“Is this what you want?” he asked.
“Yes,” I whispered as he moved to my back, unhooking my bra.
It fell to the floor, leaving me half-naked, exposed. His gentle hands reached around me from behind as he pressed his body against mine. Cupping my breasts, his erection solid in his pants, he nuzzled my neck, pushing my hair out of the way and taking nips of my sensitive skin.
I wanted this, wanted him. Wanted to forget every shitty thing that had ever come before and lose myself in this wanton feeling of need. I’d tried to forget this part of my identity, the part that needed to feel loved and desired, the part that craved being touched.
Now I let myself go, leaning back against him, feeling his body pressed to my own.
He ran his hands down me, flicking open the button on my fly and dropping the zip, pushing down my pants until I stood there in my purple panties.
“Those are colourful.”
I laughed as I turned to face him, and tugged at the hems of my pants to get them over my ankles. “They’re clean.”
“They’ll be off in a minute.”
I giggled as I flopped backward on the bed, my arms above my head.
Dropping his jeans to the floor, Dylan slipped into the bed beside me, and we snuggled down against the pillows. Skin on skin, we lay in one another’s arms, unable to stop touching each other.
He pressed himself against me, grazing his lips down my neck, his left hand cupping my breast as he stroked the hard nipple with his thumb.
“I was right. You are spectacular,” he whispered, bending his head to take my nipple in his mouth, his erection pressed against my leg. I ran my fingers through his hair, raking his scalp as I gasped under him. Any guilt I felt at moving on washed away at this feeling of being desired, the moment raising me up and carrying me as he switched to my other breast.
I opened my eyes as cold air swept across me. Dylan leaned over the bed and reached for his pants. In his wallet was a condom, and he rolled it on as I watched him, my fear returning at the thought of getting used to someone new.
“Are you ready?” he asked, studying me intently.
I shrugged.
Dylan smiled and climbed back into bed beside me. Running his fingers down my side and over my thigh, he stroked my skin, slipping his hand between my legs. “I guess so,” he whispered.
I blushed. Surely this was just like riding a bicycle. Once I got into the rhythm and over the nerves, I’d be fine.
His tongue sought mine as he kissed me. I relaxed as the kiss deepened, pushing all my concerns to the back of my head, lost in the moment.
“Vanessa,” he said when we came up for breath.
“Yes?” He was beautiful, those blue eyes calming me. I wanted this, wanted him. This was the beginning of something new, something special.
He was rough as he pushed my legs apart, but I gave in willingly, sighing as he rolled on top of me, returning to give my breasts more attention.
One hard thrust and he was in. I gasped as he kept up that pace, hammering me into the mattress. I gripped the bars on the headboard to stop from flying up. His mouth was on mine in an endless kiss that I lost myself to.
Afterward, I lay awake, Dylan curled up beside me. I leaned over the bed, picking up my jeans from the floor and plucking my phone from the pocket. Connor’s text still sat unanswered, and in a single moment of clarity, I knew what to say to him.
I’m okay.
It wasn’t much. He had moved on first, but I wanted him to be reassured that I was okay with that. Even if the thought of it still punched a hole in my heart.
But that same heart wasn’t quite so empty anymore.
After an amazing build-up the sex had been over quite quickly, but I put that down to nerves on both our parts. Next time would be better, I was sure of it.
I might have been staring at a different ceiling, but sleep still eluded me for a while.
It wasn’t from worry or concern this time, it was the warm feeling of the start of something special.
Something to move on with.
Chapter 12
His side of the bed was cold when I woke in the morning, and I ran my hand down the sheet before opening my eyes to realise that he wasn’t there.
“Dylan?”
On the bedside table, my phone buzzed, and I picked it up.
Sorry. Got called into the hospital. See you tonight?
So he’d left while I slept. I should have understood that, given our mutual occupation, but it still bugged the hell out of me.
Sure.
I dropped the phone back on the table and yawned. Five days of no work ahead of me, and plenty of time to do whatever I wanted. I scratched my scalp, snuggling back under the covers. Might as well start my break with some extra sleep.
My stomach grumbled two hours later, waking me again.
Shopping. That was what I could do. I hadn’t taken time out for myself in forever, and my wardrobe was in need of sprucing up. Besides, there were plenty of food options at the mall, and I could quell my hunger pains.
The night before had left me with mixed feelings. It had started off hot as all hell, and then died away as Dylan seemed more focused on his own pleasure than mine. I shrugged it off. We’d both been nervous, me more than him. My shoulders were a million times lighter than they’d been the day before with the feeling that I was finally moving on.
I pulled on some jeans and a T-shirt, grabbed my bag, and headed out to my car.
After years of banging around in a car that spent more time being worked on than working, Mum and Dad had bought me a new Mazda hatchback for graduation. It was my pride and joy. Slipping into the driver’s seat, I started the car and pressed the button to open the garage door.
Backing down the driveway, I closed the door and paused to look at the house. So much love and heartache had gone on inside those walls in such a short time. Most homes didn’t see as much drama as this one had.
I pulled out onto the road and drove. There were a few places I could go, but I ended up heading toward New Lynn. The mall there had all I needed, and there were plenty of food places. It was a bit farther than the nearest shopping centre, but it’d be good to have some variety.
As I approached, I grimaced at the sight of a full car park. Half of Auckland seemed to have had the same idea as I had, and I drove backward and forward, looking for a park before spotting one.
The whole world seemed different, brighter, as I walked from shop to shop. In the last few months, I hadn’t done anything nice for myself, so I splashed out on new clothes and even some fancy new underwear. Ella would have laughed if she’d seen me. She was the one who went in for the gorgeous vintage girly dresses, while I lived in jeans. She was also the one who had the silky underwear that she’d handwash and leave all over the place to dry. I bought the budget cotton panties.
Not anymore.
I must have spent two hours wandering around, taking the time to look instead of the constant pressured rush I usually felt I was under. Not that I minded normally, but for now it was nice for life to drop off to a gentler pace.
Next you’ll be wanting to live on the farm.
I exhaled loudly and smiled. There. That was the old Vanessa back. No more moping, no more being miserable. Caring, but with a big dose of snark. That was me.
With my arms full of parcels, I walked back across the car park and opened up the boot of the Mazda, throwing all my purchases in. I’d sort them all out at home.
The air was filled with the scent of fried chicken, and I eyed the nearby KFC hungrily. I’d been lucky enough to be blessed with a great metabolism, one that meant I’d lived on takeaway food for a lot of my university years and not gained weight. I hadn’t had KFC in forever.
My mouth watered as I walked the short distance to the building, pausing as I spotted a familiar-looking man standing a short distance from me. I’d recognise that bum squeezed into those jeans anywhere. Although it helped that he still wore the shir
t he had the night before. Maybe he’d stopped off to get something to eat on his way over to mine to make up for leaving in the middle of the night.
A handful of steps took me to him.
“Dylan,” I said, slipping my arm around his waist. I snuggled against him and planted a kiss on his lips.
He froze, breaking free of my grip and brushing me away like I was some piece of old bubblegum he’d plucked from his shoe. “What are you doing?”
I didn’t know where to look. “Giving you a kiss?”
“Daddy.” A voice came from the left, and Dylan straightened up, shifting his focus from me.
A little blonde girl, maybe about the same age as Finn, came running up, throwing herself into his arms. He scooped her up and she hugged him tight, flashing a smile that resembled his so much, I thought my heart might shatter. “Did you get the ice creams yet?”
“I was just about to, sweetie. I just ran into a friend.”
He had a daughter? What the hell?
“I thought we’d left this shit behind, Dylan.” A female voice came from the same direction as the little girl had.
My stomach fell to my knees. A tall, willowy blonde had me in her sights as she approached, her eyes narrowed as she drew closer, and she cast her gaze over me with a distaste similar to what he’d shown me seconds before.
“Babe, it’s nothing.”
My feet were glued to the spot. I couldn’t move, even though I had the overwhelming urge to get the hell out of there. This was my slow-motion train wreck, and I couldn’t stop watching.
“How long? We’ve been here five minutes and you’re already up to your old tricks.” She turned on me. “I’m his wife. Just what I needed, another little homewrecker. Come here, Lisa.”
The little girl whined as her mother pulled her away, and stormed off, back into the carpark, presumably to their car.
“What the hell does that mean?” I glared at him, already knowing the answer. Despite my terror at the thought of hearing the words from his lips, I had to do it.
Dylan shook his head. “Thanks a lot, Vanessa.”
And then I was left, standing there as he ran after her. With my feet still frozen, I watched as he caught her at the end of the pathway, grabbing her arm. She twisted away, and even with the distance between us I saw her pain, heard her anguish.
From around the carpark, heads turned at the noise, and I walked away, then ran, not looking back for a second, panic overwhelming me. All I could think about was Ella.
The pain she went through when Sam slept with someone else. All the times I’d sat with her while she’d cried. He’d broken her heart, and now I’d helped Dylan do the same thing to his wife.
I couldn’t get to the car fast enough, tugging open the door and throwing myself in the driver’s seat. I gulped the stale car air, gripping the steering wheel to steady myself. Anything to stop my sobbing. How great would that look in the middle of the car park?
With my hand shaking, I slid the key into the ignition and started the car. It shook as it came to life, and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath before focusing to back out of the park.
With traffic everywhere, I took the drive home slowly, incurring the wrath of a couple of drivers as I made my way back to the place where I felt safest. Yet when I got there, it struck me that it was also the place I felt my most weak.
Connor and I had moved in here together, renting it from Ella when she and Matt had moved their family to the farm. So many memories of happy times were here, and now they were tainted by the recent invasion by that lying piece of crap, Dylan.
I shut the door behind me and ran to the bedroom, throwing myself on my bed. Grabbing Connor’s old pillow, I pulled it tight, sniffing it to see if I could detect anything of his scent. It had long since washed away, but I still found some reassurance in clutching the padded material.
How had I reached this point? My biggest screw-up had been letting Connor go. I should have fought to keep what we had, not let him get away so easily. I’d been so self-involved, ignoring his needs when all he’d done was try to take care of me.
It had taken this for me to see it.
I’d been so awful, difficult to live with. No wonder he’d left without a fight. I’d just piled on the mistakes, this time blinded by a man who I’d thought liked me a lot. For such a brief time, I’d liked him too.
What on earth possessed someone to do something like that? Betray the person they were supposed to love? Then to hide that from the person who just might have been falling in love, who just might have been finding their feet after tumbling aimlessly for so long?
I thought that what I’d been through so far had been tough. This hurt way more than it ever should have, especially since it happened with someone I’d not known that long. I’d broken one of my cardinal rules about sleeping with someone too soon because I’d needed to feel cared for again. In the past, I wouldn’t have let anyone get so close that fast, but my heart had been so broken, I’d just wanted someone to come along with superglue and cheat to heal it quickly.
Oh, he’d cheated alright.
My heart broke all over again, but not just because of his lies to me. It broke for the little girl who clearly loved her daddy very much. It broke for the wife who’d obviously been through this before. I’d contributed to their heartache.
Still unfed, my stomach grumbled again, and I sighed. Screw this guy to hell. I needed something to eat—maybe even something to drink. My anger and hurt overwhelmed me as I stumbled out to the kitchen. I threw together some peanut butter sandwiches, not even bothering with a plate and sat on the couch to sulk.
Everything had been coming together. I'd been ready to make a break from the heartache and move onto something new, only to stumble and fall.
When I closed my eyes, all I saw was the little blonde girl, her curly hair swinging as she leapt into Dylan’s arms. What about her? Did she have any clue what her father was like?
I lay down on the couch, resting my head on the arm and staring at the ceiling. Buried in my pocket, my phone buzzed and I dug it out, opening the text.
What are you up to tonight? Will and I found this amazingly awful B movie on DVD.
Closing my eyes, I threw my phone onto the table. My heart told me to reach out to my friends. My head? Stubborn as always.
What an idiot I’d been to get carried away that fast. I still had so many open wounds, and now I’d added to them. With my stomach satisfied, I covered my face with my palms.
Humiliation now added to the wealth of emotions I had been engulfed by since the miscarriage. I rolled onto my side rather than let the tears run down onto my neck. Now they flowed over the sofa, dampening the fabric.
I’d vowed to shed no more tears, but they came thick and fast. If I’d been broken before, now I was shattered.
In a moment of clarity, all I saw when I closed my eyes was Connor. No matter how upset I was, he would have just held me until the tears dried and I could pull myself together. It was him my heart yearned for, and yet he was the one person I couldn’t turn to. I hadn’t just lost my boyfriend; I’d lost my best friend, too.
Exhausted from the late night, crying, and the weight of the world being back on my shoulders, I took deep breaths and let myself drift off.
Maybe sleep would give me a break from all of this.
IN ONE OF the top kitchen cupboards, there was a bottle of rum hiding, and I pulled the kitchen apart searching for it. After a particular boozy Christmas, I’d become sick of the taste and hidden it away. Now all I wanted was a drink.
It had been a long time since I’d been drunk—the last time had been the night out with Will and Ali—and it didn’t take much for me to start my slide downhill.
Evening turned to night, and I sat in front of the television, drink in hand and endless questions running through my mind about how I’d ended up in this place. How I’d gone from what had seemed like a perfect life to sitting in my living room alone, getting drunk.
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Most of my questions were about Dylan. Why had he done it? His family loved him from my brief sighting of them. And I gathered it wasn’t the first time he’d cheated either.
Why me?
Maybe because at the core of it, I still hurt from all that had happened before. My heart still had that gaping hole in it that had been created by losing my family. Trying to fill it, I’d turned to the worst possible person.
In my drunken haze, I could think of only one person who might help answer my questions and put my mind at ease.
Sam. The man who’d betrayed my sister.
Picking up my phone, I loaded up a web browser and looked up the white pages. I had no idea where Sam was, but Ella had mentioned he wasn’t living too far from me.
It didn’t take long to find him. There was one Sam Mason on a street nearby, and I recognised his mobile number in the listing.
I dialled a taxi. When it arrived around ten minutes later, I grabbed my bag and keys, shivering all the way out.
Sam’s silver Holden sedan sat outside the address. I’d seen it parked at Ella’s place when he’d been there visiting Finn. Relief flooded through me that I’d found the right house.
For a brief moment, I considered calling Will instead, but he wouldn’t be able to tell me why a man betrayed a woman he loved, and that was what I really wanted to know. Who would risk throwing away their family for some brief, moment full of lies? How could it be worth it?
Even before Sam had cheated on Ella, I’d considered him a douchebag. I’d nicknamed him that. I didn’t know how she could bear to have him in her life again, knowing how he’d lied to her. In the early days after he’d left, she’d been through so many emotions. Was Dylan’s wife going through the same thing right now? The thought of causing her that much pain left my chest with an ache that I didn’t know would ever leave me.
I paid and got out of the taxi, pulling my bag behind me, and I made my way up the path to the house. The neighbour’s floodlight flicked on as I approached. At least I could see where I was going.
Taking a deep breath, I hammered on the door, my fist aching at the pounding I gave the wood.
In a Heartbeat (Lifetime Book 2) Page 9
