First Down

by Paula Mabbel

  “Let it be,” I whispered. I felt her lips loosen as she finally accepted my kiss.

  Opening her mouth, Emily slipped her tongue out and traced my lips with it. Hearing me moan at the touch, she then pushed it into my mouth possessively.

  “Aubrey,” she sighed as she plunged her tongue deeper, taking control over what I was doing.

  Her hands reached out, wrapped around my neck and pulled me to her as fingers twined in and out of strands of hair. I felt a tug and heard myself moan a little louder.

  “Em,” I whispered, anxious and wanting more.

  My body reacted to every tingle inside of my mouth, and reacted even more to the tug at the back of my hair. I felt the now familiar ache and throb begin between my thighs, dampness touching the skin.

  My nipples hardened as her body pressed against mine, an outward sign of just what she was doing to me in that moment.

  “I want you,” she moaned. “If you don’t want this, stop me now.”

  Her words didn’t leave much room for thought. She needed to know before she went too far. I had to give her an answer.

  Wrapping my arms around her neck, I pulled her closer, moaning as she slipped her own under the waistband of my shirt.

  “I’m not stopping,” I managed to get out through staggered breaths. “I’m not stopping at all.”

  Within a split second, Emily became someone I’d never known. Her slightly shy and jovial demeanor had left and a passionate, hungry woman was in her place. In two movements she had pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it onto the floor, and pushed me backwards towards the sofa.

  I felt myself fall down onto the cushion, and reached behind and unsnapping the bra she hadn’t gotten to yet. Silk fell at my feet as my hardened nipples protruded into the air.

  It was the only invitation that Emily had needed. Taking one of the stiff buds into her mouth, she began to suck and nibble.

  “Oh, fuck,” I cried out, pangs of desire shooting through me.

  Slipping her mouth back and forth from one breast to another, Emily used her hands to slip my jeans across my hips and down my legs. She repeated the same actions for my panties, now damp from longing.

  Taking a bud into her mouth, she tugged as I felt her fingers circling my clit.

  “Oh, God,” I cried. “Yes.”

  I had never been with a woman, but in that moment I was glad I’d decided to try. She knew exactly where to touch me, and how, to make me cry out and beg for more. My legs slid wide apart, waiting on her to bring me to orgasm.

  “Not yet, baby,” she muttered against the skin of my breasts. “I have more for you.”

  With those words, she slid down, placing her head between my thighs.

  “I want to taste your orgasm,” she whispered as she thrust her tongue against my clit and began to flick it lightly.

  “Oh, my God,” I cried. “Please. Please.” Begging came easily, as the woman was creating a hell inside of me that needed to be let loose.

  “Mmmmm,” she moaned against my clit. “You taste as beautiful as you look.”

  “Please, Emily,” I begged. “Please give me what I want.”

  “What do you want, baby?” she asked as she flicked her tongue.

  “You,” I begged. “I want you.”

  “You have me, baby,” she moaned, thrusting fingers inside of me as her tongue dug circles around my clit.

  I felt my body tense from head to toe and I knew what was coming. Everything I’d held inside for so long was about to release in an explosion.

  “Oh, God,” I cried. “Fuck me harder.”

  Her fingers thrust deeper and harder as I felt my body implode and began to shake beneath her.

  “That’s right, baby,” she whispered against me. “Show me how badly you want me.”

  Twisting and shuddering, I felt every inch of me give in to her touch, and all I could think was that I had never felt so good before in my life.

  “Damn,” she commented, as she watched me enter the throes of orgasm a second and third time, with very little effort on her part. “And you aren’t a lesbian?” Her laughter warmed me up inside and reminded me that I wanted to give her what she’d just given to me.

  “My turn,” I spoke softly, pulling her head up and placing my mouth on hers, kissing her deeply. “Let me please you.”

  “Oh trust me, sweetheart,” she giggled, “I was planning on it.”

  *****

  I sat by the water and watched the waves crash against the shore, feeling a peace I wasn’t sure I’d ever known. Life had certainly changed on me rather quickly.

  Emily had surprised me with a spontaneous trip to the coast and I had to say it was the best gift I’d ever been given. We’d spent the majority of the week sightseeing, swimming and lying on the beach, her tanning and me attempting to prevent sunburn.

  After our first night together I had feared an awkward living situation. It wasn’t like this was an arrangementI was accustomed to. Not only had I slept with my best friend, but it was my first time with a woman.

  However, I’d woken up the next day and felt at peace. She was lying next to me, arms around me, and I felt safe and secure. Mostly, I’d felt happy.

  I think she had feared much of the same as I had. That I was only seeking comfort and I would drift away, but it hadn’t happened. Instead, it seemed like things were more perfect than ever. I was truly falling in love with my best friend and she had obviously already felt that way.

  Never in my life had I been in a relationship like this, one full of love and giving. Emily was constantly finding little ways to show me how much she loved me. Gifts that she knew I’d adore, plans to do things I’d never done. She was amazing and each day I believed I was lucky to have stumbled back into her life.

  Bryant hadn’t contacted me or Bill since I’d dropped the fight. I was waiting patiently on the divorce to be finalized so that I could move on with my life. Em and I had decided to leave town. I was going to attend law school and she’d received a job offer in another state. We were going together to start over. I couldn’t wait.

  “Sad we have to leave tomorrow,” she whispered as she took a seat beside me. “It’s perfect here.”

  “It’s perfect anywhere that I’m with you,” I told her honestly. She had truly made my life better. “But yeah, back to the normal world kinda sucks.”

  “I can’t believe I landed the amazing Aubrey Welch,” she teased. “It’s like every high school geek’s dream come true.”

  “Em, you are far from a geek,” I reminded her.

  “Maybe,” she agreed. “But you have to admit. The odds were never in my favor, being into girls and all.”

  “It’s funny how the world works,” I laughed. “Many women joke about their divorces making them want to turn to women. Mine really did.”

  “So, I was just a rebound to avoid asshole men?” she laughed, knowing that I wasn’t serious.

  “Totally,” I lied, playing along. “It’ll pass when I find a man who knows how to do that little thing you do with your tongue.”

  “I’m pretty safe, then.” She stood and held a hand down to help me up. “That’s a trade lesbian secret.”

  “So, what? You guys have training?”

  “We meet secretly once a week to discuss how to turn straight women to our side.” She squeezed my hand and we walked towards the hotel. “It takes a lot of work. I’m just lucky it happened so quickly.”

  “What happens after you snag us?”

  “Oh, that’s when it finally gets a little easier. We then start to sit around and demand you grab us beer and make a sandwich.”

  “Well, I hope sandwiches are all you want. I’m not very savvy in the kitchen.”

  “Oh, I know,” she laughed and pulled me up against her as we walked. “Thank God I know how to cook.”

  “I really don’t have much to offer,” I reminded her. “I’m broke. I can’t cook. I don’t own anything.”

  “Well, what can I say?
I’m desperate.”

  “I’m glad.” I put my arm around her waist. “I’d hate to think I missed out on this.”

  “Aubrey?” She stopped and turned and looked at me. “I love you. Please don’t ever leave me.”

  I’d never seen Emily look so vulnerable. Not even back in college when I’d abandoned her. It made me both happy and sad that she felt the need to say it.

  “I won’t,” I assured her. “I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Taking my hand again, Emily turned to walk back to our hotel room. We had to pack and enjoy our last night before we headed back to our normal lives.

  *****

  “What are you doing here?” The words tumbled out, making me sound a lot less secure than I felt.

  Bryant smiled down at me as he stood in the doorway of the apartment.

  “Can we talk?” He stepped forward as if to walk in but I stood in front of him, blocking his way. “Come on, Aubrey, let me in. I just want to talk.”

  “Funny,” I turned my head to the side. “All this time you’ve had nothing to say. What’s the matter, lawyer refuse to do your bidding this time?”

  “I guess I deserve that,” he shrugged. “I still just want to talk to you.”

  “About what? You won. You got everything,” I reminded him, anger filling me to the core.

  “Not everything,” he said, almost as an afterthought.

  “Fine.” I stood to the side. “You have ten minutes to say whatever it is that you want to say. Then you will leave.”

  “Agreed,” he said, stepping past me and into the small living area of the apartment. I closed my eyes and said a silent thank you that Emily was not home. “Cute.”

  “Get to the point, Bryant,” I instructed, making my way to the recliner so I could avoid sitting next to him on the sofa.

  “I made a mistake,” he started, shocking me with his words.

  “You made a lot of mistakes,” I corrected. “Which one are you referring to?”

  “I don’t want the divorce.” He looked at me, and my breath caught in my throat.

  “What?”

  “I thought it was what I wanted. I was wrong. It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I miss you. I love you. I want us to work it out.”

  “I had nothing to work out. I was happy. Clearly I was the only one.”

  “No,” he told me. “I just…I got confused. It’s a lot, you know? Leaving college and becoming this. Keeping up with everything and everyone. It got to me. I needed to get away from it all.”

  “So you chose to ditch the wife and not the clients and business?”

  “I felt like…I don’t know.” He looked down at the floor. “It was like we weren’t even close. We barely saw each other. Somehow I believed that being with you was dragging me down. I was suffocating.”

  “Well, you seem to be breathing fine now,” I pointed out.

  “I was wrong, Aub,” he said again. “Please give me a chance to fix it.”

  To say I was shocked would have been an understatement. I was beyond shocked. Just when I’d given up on my marriage and made new plans, he shows up. I was happy. I was falling in love. I was going to law school and moving away. I was okay.

  Now he wanted to come back into my life. For me to take him back. Be my husband again. The nerve.

  I listened as he talked to me for the next ten minutes. He explained a lot of things I hadn’t known were going on in his life. Things that made his actions and feelings very understandable. Yet all I could see was that I’d spent all this time married to a man who I didn’t even know.

  If I’d known him, then I would have known what he’d been facing and dealing with.

  Of course he played on the part of me that he knew was in there. Marriage was a commitment. For better or worse. We’d been dealing with worse. Now it was time to find better. He hit every sensitivity to divorce I’d ever held and I mentally chastised myself for sharing so much with him.

  I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. No one was aware of Emily and the relationship I’d formed with her. I wasn’t ready for that yet. We’d kept it to ourselves and let it grow. But it was there and it was real.

  Yet how would it look if my husband truly tried to fix things and I left to be with a woman? Did it matter how I looked?

  I loved Bryant. I always had. From the moment we’d met I had loved him. But I loved her. Tremendously. She made me happy. How did a person choose between the two? Old and new?

  “Look what I found at—” Emily’s voice brought me out of my thoughts.

  She had walked in the door before I had realized she was there. Bryant was sitting on the couch, looking at me and pleading for another chance. I was on the chair, trying to make sense of my thoughts.

  “Bryant,” she acknowledged him as she closed the door behind her, looking very uncomfortable.

  “Emily,” he replied. “It’s nice to see you.”

  “I would say the same” — she looked at him, and then me — “if it were true.”

  “Same Emily, I see,” he laughed. “I want to thank you for taking care of Aubrey.”

  “I didn’t do it for you,” she replied.

  “I know,” he said.

  “So, why are you here?” she asked him. Looking at me her tone changed. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded quietly, afraid to tell her why he was in our apartment and what he was saying and asking.

  “I’m here to fix my mistake,” he said proudly. “I want Aubrey to give me another chance. Come back home. Let me make it up to her.”

  Emily froze where she stood. The words had surprised her far more than they’d surprised me.

  “Are you going to?” she asked, her heart on the line awaiting my answer.

  I didn’t know what to say. I just looked up at her, our eyes speaking words that no one else could hear. I couldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t be dishonest.

  “I don’t know.” My voice cracked as the words came out. “I don’t know what to do.”

  *****

  I felt the sun long before I opened my eyes and saw the beams of light. By my best guess it was before eight in the morning.

  The apartment was silent, but I’d expected that. Bryant and Emily had left at almost the same moment. He went home, giving me time to think over what he was asking. She went to visit a cousin about an hour away, doing the same.

  I hadn’t spoken to either of them. It was a decision that I had to make without the input of the two who were waiting for the answer.

  I felt like a rope in a tug of war. Emily was on one side, offering me peace and love and happiness. Bryant was on the other side offering a different variation of love. Most would think that it was an easy decision, but most wouldn’t account for the biggest problem in the situation.

  He was my husband. I’d made vows. I’d tried like hell to keep from throwing them away. Now he was asking for the same.

  It really wasn’t about love to me. Not just love, anyway. It was about promises and commitments and all of the things I’d held sacred in my life.

  At the same time, the feelings that I had for Emily were real. I’d questioned them a time or two, but I’d come to realize without a doubt that I absolutely loved her.

  It was a tough boat to be in, and I had to figure out which way I was going to row, which side of the rope was going to win. I just didn’t know how to do that.

  Mornings weren’t the same without her chipper smile as she tried to cram coffee down my throat. I found myself heading to the kitchen to make a pot even though I seldom drank it. The comfort of the act made me feel a little better.

  Life had really changed for me since I’d moved in with her, and I realized that as I sat there alone. When Bryant left, I had been concerned about our marriage. Our vows. Divorce. Then who got what and how I’d make it without an income. I never thought about little moments that we’d had together. Things that made life normal.

  Emily was a different story. Even tu
rning on the television reminded me of the nights we’d sat curled up watching silly comedies and laughing. I wasn’t concerned about money or items or logistics. I just missed her.

  How did one make a decision like that?

  Truthfully, there was no decision to make. I knew that. I’d known that the night before when I’d said I needed time. It was a no brainer.

  Sipping on the hot liquid that was far too bitter for my taste, I sent each of them a text. Neither knew the other was going to be there. I told them a time and that I’d like to talk to them and tell them what I’d decided to do.

  I then went into the kitchen and cleaned up a little, debating trying to cook myself something and deciding it’d be safer to not. Picking up the phone I ordered a pizza and waited patiently for it to arrive.

  I only had a few hours before they would be there. That gave me a little time to take a hot bath and relax, preparing myself for what was to come.

  Those hours seemed to pass by quickly and I felt myself grow more nervous by the second. I was about to make the decision that would affect the rest of my life. It was cowardly to do this in front of them both, but I wasn’t sure I could handle the one-on-one aspect of it all. So I was taking the easy route.

  Dressing carefully, I made sure to look nice without overdoing it. I didn’t want anyone to think that this occasion was something I had looked forward to. Not like that.

  Soon it was time and I heard voices in the hallway. They had obviously run into each other, and both were surprised the other was there.

  “I see this is a group meeting,” Emily snapped as she opened the door, Bryant following closely behind. “I thought maybe you wanted to talk to me first.”

  “I’m sorry.” I meant it. I didn’t want to hurt her. “I just didn’t think I could do this twice.”

  “I feel a little lost,” Bryant said, taking a seat on the chair I had sat in the night before. “What does she have to do with any of this?”

  “For starters, she’s my best friend,” I admitted. “She’s helped me through this.”

  “Is that what I’ve done?” Emily sarcastically snapped.

  “You know what I mean.” This was going to be difficult for me.