by Jill Patten
“Lance, sit down and do what the woman says,” my dad tells him. “You’ll learn one of these days that a happy wife equals a happy life. If you staying makes Phoebe happy then that makes my wife happy. If my wife and daughter are happy, I’m happy.”
Blue chuckles. “Well, sir, if you put it that way, I’ll stay.”
“Oh. My. God,” I shriek, not caring who I interrupt. “How did I forget? I have to call Tiff and Kristy! They’re going to lose their minds when they find out the news.” Running to my room, I grab my phone and call whichever one pops up first in my contacts.
PHOEBE
Today is the day. It seems like it was just yesterday when I found out my life would change for the better. Forever. It also seems like the longest week of my life.
I thought graduating with my bachelor’s was going to be the highlight of my year, but getting new lungs has this day beaten. I don’t even care that I’m not going to get to graduate with everyone else today.
We’re at the hospital when anxiety starts creeping in. Blue isn’t here yet, and I’m worried he’s not going to make it before they wheel me back. I need to see him one more time just in case the surgery goes bad.
The parents of the seventeen-year-old boy ask to meet me. They want to know who’s receiving his lungs. Again, another reason I wish Blue were here. He’s become my safety blanket. He gives me courage when I feel most vulnerable.
I’m already naked, only covered with the bare minimum of the horrendous hospital gown and bed sheets when the two people who’ll forever change my life walk in. I greet them with a weak smile. Feeling guilty for my happiness, I drop my smile when I see the dark circles shadowing beneath their tearful eyes. My heart instantly breaks with the thoughts of them giving up their last ounce of hope in a few short hours. Their loss is my gain. My stomach sours with how selfish I feel, so I try to tuck those feelings away. I’ll deal with it another day.
The mother forces a smile as she stands beside my bed and looks at me. “You’re going to do just fine with Wesley’s lungs. He was an outstanding athlete…kept his body clean,” she chokes out between tears. “He would be so happy to know he’s giving something to a girl as beautiful as you. He always did have a thing for blondes.” She smiles at me again, but her lips tremble so much she ends up covering them with her hand.
My heart literally hurts as I watch the two of them break down and hold one another in a warming embrace.
Reaching out to the mother, I lightly touch her arm. “Thank you so much for giving me a chance I never thought I’d have. I’m so honored to forever carry a part of your son with me. Always remember, it’s his life I’ll continue to breathe and I’ll never take a single breath for granted. I promise.”
They both take turns hugging me and telling me they’ll be praying for a successful surgery. I profusely thank them again. At a time like this, there’s nothing else I can say to ease their pain.
After they leave my room, the endless line of nerves falls back in place. Mom, Dad, Tiffanny, and Kristy all gather around me to wish me luck, and the person I want the most still isn’t here. They each take their turn hugging me and telling me how much they love me. When the nurses walk in to wheel me to surgery, Mom and Dad stand against the wall, watching me with worry in their eyes as we roll by.
“You’ve got this, baby girl,” my mom calls to me from behind my bed.
Without Blue being here to support me, I feel hollow. I want to jump off this bed and run away. My heart rate rises as panic settles in. If he’s not here, I’m not so sure I have the courage to go through with it.
As if Blue has some sort of telepathic connection to me, my hand is suddenly in the warmth of his and he’s walking by my side down the hospital corridors. “I’m here, baby cakes,” he says, breathing hard as if he’s been running.
I give him a hard, teasing glare. “I’ll let that slide this one time,” I say, joking with him, hoping to make light of the situation.
He chuckles. “Sorry, it won’t happen again, and sorry I’m late. The traffic was crazy stupid at this time of morning.” He inhales deeply to catch his breath. Something I look forward to doing in the coming days. “Everything is going to turn out just fine. You’re a fighter.” He raises my hand in his and kisses my knuckles. “My strong, brave girl.”
All anxiety I have quickly diminishes with his gentle touch and soothing words. I watch him as they wheel me away. He kisses the pads of his two fingers then holds them up facing me. The automatic door closes, and I’m no longer able to see him anymore.
The nurses talk to me on our way to the operating room, to reassure me everything’s going to be okay, I’m sure, but I’ve tuned them out. I’m safe in my own bubble, and I want to stay that way until I wake up. Once we enter the room, I close my eyes so I don’t get freaked out by any instruments used to split my chest open.
The doctor tells me what I’m ready to hear, so I start counting.
Ten…nine…eight…
BLUE
I almost told her I loved her when they wheeled her away. Am I capable of loving someone so soon? Is there such a thing as love at first sight? To say I fell in love with Phoebe from day one is preposterous, but after she went back home, I knew I cared deeply for her and I liked her more than any normal person should.
When did I fall in love with her? I’m not sure, but I think it’s when she accepted me—flaws and thievery. She’s able to look past my mistakes. She doesn’t expect me to be someone I’m not. She gets me. Besides Molly, no one has ever treated me like I’m somebody special. She makes me feel as if I can accomplish anything. She makes me want to try, and that’s what I’m doing by working under my father.
Marvin, Kay, Tiffanny, and Kristy are all sitting together in the waiting room when I enter. All four of them stop what they’re doing to look at me as I walk over to join them.
“I guess if you can’t get here on time, just get here when you can,” Kristy says, calling me out in front of all the other people hanging out in the waiting room. “Nah, I’m just kidding. I had to give you a hard time,” she adds, cheesing. Leave it to her to try to ease the tension, but I’m glad for it. She has us laughing, and that’s exactly what we need while we wait for a positive outcome.
The surgery is expected to last anywhere from six to eight hours, that is, with no complications. I can’t even fathom the idea of something going wrong. I’ll lose my fucking mind if she doesn’t pull through this. She’s come too far and been through too much for it all to be a fucking waste. I’ve got to find something to occupy my mind or I’m going to go fucking stir-crazy sitting here waiting.
Leaning back in my chair, making myself comfy with my arms crossed over my chest and legs stretched out in front of me, I ask the crew, “So what kind of plans you guys got to speed up the time?”
“We can’t go anywhere yet. We’re waiting to speak with someone from patient financial services about a payment plan,” Kay says.
“Yeah, about that, I’ve been wanting to speak to both of you about helping with the cost,” I say.
Marvin holds a hand up to me as if to stop me. “Lance, that’s very kind of you, son, but Phoebe is our responsibility, and we’ve been preparing for this for quite some time.”
“Do you mind if we step out in the hall for privacy?” I ask. Even though Kristy and Tiffanny are close to the family and probably know every deep, dark secret Phoebe has, I don’t think the McCormicks’ finances are any of their business.
Marvin and Kay both look at each other, waiting for the other to give approval. They both nod once, so I stand up and walk out of the room and away from any lingering ears.
Marvin follows me out, and Kay stays back with Tiffanny and Kristy.
“What is it, Lance?” Marvin asks.
How can I say this without making him feel as if he’s incapable of taking care of his only daughter? “I mean no disrespect, sir, but if you’ll allow me, I would be honored to pay for all her medical expenses.”
“I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t blame you at all, but things have changed since the first time you met me. I’m capable of providing for more than myself now.” Watching his facial expression, I pause a moment to see if he turns me down without hearing me out. When he nods at me once as if to tell me to continue, I do. “When I told you I come from a privileged home, I still do. I have a trust fund my grandparents left me, but I didn’t have access to it until recently. Money has never meant anything to me, therefore, I’ve never cared to have access to it. Well, not until now.” I swallow and take a breath. “Phoebe doesn’t hide herself from me, which makes me adore her more and more. She’s told me how hard you work, but you won’t retire because she’s put you guys in debt with all of her health issues throughout the years, and most of all you need the insurance. I know this procedure is going to be hard on you and Kay, and I’d love nothing more than to take that weight off your shoulders.”
Marvin looks down at the floor as he listens to me plead my case.
“If you’re worried about looking like a failure or not providing for your daughter, don’t. Phoebe never has to know. Hell, Kay doesn’t have to know either if that’s what you want.”
His wrinkled eyes, which show years of worry, look up at me. “How are you suddenly getting this money of yours if you haven’t been able to get it before?”
“To make a long story short, my father is an asshole. Please excuse my French. He wants me to follow his footsteps and one day take over the family company my grandfather started. When I refused to become him, meaning either going to college or working at the company, he cut me off from all family assets, which included my trust fund. That was six years ago. And unless I do things his way, I’ll be waiting until I’m thirty before I can get to it. So, after thinking it over, I decided to make changes in my life if I wanted to keep Phoebe. Then when she received the call saying they found a donor, I knew then I’d made the right decision. It all came together perfectly. That’s how important your daughter is to me.”
Staring off in space, he rubs his fingers over his lips as if he’s contemplating his options. His eyes flicker up at me. “Do you love her?”
Nodding, I answer, “I think I do.”
His eyebrows stitch together. He seems displeased with my answer. “You think or you know?”
“Well, I’ve never been in love before, so I’m kind of ignorant as to what it’s supposed to feel like.” I sigh. “But I can tell you one thing I know…I’ve never been so infatuated or cared for another woman in my life as I do for her. There’s not a thing in this world I wouldn’t do for her.”
He nods as if to accept my answer. “You know, I just might like you, Lance. So far, you seem like a genuine guy. I can see the excitement in your eyes and hear it in your voice when you talk about my daughter. But what I notice the most is how you’re willing to stay by her side, healthy or not. Most guys who know about her disease run the opposite direction.” He frowns.
Shoving my hands in my shorts pockets, I prop myself against the wall. “I’m just me. There’s no point in pretending to be someone I’m not. I could’ve lied to you the day I met you and told you I had some prestigious job, but I didn’t. That has to stand for something, right?” I ask, tilting my head to look at him.
His head bobs while he stares down the hall. “Sure does and I appreciate your honesty.”
“So, about the bills…” I say, not wanting to bring it up again, but I need to know so I can get everything settled with my money.
He pats me on the shoulder a few times. “Let me talk to Kay about it and I’ll get back to you.” He pauses. “It’s a hard pill for a father to swallow. One day when or if you become a husband and father, you’ll understand what it means to be the sole provider for your family.” He takes a few steps past me, heading back to the waiting room.
“Marvin,” I say, stopping him in his tracks. “No matter what you decide, don’t think any less of yourself. From being an outsider looking in, it’s clearly visible that your wife and daughter love you as much as you do them.”
BLUE
It’s right around eight hours later when the doctor steps into the waiting room where we’ve all been hanging out with minimum patience. Each one of us stayed lost in our own world during the wait. Sitting like a ticking time bomb on the edge of the unknown. Too scared to leave…too nervous to talk. At least I was.
He smiles at us. “Everything went really well. No complications whatsoever. We feel positive her body will receive the organ without any problems. For the most part, though, it’s a waiting game. She’s in recovery now. You can see her once we move her into ICU.” Marvin and Kay stand up and shake the doc’s hand while profusely thanking him.
Once the doctor walks out we all look at each other and breathe a sigh of relief. Feeling overwhelmed with joy, we take turns hugging each other, and Kay, Tiffanny, and Kristy wipe tears from their eyes.
After our excitement dies down, we all find the chairs we’ve been occupying for the last eight hours. Feeling a little like the odd man out earlier, I leave a couple of seats between myself and Phoebe’s parents and best friends.
Tiffanny and Kristy get up from their spots and plop down, one on each side of me. For some reason I don’t have a good feeling about this. I know her friends are pretty protective of her. Funny, they don’t know how much I am too.
“What’s up, Blue? Long time no see,” Kristy says, leaning a little too close to me. From what little I’ve been around her, she strikes me as a loose cannon. Either she’s going to hit on me or she’s going to cuss me out. It can go either way.
She then starts talking before I’m given a chance to answer her. “Okay, so word on the street is you’re kind of stalker-ish.”
I hope my perplexed expression tells her I don’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. And it does.
“In other words, you’ve got this crazy obsessive vibe going on with my best friend. And I’m cool with all of that as long as you’re not leading her on. She’s very vulnerable, especially now, and if you break her heart, I’ll break off your dick, capisce?” she asks, her accent sounding a little bit like a New Yorker trying to imitate a Minnesotan. It’s all kinds of fucked up.
I know it’s not the best time, but I can’t help it when I bust out into a big, bellowing laugh. She sounds like a freaking idiot trying to talk to me like she’s one of the Gambinos. All heads in the room turn my way and over a dozen set of eyes stare at me with amazement. Laughter really is contagious because a few of the people start chuckling as they watch me try to catch my breath.
“What the hell is so funny?” Kristy asks in a serious tone between clenched teeth.
Tiffanny is giggling on the other side of me. Surely she noticed too.
Tiffanny speaks up before I can. “Oh. My. Gosh! If you could hear yourself,” she says, chuckling. “Who the hell are you trying to impersonate? That’s the most screwed up accent I’ve ever heard in my life, and then you throw the ‘capisce’ in it.” She shakes her head as if she’s disappointed in her best friend.
Quickly scanning all faces in the room, I’m relieved to see they’re no longer gawking at me. “Okay, hold up,” I say, holding my hand up to stop her from spewing any more stupid shit. “You’ve had all damn day to threaten me, so why are you waiting until now, right before we go see Phoebe, to act like Billy badass?” I try my best to keep my voice down.
“Because I was a ball of nerves. I was too worried about Phoebe making it through surgery to think about anything else.” She blows an exasperated breath. “Just answer my damn question.”
All I can do is shake my head and chuckle at her idiocy.
“Phoebe is a grown woman who can make mature decisions for herself. So you don’t worry that pretty little head of yours. Capisce?” I add for good measure.
Tiffanny snorts then falls into a fit of gigg
les.
Kristy practically leans across me and says, “Why don’t you two go fuck yourselves,” she forces out in a hushed tone, giving us both the stink eye. That’s the wrong thing for her to say because we start laughing again. This time I get up and walk out of the room so I don’t come off being inconsiderate.
I’m several feet down the hall when Tiffanny catches up to me. “How dare you leave me back there looking like the troublemaker?” she says, smacking me on the arm.
I smile. “Sorry. You know how hard it is when you’re in a place where you shouldn’t laugh, but you find humor in the least little things?”
She nods, agreeing.
“I know it’s just a waiting room but considering the circumstances, I felt like I was being disrespectful to Kay and Marvin,” I add.
She turns to face me, causing me to stop in place. “So I have to ask, not that I’m doubting you or anything, but exactly how serious are you with Phoebe?”
“Dead serious,” I deadpan.
“You know, she told me what you did, and I have to say, I was impressed.”
Oh shit. Wait, what?
“You definitely earned quite a few brownie points with me. After that stupid stunt you pulled in Florida, I was done with you and ready to kick Phoebe’s ass when she told me you came up here to see her. Paying her back or not, you were still a jackass in my book. But when you offered one of your lungs”—she shakes her head in disbelief—“there are just no words for that. I’m not even sure if I could do it, and I’m her damn best friend.” She looks up at the ceiling and sighs.
When I place my hand on her shoulder, she looks at me.
“Even if you did offer and you were a match, I bet Phoebe would never allow you to go through with it. I know I don’t know her as well as you, but she’s so selfless, I can’t see her agreeing to it.”
Tiffanny nods in agreement. “Oh, you’re definitely right. That’s the main reason why I never brought it up.” She smiles.
