Blue

by Jill Patten

  When we get in the house, I wipe my bare feet on the rug and instruct him to take off his shoes.

  Thankfully, Dad and Mom are both at work. They know very little to nothing about Blue, and I’m not in any mood to explain him to them now. I walk to the linen closet and grab a towel so he can dry off some.

  “Here,” I say, offering him the towel. “You look like you could use it.”

  He snorts. “I look that bad?”

  “I’m guessing that’s a trick question so don’t expect me to answer it.” I walk into the kitchen and grab myself a bottle of water from the fridge. “You want something to drink?” I ask, looking to see what we have to offer.

  “Yes, please,” he answers, startling me.

  I jump, and he’s there to shield me from bumping my head against the refrigerator door.

  “Whoa, easy there.” He chuckles.

  “God, don’t sneak up on me like that.” I press my hand over my heart as if that will calm it down. Not only did he scare me, he also makes me uncomfortable being so close. Those damn dreamy blue eyes haven’t stopped following my every move since he got here.

  He holds me in place with a pleading stare, but I can’t give myself over to him. I remember all too well what it feels like to be wrapped up in his strong arms and the comfort that comes with it. It’s not healthy. At least it’s not for me anyway.

  “And stop looking at me that way too,” I say, calling him out on his obvious gawking.

  “Look at you what way?”

  “You know what I’m talking about.” He’s not going to trick me into saying he’s looking at me like he wants me to take a ride on his broad shoulders. I’m not that conceited to admit something like that out loud. I go to shut the refrigerator door, but his grip on it won’t allow me to. “Shut the door when you’re finished,” I say, then turn to walk away from him.

  His hand takes my wrist, and he pulls me to him.

  My chest bumps against his rigid abs. Oh, how I still remember every firm bulge and deep crevice that forms his six pack.

  “Why won’t you look at me?” he asks. His face is so close I can feel his warm breath dance across my lips.

  Don’t look at the lips. Don’t think about what they’re capable of. Don’t remember how they make you feel.

  My eyes avert to his long enough to prove myself. “There, are you happy now?” I smirk.

  He shakes his head, his baby blues piercing mine. “I’ll never be happy until you can forgive me.” His voice is rusty and low.

  When I don’t say anything, he looks at me with hope in his eyes. “Am I forgiven?”

  I’m over it, but for some crazy reason I can’t form the words on my tongue. In my mind, it feels like he wins if I tell him I forgive him. I know I’m being bull-headed, but he almost ruined the only vacation I’ll have this year.

  Almost.

  Okay, if I’m being honest with myself, he made the trip a memorable one too. Damn him.

  He’s making my life entirely too difficult. Maybe I just want to watch him squirm a little bit longer so he can get a taste of his own medicine.

  I step away from him and realize he’s still holding on to my wrist. Stay strong. “You can let go now,” I say, without acknowledging his pardoning comment.

  “It’s okay if you say it. Believe me, you’ve proved your point.” His mouth twitches. “I’ve been miserable as fuck since you left, you know?” His words linger in the air as if he wants to say more.

  Do I bite the bullet and get this whole mess over with? Is it worth it for me to keep hanging on to the past? He followed through with his promise, so maybe I need to move on and let bygones be bygones.

  Ignoring him again, I say, “I’m going to ask you one more time to let go. Next time I won’t be so nice about it.” Before I accept his apology, I want to make him squirm a little bit longer.

  His fingers automatically loosen, and I give him what he wants. “I forgive you. Are you happy now?” I say with my best perturbed voice.

  “Very.”

  Right when I turn to walk away, he takes my wrist again and pulls me to him like before. His other hand flattens against the small of my back, pressing me flush against his body. He leans his forehead against mine and the tips of our noses touch. “You drive me fucking crazy. I’ve been out of my mind since you left.” His breath is heavy against my lips, and I wait for him to kiss me any second. “We have something. I don’t know what it is, but I like it, and I want more of it. I want you, Phoebe. I want to find out what’s destined for us in this fucked up world. Our paths didn’t cross for the hell of it. Our circumstance didn’t happen by chance, it carries a purpose, and I want to explore it head first.”

  With movements set in slow motion, he skims his lips across mine to gauge my reaction. He’s testing the waters, and I appreciate him going slow instead of assuming he has easy access now that I’ve forgiven him.

  Feeling brave, I open my mouth and lick his upper lip. A swarm of butterflies lets loose in my belly, causing my pulse to quicken.

  That’s all the permission he needs. His mouth is on mine faster than I can blink. Our tongues intertwine in a slow, tormenting dance. We take our time savoring each other, touching each other, and holding each other.

  He’s left me breathless in the most exhilarating and torturous way.

  “Hold up,” I say, panting. It pains me to pull away from him, but I’m struggling to catch my breath. Of all times for my lungs to interfere, they choose now while I’m tasting the best kisser anywhere along the east coast.

  Blue gives me a moment to catch my breath, but he’s really not doing me any favors while he continues kissing down my neck then over to my ear.

  “Are you okay?” he whispers along my ear.

  I nod since it’s the only movement I’m capable of at the moment.

  “Do you want me to stop?” he whispers again, this time suckling on my ear lobe.

  I shake my head. It all feels too good to stop. Who cares if I’m gasping for air?

  Literally.

  The struggle is real.

  My wheezing starts up and it’s beginning to become painful.

  Blue stills against me then leans back to look at me. “Oh shit, you’re not okay. Are you having an asthma attack? Do you need an inhaler?” he asks with panic in his voice.

  I shake my head again and I can see fear flash across his eyes. Poor guy has no idea what’s going on. “My…my,” I gasp, pointing down the hall.

  He jumps up and starts looking around. “Where?”

  “In…my…room.” My words come out in short bursts.

  He’s out of my sight and down the hall, opening and closing doors until he finds my room at the end.

  The frantic sound of items being thrown about and furniture moving has me wondering what kind of mess he’s making out of my bedroom. I think about an inhaler in my purse, so I grab it off the counter and dig through until I find it. The boost of medicine bursts into my lungs and thankfully takes the edge off.

  Within a little bit, I feel sated enough to yell for Blue. It comes out more like a squeak, so I muster up a deep breath and try again. “Blue!” An onset of coughing hits me.

  He’s in the kitchen, in my face in mere seconds. “I can’t find it,” he says, looking frazzled.

  I hold up the inhaler and smile.

  “It’s okay,” I reassure him as I continue to take short, even breaths between coughs. “This happens sometimes,” I say so he’ll know this isn’t my first or last rodeo. “I haven’t had an episode in a while. This one took me by surprise.” And boy did it ever. Of course, I doubt it would’ve happened at all if he hadn’t put me on edge with his lips and tongue. The first time we played around with each other I didn’t know what I was in store for. This time, I remember it as if it just happened yesterday. My body hit high alert on the hottest sex ever meter. I may not remember everything, but the way Blue makes me feel, sexually and emotionally, is something I can’t ever forget.


  He swipes his hair away from his eyes, and I notice his hand shaking. This must’ve really shaken him up. I immediately feel bad for putting him through another freakish Phoebe moment.

  “You’ve got to warn me next time. You scared the shit out of me,” he says as he pulls me to him and wraps his thick arms around me. He holds me so close, I’m afraid he’s going to cut off my air supply. “Hell, I was about to call nine-one-one.”

  In the worst of circumstances, it warms my heart to see his concern for me still exists. The caring, compassionate Blue I witnessed in Florida is with me again. He’s no joke. He’s not like most guys I’ve dealt with, and I’d have to be stupid to not forgive him. He made a stupid mistake and it’s one I’m sure he’s learned a lesson from. We all screw up from time to time. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. And who’s to say I won’t screw up somewhere down the road, too?

  I chuckle. “I’m glad you didn’t. My neighbors would flip out and call my parents, then that would string on more problems. You think they’d be immune to my issues by now.”

  “So”—he pauses as if he’s struggling to find the right words—“from what little I’ve learned, your breathing is pretty difficult for you. So my question is what exactly is it you have, if you don’t mind me asking?” His hold on me loosens a little, but he still keeps me in a firm bear hug.

  “It’s called Pulmonary Fibrosis.”

  His eyebrows draw in together with confusion.

  “In other words my lungs are scarred from who knows what and it’ll only continue to get worse. It’s rare for someone my age to get it, but it’s not impossible. There’s no cure, and if I don’t get a lung transplant, I’ll eventually die from it.” There’s no need to beat around the bush. I don’t believe in sugar-coating the truth. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you any of this before, but since you were pretty much a spring break fling, there wasn’t any reason for me to. Plus, I liked having fun with you, and I didn’t want to scare you away before it was time to go back home. I haven’t had the best luck with guys in the past.”

  His body stiffens.

  My hands rub up and down his strong back. I feel as if I need to comfort him. “If you want to run now, I’ll understand,” I say, hoping to put his worries at ease.

  He steps back from me so he’s looking at all of me. “How can you say that?” he asks as if my words wound him. His eyebrows furrow. “Are you trying to scare me off now? Is this your way of getting me to leave you alone?” His head shakes in disbelief.

  “No! No, I just don’t want you to feel compelled to put up with me because I’m sick. There’s no pity party allowed in the McCormick household.”

  He takes one step toward me and cups my face in his hands. “Phoebe, if I didn’t want to be with you, I would’ve run after your hair piece fell off in the ocean, but I didn’t. My actions should’ve proven that to you. If I didn’t carry these deep unknown feelings for you, I would’ve written off your five hundred dollars as a loss and you would’ve never seen or heard from me again. But, that didn’t happen either. I’m here because I want to be here. I want more than a friendship with you. What that entails, I have no idea, but I’d love to see it come to fruition.” His adoring blue eyes sear through mine, shooting straight to my heart.

  He literally blows my mind.

  What good have I done in my life to deserve someone like him to grace my world?

  “So what are you saying? You want to take a shot at being something more than a spring break hook-up?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying. What do you think? You want to give it a try?” He takes my hand and lifts it to his lips then kisses it so sweetly. My heart melts even more.

  “What about the distance?” Other than my health, the miles between us will be challenging. Most people who build a relationship prior to moving apart struggle to make it last. Ours will practically be built apart, so where will that leave us?

  “We’ll figure it out as we go. Right now, let’s just focus on one day at a time and enjoy each other while we’re together.” He turns my face up then places his lips to mine slow and soft. “One more thing I forgot to mention.”

  My head falls back, dreading what else there could be.

  “I’m digging this style you’ve got going on.” He twirls my hair between his fingers then kisses me again.

  BLUE

  Building a relationship with Phoebe scares the hell out of me. Of course, I’d never tell her that, but I’m clueless on how the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing works. I’ve only ever focused on hooking up with girls, not committing all of my time with them. Sure, it’s going to be different because we’re not going to be together that often, but I’ll still spend every waking hour wondering what she’s doing, where she is, and who she’s doing things with.

  I don’t even know if I’m a jealous guy or not. I’ve never cared about a girl enough to figure it out. Shit, I’m treading through some serious unknown territory. My head is going to be all kinds of fucked up while I figure this all out.

  What if I fail at this? Will she forgive me if I fuck up? Will she understand I’m oblivious and give me three chances like my mom used to do before she grounded me?

  Even though different scenarios keep running through my mind, freaking me the fuck out, I know what I feel in my heart is right. The heart doesn’t lie and it knows what it wants.

  My dick knows what he wants, too, and he loves him some Phoebe.

  “So are you planning on hanging around to meet my parents?” Phoebe asks while sitting on the couch watching TV. We’re not actually watching any particular program. Truth be told, we’re not watching anything at all. We’ve been too busy reacquainting ourselves with each other. I haven’t sat on a couch and made out with a girl since middle school. I’m ready to take this to her bedroom.

  My mouth freezes on her neck when I hear the word ‘parents.’ Parents aren’t exactly my favorite people. At least not mine anyway.

  She must notice my hesitation because she asks me, “Are we not at that level yet of meeting parents?”

  I lean back to look at her. “No, that’s not the problem at all. It’s just I haven’t had the best experience with parents, so I’m a little guarded around them, that’s all.” My mom and dad aren’t the best subject I care to talk about, so I hope this conversation doesn’t open up a door for her to start asking questions about them.

  She smiles and snuggles up closer to me. “Well, my parents are the best, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about. And if they see I’m happy, they’ll be happy too.”

  My mind reverts back to what brought me here in the first place. If they know I hurt their baby girl, I won’t stand a chance in hell. “Did you happen to tell them about me already?”

  She crawls over me and straddles my legs. “Don’t worry. Your douche move is safe with me. Until you break my heart, they’ll never know.” She closes her eyes and kisses my lips.

  I hungrily accept her, but my ears latch onto one particular word, causing me to break the kiss.

  “What do you mean until? Are you expecting me to hurt you somewhere down the road?” Her assumption of how incapable I am to love and care for someone bothers me. If she thinks so little of me then I’m clearly wasting my time here.

  “No.” She’s quick to retort. She places her palm on my chest when she notices I’m seconds from getting up off the couch. “That didn’t come out right. I don’t think you’ll ever hurt me purposely, but, Blue, I don’t think you really have any inkling what you’re getting yourself into by being my boyfriend.” Her eyelids droop and the corners of her mouth fall sullen.

  Now, I’m really confused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She shakes her head. “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “Apparently not, so please explain,” I state, wide-eyed and a little too loud.

  “I’m sick!” she shouts. “I will never get better. Ever. My time here is limited. Don’t you get that? Can you comprehend
what I’m trying to tell you?”

  How the hell do we go from kissing and touching one minute to yelling feet away from each other the next? Is this what normal couples do?

  “I hear you loud and clear, Phoebe. If you’re afraid of falling in love then you should’ve told me before we decided to make us official. Don’t fuck around with me. If you want me for a play toy, then I’m out. I can have that at home. If you want to devote your heart to me, then I’m here to face whatever hardships you throw my way. I’m not a quitter so don’t categorize me as one. When I go in, I’m in one hundred percent. It’s all or nothing, baby.”

  “So when I’m laid up in a hospital bed gasping for my last breath, you’re gonna sit around and watch me die?” she asks, hands on her hips.

  I nod. “Yup. If that’s what my heart tells me to do, then I’ll be there every step of the way.” I take her hand and pull her to me.

  She stumbles forward until her chest is pressed against my stomach.

  “If you’re trying to scare me off, it’s not working. If you’re having second thoughts on us then tell me now. Otherwise, shut up and let me kiss you.” I don’t give her time to say much else when my mouth covers hers in an alluring kiss.

  She reaches beneath my arms and wraps her arms around my back. Our heads tilt as we kiss deeply, and her fingers begin to claw at my shirt. Her nails scrape down my back and it feels painfully wicked.

  Without breaking our link to one another, I slightly bend down and grab her thighs, then I hoist her up and settle them around my waist. Her feet lock in place behind my back, and I take the opportunity to grind my erection in the exact spot I want to enter. Subtle moans escape her, and I swallow every single one.

  Her head falls back, and I take advantage of her flawless skin by tracing a path down her neck with my tongue. “Good God, Blue, I’ve missed the hell out of you. I need you.” To hear her admit she wants me sends blood rushing to my dick, and I nudge it against her to show my appreciation.

  “I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve missed you, but I sure as hell can show you,” I tell her. She leans up in my arms and takes charge of the kissing while I walk us down the hall to her bedroom. I kick the door shut behind me then gently lay her back on the bed. “Is this okay?” I murmur, asking her permission to take our actions further.