Lawless Love

by Rosanne Bittner

  “Thank you,” Amanda said meekly, grateful for the warmth and the seemingly friendly woman. Were these the kind of women she had heard about? They had to be. They wore too much make-up and their gowns were embarrassingly revealing.

  “I’m Della,” the redhead told her. “That there is Betty, Rosa and Miriam. We, uh, entertain the male train passengers who come through here, you might say.” She laughed lightly and looked up at the stranger. “What’s her name?”

  The man removed his hat and scratched his head. “Well, now, I never even asked,” he replied, walking over to Amanda. He knelt down beside her. “What is your name, ma’am?”

  Her eyes met his, and she felt the strange warmth again. In his stooped position, his face was close to hers. His brown eyes were gentle.

  “Amanda. Amanda Boone,” she replied. His eyes roved her body for one brief moment, and she felt flushed.

  “That’s a real pretty name,” he told her. “Amanda. I like that. I’m Moses Tucker, Miss Boone.” He put out his hand.

  Amanda hesitated, then offered her hand in response. Tucker’s big hand closed around hers and held it for a moment.

  “Thank you, Mr. Tucker—for what you did out there. I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t come along. I—”

  Her exhaustion, and the delayed shock from the scare the strangers had given her, hit her all at once and to her disgrace she burst into tears. She tried to pull her hand away, but he kept a tight hold of it.

  “Miss Boone, don’t you be fretting. I happen to be goin’ all the way to California, so wherever you get off, I’ll be keepin’ an eye on you all the way. Only reason I wasn’t right there when you got off tonight was ’cause I’d gone back to the baggage car to get my weapons. Now that we’re gettin’ into more uncivilized territory, I figured it would be best to put them on.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry!” she said in a near whisper, wiping at her eyes with her free hand. “I don’t generally act so childish!”

  “You’re just tired, honey,” Della spoke up, coming over and patting Amanda’s shoulder. “Betty’s putting nice fresh sheets on a bed for you, and Miriam’s heating water for tea. I’ll fix you something to eat and then you can get a good night’s sleep.” Tucker let go of her hand and stood up.

  “I…can’t thank you enough for your hospitality,” Amanda replied, shaking a little as she took out a hanky to blow her nose.

  “Well, anybody Moss tells us to look out for, we look out for,” Della replied.

  “Moss?” Amanda asked, looking up at the woman.

  “Yeah. Didn’t you hear us call him that when you came in? That’s what everybody calls this big galloot here,” Della answered, going over and hugging Tucker around the waist. He had stepped closer to the fireplace and was lighting a cigar. “Short for Moses. Kind of slides out of the mouth easier, I guess.”

  Moss chuckled and looked at Amanda. “You can call me Moss, too, ma’am. ‘Mr. Tucker’ don’t exactly fit a man like me,” he told her with a wink.

  Miriam brought the tea, and Moss walked to the table and picked up his hat.

  “Reckon I’ll be findin’ myself a place to stay,” he told them all.

  “You mean you ain’t gonna stay with me?” Della asked, looking very disappointed.

  Moss frowned and glanced at Amanda. “I wouldn’t feel right, Della. The little gal there is a fine lady. And I’d be obliged if you didn’t do no business with other men tonight. They might frighten Miss Boone, or even get into her room by accident and insult her some way. I’ll pay you whatever you think you’d lose.”

  Della smiled. “Nonsense.” She walked up closer and whispered, while Miriam was saying something to Amanda. “You got an eye on that little filly?” she asked the man.

  Moss chuckled and gave her a hug. “I would if I figured there was a chance. But that one’s untouchable—especially by an old jail-bird like me. But I’d appreciate it, Della, if you’d not tell her everything about me. Might make her afraid to trust me, and I want her to trust me, ’cause she’s travelin’ alone and I intend to look out for her.”

  “Sure, Moss.”

  The man kissed the redhead hungrily.

  “Thanks,” he told her, giving her a squeeze. Amanda had looked their way, and blushed deeply when she saw them kissing. And to her own amazement, she felt an unexpected surge of jealousy! It appalled and annoyed her that she should care, and she vowed to ask the Lord’s forgiveness that night for such sinful feelings.

  “You sleep real good now, Miss Boone,” Moss told her. “I’ll be by in the mornin’ and escort you back to the train. You’re in good hands, so don’t be worryin’ about nothing. And no more tears, understand?”

  Amanda smiled bashfully and looked down at her lap.

  “Thank you, Mr. Tucker.”

  “Call me Moss, remember?”

  “I—I would feel better with ‘Mr. Tucker.’”

  Moss shrugged. “If it suits you, ma’am. Good-night, then.”

  She turned to face him once more. “Good-night, Mr. Tucker,” she said quietly. Their eyes held a moment, and then he quickly left.

  Amanda ate gratefully and was led to a room that looked gaudy and haphazard, but the bed the woman offered her was big and comfortable.

  “You sleep real good now, Miss Boone,” Della told her with a smile. Amanda looked at the woman, full of questions about Moss Tucker. But if she asked them, these women would think she had a personal interest in the man, and that was the last thing she wanted anyone to think. At the same time, none of them seemed eager to tell her anything voluntarily.

  “I’m deeply grateful,” Amanda told the woman. “I’d like to pay you.”

  “Forget it. Moss is an old friend. And you’re a nice lady. Lord knows none of us is very nice!” She laughed lightly. “We lost our decency a long time ago! It gives us pleasure to be of service to somebody who’s still on the right side of the tracks. Maybe the Lord will remember it when we have to face Him and account for the way we’ve led our lives!” She smiled a little nervously.

  “I’m sure He will remember, Della,” Amanda replied. “God loves all of us, no matter what side of the tracks we’re on. And He only judges what is in our hearts. If you have a good heart, He’ll overlook the other things.”

  The two women stood staring at each other a moment. Della frowned, then actually reddened a little.

  “My goodness,” she said quietly. “You talk like a nun or something.”

  “I was raised by nuns,” Amanda replied. “And I’ve taken nearly all the steps needed to become one myself. I’m on my way to California to teach at a mission out there.”

  Della’s eyes widened. “Bless my soul!” she exclaimed. “Does Moss know that?”

  “No,” Amanda replied, looking down. “We’ve never even talked, except to say hello—and except for his help tonight.”

  Della shook her head and grinned a little. “Lord have mercy on us all!” she said quietly. She laughed lightly and went out, closing the door behind her.

  Chapter Four

  He came the next morning, just as he said he would. Amanda tried to hide her pleasure at seeing him again. She wondered where he had slept, but did not ask. He had coffee with Amanda and the other girls before leaving, but he avoided talk about himself, sticking to talk about the new railroad. He seemed to be avoiding Amanda’s eyes, as she in turn avoided his. Then he insisted on fixing the carpetbag. Not knowing how to turn him down again without appearing rude, she went and got the bag. Moss set it on his lap and took a piece of rawhide from his pocket.

  “You sleep good, Miss Boone?” he asked as he worked.

  “Very well, thank you. Your…lady friends are very hospitable.”

  Moss glanced at her and grinned. “To say the least,” he replied. Amanda blushed deeply. The girls just laughed and began clearing the table.

  “I think you were tryin’ to trick us, Moss,” Della spoke up. “If you left her here much longer, she’d have us all conv
erted. And then what would men like you do when you need a little relief from that long, lonesome train?”

  Moss looked at her curiously. “Now how could this quiet little lady convert wild women like you?”

  “Oh, we know somethin’ about her you don’t!” Della replied. Amanda reddened and got up to help the others clear the table. “That pretty little lady is one step away from being a nun!” Della went on, folding her arms in front of her and enjoying the look on Moss’s face. “She’s on her way to California to teach at a mission. And she was raised by nuns.”

  Moss stopped his work on the carpetbag, and the surprise on his face could not be hidden. Amanda turned to meet his eyes.

  “That true?” he asked her.

  “Yes it is, Mr. Tucker,” she replied softly. “And I’m sure the good Lord sent you to help me get to California. I’ll be forever indebted to you.” She looked down at the floor, and Moss turned his eyes from her to Della, who raised her eyebrows and smiled. She bent close to his ear.

  “Kind of discouraging, ain’t it?” she whispered.

  He scowled, and she chuckled. Moss returned to fixing the carpetbag, feeling defeated. Not only were his chances of a relationship with Amanda Boone completely obliterated, but the heavy responsibility she was bringing him was more than he had expected. This news about her made her close to a saint in his eyes, and if the Lord truly meant for him to protect her, how was the Lord going to deal with Moss Tucker if he failed? His respect and awe of the lovely Amanda Boone suddenly grew, as did the gnawing little pain in his heart. His feelings for her were deepening, against his better sense.

  “You’re a damned fool, Moss Tucker!” he told himself as he mended the handle. “Ain’t nobody much further from God than you, and nobody much closer than her. You must be losin’ your marbles in your old age.”

  He finished the handle and rose.

  “You ready?” he half growled at Amanda. She looked at him curiously.

  “Is something wrong, Mr. Tucker?” she asked innocently. “Weren’t you able to fix the bag?”

  His eyes moved over her and she suddenly felt very self-conscious.

  “I fixed it,” he mumbled. “We’d best get to the train now. It will leave soon.”

  “Of course,” she replied, confused by his sudden surliness. “I’m deeply grateful for the mended handle, Mr. Tucker. You’re very thoughtful. God will bless you for your kindness.”

  He sighed, half rolled his eyes and looked at Della. Then he looked back at Amanda.

  “Ma’am, there ain’t nothin’ about me the Lord would want to bless. Now get your things and let’s go.”

  Amanda blinked back tears. “I…beg to differ with you, Mr. Tucker. God loves you…and the ladies here.” She swallowed. “If my…background…offends you or upsets you, it isn’t necessary that you look out for me any longer, Mr. Tucker. I can take care of myself.”

  He frowned. “Like you did last night?”

  Amanda blushed. “I just don’t want you doing something you’d really rather not do, Mr. Tucker.”

  His eyes suddenly softened again, and he stepped closer.

  “Look, uh, don’t go gettin’ all worried about it, all right? I’m just a grumpy ole bear in the morning, that’s all. But there ain’t no way I could just turn my head now and let you go on alone. I’m goin’ to California myself, so there ain’t no reason why I can’t kind of watch out for you along the way. I just—well, ma’am, somebody like you, they’re pretty special, you know? Me, I ain’t special to nobody. And if you knew all about me—”

  “I know all I need to know, Mr. Tucker,” she interrupted. “You’ve helped me, and I’m certain the Lord means for me to trust you. I couldn’t care less about your past. If you choose to tell me along the way, that’s your affair. If not, then I will respect that also. I—I think you’re a fine man, Mr. Tucker.”

  She suddenly blushed deeply at the realization she had probably talked more to this man in the past five minutes than she had talked to any one man in her whole life.

  “I’ll get my things,” she said, hurrying to the room where she had spent the night. Moss watched her walk. He wanted her, and that was the hell of it. He wanted her.

  The train chugged out of Council Bluffs. Amanda had taken her usual seat, but this time the newcomers had crowded the car so much that the only seat left for Moss was directly in front of and facing Amanda.

  “You see?” she said softly. “God has arranged it so you must sit near me.”

  “You think so, do you?” he replied, slinging his own suitcase onto the shelf overhead. “Don’t a man have any control over what he does, or does God control every little movement?”

  He eased down into the seat in front of her, and she glanced at the fancy gun he wore strapped low on his hip. She smiled at him.

  “God doesn’t exactly control every little thing we do, Mr. Tucker. He gives us choices. And he gives us talents. You apparently have a talent with a gun, or you wouldn’t be wearing it. The choices you have made before now, I know nothing about. But for now, God has given you a choice of either helping me, or not helping me. You choose to help me. It’s that simple. And I can’t tell you how relieved I am to know the Lord sent you. It means I don’t have to be afraid of you.”

  He studied her a moment, and her heart pounded. She was astounded with herself! Never had she felt so at ease with a near stranger—and a man besides! Why was she babbling this way? What must this man think of her?

  “I—I’m afraid I’ve been a little bold, Mr. Tucker,” she said, looking down at her lap. “It’s just that…” She looked back at the kind, brown eyes. “It’s just that you’ve no idea how frightened I’ve been until now. It’s just such a relief. I’ve—I’ve hardly ever been outside the walls of the orphanage, and—”

  “Orphanage?”

  “Yes. I told you nuns raised me. They ran the orphanage where I grew up. My parents were both killed in a fire when I was five years old.”

  “I’m real sorry about that, Miss Boone.”

  “Thank you. But I was small enough that the memory is quite vague now. At any rate, to be making a trip like this—well, it’s been frightening and lonely. It isn’t easy for me to strike up a conversation with someone, and I don’t know who to trust.”

  “Well, now you can talk to me and you can trust me,” he replied. There was the handsome grin again. Amanda blushed and took out her knitting.

  “I—I hope you don’t think me too bold,” she told him. “It’s just so nice to find a friend, although I’ve never struck up a friendship with a gentleman before.” She blushed more and looked down at her knitting. Moss Tucker smiled.

  “I could never think of you as too bold, Miss Boone.” He looked around at the passengers, and neither of the men who had assaulted her the night before were present—at least not in that particular car. He was glad. Then he noticed two soldiers sitting at the back of the car. He frowned and studied them a moment, then grabbed the porter as he walked by.

  “Yes, sir?”

  “This train carryin’ somethin’ besides passengers?” Moss asked quietly. Amanda looked up at them.

  “Why, not that I know of, sir. Just passengers and their baggage.”

  Moss looked over at the soldiers again. “Mmm-hmm,” he mumbled. The porter went his way, and Moss took a cigar from his jacket pocket.

  “You mind if I smoke, ma’am?”

  “Not at all.” She looked around nervously. “Is anything wrong, Mr. Tucker? Why did you ask the porter what the train is carrying?”

  “Oh, I just had a hunch, that’s all. Nothin’ for you to worry your pretty little head about.”

  She went back to her knitting, flustered over his remark. Moss Tucker took another look at the soldiers and wondered.

  Chapter Five

  The Union Pacific rumbled across the plains of Nebraska, and Moss Tucker slept a good share of the way. Amanda wondered if he had slept much the night before, and she suspected he had spent
half the night drinking and gambling in one of the saloons at Council Bluffs. But she could not bring herself to condemn Moss Tucker for whatever his sins might be, though it was likely he had many. He had befriended her, had already helped her out of some difficult predicaments, and he had been nothing but respectful toward her.

  “The Lord works in strange ways,” she told herself.

  Conversation over those next several hours was minimal, consisting of comments about the weather and such. Moss mostly smoked and slept, and Amanda didn’t feel it ladylike to press a conversation if he didn’t feel like talking. But she wanted to talk. This man fascinated her, and she secretly hoped he would become more talkative once he felt rested. She knitted for what seemed hours, then set the knitting aside and watched the broad, flat, endless plains that never seemed to change in spite of the distance they had traveled.

  How different this land was! How vast and seemingly desolate. She strained to see the farthest distance, wishing she could spot some buffalo, but there were none to be seen. She thought about the struggles of pioneers who had gone this route before—their long, aching, slow journey through this monotonous land and how brave they must be. She felt ashamed to be so afraid herself on this trip, considering the relative safety and convenience of the train.

  “So, you’re gonna teach at a mission in California,” Moss spoke up. She turned quickly from the window.

  “You’re awake again!” she said, smiling softly. “You’ve slept most of the day, Mr. Tucker.”

  He rubbed his eyes and sat up straighter. “Yeah, well, I, uh, stayed up a little late last night. Won me some money. Then seein’ as how I had to be sure to get up in time to clean up before I come for you, I didn’t get too much sleep.” He grinned rather shyly and lit another cigar. “What were you lookin’ at out that window?” he asked.

  “Oh, I—I was just thinking about how it must be for the settlers who come out here by covered wagon, when some of the Indians are still wild and roam the countryside, and there are hardly any towns. I admire their courage.”