Shady Oaks

by Jerry Boyd

  “Ain’t none of them anal probes involved, is there?”

  “I don’t know you that well, Mr. Bailey.”

  “Call me Jim.”

  He got onboard and said, “Used to have a Winnebago that looked a lot like this. I was expecting blinking lights and stainless steel.”

  Nikki said, “Is there someplace you know, that’s far away?”

  “Eureka Springs would be as far as I could tell for sure where I was. My wife and I went there for our honeymoon.”

  Nikki lifted, and I told the bots to close up. Nikki opened it up, and said, “Ozzie’s been ahold of this, hasn’t he?”

  I replied, “He has.”

  She purred, “Mommy like.”

  Jim spoke up, “Who’s Ozzie?”

  I answered, “One of my crew you’ll be supervising. They’re good help, but they don’t have papers.”

  “I’ve worked with Mexicans before. They’re good help.”

  “These ain’t exactly Mexicans.”

  Nikki said, “I’m going to open the door. Look out and see what’s there.”

  Jim said, “Whoa! I never looked Christ of the Ozarks in the eye before. Can we see the Crescent Hotel while we’re here?”

  “Do you mind using the cameras? If I open the door there, someone will see.”

  “That’s fine.”

  She showed him the Crescent, and we flew back. He asked, “What about sonic booms?”

  “They have a deal that cancels them out. I’ve learned enough to fix it, but I don’t know the science.”

  “You fix saucers?”

  “That’s why they call it ‘Bob’s Saucer Repair’.”

  “How did you get into that business?”

  “Came home from work one Friday, she was broke down in my garage, trying to get it back in the air. Just kinda snowballed from there.”

  Nikki said, “Caveman, get the door.”

  I called the bots again, and Nikki parked. “So, Jim, are you convinced?”

  “I am, Bob. If you’ve got all this wonderful stuff, what do you need a broke down old carpenter for?”

  “To keep all this wonderful stuff, we have to keep people from getting suspicious. Stuff we do needs to look like regular Earth construction. We need to keep a low profile. I’d like to take a Caribbean vacation, but Gitmo ain’t my kind of place, you know?”

  “I see what you mean. You want me to make things look legit, made by Earth folks, even though they’re not?”

  “Yep. We’ll probably train you up for other stuff as the need arises.”

  “And other duties as assigned. Gotcha.”

  “We better go get Molly, and get back.”

  Molly was all done at the vet. I settled up, and we headed back to Shady Oaks. Molly and Snitz got acquainted, but Molly wasn’t interested in Frisbee, so she came back to Jim. When we got inside, Rena saw Molly. “Hey there! Who are you?”

  Jim said, “This is my new friend Molly.”

  Rena put her hand down to be smelled. Molly thought she smelled okay, and got some pets. “She’s a cutie, Mr. Bailey.”

  “Oh, call me Jim. She had about give up, kinda like I did. Thought maybe we could help one another.”

  “That sounds like a good plan, Jim.”

  Nikki went in the office to see what Dee was up to. Dr. Brooks stepped out of his office. “Mr. Bailey, glad to see you feeling better. I see you got assigned your own personal therapy animal.”

  “I guess.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s just how we have to write up the paperwork to make it look legit. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Sorry, Doc. Still getting used to the new way of doing things around here.”

  Molly was looking up at the Doc, trying to figure out this new human. Dr. Brooks squatted. “You’re going to help Jim feel better, aren’t you?” Molly licked his hand and got some pets. My phone rang. “Bob Wilson, how can I help you?”

  “Mr. Wilson, I wanted to let you know, I have the papers ready to sign on that property you wanted. When can you be here?”

  “I should be able to be at your office by four thirty, if that’s convenient.”

  “That would be fine. I’ll set it up. Thanks.”

  “Thank you. Bye.”

  Jim asked, “You called to the office? Have you been a bad boy, Bob?”

  “I’ll never tell. Just signing the paperwork to buy that land out back. We were figuring maybe a disc golf course, some garden plots, maybe even a little workshop to putter in.”

  “A walking trail through those woods on the back of it might be a good idea, too.”

  “Your job. You and the crew come up with some plans, and we’ll go over them.”

  “When do I get to meet your ‘crew’?”

  “Now works, I think.”

  I called John. “Hey, John, I got you a new foreman. You still down in the construction area?”

  “I am. You need let in?”

  “Yep. You might want to hang around while Jim meets the boys.”

  “That might be wise.”

  We walked down to the partition, and John let us through. Jim said, “Keeping us snoopy old geezers out, are you?”

  “Had to, till you took the test. Some things don’t need talked about, even if you do have papers to say you’re a loony old fart.”, I replied.

  Jim looked at me, and then he looked at John. “You put up with this asshole?”

  “He’s worth the aggravation. Most days.”

  They laughed. I asked, “Where are the boys?”

  John answered, “Down here. They’re almost done with this section. We should be able to do the other end tomorrow. I’ll need them for one more day after that, but that will be out at the shop.”

  “Your secret project?”

  “Yep.”

  Jim said, “You can renovate half of this building in a day? How many guys do you have, Bob?”

  “Just three. Topper, can you fellas step out here, if you’re not too busy?”

  Topper came into the hall. He said, “Taz and Ozzie are finishing something, Boss. They’ll be out in a minute.”

  Jim looked Topper up and down. “Topper, is it? My name is Jim. Bob says I’ll be working with you fellas.”

  Topper asked, “Boss?”

  “Jim is experienced in construction techniques and materials. He can help you make your work look more native.”

  “That sounds better than figuring it out from the internet. Thanks, Boss. Does the canine have a name?”

  “She’s Molly.”

  Topper folded himself down, and held his hand out to Molly, She sniffed him, and tilted her head. He stroked her, and she decided he was okay. Topper said, “Jim, if you would follow me, I’ll show you what we’ve done so far. If you see anything wrong, we can fix it up.” Topper took him into one of the rooms they had finished. Jim got out his reading glasses to look at details of their work. “This is nice work, Topper. You even thought to space the nails randomly, so it doesn’t look like machine work. I’m not sure how much help I can be to craftsmen such as yourselves.”

  “The joints aren’t too tight, then? We weren’t sure how perfect to cut them.”

  “They look fine. You even made what gaps there are in different places, so they each look a little different. You guys are good.”

  “This kind of construction is new for us. We’ll get quicker as we get some experience.”

  “You boys have redone half of the building in a day, and you’re worried about being slow? Where were you when I was doing this for a living?”

  “A pirate base on the back side of the moon, sir.”

  “Sorry, Topper, it’s just an expression. I wasn’t really asking.”

  “We’re trying to learn Earth culture and slang, but some things still trip us up. It hasn’t been that long since Mr. Sloan removed our personality limiters.”

  “So the pirates you used to work for wanted you to follow orders and not speak up?”

  “They di
d. It’s so much nicer to work for Mr. Wilson. He taught us the Frisbee. He lets us play our music when we aren’t busy. He is a good boss.”

  “You boys have a band?”

  “Yes.”

  Taz and Ozzie showed up. Topper said, “Taz, Ozzie, this is Jim. He will be helping us make our work look native. Jim, this is Taz, and this is Ozzie.”

  Jim said, “Nice to meet you, fellas. Topper has been showing me your work. You are very skilled.”

  Taz said, “It’s easy when you can download the knowledge. We just do what the Boss and his friends ask.”

  “What else have you done?”

  “Have you seen Mrs. Sloan’s Chevelle?”

  “You boys built that car?”

  Ozzie spoke up, “We did. It has much power. Topper is also proud of the paint.”

  “As he should be. It is very beautiful.”

  Topper said, “Thank you, sir. Mr. Branham, will it be possible for us to work through the night? We need to be at the shop to unload a truck in the morning.”

  “Can you be quiet enough so that people can sleep?”

  “Yes. We built nail pressers, so hammering is no longer necessary.”

  “Finish this section, and we will move people down here after supper.”

  I spoke up, “They’re expecting Marx Brothers movie night. You might want to get them moved before supper.”

  John replied, “Hail Bob, bringer of chaos.”

  Taz noticed Molly. “Another canine? Will she also be joining our pack?”

  Jim wondered, “Pack?”.

  Taz knelt, and shifted to dog camo. He licked Molly’s head. She was confused, but looked happy. Topper said, “We need to get to it, if we’re going to get finished in time.”

  They trooped out. Jim said, “I need to see this.” He and Molly followed. John said, “So Jim passed acceptable contact?”

  “Flying colors. We showed him the cellar, and took him for a saucer ride. That reminds me, I need to tell Ozzie something.”

  I wandered over to where they were working. “Ozzie.”

  “Yes Boss?”

  “Nikki likes your mods on the saucer.”

  “Thanks, Boss.”

  I turned back to John. He asked, “Saucer mods?”

  “Bigger drive emitters. Goes like a scared cat.”

  “That’s our Ozzie!”

  Jim turned to me. “To see these boys work at this speed, with this level of quality, wow! Whatever else happens, I’m a happy camper! You’ve got yourself a heck of a crew here, Bob.”

  “That’s for sure. My biggest problem is finding enough for them to do.”

  “I’ll see if I can help with that.”

  He turned back to watch, mesmerized. I told John, “I’ve got to get going. I told the lawyer I’d be at his office at four thirty.”

  “Shame you can’t take Ozzie’s hot rod. You could be there yesterday.”

  “Don’t say that too loud, or they’ll be trying to cobble up a Tardis.”

  “Who?”

  “Exactly.”

  John let me out. I went by the office to see if Nikki wanted to ride into town. She and Dee were deep into something, so I gave her a kiss and headed out. Rena said, “Bob, you and John are really turning this place around. It’s getting so I’m proud to work here. Thanks.”

  “Somebody needed to do it. We happened to have the money handy. You would have done the same.”

  “Maybe. I just want you to know I appreciate what you all are doing for these folks. Jim Bailey had given up. Now he went to the pound after a dog. That’s a big deal. Seeing folks out in the yard, playing Frisbee with your dog, that’s a big deal, too. Folks aren’t just waiting to die, anymore.”

  “Thanks for that. I get so busy, I forget that what we’re doing matters to other people. I better get going, if I’m gonna make it back for movie night.”

  Rena tapped the ash off her pen, and wiggled her eyebrows. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

  Snitz came out for a pet, but ran back to his Frisbee game. At least he would sleep good tonight. I climbed in my truck, and headed out. I got to the office a few minutes early. The receptionist said, “Mr. Wilson, head right on back. Mr. Watley is ready for you.”

  I went back to his office. I heard, “Over here, Mr. Wilson.”, and saw that he was in the conference room. I went in, shook hands all around, and we got down to it. After everything was signed, and I had done the wire transfer for the land, I asked Mr. Watley, “Ten percent sound about right?”

  “It sounds generous for no more than I had to do on this deal, but I’m not going to argue.”

  “I’d rather have you happy for the next time I ruin your weekend.”

  “Fair enough.”

  I paid him and headed out. Just in time for rush hour. A Sonoma is too small to get much respect, but I managed to get back safe. Should have brought the 6X6, I guess. Jim was sitting outside with Molly and Snitz when I got to Shady Oaks. Snitz came out to meet me when I got out of the truck. We went back to talk to Jim. “The boys run you off?”

  “They finished up. Everybody’s moving now. I got done and came out.”

  “You think you’re gonna like working with them?”

  “Nossir, I’m gonna love it! Them boys rock, Bob.”

  “They do. Where did they hide?”

  “They sat down together and made themselves look like a copy machine.”

  “Dang! I thought it was good when they came up with the dogs, but that’s smart.”

  “That nail pusher is pretty good too. You or me wouldn’t be able to hold it, but they just stand there. It puts the nail in nice and quiet.”

  My comm rang. “Excuse me, I need to answer this.” I got up and walked a few steps. “Dingus, what can I do for you?”

  “Can you get Random and come out to your place? It’s time to wake up Micky.”

  “Sure. I’d almost forgotten him. Why was he in so long?”

  “I’ll explain when you get here.”

  “Okay. See you in a few.”

  “Bye.”

  I told Jim I had an errand to run, and I would probably see him later. Snitz followed me in the building. Rena was still behind the desk. “Hey, Ornery, do you know where Randi is?”

  “She was helping Sally earlier. Haven’t seen her lately.”

  “Anybody in the office?”

  “I think Dee’s still there.”

  “I’ll ask her.”

  I knocked on Dee’s door. “Come in.”

  “Hi Dee, I’m looking for Randi.”

  “She and Nikki went to talk to the alley about having a bowling night for the residents. What do you need her for?”

  “Dingus wants her there when he wakes up Micky.”

  “Call Nikki, they can probably go there from the alley.”

  “Thanks.”

  I stepped outside and called Nikki. Snitz found a bush that needed water. “Space Cadet, how’s it going?”

  “Just finished at the bowling alley. We got Wednesday nights starting next week. What’s up, Caveman?”

  “Dingus wants Random there when he wakes Micky. Can you take her to the house?”

  “Sure. See you later, then?”

  “I think I’ll come out, too. Dingus sounded mysterious on the comm. I’d like to know what’s up.”

  “See you there. Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  Snitz could hardly wait for me to open the truck. He laid in the seat and went to sleep. I caught up with Nikki, and followed her home. Soon as we pulled in, I got the flying Nikki hug. “I missed you too, Space Cadet.” Snitz woke up, and walked to the front door. I let him in. The rest of us went to the barn. I stuck my head in the saucer. “You ready for us, Dingus?”

  “Come on in. We need to talk.”

  We sat down. Dingus started in. “Mickolec has been putting off his rejuve treatments. He had gotten in bad shape, and let things slide. That’s why that saucer was so pitiful, an
d why you two didn’t take the local fauna course before you landed, Random. The ‘doc has brought him back up to a functional state, but the regulations required me to report what I found. The Guide will be here in about six hours to take charge of him. Random, you will be assigned a different training officer.”

  Random spoke up. “He’s not able to return to duty?”

  Dingus replied, “That’s not the issue. He had a duty to keep himself fit, and he did not. He’ll have to answer for that. He endangered both you and himself.”

  “I just hate to see him get in trouble. I should have been a better partner.”

  “You were his trainee, young lady. He had responsibility to take care of you, not the other way around.”

  Dingus handed me a pistol. “Guide issue stunner. You know how to use it from the training, correct?’

  I checked the charge and power setting. “Yes, I do. You expect trouble?”

  “I put his career in the crapper, Bob. I’d be surprised if he wasn’t mad.”

  “Understood.”

  Dingus started waking him. “Randinkus, are you all right?”

  “I’m here, Mickolec. I’m fine.”

  “Where are we?”

  “Earth. I brought us to Bob’s after we lost pressure. How’s your hand?”

  “It’s fine. How did we… Oh Snagfart! How could I have been so stupid?”

  Dingus spoke up, “I’m afraid that’s what your superiors are going to ask when they get here.”

  “You turned me in?”

  “Had no choice. You endangered a trainee by pure negligence. I could report you or become an accessory after the fact. You know the regulations.”

  “Where’s my craft? I’m leaving now.”

  I spoke up. “No. you’re not. You’re going to calm down, and take your punishment like a grown man.”

  He jumped out of the ‘doc and came at me. I stunned him, but he didn’t go down. A punch to the solar plexus slowed him enough for Dingus to restrain him. I asked Nikki, “You have one of those badges like you used on Bill?”

  She rooted in the med cabinet and came up with it. Micky fought Dingus, but Nikki was able to apply the badge. Micky collapsed. I asked, “How long will that keep him down?”

  Nikki answered, “Till I take it off, but they don’t recommend leaving it on more than a day at a time.”

  “Long enough, then. Dingus, why did you give me a stunner that doesn’t work?”