“You know we’re going to be talking about this when I get back,” Robert states in a voice that leaves no room for argument.
Ha. Fat chance.
We’ll see if Robert even remembers this conversation by the time he gets back.
I follow him outside as Sam heads over to the trunk to grab Robert’s lone suitcase. He’ll only be gone four days and doesn’t actually need all that much.
“Last chance to run away with me,” Robert teases, his lips curling up into a grin.
“We’d be gone for four days,” I point out, raising a skeptical brow.
“There’s a lot you can do in four days,” he replies.
I say nothing for a moment, wishing for the millionth time I could read his eyes. When I realize that knowledge is not going to come to me anytime soon, I smile and look down.
I’m going to miss him.
I wish I could run away with him, but even if I did, he wouldn’t belong to me like he belongs to her. And she doesn’t even know it.
“You should get going,” I say in a soft voice. “I’ll take care of things here. See you in four days.”
He takes a step forward and I can swear that he’s about to hug me. At the last minute, he stops, mumbles some goodbye I can’t quite decipher, turns, and heads into the airport.
I watch him go with an impending sense of loneliness crawling around in my stomach.
Friday is one of the longest days of my life. Robert called me around noon-ish just to let me know he arrived in Sydney safely, and I assured him that everything here is fine and that I’ve jumpstarted planning his infamous St. Patrick’s Day party. Though our conversation lasts a good twenty-three minutes, I feel like we hang up too soon which, even in my stupor of love, sounds a little more than dramatic.
By the end of the day, I wish I had someone to talk to. Not just about Robert, but about life and work and Stephen Colbert’s Keep Fear Alive Rally. I mean, am I really friendless? Sure, I have many acquaintances at work, but they all see me as Madeline, Robert’s personal assistant and potential lover, not Madeline Perkins.
I miss Jewel.
Chewing on my bottom lip, I pull out my cell phone and without stopping to think about the logic of my current actions, I dial her number and place the call. I promise I’m not looking to talk about Robert, though I admit that I’m flummoxed and confused and would like nothing more than to analyze everything, even though I know analytical thinking has no place in romance. Really, I just want a friend. Someone I can count on.
And Jewel is that person.
Originally, I might have said it’s Robert, and to some extent, it still is. But it’s hard to talk about every single aspect of yourself with the one person you’re secretly in love with.
“Hello?”
My heart jumps into my throat at Jewel’s voice. To be honest, I’m surprised that she’s answered it in the first place. I expected it to go straight to her voicemail. Hopefully this is a good sign that she picked up a call from me.
“Jewel, it’s Madeline.” I pause, hesitating. Is she going to curse me, assume that all I want to talk about is work? I need to apologize, first and foremost. “Listen, I’m really, really sorry about everything I said –”
She cuts me off before I can finish.
“No, Madeline, I should apologize to you. These past couple of days have been absolutely horrible for me. I’ve been staring at my phone, deliberating on whether or not I should call you, but I know you have so much on your plate, especially with me gone, that I was just going to wait for the weekend.”
I can’t help but giggle – tearfully giggle, mind you. I’ve been crying a lot lately, haven’t I?
“Are you free?” I ask. Even though Jewel and I are on the same page in terms of reconciliation, my voice is still tentative. “Can you meet me at Starbucks?”
“Absolutely,” she says. “See you soon.”
I arrive at Starbucks almost three and a half minutes later. This particular Starbucks is the one Jewel and I have been going to since she first started working here and as a result, I don’t need to clarify which one I’m talking about. Thankfully, our usual corner in the back, complete with a table and two chairs, is vacant, so I rush over there, not caring one way or the other if I look weird or not.
I decide to grab an ice water and a chocolate chip cookie. I’m not sure why, but chocolate chip cookies always seem to unscramble my tension-filled brain in times of confusion, relax me, and release endorphins in my brain that cheer me up. I try my darndest to not even think of his name, let alone anything to do with Robert, but for some sick reason, all my brain can think about is Robert: is he okay? How is his meeting going? Has he met any beautiful women? Is he thinking of me? Is he thinking of this woman he’s supposedly in love with?
Jewel saves me from overdosing on the chocolate chip cookie by walking in at that moment. She grabs a fruit cup before walking over to me. I stand, and even though the two of us know that we’re okay with each other, we’re both sort of hesitant.
But I need Jewel back so I know I have to make the first move.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, and I know that I’m being honest. It’s not because I want Jewel as a friend, but I had – have – no right to interfere in Jewel’s love life. Who am I to tell her that Robert and her wouldn’t work, especially if Jewel is the girl Robert loves? “Jewel, I didn’t mean anything by it. I shouldn’t have said what I –”
“No, Madeline,” Jewel says, taking a seat across from me and holding up her hand. “I’m sorry. You were just trying to be a good friend. And if anyone knows Robert, it’s you. You know him inside and out, and I had no right to react the way you did when you were just giving me your honest opinion.”
“I don’t know about that,” I murmur, looking at her over my venti ice water. “So… we’re good?”
“I hope so,” she says with a smile, and then her blue eyes obtain a mischievous twinkle. “Because something happened to me, and it’s so big that I’ve been needing to tell somebody.”
When she says this, my mouth is full of water so I gesture with my hands to spit it out. Because, really, I am interested in what she has to say and Jewel isn’t the type of person to over-exaggerate.
“I’m not sure how you feel about this, Madeline, but I really think –” She stops and smiles, looking past me, through me, at something I couldn’t possibly see. “Actually, I know that it’s the right decision.”
“Well, what is it?” I can’t help but ask. I feel my lips twitch up into a smile – a smile that fits right in with two best friends enjoying each other’s company at a café, discussing the latest gossip. This is how friendship should be. Me and Jewel, talking about whatever. And that’s it. Boys shouldn’t come between us, not even Robert Swift.
“Okay, so you know how Robert mandated my paid leave, right?” Jewel asks. “Well, it gave me a lot more free time than I realized, which allowed me to do a bunch of errands I thought I wouldn’t have been able to get to until the weekend. I went to the deli because I really needed some bologna and you will never guess who was there.” She pauses for dramatic effect, but even her pause is short because she’s just too excited. This, of course, just makes me excited for her. “Henry Samson was there in line before me. I said hello, even though I was afraid he wouldn’t even talk to me because of how awful I treated him. But we fell into conversation as though nothing happened! He told me that finally got around to seeing Inception, and he paid for my food even though I told him he didn’t have to. But he didn’t listen. So I told him I would make him dinner to make up for his chivalry and he told me that obligation does not factor into chivalry, but agreed to dinner because he wanted to catch up… well, now, I think we’re together.”
“Oh, Jewel,” I say, and for whatever reason, she’s wincing. “I’m so happy for you!”
“You are?” she asks, raising a brow.
I can’t blame her skepticism but I hope the smile on my face assures her how sincere I am. �
��Yes,” I say with a laugh.
And I am. I really, really am.
Because now, I get it. I get that appearances don’t even really factor into the concept of love. Don’t get me wrong – there has to be that initial spark – but as long as the two people involved in the relationship feel it, then who cares what a third party thinks?
And judging by the look currently etched on Jewel’s face, the way her entire face lights up when speaking of Henry Samson, I can tell that she’s crazy about him. And from what she says, he sounds just as, if not more, crazy about her.
And I’m happy for her. Because she deserves someone who loves her for exactly who she is. I just didn’t realize he was right under our noses the entire time. But I think she did, and if it wasn’t for my meddling, they would probably have been together and we would have never had our fight about Robert.
Speaking of which, I really want to tell Jewel about Robert but I don’t think right now is the best time. Not because she’s into him – because she’s clearly not – but because I need to come to terms with certain things.
I wish he would come home.
I wish I didn’t miss him this much.
Chapter 23
It’s the longest weekend of my life. And it’s a weekend! I should be reveling in the fact that it’s long.
But no.
And on top of that, the weekend is busy! It’s busy, and I have so many things to do that will take my mind off Robert and yet, even with all the distractions, I still found myself thinking about him, wishing he was back, wishing he was with me…
I did tell Jewel about everything. It was Saturday night and Jewel was over at my place. I made hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows for the two of us – my specialty and one of the only things I can make successfully – and we were sitting on the couch. My apartment is a bit on the luxurious side, due to the fact that I have a pretty generous paycheck, though there are times I’ve mentioned to Robert that I really do get paid too much and every time I look down at the number on my check, I feel slightly uncomfortable. So my apartment has a fireplace and I’d lit a fire – the nights in LA have gotten a little nippy, and I feel like there’s nothing better than curling up by a crackling fire with a good book.
Jewel planned to leave soon – she agreed to help me start organizing this St. Patrick’s Day festival – and before she can, I just blurted out what I feel about Robert. I don’t give a disclaimer or an apology, I don’t sugarcoat it, I just go straight for the jugular.
And let me tell you, it was probably one of the best decisions I made. Sure, I was worried that maybe my confession was blunt and tactless, but once it left my mouth, I felt this huge sense of relief. Like my shoulders suddenly slouched and my head tilted forward and my muscles relaxed, and it was like I didn’t have any problems at the forefront of my mind.
And then, okay, this is the part that surprises me; Jewel just smiles and she’s like, “Oh, I kind of figured.”
Say what? I asked her to elaborate, because if it’s obvious to her that I’m in love with Robert then surely everyone else must know, and dear goodness, what if Robert knows? Because if Robert knows, I might as well tender my resignation right now.
“Well, when you look at him, Madeline, you look at him differently,” she explains. This, of course, makes no sense to me. I have no idea how such a thing is even possible. “It’s just… biological, I guess. I didn’t notice it right away, but after our fight, I sort of put two and two together. I was surprised you didn’t realize it too.”
So apparently my body, my heart, knew about my feelings concerning Robert before my mind did. And since I try and be as logical as I can, I guess maybe that’s why I, as a whole, was so slow on the uptake.
But Jewel was so sweet and supportive, and instead of leaving soon, Jewel stayed and talked to me about love and the feeling. It’s weird to admit that she knows more about the subject than I do, but it really was such a relief.
Of course, that doesn’t mean the weekend went by any slower. In fact, my discussion with Jewel raised more questions than brought answers, and as we began to compose a guest list the following day, I thought more about it.
But now, the wait is finally over. Currently, I’m sitting in the back of Robert’s town car with Sam driving. My heart is comparable to a hummingbird’s – it’s erratic and fast and if I don’t get a hold of it soon, there’s a good chance I’m going to have a heart attack – but I hope that it doesn’t show on my face. Sam has asked me twice if I’m okay because I’m so quiet, and I try to assure him that I really am okay.
Really.
I’m not sure if he believes me, but for the rest of the way, he leaves me alone.
When we arrive at the airport, Robert’s not out yet. This doesn’t surprise me in the least; if I know anything, I know the paparazzi are probably up in his face, snapping his picture, asking how his trip went, wondering if he brought a girl with him… Maybe that last one is just me. So I get out, prepared to head in there and help him get his suitcase, and get him out of there as quickly as possible, before Robert throws any punches. Not that he would, but if one of the paparazzi says anything wrong, I wouldn’t put it past him. Especially considering that he just got off a flight and he’s afraid of flying, so he’s already a little bit tense.
I head into the terminal after telling Sam what I’m up to and look for the biggest crowd. Robert’s already texted me after landing, so I know that he should be around here somewhere. The rolling suitcase is small enough to carry it on, but who knows? Depending on how early Robert was to the airport, the overhead bins might have been full.
It doesn’t take me long to spot him. There are paparazzi around him, but not nearly as many as I remembered.
Robert looks at me and smiles, completely ignoring the small crowd of people around him.
“Hey there, sunshine,” he says.
Even though I’ve seen him nearly every day for three years, there are still moments when I’m completely affected by him. Oh goodness. I blink, hoping he can’t read my eyes and that I’m not looking at him any differently than anyone else. Or, if I am, that he doesn’t notice.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, aren’t you?” he teases, and uses his free arm to pull me into a side-hug.
“How was your trip?” I ask when we break apart. It’s only then that I notice there’s something different about him. There’s something in his eyes, a sparkle or maybe a glint, something that wasn’t there before. A happiness. A happiness I’ve never seen. Which probably means that whoever this girl is, whoever it is that he loves, well, something good happened, didn’t it? I mean, why else would he look so happy?
Either that, or he got laid on the plane over here.
“The usual,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. My thoughts disappear at his response, but not fully. “I went over, got his approval, everyone’s on board, blah, blah, blah.” He takes a step towards me and leans down so the people who may or may not be listening can’t hear what he’s about to say. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?”
Okay. Here it comes. He can only want to talk about one of two things: either he hooked up with some wicked hot stewardess and can’t wait to go into detail after detail of what went down, or he’s going to talk about the woman that he’s so in love with. If it’s the latter, then I have the feeling that she has reciprocated his feelings, and as such, they’re now together.
Which would mean I would be forced to be happy for them.
And I would.
Certainly, I would.
Robert deserves someone who can make him happy, and as much as I don’t want to believe it, I’m sure that there is another woman on the face of the earth that can make Robert just as, or, quite possibly, even more happy than I can.
And if he has found that, then I hope he hangs on to it and never lets go.
I just wish that woman is me.
“Um…” I let my voice trail off as I turn from him and begin to head in the direction of
the exit.
What’s the problem, Madeline? Why can’t you just say, “Of course Robert. You know you can talk to me about anything.” It’s not very difficult.
But instead, the words, “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” come out instead. And trust me, I couldn’t stop them if I tried.
“And why’s that?” He seems amused by my rejection and I can feel him directly behind me, following me outside the airport.
“Well…” You might as well be honest with him. “Because I really don’t want to hear about the fact that you either had sex on an airplane – like that’s surprising – or about this mystery woman that you say you’re in love with. And Robert –” I spin around on my heel and face him. I’m so into my little speech that I don’t realize just how close we are. “ – as much as I want to be happy for you, and trust me, I’m trying – I’m trying – because you deserve to be happy and as your personal assistant and friend, I want nothing more than your happiness, I just can’t. Okay? Not right now. Give me some time and I promise – I promise – I’ll get used to it. And I promise I’ll be happy for you and for her, whoever this woman is. But I just can’t. Not right now.”
Well, so much for keeping my little secret a secret. Because if my eyes haven’t given me away yet, then my mouth certainly has. If he doesn’t realize that I’m in love with him, he truly knows nothing about love.
But his eyes, they’re looking at me, and they know.
He knows.
How could he not?
“Do you know why I left for Australia?”
The question that leaves his mouth surprises me. To be honest, I expect him to either tease me about how even I, professional, never-been-in-love-before Madeline Perkins fell in love with him, or to apologize because he can’t possibly feel the same because he’s clearly in love with someone else, and maybe now would be the best time to think about switching jobs. The thought that he wants to talk about business when I’ve so obviously grabbed my heart and stapled it to my sleeve doesn’t even cross my mind, which is why, when I answer, I can’t find the right words to make me sound competent.
Four Sides of a Triangle: An Austen & Cufflinks Novel (The Austen & Cufflinks Series Book 1) Page 21
