Blue

by Jill Patten

  Watching the few residents tend to their flowers in clay pots, or repair the wooden fence surrounding their property, my thoughts fall back to Blue and what it’s like to live here.

  When Blue comes to mind, I immediately think about our night together.

  My rush to leave him isn’t because I regret what happened last night, it’s because I enjoyed it so much, I could easily see myself lounging in his bed all day long.

  Where has this dude been all my life? Seriously, he can make me feel things like no other guy ever has.

  He’s too perfect; probably too good to be true.

  But he’s so damn nice and caring. That has to count for something. What other guy would treat me with the utmost respect when thrown into a situation like he was?

  Sure, he has a temper when provoked. He lives like a bum; a clean one I might add. He doesn’t own a car. And his job isn’t one to brag about, but I guess it’s enough to get by. Sometimes you can’t have it all. Heaven knows I sure as hell don’t.

  As if he has psychic abilities, my phone vibrates in my hand. It’s him. His message makes me laugh out loud. I’m just past his place and I talk myself out of turning around and going back for one more romp in the sheets. Kristy would call me a slut if she heard me say that.

  In a playful mood, I text him back, pretending I don’t know who he is. I can’t wait to see what his reply will be.

  I’m not far from my hotel. The sun is already blazing across the sand, making it feel like I’m walking over a bed of hot coals. The humid air is thick and I’m having trouble, more than usual, breathing. I use my inhaler, but it’s not doing the trick this time. By the time I reach the door, I’m bent over, wheezing. Drops of sweat trickle down along my hairline, puddling right below my ears.

  A few people stop and ask me if I’m okay. I nod my head and wave them on. It’s just another day in my complicated life. There’s nothing to be alarmed about.

  If I can make it inside where the air is cool and light, everything will be better. When I lie to myself, I always think I’ll somehow convince myself to believe it.

  I’m not sure how I make it up to my room, but I do. And as soon as I open the door I collapse.

  When I awake, I’m in an environment I’m all too familiar with. I never thought I’d find myself here while on vacation, though.

  “Oh my God, she’s awake,” I hear Tiffanny say.

  I open my eyes, and Kristy and Tiffanny are standing over me.

  “What the hell happened? You scared the shit out of us,” Kristy fusses with worry in her eyes. “As soon as you opened the door to our room, you passed out. We didn’t know what was going on,” she continues. “Last we heard from you, you were staying the night with Blue. We thought something might’ve happened while you were there. Our first thought was he slipped you some kind of drug and you were about to die. After the way he left last night, I thought anything was possible.”

  As soon as I start to speak, I notice the oxygen tube up my nose.

  “You’re so dramatic,” I reply, noticing my ability to say a small sentence takes too much effort.

  Kristy huffs. “You’re lucky you’re in the safety of this ER room or I’d push you out in the parking lot strapped down to this bed and watch you roll across a busy street.”

  “Empty promises.” I know she means no harm. This is her way of making things light in a tough situation.

  “Yeah, you look like a real badass,” she says back sarcastically. “You just sit over there and look pretty until the doctor gets in here.”

  I give her a smirk and ask for my phone. Out of all the things for me to think about, I’m sitting here wondering if Blue ever texted me back. “You two didn’t call my parents, right?” I ask, hoping I don’t have a slew of messages from them freaking out.

  “No. We know better than that.” Kristy hands me my phone, and I go right to my texts.

  I glance up, and Tiffanny and Kristy both are engrossed in what I’m assuming one of many social media sites.

  Disappointment rushes over me when I see he never texted back. Surely he knows it’s me. I hope he doesn’t think I gave him some phony number. I quickly text back to let him know I’m joking. Holding on to my phone so I feel it vibrate if he texts back, I close my eyes and try to relax.

  Awakened by the doctor, I glance at my phone and realize I fell asleep. I also notice Blue still hasn’t replied. Tiffanny and Kristy are nowhere around. I figure they got bored and took a tour of the hospital—probably getting into some sort of mischief, knowing them. “Ah, you’re awake. So I understand you have pulmonary fibrosis,” he states as if he needs me to confirm he’s right. “How are you feeling now?”

  “Better.” While he’s talking, I send another text to Blue.

  “Still feeling short-winded?”

  I nod. The less I talk and save oxygen, the quicker I can get out of here. And the quicker I can clear any miscommunication between me and Blue.

  “I don’t think we’ll need to keep you overnight, but I’d like you to stay here a little longer for observation before I let you go.”

  I give him my best smile. “Sounds good to me.”

  Several hours later they finally release me, and I send Blue one more text. My patience is running thin, and I’m starting to get pissed at his childish behavior.

  When I climb off the hospital bed, it takes all the air out of me just to perform a simple task. I’m still not up to par, but it’s better than being stuck in this hole sectioned off by a curtain.

  It’s already dark outside, and I’m filled with guilt for spending our last full day at the hospital. Our flight leaves a little after nine in the morning so that leaves little time to do much of anything else before we leave. “Sorry I ruined our last day here,” I say to Kristy and Tiffanny while we wait at the ER entrance.

  “Stop apologizing. We’re just glad you’re okay. It could’ve been worse. They could’ve admitted you,” Tiffanny says as she hops in the front seat of the cab she called for earlier.

  “We can always go out tonight after we finish packing and have a late dinner somewhere,” Kristy suggests. “And don’t worry about me, I already have my night planned out.”

  Tiffanny and I both turn to look at her expectantly.

  “What?” she says innocently. “I had this planned before Phoebe passed out on us. This girl has to get some strange one more time before she goes home,” she explains, clearly meaning herself.

  We both shake our head, not surprised in the slightest. “All I know is, you better be at the airport by seven a.m. If your ass gets left, don’t expect us to hang around and wait on you,” Tiffanny barks.

  Tiffanny doesn’t see her, but Kristy rolls her eyes and mouths ‘fuck off.’ I swear those two should’ve been sisters.

  Knowing my battery is on its last leg, I check my phone one more time to see if he ever commented back. When I push the button for my screen to come alive, it remains black. I hold the power button and nothing happens. Damn! Damn! Damn!

  As soon as we’re back in our hotel room, I plug my phone up to the charger. I decide to not check it yet because if I do I’ll get sidetracked. I don’t need to hold back my besties from any of our other plans tonight.

  All three of us get busy folding and packing all our stuff back into our suitcases. Surprisingly, we finish without fighting, and in record time. We then take turns with what will probably be our last shower before we board our plane. I can shower when I get home tomorrow.

  We don’t dress up for a night of clubbing. Instead, we go for something more casual and a little warmer. It’s hard to remember it’s still spring, but at night we’re reminded with the cool breeze blowing off the ocean.

  I check my phone, and thankfully it has a full charge. Quickly, I open my texts and, hallelujah, he finally replied. I feel like a twat for being kind of rude in my last text, but at least he now knows I’m only joking around with him. Right about the time I think of what to say to him in my next text, Tiff a
nd Kristy start whining about starving to death.

  Remembering how good Raul’s tacos were, I immediately suggest we eat there for dinner. It’s outside, right along the beach, and not too crowded—the exact type of place we’re looking for. They both are on board, so we grab our stuff and head down the elevator.

  Outside, Tiffanny and Kristy walk ahead of me while I play with my phone. I’m trying not to overexert myself for the remainder of my trip, and if that means being left behind, then so be it. It’ll give me time to focus on what I want to say back to Blue.

  Our high hopes for fish tacos drop when we see the stand is closed. “Dammit, Phoebe! And I had my heart set on fresh chips and salsa,” Kristy whines.

  “How am I supposed to know what time they close? Do I look like a local to you?” I ask, defending my bad idea. “I doubt it’s the only place around here that serves Mexican food.”

  The idea to ask Blue for a local Mexican joint pops in my head, so I send him a quick text.

  “I just texted Blue to see if he has any suggestions, so hang tight.”

  We take our sandals off and walk down by the cool water while we wait for a text.

  Around fifteen minutes later, a green dot blinks on my phone, notifying me I have a message.

  Blue: Where are you?

  Me: We’re down here by Raul’s Taco Stand.

  Blue: Don’t leave. I’ll meet you.

  “Well, what did he say?” Kristy asks.

  “Ladies, it looks like we’re gonna have company,” I announce.

  “Oh, great. So much for our last night out alone,” Kristy mutters loud enough for me to hear.

  “You don’t know that. He might want to walk us there and then leave,” I add.

  “Yeah, keep living in your delusional world. You spent the night with the dude last night, and I’m pretty sure there was lots of fucking going on. Apparently you two exchanged numbers somewhere along the way. And, if a guy doesn’t call you a cab after getting a piece of pussy he either wants to fuck you again or he’s really into you. As much as he’s been up in your grill this week, I think it’s safe to say he wants more than a playdate in his bed.” Kristy stares at me as if she dares me to prove her wrong.

  “Whatever. We live hundreds of miles away. After tonight I’ll never see him again. I’m pretty sure he has no desire to go any further than that.”

  “Keep telling yourself that,” Tiffanny says, giving her two cents’ worth.

  Quick to change the subject, I add, “And, you two better not breathe a word about my trip to the hospital this morning. I mean it, too. Don’t say anything. My wig coming off in front of him was awkward enough.”

  “We won’t,” they say in unison.

  “Geez, you could give us a little bit of credit,” Tiffanny huffs as she bends down to pick up a seashell.

  “I’m not so worried about you, Tiff, but Kristy sometimes gets carried away and has a problem with word vomiting.”

  Kristy whips her head around at my direction and narrows her eyes at me with disgust. I give her my best smile so she knows I still love her.

  “You’re lucky I’m your friend…and I sometimes love you,” Kristy says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder to give me a gentle squeeze.

  “I know,” I deadpan.

  Not wanting to stray too far from the Taco stand, we turn around and head back up so Blue can see us.

  “Phoebe!” Blue shouts with a deep, rumbling voice.

  I spin on my heel toward his direction and the first thing I notice is the way his body leans a little too far to the left before he rights himself up. Is he drunk or is he injured?

  The closer he gets to me, the more I can tell he’s stumbling. Yup, Captain Obvious is drunk.

  “Thought you could escape me, huh?” he asks, slurring his words.

  This is not the Blue I expect. I’m not sure I like this Blue. Other than being intoxicated, something else about him is off. His clipped tone hints he’s perturbed by me. Is it because I left this morning? Surely he’s not sore about my texts. All I know is, if I’d known he was going to show up drunk, I would’ve never told him where we were.

  “What’s up ol’ blue eyes?” Kristy asks.

  I silently thank her for distracting him so I don’t have to answer just yet. I’m surprised she doesn’t have some smartass name for him. Not knowing what type of drunk he is, it’s probably a good thing she doesn’t.

  “Kristy. Tiffanny.” He nods at them then turns back to me. “Well?” he asks.

  Well, damn. That doesn’t last long. I don’t want to discuss our misunderstanding. I really don’t want to talk about anything with him in his present state.

  All four of us stand around staring at each other in awkward silence. After a minute or so passes by without anyone speaking a word, Kristy and Tiff seem to notice the tension surrounding us.

  “Hey, we’re going to walk up this way and see what all they have. We’ll be back in a few minutes.” I glare at them, hoping they can read my face and know I don’t want to be left alone with Blue while he’s like this.

  Not catching onto my silent plea, they saunter off, leaving us to ourselves.

  “So, where’s the next best Mexican place to eat?” I ask, smiling, but feeling uneasy.

  “Phoebe…” He doesn’t have to say more. I know what he’s expecting.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I texted you back. You were the one who took forever to respond to me.” My words come out in a rush, leaving me winded.

  “I’m talking about my last text,” he says, blinking his eyes as if he’s trying to focus on me standing in front of him.

  I nod with my eyes wide-open. “Yeah…and I texted you back. What else do you expect from me?”

  His eyebrows furrow as he looks down at his phone. Every movement he makes is in slow motion. “Fuck! I texted Molly instead of you. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” His outburst of anger is so silly over something so minor.

  “You know what, Blue, you’re drunk and confused. We’ve had a great time together this week, but I think it’s time we go our separate ways. You’re on the verge of making me regret my time with you.” I don’t like the way he’s behaving at this moment, and I’m trying to chalk it up to his inebriated state. I’d rather move forward remembering the sweet, caring, fun guy I had a good time with. Not this territorial idiot who’s making a fool of himself.

  He winces and agony shoots across his eyes. “Please, don’t. I’m sorry.” His voice is merely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry for everything. Please don’t hate me. If I’d known, I would’ve never done it. You have to believe me,” he pleads, his words running together as he slurs them.

  “Blue, what are you talking about?” I ask, confused.

  He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. After a few deep breaths, he opens his eyes. “How can I say this without you hating me forever?”

  Not understanding what he’s getting at, I ask, “Say what?”

  “It was me. I did it.” His face contorts into a mixture of pain and sorrow. “God, I’m so sorry, Phoebe. I’ll pay you back, I promise.” His head drops, and he looks down and shakes his head while pulling on the longer strands. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” He keeps repeating his apologies.

  I stare at him, trying to comprehend what he’s apologizing for. The words ‘pay me back’ play on repeat in my head until suddenly it hits me.

  “You didn’t.” My voice comes out weak. “Please tell me it wasn’t you.” I study him over and it finally clicks. The way he moves, the color of his hair, the same fucking backpack and bike I remember seeing at his apartment. How can I have been so stupid? Why didn’t it dawn on me before? It’s been right in front of my face all this time and I never even noticed it.

  Rage pulses through my veins like never before. “You used me,” I say in a low tone. “How could you? How could you prey upon someone you didn’t even know and take advantage of them?” I seethe as I step closer and closer to him. �
��What kind of asshole are you? Oh, I know, the kind who steals people’s money then pretends to care for them when all you really want to do is fuck them!” The octaves in my voice hit a louder and higher note with each word until I’m screaming. Tears sting at my eyes, but I fight them off.

  He flinches.

  “Phoebe, please let me explain. It’s not what you think.”

  I shove my finger into his chest. “You son of a bitch, nothing you say can ever make me understand why you did this to me.” Never in my life have I ever felt so violent. Losing all control, I slap him across the face. Then my fists start pounding on his chest and tears stream from my eyes. “You lied to me! You saw things people are not supposed to see,” I cry. “You took advantage of me when I was vulnerable. You lied to me! Why did you lie to me?”

  He grabs my wrist so I can no longer hit him, and I sob into his chest.

  “You’re a bastard, and I hate you.” My words are muffled in his shirt.

  “Phoebe, I do care about you. I know you don’t believe me, but I do!” He tries to hold me to him, but I push against his chest.

  I need to get away. I don’t want to be anywhere near him.

  “Don’t. Please,” he begs, his arms reaching for me. I step back so he can’t touch me. He loses his footing and stumbles to his knees.

  “Stay away from me, you thief!” I spit at him then run in the direction Kristy and Tiffanny went.

  BLUE

  “Lance.”

  “Lance, are you okay?” Someone’s hand is on my shoulder, shaking me.

  “Lance King, talk to me.” Another shake, this time harder. “What’s going on?”

  It’s Molly. What’s she doing here?

  “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for the last hour.”

  Phoebe’s last words ring through my ears over and over. “You were right. I fucked up. She hates me.” I’m barely able to keep my eyes open. The softness beneath me doesn’t feel like the ground. “Where am I?” I mumble through my confusion.