The Lawman's Little Surprise

by Roxann Delaney

  “It’s stayed with you all these years, hasn’t it?”

  “Every second of it,” he admitted.

  “But it’s different here in Desperation,” she said, her voice quiet as she squeezed his hands. “We don’t have gangs or kids shooting out of cars. It’s a quiet town, and I don’t understand how what you’ve told me has to do with canceling our wedding.”

  “It just does.”

  Her hand came off his when she leaned back. “What do you mean?”

  He wanted to reach for her hand as she had reached for his, but he couldn’t. Instead, he tried to explain to her the fears he had and how he wanted to keep her safe.

  “I thought Desperation would be peaceful. Safe,” he said, getting to his feet. “When I first asked you to marry me, I believed everything would be good. But I found out this town isn’t any safer than any other, that bad things can happen.”

  “What are you talking about?” she asked, watching him.

  “I can’t tell you,” he answered. “Not the specifics, but something happened that made me realize that you wouldn’t be any safer than Connie was. If anything happened to me, you’d be left alone, as hurt and lonely as Connie was.”

  “What are you trying to say, Morgan?”

  He’d come to the part where he had to make her understand. “All of this is why I canceled our wedding.”

  “But you made it sound like—”

  “I did,” he admitted, unable to look at her. “But your tour wasn’t the reason. I couldn’t risk leaving you a widow like Connie.”

  The silence in the room wrapped around him. He knew she had questions, but he wouldn’t say any more than he had to.

  She stood, but she didn’t move toward him. Instead, she walked to the other side of the room before turning around to face him. “But that doesn’t make sense, Morgan,” she said. “That was several years ago. You were right in thinking it’s peaceful here. The risk you’re so worried about is gone.”

  But it wasn’t. Still, he wouldn’t tell her about John. And he knew now that he had to do right by her and the baby. Keeping his distance wouldn’t work. He should have done it in the beginning when she told him she was pregnant.

  “So getting married is the right thing to do,” he finally said. “Our baby needs a family, and I’ll watch after both of you and make sure nothing happens to either of you. Or to me.” He looked at her, meeting her puzzled gaze. “It is the right thing, Trish. You know that.”

  Her head moved slowly from side to side. “I don’t think so.”

  “You don’t think so what?”

  “No, I—” She started to sit again but didn’t, and then she paced along the opposite side of the room. “No, getting married is not the answer. I’ll raise the baby on my own as I’d planned, with help from Kate and Aunt Aggie. I won’t marry you, Morgan. Not now, anyway.”

  “What?” He couldn’t believe he’d poured out his heart to her and told her something he’d long ago sworn he would never tell anyone. And this was the answer he got for it?

  Turning, she met his gaze. “Maybe later, but not now.”

  “That’s not right, Trish. I’m offering you marriage, a home for you and our baby. But you’re turning it down?”

  “I’m sorry, but that’s what I have to do. That’s what’s best.”

  He stared at her, willing her to come to her senses, but his were now so scrambled, he didn’t know what to say to make her understand.

  “I need to know why,” he said, wounded in a way that even John’s pistol could never do.

  SINKING TO THE CHAIR, Trish let out a long sigh. She’d known Morgan would be upset. She didn’t blame him. If she’d made up her mind sooner, they wouldn’t have come to this point. But if she’d done that, she probably would never have known what happened to change him. At least something good had come of this. She had the answer to the question that had been keeping her awake at night for months.

  “I’m sorry, Morgan,” she said. “I’m not saying I’ll never marry you. Maybe down the road things will change.”

  “Down the road?” He shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I don’t believe this is happening.”

  “I’m glad you told me about Miami,” she admitted, even knowing it wouldn’t help. “I knew something had happened, but you never share things like this with me. It’s as if you don’t think I can handle it.” Like Morgan, she shook her head in confusion.

  He stiffened and looked her square in the eye. “I didn’t share it with anyone but Ernie, and even then only because I had to. It’s not something you go around telling people.”

  “I understand. But you took it upon yourself not to tell me, yet you made a decision for me that would affect me for the rest of my life.”

  “I decided for us.”

  Why couldn’t he see? What did she need to say to make him understand that she was a part of this and had every right to know things that affected her, no matter how long ago they happened?

  “No, Morgan, you decided that canceling the wedding was the best thing for you.”

  Jerking his hands from his pockets, he took a step toward her. “That’s not true. I couldn’t risk something happening to me that would leave you alone. I didn’t want you to go through something like that.”

  She studied his face. He was a good man, an honorable man, and she understood that he was only doing this for her. Or thought he was. “Shouldn’t that be my decision?”

  “Not necessarily.”

  She was ready to give up. He saw things his way, not from the view of others, at least not in his personal life. “You don’t trust me enough to let me choose what’s best for me.”

  “That’s not true, either!”

  She wouldn’t argue, but he needed to know how she felt, so there would be no question. “You didn’t tell me any of this until now. Not one single thing, not even a hint as to why you’d left Miami and came to Desperation. It’s as if I don’t really know who you are. You let me think my book tour was the reason you called off the wedding. You lied about that.”

  She knew she’d hit the mark when the anger left his eyes and was replaced with remorse. “I couldn’t deal with what happened to Ben,” he explained. “Not then, not now. I’ll always feel it was my fault that he died that night. It should have been me, not him. I didn’t have a wife and children.”

  “That’s not the way life works.”

  “I know that,” he admitted, his sorrow evident in his eyes. “I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t ever go through what Connie has gone through all these years.”

  “But that’s for me to decide,” she said as kindly as she could. She knew he was hurting, and the last thing she wanted to do was inflict more pain. But he had to understand how she felt about what he’d done and how it couldn’t happen again, not if they wanted to have any kind of relationship in the future.

  “I only had your safety and best interest at heart,” he insisted.

  Trish nodded and felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She wouldn’t let him see. In the state he was in, he’d only see it as weakness. “I’m sure you were thinking of me, but that doesn’t make it right. I’m sorry, Morgan, but that’s something we need to work on before we go any further. I didn’t realize it before, but I’m seeing things in a different way. Maybe it’s the pregnancy. I don’t know.”

  Morgan didn’t seem convinced. “I’ve told you everything now. How Ben died, how I watched Connie suffer, how I came here to Desperation thinking it would be safe.” He looked directly at her, uncharacteristically, his pain reflected in his eyes, his defeat in his slumped shoulders. “Believe me, Trish, if I hadn’t thought that, I never would have asked you to marry me. And then when—when somebody pulled a gun on me last June, I realized Desperation wasn’t safe, either, and I would never be able to promise that I would always be here for you.”

  Trish’s heart ached for the man she had fallen in love with years before and still loved. But there were still issue
s that needed to be worked through before she would consider marrying him. She tried to be gentle in choosing the words she had to speak. “Yet you now think we should get married. It doesn’t work that way for me, Morgan. I won’t marry you out of necessity, because there’s a baby on the way and you—and I—think he or she should have both a father and mother and be a part of a traditional family.” She shook her head, thinking of what could be but might not. “No. Honor doesn’t make it the right thing to do.”

  “It’s all I can do.”

  “Then we’ll give it time.”

  She knew the second his anger got the best of him. She’d refused his offer of marriage, at least for the time being. Morgan had pride, and he wouldn’t accept that she wasn’t ready, not the way things stood between them. “We don’t have time, Trish.”

  Knowing she could do nothing more, except to hurt him, she stood. “We have a lifetime, no matter how long or short that is. And until you can understand yourself and me, I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other for a while. The more you insist, the more I’ll back away.” Stepping closer to him, she reached for his hand and held it between hers. “That isn’t what I want, Morgan. Please believe that.”

  It was hard to let go of him, but she did and turned away. For several seconds, he didn’t move, but she finally heard him walk toward the door, then heard it open and close behind him. Drained, she sank to the sofa, where she sat and prayed that someday he would be able to deal with his past and see that there were no guarantees in life.

  She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there when she heard the door open. Looking up, she saw Kate. “Come on in,” she said, gathering what energy she had left.

  “Is everything okay?” Kate asked, crossing the room to sit on the sofa beside her. “I couldn’t help but overhear some of that.”

  “I’m not sure it will ever be okay,” Trish said, feeling more confused than ever. “Am I doing the right thing, Kate?”

  Kate took her hand and squeezed it. “I wish I could tell you, but only you know the answer.”

  “But I don’t. Nothing seems right. What keeps going through my mind is that he’s never said he loves me, not since…”

  “Since John held that gun on him?”

  Trish stared at her. “He never said—”

  “He didn’t have to. I think we both know who it was. But I’ll never say a word to anyone.” She made an X on her heart with her finger. “I swear.”

  Trish almost smiled at the familiar childhood pledge. “I don’t think Morgan reported it,” Trish said. “If he had, John would still be in jail now. I don’t understand why he didn’t.”

  “I think he believes he’s helping John.”

  “He’s not. John needs professional help, and Morgan isn’t the one to give it.”

  “And maybe he’ll still get it. Morgan can only let kindness take him so far, and he may realize that what John did has ramifications he hadn’t thought of before. Such as the two of you.”

  Sighing, Trish leaned her head back against the sofa and closed her eyes. “It’s almost as if he’s waiting for it to happen again, only with a different outcome. As if that’s his destiny or something.”

  “He does love you, Trish,” Kate said softly. “He loves you so much he was willing to give you up to keep you safe.”

  Opening her eyes, she sat up. “It just doesn’t make sense.”

  “Love never does. Give him time.”

  “I would,” Trish said, “but I don’t think it will change things.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Morgan hadn’t meant to slam the door when he finally made it home to the Commune, but he’d used enough force that Ernie poked his head out of the office door.

  “It’s late,” Ernie said, the scowl on his face proving his disapproval.

  “Yeah, I know,” Morgan answered and continued to the stairs. All he wanted was a shower and sleep…if sleep would come.

  “Maybe you should come in here.”

  Morgan shrugged, crossed the foyer and started up the stairs. “Don’t know why.”

  “No? Let’s try slamming the door, for starters.”

  “Let’s try forgetting about it.”

  “Morgan.”

  His foot froze on the stair, and he blew out a whoosh of air. Maybe he should get this over with. If Ernie had something to say, he’d listen. He owed him that much. If Ernie hadn’t helped him out six years ago, there was no telling where he’d be right now.

  “All right.” Descending the way he’d come, but in a much worse mood, he joined his uncle and followed him into the office, taking a seat, but not caring and not ready to discuss the day he’d had. He’d listen to what his uncle had to say, and then call it a night. It had been a day he hoped to soon forget.

  “Stu called earlier looking for you,” Ernie announced as he settled in his easy chair.

  “He found me. I was running late, but I made it. I’ve been there all evening.”

  “And the rest of the day?”

  Morgan refused to look his uncle in the eye. He didn’t know if he even wanted to tell him he’d been slam-dunked in the marriage department. “Here and there. Working. Not working.”

  “Talked to Trish, did you?”

  Shoving to his feet, Morgan stood. He’d thought he could do this, but he couldn’t. “Not now, Ernie.”

  “Now’s as good a time as any.”

  It irked the hell out of Morgan that his uncle seemed so unaffected, as if he had expected things to go bad. There Ernie sat, waiting to hear what happened, and Morgan couldn’t think about it, much less share the experience.

  “Bottom line, I took your advice and told her about Miami,” he admitted. “All she could say was she was sorry, but that I’d lied when I led her to believe her tour was the reason I canceled the wedding.”

  “And that’s not true?” Ernie asked, watching him closely.

  Morgan ran a hand through his hair. “Well, yeah, but I did it to protect her. That’s what she doesn’t seem to understand. Well, that and why I now want to make an honest woman of her.”

  “Aha.”

  “Aha?”

  “I understand where you’re coming from, and there’s an answer to your problem. But first, you need to figure out what it is.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Morgan replied, more confused than he had been when he’d walked in.

  A thoughtful expression crossed Ernie’s face. “You were always a serious boy, and now you’re a serious man, sometimes overstudying things.”

  “I have to be this way to do the job I do,” Morgan pointed out.

  “True. But you keep things close to yourself. The opposite of my dad.”

  Morgan remembered his childhood. “It was Grandpa who got me interested in law enforcement,” he said, thinking aloud. “All those stories he told me.”

  Ernie nodded. “I heard the same ones growing up. So did your mom. And your grandmother, too. It was more immediate then. We heard the story right after it happened. I think that’s why your mom married your dad. An accountant’s life seemed pretty tame compared to the stories we heard.”

  Morgan looked up at him. “But she never said a word to me.”

  “She wouldn’t. But there you have it. Two extremes. He couldn’t talk enough about it and you keep it locked inside. There’s a happy medium you’re going to have to find, Morgan. Not enough to frighten Trish, but you can’t keep her in the dark, either.”

  Morgan thought about it. Maybe Ernie had something. But it still wasn’t the answer he needed. “And you think that’s the problem?”

  “Could be. I’m not the one going through this.” Ernie stood slowly and stretched. “You think about it. I’m going to bed.”

  “Yeah,” Morgan said, wondering what it was he was missing that Ernie could see. He sure couldn’t see it. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

  But even the next morning, after a fitful night of sleep and drifting in and out of disturbi
ng dreams he didn’t remember upon waking, he still didn’t have an answer. Hettie noticed immediately at breakfast that he was in a sour mood.

  “Goodness, Morgan, you’re like a bear with a thorn in its paw.”

  “I feel like one,” he said, without thinking.

  Getting up, Hettie crossed the room and quietly closed the door to the dining room where only the two of them sat having a late breakfast. “Aggie told me you talked with Trish,” she said as she returned to her seat.

  “She would,” Morgan grumbled.

  For a moment she was silent. “There’s just one question that needs answering,” she finally said.

  “What’s that?”

  “Do you love Trish?”

  All he could do was stare at her. “Of course I do.”

  “Have you bothered to tell her that?”

  He considered the question before answering. “Not in so many words, I guess, but I think wanting to keep her safe from harm is proof enough of that.” Knowing Hettie would dig until she got to the truth, he continued. “And I did suggest we should get married.”

  He’d never seen her look more disapproving. What had he done wrong?

  Sighing, she shook her head. “Morgan Rule, lately you’ve been proving you are more of a fool than I ever thought. If you can’t find a way to convince Trish that you want to marry her because you love her, not just because you’ve fathered a child, she might very well cut you out of her life and the baby’s, too.”

  He was trying to digest what she’d said as she folded her napkin, placed it on the table and left the room. He was back to square one.

  He did love Trish. He wanted to marry her, always had. He wanted to be a real father, for them to be a real family, and he’d told her so. He’d even told her about Miami and enough about what had happened with John so she’d understand. And she’d refused him.