Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You)

by Jackson, A. L.

  “You want to go another round?” he asked as he began shuffling the cards.

  “Sure. Why not?” I tossed my ante into the center of the table. It wasn’t as if I had all that much to lose. “You know if you win too much of my money, you’re never going to get my ass off your couch.” Of course, I was joking. I’d just been too lazy to start looking for my own place in the last week. Or maybe it was just that I liked being here, which I really didn’t want to admit to myself because getting too comfortable here was really fucking foolish.

  Christopher started dealing the cards. “Nah, man, don’t feel like you have to rush right out and get a place of your own. I like having you around. This summer sucked until you got here.”

  “You could get a job or something.” I raised a sarcastic eyebrow, figured I’d mess with him a little since he’d been giving me shit for all my losing hands for the last hour.

  “Now, why would I go and do something like that? You know I don’t get out of bed before noon.”

  I shook my head. “Dude, you’re so lazy.”

  He laughed it off. “No, I did have a job lined up at the beginning of the summer, but it fell through. After that, I figured with all the classes I have to finish up next year to graduate, I might as well go ahead and take a couple of months off for myself.” He shrugged a shoulder. “I had a little extra money saved up, so it wasn’t that big a deal.”

  “Like I said… lazy.”

  “You’re such a dick,” he said through his laughter while he picked up his hand and organized his cards. “Seriously, though, like I told you last week, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you want.”

  I took a swig of my beer, studied my cards. “What about Aly? You don’t think it bothers her that I’m staying here?”

  Maybe I was digging, looking for some clues into this girl I couldn’t get off my mind.

  An uncertain sigh pushed out of Christopher’s lungs. “Aly’s… ” He hesitated as he seemed to struggle to find the words. “… cool. And I think she’s fine with you being here. But she’s different. You get that, right? I trust you that you won’t mess with her, but you should know she’s not like the girls you and I go looking for. Just be careful around her, okay?” he added. “She’s a good girl.” His voice took on a tone of deep respect.

  And I got what he was saying, the warning to stay away from his sister, that I wasn’t good enough for her. I mean, fuck, I already knew that. He didn’t need to tell me twice.

  The lock on the front door rattled, and Christopher and I looked up at the same time as the door swung open, our conversation coming to an abrupt halt when Aly fumbled her way in. She smiled. “Hey, guys.” She kicked the door shut behind her as she balanced a stack of take-out boxes in her hands. “Brought you some dinner.”

  “Oh, nice,” Christopher said.

  She was always so cute when she got off work, all disheveled and exhausted and a little red-cheeked from the exertion of being on her feet running around a hot kitchen all day.

  It’d been a week since the night she took care of me. In that time, a sort of understanding had arisen between us. We’d settled into the feigned comfort of casual smiles and pleasantries. She’d ask me how my day was and I’d ask her about hers, but we’d keep it light. But under the surface remained a tension that stretched us tight, pushed us apart at the same time as it worked to suck us together. I knew it. I saw it in her eyes and felt it in my bones. I knew how easy it’d be to sink my fingers into her skin and into her mind. I knew how willingly she’d let me take.

  And God, I wanted to.

  I kept thinking it’d pass, that the newness would wear off, and I’d just see Aly. After work a couple of nights ago, I’d gone back to the little bar where I’d met Christopher. Only this time I stayed, went home with Lily, thought maybe I’d be able to erase a little of what I was feeling.

  When I saw Aly the next morning, I felt guilty or some shit, an emotion I was all too familiar with, but this… this was different. It was fucked up and wrong and misplaced, and I wanted to rip it from my consciousness. I owed Aly nothing, and she sure as hell didn’t owe me anything. But no matter how hard I tried to convince myself of that fact, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d done something wrong.

  Christopher got to his feet. “Let me help you with that.” He planted a quick kiss on her forehead. “You’re the best. I’ve worked up a ravenous appetite taking all of someone’s money over here.” He jerked his head in my direction as he took the boxes from Aly’s hands.

  Her eyes grew wide with feigned worry. “Oh, Jared, please tell me you aren’t falling for Christopher’s games. You know he never outgrew the whole cheating thing.”

  I laughed hard as I slammed my palm down on the table. “I knew it, you asshole!” I stretched my entire body over the table to retrieve his winnings, opening my arms wide to drag the pile of money back in front of me. “You’ve been cheating me this whole time, haven’t you?”

  “Hey, now, hey, now, let’s not get hasty. Aly has her own tricks, Jared. Don’t let her fool you.”

  His smile was all warm with the easy affection that swam between the two of them. It was odd, seeing how different they were and still so very much the same.

  She smacked him on the back of the head. “Watch yourself.”

  A short chuckle wobbled up my throat and I brought my bottle to my mouth, but I outright laughed when Christopher pointed at me. “Don’t you two start ganging up on me. It was always the two of you against me.”

  “What are you talking about?” Aly asked, her brow lifting in defense.

  “Pah. Are you kidding me? I couldn’t get you out of my hair for five minutes when we were kids. And you want to know why?” He lifted his chin in my direction. “Because this ass insisted you go everywhere with us.”

  “And was I all that bad?” Aly attempted a pout, which looked absolutely ridiculous on her because it was so obviously faked. The girl was too nice, too sweet. I kind of wanted to reach over and smooth it out.

  “Hell yeah, you were, just because you breathed.” He offered her this mocking smile that earned him another smack to the back of the head.

  “Whatever, you loved me, and you know it.”

  Aly laughed as she disappeared down the hall and into the bathroom. He turned around in his chair, shouting down the hall. “Hey, Aly, you want to join us for the next hand?”

  “Sure,” she called back from what sounded like her room. “Let’s eat first, though. I’m starving.”

  A few minutes later she returned. She’d changed out of her work clothes and into the same sleep shorts she chose to constantly taunt me with night after night.

  God, the girl had the best legs I’d ever seen.

  She was twisting her long hair up into a high ponytail as she walked barefoot into the kitchen. The mixture of her skin and the food she’d brought smelled like heaven.

  She cracked open the fridge. “Either of you want another beer?” she asked as she bent down to dig through the fridge.

  In my head I was screaming at myself to close my eyes or to look up or to look down or to just look the fuck away.

  I didn’t.

  Instead I watched.

  A curl of lust twisted my stomach into the tightest knot, so tight I had to struggle to get a breath of air into my lungs.

  Christopher’s voice broke my trance. “Yeah, I’ll take one.”

  I cut my attention in his direction, and eyes so much like Aly’s stared back at me.

  I dropped my gaze and mumbled, “Sure, I could use another.”

  Aly stood and knocked the door closed with her hip. She had three beers woven between her fingers, their caps pressed together. Maybe there was something inherently wrong with me, but I thought it had to be one of the sexiest moves I’d ever seen.

  She set them down on the table. “One for you.” She passed one to Christopher and grinned as she slid one across the table to me. “And one for you.”

  “Thanks,”
I said.

  She twisted the cap off the third and plopped heavily into the chair as she tipped it to her mouth.

  “Long day?” Christopher asked as he arched an eyebrow at her.

  “Oh yeah.” She released a long breath. “It was superbusy.” A little shrug lifted her shoulders. “Made good tips, but I couldn’t wait for my shift to end.” She began opening the take-out box lids. My mouth watered when I was hit with the heavy aroma of thick red meat sauce and pasta.

  I stood. “Here, let me grab some plates and forks.”

  She threw a soft smile up at me as I passed. “Thanks, Jared.”

  “Yeah, no problem.”

  Even though it was only three feet away, I stumbled into the kitchen as if it were some kind of oasis in the desert. For a second, I dropped my head as I pressed my hands into the counter and filled my lungs with the deepest breath of air I could find.

  Get a grip, Jared.

  I gathered myself while I gathered the plates and forks. I walked back out with everything, sat down across from Christopher and Aly, the only true friends I’d ever had, and forced myself to relax.

  We all ate together, like we did it all the time – like we’d done so many times before. Our conversation was light, and the food was awesome. We drank a few more beers and played some cards. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so good.

  But I did. I felt too damned good.

  From across the table, I tried to suppress my amusement. Aly was obviously a lightweight. After three beers, her speech was beginning to hint at a slur. “I need another beer,” she announced, draining the last few drops in her bottle, wobbling a little as she stood. She kind of staggered into the kitchen.

  God, she was cute.

  “Grab me one, too, would you?” Christopher called.

  She emerged with two. “Nah, but Jared can have one.” She winked at me as she slid it across the table to me.

  I couldn’t help but smirk.

  “Oh, uncool, Aly, uncool,” Christopher mocked, pressing his hand to his chest. “You always liked him better than me, didn’t you, Aly Cat?”

  Aly’s mouth puckered in defense. “Oh my God, don’t you dare, Christopher. You two just about gave me a complex when I was little. I can’t tell you how much time I sat in front of the mirror, worrying I looked like some mangy cat. One day Mom found me crying, curled up in a ball in my room. It took her, like, two hours to convince me it was about my name and not what I looked like.”

  Aly Cat.

  A smile pulled at my mouth, at my thoughts, and a wave of nostalgia slammed me, threatening to knock me off my feet. It washed over me with warmth, and things I didn’t want to remember. Fear tightened my throat. I pushed it down. I’d leave soon, before I could fuck it all up and leave them hating me.

  I stood and drained my beer. “I’m going to grab a smoke.”

  I was hit by a wall of stifling night air when I escaped outside through the sliding glass door. I closed my eyes and sank to the balcony floor, resting my back against the wall. The concrete floor was still hot as I pulled my bare feet up and bent my knees. I dipped my head to the side to light a cigarette. I drew it in, felt it expand in my lungs, welcomed the mild calm it pulsed through my agitated veins. I rushed my free hand through my hair.

  Careless.

  Coming back here. Staying here. All of it.

  Taking another drag, I looked up as the sliding glass door slowly opened. Aly’s silhouette emerged in the darkness, her movements somehow softer than they’d been inside.

  Just to the side and across from me, she slid down onto the floor. Slowly her face came into focus. She drew one leg to her chest, exposing the skin on the underside of her thigh. She tilted her head to the side, and the length of her black hair fell down around one shoulder, all soft and innocent and a little bit infuriating. This girl was either the biggest tease I’d ever met or was completely oblivious of how perfect she was.

  For a while we said nothing, just listened to the sounds of the night, and allowed a distinct pressure to build up around us. I rested my forearms on my knees and let my hands dangle down between them. I wasn’t looking at her, but I could feel her looking at me. With the intensity of it, I thought she might as well go ahead and climb inside my head, because she was definitely getting under my skin.

  My nerves flared in a way I didn’t quite understand. I didn’t think I’d ever felt so comfortably uncomfortable, like I wanted to bolt and sink into it all at once. Maybe I was finally slipping over the edge of sanity. God knew I’d been heading there for a long time.

  I rocked my head back and lifted my face to the starry night sky as I brought the cigarette to my mouth again. I held it in for a long moment and then slowly blew it into the air. Smoke curled over my head, these wisps of nothingness that I studied as they slowly evaporated.

  Finally she spoke. “Are you okay?”

  Confusion rumbled through me and I let out a slow sound of exasperation. “I don’t know what I am, Aly. Being here is just… I don’t know… It’s hard.”

  “It doesn’t have to be.” Studying me, she frowned. “I mean, why did you come back?”

  I shrugged as if it made no difference in the world. “I don’t really know.” And I sure as fuck wasn’t going to talk to her about it, even if I did.

  Her voice came low, earnest and sincere. “I know you probably think of me as the little girl you used to know, but you can talk to me, Jared.”

  My attention dropped to her thigh, rested there for a beat too long. She believed I still thought of her as that little girl, huh? Incredulous laughter slipped out. I took another drag as I shook my head. I chewed at my lip as my eyes found her face. “That’s not how I think of you, Aly.” Not even close.

  In the dimness I watched as her green eyes softened, filled with something that appeared too much like affection.

  I looked down, away, stubbed out the cigarette.

  “You can trust me,” she whispered.

  I let my eyes fall closed as I loosely wove my fingers together. I said nothing because I was pretty sure I could trust her. It was me who couldn’t be trusted.

  We settled back into the silence, and again I took comfort in the distinct discomfort. I thought maybe she took some, too.

  There was something about the summer air in Phoenix. Even though it was hot at night, it was almost refreshing. How many times had we been out in it, playing hide-and-seek in the dark? How much had we laughed?

  I’d been comfortable then.

  In the far distance, at the lowest point on the horizon, a flicker of lightning edged the sky, this faint warning that the monsoon approached. The storms always seemed to loom in the distance before they engulfed the city, teasing us with the promise of a reprieve. On the few days it did actually rain, it was like a torrent of relief pounding heavily into the ground. The thick scent of rain would rise as it met the dry dirt and hot pavement as the heavens opened up and washed the world anew.

  I hadn’t allowed myself to miss many things while I was away, but this… this was one of them.

  I had to admit now that I’d missed Christopher, too.

  And I’d missed her.

  I stood and dusted off my pants, reaching a hand down to her. “Come on, Aly.”

  She didn’t hesitate to accept my hand. Her shy smile told me everything. She liked touching me every bit as much as I liked touching her.

  Fuck.

  This was so very bad.

  My muscles flexed along my arm as I pulled her to standing, and her feet came to hold her weight, although for a few seconds I didn’t let go. Finally I forced a casual smile and dropped her hand. Pretending to be the gentleman my mom had always hoped I would be, I slid the door open for her. “After you, Aly Cat.” Of course, I couldn’t keep out a little tease.

  She slugged me on the arm as she passed. “See? You are a jerk.”

  The next night I sat on the opposite end of the couch from Aly, who was curled up on her side. Those long legs were b
ent, her knees tucked up close to her chest with her head propped on a pillow that she’d taken three minutes to situate on the armrest. The lights were off, and the television flickered in front of us.

  Aly’d gotten off work about an hour before. She’d walked through the door looking exhausted, which she’d confirmed when she dropped the huge-ass bag she always carried on the floor with an exaggerated sigh and followed it up with “I’m exhausted.”

  Apparently I was perceptive.

  Probably too perceptive because I couldn’t help watching her now. My side was pressed up against the opposite armrest, as far as it would go, while my eyes were constantly drawn toward her. She was relaxed, and looked engrossed in the TV show, although she was probably close to slipping into sleep. She kept shifting her legs, burrowing deeper into the couch, sinking farther into comfort.