“I don’t know if I can,” she whispers. “For twenty years, all I’ve wanted…besides you…was one night where they didn’t come for me. And last night,” she tips her gaze up to meet mine, “I got it. My one night. It was…perfect. You were perfect. But what if that’s all I ever get? What if that’s my one good thing, and we don’t make it back to Boston? What if he finds us? What if I lose you all over again?”
Her tears stream down her cheeks, tumbling from her jaw to my shirt, and she desperately tries to wipe the next wave away before they can fall. Using the edge of my sleeve, I dry her face, then kiss her—a slow, deep kiss full of promises, full of hope, full of all my love for her.
“You won’t lose me.” With one finger, I snag the chain she wears around her neck and pull out the ring. “Did you mean what you said back at the safe house?”
Her gaze snaps from the ring to my face and back again. “We’re different people than we were back then, Ford. We’ve lived a lifetime of pain, changed in ways…we could never have imagined. But…you’re the only man I’ve ever loved. The only man I ever want to love. It probably won’t be easy.” Joey offers me a weak smile. “But I want to try.”
“I can’t put this back on your finger yet,” I say. “Not until we’re safe in Qarshi. If the guys Trev’s paying to smuggle us across the river see it, they might demand you give it to them.” Tucking the ring back under her shirt, I kiss her neck from her shoulder to her ear. “But soon…I will. If it’s okay with you.”
A single, fat tear hits her cheek, and her lips curve into a wide smile. “I’d like that. Very much.”
18
Ford
The boat glides across the smooth surface of the river, with only a gentle breeze stirring the edges of Joey’s headscarf. She leans against me, her eyes closed, as Trevor and the local he hired steer towards Uzbekistan.
The forty-minute drive from the clinic had us all on edge—except Nomar. Joey gave him a sedative before we moved him because he was in too much pain to lie still. But now, with Afghanistan behind us, I start to relax.
We’re going home. In a roundabout way. Qarshi, then Adana, Turkey, and then back to Boston. Joey keeps flexing her fingers like she wants to dig her nails into her palms, but each time I’m about to stop her, she blows out a slow, even breath and relaxes.
I have so many questions for her. So many things I need to know. Likes and dislikes. Does she still hate peas? What’s her favorite movie? Pizza or fried chicken? Summer or winter? I used to know all the answers. Now…?
“Mama,” Mateen whines, and Lisette claps her hand over his mouth.
“Shhh, my son. It is important to be quiet now,” she hisses. Glancing my way, she looks so ashamed, but he’s a kid. Hell, I’m surprised he hasn’t had a meltdown.
The boat jerks as our guide directs it onto the sandy riverbank, then hops out, grabs the bow, and along with Trevor, drags the boat up far enough up the shore that the rest of us can get out without landing in knee-deep water.
It takes both me and Trevor to haul Nomar’s unconscious ass out of the boat and get him into the back of an SUV. After another cash payment—the last five thousand dollars I have on me—the man hands over the keys.
“Well,” Trevor says as he pulls the vehicle onto the main road, “we made it. Another hour and we’ll be somewhere Faruk can’t touch any of us again.”
I hope to God he’s right.
Joey wraps her arms around me and buries her face against my neck. Her quiet sobs make me want to rip Faruk’s balls off and force them down his throat, but I’ll settle for him never touching Joey again.
Joey
The apartment complex looks new, and Ford holds my hand as he leads me up a set of stairs to the second floor. “JSOC—Joint Special Operations Command—owns this entire building,” he says quietly. “It’s swept for bugs daily. No cameras except at the entrances.”
He’s trying to reassure me, but I’m not sure there’s anything he could say to get me to relax right now. The doctors at the Qarshi hospital were able to stabilize Mateen’s kidneys after several hours of fluids, and a quick session with the blood chelation machine sent his iron levels back to something close to normal. He’s still a very sick boy, but at least for right now, he’s resting comfortably.
“I wish they had let us see Nomar,” I admit as Ford stops in front of Unit 201.
“Trev’s still there. And three of Nomar’s buddies are on their way. He’ll hate all the fuss.” Ford knocks on the door, a series of five light raps, followed by three heavier, and two light again.
I’m about to ask him what’s going on when the door opens and a handsome man with jet black hair peers down at me. “So you’re Joey,” he says with a smile and a thick British accent. “I’m Matt. And I’ve been hearing stories about you for three days. Come on in.”
Before I can turn to Ford, I hear Ivy.
“Oh, my God.” I push my way into the room, and she practically knocks me over as she throws her arms around me. We stay locked together for a full minute, until Mia clears her throat.
“Um, can I get in on this hugging action too?”
She looks like she’s been through hell. A bruise on her cheek has faded to a sickly swirl of yellow and green, and a heavy cast surrounds her right arm. But it’s the look in her eyes I know all too well that breaks my heart.
“Mia, I’m so sorry.” My tears make everything in the room shimmer, and as we hold on to one another, I remember how it felt to have my sister hold me that first week I was free. “I’m sorry,” I say again, knowing if I apologize every day for the rest of my life, it won’t be enough.
The slight young woman shakes in my embrace, and I let her cry, only moving when Ivy takes my arm and urges both of us over to the couch across the room. “We’re going home in the morning,” Mia says quietly after she wipes her cheeks. “Matt wanted to take us today, but when he said you’d be here tonight, we begged him to wait.”
Ford sidles up to my elbow and drops down to one knee. “Matt, Leo, and I will be just outside in the hall. Take as long as you need. You’re all safe here.”
I cup his cheek, unsure when his stubble turned into a full beard. “You did this. All of this. Thank you.”
Almost two hours later, I hug Ivy and Mia goodbye. “You can call me any time,” I say, trying to keep my voice from cracking. Just before I slip into the hall, I look back at Mia. “You’ll never forget. But this doesn’t have to rule your entire life. Not unless you let it. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Not everyone gets a second chance.”
“Joey?” Mia says as she dabs her eyes with a tissue. “I’m glad you found yours.”
“Me too.” And when I step into Ford’s embrace, I know exactly what I need from him tonight.
I want that ring back on my finger.
Ford
We’re finally alone. Joey’s quiet as I open the door for her. “There are guards on patrol twenty-four-seven,” I say, flipping on the light. The space is small. Only a couch and a round table in the main room, a kitchenette, and a single bedroom and bath. But for the next twelve hours or so, it’s all ours.
“Trev has his own place down the hall, and the building’s concierge went out and picked up a few more things for us.”
“The concierge?” Her brows furrow, and I dip my head to kiss the tiny line between them, smoothing it away.
“They use this place for all sorts of things. Visiting military brass, vetted asylum seekers waiting for relocation, government assets… If there’s anything else you need before we get on the plane tomorrow night, just ask.”
The look on her face…I want to give her the world. Every single thing she’s ever desired laid out on a platter.
“I just need you. And a shower. And maybe some fresh clothes. And dinner.” She stifles her laugh against my shoulder, and when she gets herself under control and draws back, her smile makes me feel like the only man in the world. “Okay,” she says. “I guess I need a lot of thi
ngs.”
“As you wish.” I offer her an exaggerated bow, then point her towards the bedroom. “What first?”
“Shower.”
At the bedroom door, I stop, unsure where our boundaries are. Yes, we had sex. But under blankets. In dim lighting. After a very emotional reconnection. I don’t want to overwhelm her or crowd her or make her at all uncomfortable. We’ve come so far in the past couple of days, and if I lost her now because I made a stupid assumption or couldn’t keep my dick in my pants, I’d never forgive myself.
Joey drops to her knees and unzips the small suitcase at the foot of the bed with all the things I asked the government concierge to get for her—for us. “Oh,” she says with a breathy sigh, and lifts the silky red bra by its straps. “Wait.” She pins me with a hard stare. “You gave the concierge a list that included a red silk bra?”
“Would black have been better?”
“Ford. Be serious.” Digging through the rest of the small stash, she comes up with the matching panties, a pair of soft yoga pants, pajamas, various toiletries, including razors for both of us, a new box of condoms, and a small bottle of bubble bath. “There’s…a bathtub?”
Scrambling to her feet, she races into the bathroom. “Forget about food, sleep, all of it. I just want a bath.”
As the water starts to splash into the tub, I back out of the room. She’s not ready for me to be in there with her, even though it’s the only place I want to be. “You take some time alone, buttercup. I’ll handle dinner.”
Joey peeks out from behind the half-closed door. “Ford?”
“I won’t leave, Joey. I promise.”
“I know. That’s not what I wanted to say.” Her full lips pull into a frown, and conflict churns in her eyes. “Don’t give up on me. I’ll…get there.”
With a nod, I close the bedroom door. That’s enough. For tonight, that’s all I need.
Joey
Sinking into the hot water and bubbles, I refuse to look down at my naked skin. I should be braver. Ford loves me the way I am, but despite what I told Ivy and Mia, despite knowing I want to be with Ford for the rest of my life, I still see myself as that broken, scarred, damaged woman who never fully escaped a twenty-year-old nightmare.
Under the thick layer of bubbles, I slide my hands down over my breasts. My nipples send little zings of pleasure down to my core, and I jerk, splashing a few drops of water over the side of the tub.
As I move lower, close to my mound, the still-unfamiliar warmth gathers inside me. When I felt the rush of wetness between my thighs last night, I wanted to cry. I never thought I’d ever be able to be aroused again.
“I’m not broken.” I try the words, seeing how they feel rolling off my tongue. Not right. But also not wrong. Maybe…maybe broken isn’t the worst thing a person can be.
“You have to realize you’re worthy of love, Joey.” My very first therapist tried to drill that into me, over and over again. She didn’t understand why I couldn’t reach out to the man I had planned to marry. Every time she told me I still deserved to be loved, I’d show her my arms. The cuts…some smooth and thin, others deeper, thicker, almost jagged…that marked me as ugly. That forced me to hide who I really was. Who I’d become.
Swirling one finger between my lower lips, I let my eyes drift closed. I’m wet for him, and he’s not even in the room. He’ll kiss me tonight, and we’ll open that new box of condoms. And maybe I’ll work up the courage to ask him to put the ring back on my finger, and I’ll find another piece of me I thought had been lost forever.
Ford
Joey emerges from the bedroom, her hair damp, dressed in black yoga pants and a green t-shirt. Other than fresh bandages, her feet are bare, and some of the lines of strain I thought might be permanent have faded from around her eyes and lips.
“That smells amazing. What is it?”
Taking a quick peek in the small toaster oven, I shake my head. “It’s a secret. For another twenty minutes. But I have something for you to do in the meantime.”
“What?” Her smile almost feels easy, unforced, like she’s actually happy. But I don’t know this new Joey well enough to be sure. Not yet.
Holding out my hand, I lead her over to the small couch. “I need to clean up while dinner’s cooking. And I thought that would give you a few minutes to talk to your family.”
From the side of the couch, I pull out a laptop, open it, and bring up the secured video chat window. Joey lets out a sob and throws her arms around me. We stay locked together until she takes a deep, shuddering breath, and then pulls back. “Thank you. It’s really safe?”
Sliding my fingers into her hair, I brush my lips to hers. “It’s safe. This is Wren’s encrypted connection. Nothing can break through. Don’t tell them what city you’re in, but the country’s fine. And you can tell them you’ll be back in Boston in a couple of days. Or…if you want me to arrange for a flight to San Diego for you instead, I can do that.”
My heart bangs against my ribs like it’s about to explode. I didn’t think until now that she might want to go back to San Diego. For a visit…or for good.
“If…I wanted to go to California…would you…go with me?” If I weren’t looking right at her, I wouldn’t have heard her. Uncertainty swims in her eyes, and she dashes away the last remaining tear as she straightens her shoulders, almost like she’s steeling herself for the answer.
“I’ll go anywhere with you. All you have to do is ask.”
She nods, twines our fingers, and brings our joined hands to her heart. “I love you, Ford. Right now, I just want to go home with you.”
Rising, I kiss her knuckles before letting her go. “As you wish.”
19
Joey
Mom and Gerry hold on to one another and cry as I tell them I’m okay, that I was taken because of my medical knowledge. That no one violated me, that other than some bruises, I’m fine.
“You look…different,” Gerry says as she sends Mom away for the last couple minutes of the call. “Not that you’ve come home all that often, but…”
I shoot her a look—the one that says “stop mothering me and just be my friend”—and glance back at the closed bedroom door.
“I was so stupid, Gerry.” Tugging on the chain around my neck, I pull out the ring and turn it over in my palm. “I let Ford think it was all his fault for twenty years. When really, I never wanted to admit the truth.”
“Which is…?”
“I was ashamed. I lost myself. And once I was lost, I couldn’t find my way back.” The urge to use my fingernail to trace a hard line down my inner arm prickles over my skin, but I repeat the mantra my therapist gave me years ago. Let yourself feel. “There’s so much I never told you and Mom. Most of it…isn’t important. Details I don’t want to relive. But some of the rest of it… Maybe you could come visit in a month or two? I don’t know where I’ll be…where I’ll be living…but we’ll figure it out. I don’t want to hide anymore.”
Gerry’s focus shifts to something over my shoulder, and I tense until Ford clears his throat, then once I meet his gaze, heads for the kitchen. Something in his eyes worries me. Like he’s closed himself off from me, and I almost get up before I remember Gerry’s still on screen, staring at me.
“Say you’ll come?” I ask.
“You name the time and place, and I’ll be there, sis. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
As much as I needed to talk to both of them, whatever has Ford’s shoulders hiked up around his ears is more important. It only takes me five steps to make it to the kitchen, and I lean against the counter until he pulls a small foil tray of something cheesy and bubbly from the small toaster oven. “Lasagna? You found lasagna in Uzbekistan?”
“Yep. Take a seat.” He carries the steaming tray to the small table, then returns to the kitchen for silverware, two small glasses, and a can of Coca-Cola. “I figured this might make you feel more…like you were home.”
I blink hard, willing
myself not to cry. “Only if you let me spill that all over you.” Offering him what feels like my first genuine smile in years, I’m confused when he barely reacts. “What’s wrong?”
“Just been a long day.” Scooping a generous helping of lasagna onto my plate, he hardly spares me a glance, then almost immediately starts digging into his own serving. Except, after his first bite, he doesn’t do more than push the noodles around on his plate.
I set my fork down, pick up my glass of soda, and stand. “If you don’t tell me why you’re suddenly acting like we’re strangers, I will pour this over your head.”
Shoving away from the table, Ford stalks to the single window in the living room and glances outside through a small crack in the drapes. “I love you, Joey.”
Curling my fingers around his arm, I tug him towards me. “Isn’t that a good thing? I love you, too.”
“I lost you for twenty years.” His eyes shine as he searches my face. “I don’t ever want to lose you again. But I don’t know where we stand. Are you planning to leave Boston…without me?”
“What? No!” I take a step back, needing a little space between us so I don’t have to crane my neck to look into his eyes. “What gave you that idea?”
“You told Gerry you didn’t know where you’d be in a month.”
For a moment, I don’t respond, but when I do, I start laughing. And then…it’s like I can’t stop. I don’t remember the last time I laughed. Just…laughed. Ford’s looking at me like I’ve lost my mind, and tears stream down my cheeks. But for the first time in weeks, maybe months, I’m not crying because I’m in pain.
Ford guides me over to the couch, his arm around my shoulders. “I’m…shit…I’m sorry,” I gasp as I swipe at my cheeks and try to regain some small shred of control. Reaching back, I unclasp the chain I’ve worn for twenty years and pull off the ring. “When I said I didn’t know where I’d be, I just meant…well…my apartment’s really small. I thought maybe…we’d be living somewhere together.”
By Lethal Force Page 16
