I survived and you will, too. And look at the life I’ve made for myself now...and the man I’ve got to share it with. Sometimes, even better things can result from tragedy – don’t ever forget that.”
Lori nodded and for the first time, thought about a future with Noel.
Chapter 22
She was doing fine after her talk with Shannon, was maybe even feeling a bit optimistic about the future on the drive home. Lori was going home to her parents’ place for Christmas and had arranged for Shannon to feed the horses and give them some exercise over the long weekend; she realized suddenly, however, that she wanted to see Noel before all that took place and spent the remainder of her drive from Delhi to the farm going through her mental calendar to see where she could fit a trip to Toronto into the mix. She needed to feel Noel’s presence again before she went back to the insanity that would be her parents’ house, with her brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews all piled into the four-bedroom home. No doubt she’d be sleeping on the couch while there.
All that optimism lasted precisely as long as it took to blurt out her suggestion on the phone with Noel and have him give a soft sigh of regret in return.
“What?” she asked, deflated. “You don’t want to see me?”
He tutted at her. “Of course I want to see you. But I signed up for a retreat last week when you told me you were going to your parents’ for Christmas. I thought you wouldn’t be able to leave the farm beforehand so when the opportunity presented itself...well, I took it.”
