You Were My Crush: Till You Said You Love Me!

by Durjoy Datta

‘So?’

  ‘So she cannot back out of the relationship. It would be very humiliating for our family. People will call her a slut. Just think, Benoy. She would never do it, no matter how much she likes you,’ she explained.

  ‘So what do you suggest?’

  ‘That you’re a fool. You should go there and get what’s yours. You’re the richest idiot I have ever seen, Benoy. You drive around in ridiculous cars, you wear all these expensive clothes, you’re sweet and you’re charming, and you can’t make a girl fall in love with you? How utterly nonsensical is that? It’s ridiculous!’

  ‘But you always said my clothes are ridiculous?’

  ‘But they look good on you. Like, not runway-model good, but decent. Benoy, I don’t want my sister to get married there. I don’t want that guy anywhere near my sister. It’s all up to you. Be the charming flirt we all thought you were!’

  ‘I can’t flirt!’

  ‘With her, you don’t have to,’ she said.

  ‘You might be disabled, but you’re certainly getting smarter.’

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  I called up Shaina on my way back home, trying to be what people expected me to be like: flirtatious and charming, two words that I was sure I wasn’t.

  ‘Hi. Where are you?’

  ‘I was just going to college,’ she said.

  ‘Can we meet for a little while? I just dropped your sister to the hospital, so I needed to talk to you,’ I said.

  ‘Oh. Is it something important?’

  ‘Yes, it is,’ I answered quietly. She told me she was near my old house and I asked her to stay there.

  I drove like a madman.

  ‘Hey,’ she said. She seemed happy, and she was smiling. I wondered if Diya had made a big deal out of nothing.

  ‘Hi. You seem happy!’ I said. ‘Hey, do you mind if we hang out at my place? I promise I will not do anything this time. It’s too hot out here.’

  She nodded. We walked to my house and I let her in.

  ‘You said there was something important you wanted to tell me about Diya. What was it?’ she asked.

  ‘When did I say that?’

  ‘You did! You said you just dropped her at the hospital and you wanted to talk to me about something important,’ she repeated my words.

  ‘I never said it was about her!’ I said.

  ‘You’re so sneaky, Benoy,’ she responded and laughed.

  ‘I heard Manoj is coming tonight, and that you guys will decide on the engagement date. Are you excited?’ I asked.

  ‘Excited? I am not sure,’ she said. ‘And they were about to come tonight, but I think they are not. They are yet to let us know.’

  ‘Does he trouble you any more?’ I asked.

  ‘I am used to it,’ Shaina answered.

  ‘The only things you should be used to are the good things people say about you. Do you want water? Let me get some,’ I said and got her water from the fridge.

  ‘Isn’t that water old?’ she asked.

  ‘My maid still comes every day,’ I said. ‘This is as fresh as fresh can be.’

  ‘Why do I forget you have secret stashes of gold biscuits hidden all over the country!’ she mocked.

  ‘You sound like your sister,’ I pointed out. ‘But unfortunately, I am not in love with your sister.’

  ‘Stop it, Benoy,’ she said shyly. ‘You have to stop doing that.’

  ‘Stop doing it? Are you crazy? You’re like getting married tomorrow!’

  ‘NOT TOMORROW!’

  ‘Whatever. You’re getting engaged in a month or so. I think I should make up for all the time to hit on you!’ I said.

  ‘Okay, fine. Enough.’ She laughed. ‘I should really go. If Manoj gets to know anything of this, he will probably kill me, and then kill you.’

  ‘Ask him to try. I am a Delhi boy, man. Doesn’t he know who my father is? He fucking owns half of Delhi.’ I chuckled. ‘And still you’re with him. I don’t see any reason why!’

  ‘I should really go,’ she said and smiled again.

  ‘You should really stay. I am getting people to lock the door from outside. Not normal locks, but the titanium ones, ones you can’t break into. We will be locked here forever.’

  ‘Why do you say things like that?’

  ‘Because I love you. And I will never say things like this to anyone else.’

  ‘Why do you make my life so complicated? Things were better when you weren’t around, Benoy,’ she said.

  ‘Because I love you.’

  ‘If I were you, I would hate me with everything I have got. How are you so persistent? I have done everything wrong and still you won’t go?’ she said guiltily.

  ‘I only fall more in love with you,’ I answered.

  ‘This is why I stay away from you,’ she said.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because you are charming, and sweet.’

  ‘But why stay away from me?’ I asked and put my best smile on. ‘You can just ask Manoj and his family to fuck off. That’s all you need to do.’

  ‘You know I can’t do that,’ she said. ‘And now, I really need to go. The longer I stay, the more I would want to stay. I can’t afford that. I can’t mess it up again. I am very scared.’

  ‘Why are you scared?’

  ‘That I might fall for you,’ she said and looked away. ‘I have thought about the two of us together, and it’s beautiful. But I feel terrible about it. Guilty.’

  Her voice was heavy and serious. She looked even prettier now that she had told me that I was on her mind. Just knowing that I meant something to her meant the world to me.

  ‘You don’t have to feel guilty. I don’t feel guilty about hitting on a girl who is about to get engaged.’

  ‘Very funny, Benoy. It’s different. You wouldn’t understand.’

  ‘I would. But the last time I wanted to understand you, you called me a spoilt brat and a stalker!’

  She laughed. And she looked oh so cute!

  ‘Brat you are. Sorry for the last part. Manoj wanted me to say that. Almost everything I said about you was just a repetition of his words, the things he wanted me to say. You know I would never say those things about you. I was so fond of you! I still am,’ she clarified.

  ‘It’s okay. Obviously I know. So you don’t regret anything that happened between us?’

  ‘No. It was the best time ever!’ she said and smiled at me.

  ‘Not even the kiss?’

  ‘Especially not the kiss,’ she said, her eyes half open, half closed. ‘It was my best kiss ever.’

  ‘Hmm.’

  She said this and came and sat close to me. Inches away. I did not know how to react. Her hand crept up mine, and I was scared. I didn’t want to kiss her again and lose her. That would be just the worst.

  ‘Maybe, it was not meant to be,’ she said and looked deep into my eyes.

  ‘It is … and err … I wish I was drunk.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Then I wouldn’t be sorry for thinking about what I want to do to you,’ I said.

  I don’t know why she came close to me. She must have come to make me feel better, but I was undergoing an entirely different set of emotions. Like the ones I had gone through that day when she was drenched and had got naked at my place.

  ‘What do you want to do?’ she asked, almost whispered with her lips slightly apart.

  ‘I would rather not say. The last time I tried something, you left my place crying.’

  ‘I think you should try whatever you want to,’ she said, her hand rubbed against mine. This was getting creepy. Creepy but nice. What the hell! I decided to tell her what was on my mind.

  ‘I would have kissed you. Kissed you and made you shut up about Manoj and the crap that is going to happen tonight. Wrap my lips around yours and kiss you long enough to make you realize that I am what you want, not him.’

  ‘Do it,’ I heard her say faintly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Do it, Benoy.’

&nb
sp; I made sure of what she said. And then … I leaned into her. Her eyes never let go of mine. Her hand clutched my hand tighter. Still centimetres away from her lips, my eyes closed as I could already sense the overwhelming pleasure. Time froze as my lips touched hers, the soft wetness of her soft, pink lips against mine, and our bodies met. I lost myself in the kiss, as my lips warmed up to her and I kissed her out of passion and not out of studied style. I did not know what I was doing. I had lost my senses. The kiss lasted for ten years, and my heart beat out of my chest. The wetness and the passion of the kiss had reached every iota of blood rushing through my body. As my eyes closed and opened periodically, I looked at her. And every time I saw her, I only kissed her more, my hands gripped her tighter, as if never to let go.

  I was out of breath by the time I stopped kissing. I didn’t want to stop.

  ‘I love you,’ I said.

  ‘Don’t spoil it,’ she said and bent into me.

  She looked at me with her eyes half drowsy and her lips wet from the kiss we’d shared. I felt her fingers on my neck and she let her nails linger there. Slowly, she moved down and her fingers hovered around the first button of my shirt. She still looked deep into my eyes. Then, she leaned further on to me and kissed my ear. Her tongue played with my ear while her fingers skilfully unbuttoned me. Her hands and fingers were all over me, teasing me and taunting me. Her eyes, her hands, her touch—everything drew me closer into her. It seemed like a dream. Her every touch, her every move owned me. I was hers.

  ‘Take this off,’ she whispered in my ear.

  I got rid of my shirt. She pushed me on the couch and climbed on top of me. She kissed me on my lips again. I tried grabbing her, but she pushed away my hands. She started kissing me on my neck, licking it and biting it softly. She moved down, slowly kissing my chest and further down. Her eyes never left my gaze and I kept looking back at her. I felt helpless as she moved down and unbuckled my belt. The belt was snapped open.

  ‘What do you want me to do?’ she asked.

  I was too numb to say anything, and she unhooked the button of my jeans. My feelings had no bounds, no explanations, everything turned hazy. And nice.

  ‘Take it off,’ she said again. But before I could, she did so. She looked at me and smiled. She sat up and removed her T-shirt. And then the rest of her clothes. She was right on top of me. Bare. I looked at her in disbelief. My body underwent a million internal orgasms as I saw her. The shapely hourglass figure wrapped in the most exquisite and perfect skin. The gorgeous breasts. The light coming from behind her accentuated her features and she looked perfect. Between that day when she had changed out of her clothes at my place and this day, I had imagined her naked quite a few times but this was better!

  ‘You need help,’ she said and looked at me. I felt her hand creeping down. My toes contorted as she weaved her magic around me.

  ‘Was that good?’ she said as she looked up at me.

  Her eyes still dripped with unbridled passion and lust. I did not say anything. I just grabbed her. Her body was as smooth as porcelain, and it was phenomenal just to touch her. I could not help but dig into her. My tongue, my lips went all over her, as I flipped her over and went on top of her. She struggled a little but then gave in. My senses got clouded with her perfume and her touch, and I ravished her. I kissed and licked, almost to prove myself. She locked her legs around me and moaned. And every time she moaned it only made me savage her more. I sank my head into her gorgeous breasts and she kissed my forehead. And we suddenly started kissing again.

  ‘We should do it,’ I said.

  ‘You think?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said.

  ‘I thought you would never ask, Benoy,’ she said and kissed me. Soon, I found myself again lying on my back. She climbed over me, and kissed me. What we did next would never leave my head. Our bodies collided and we made love. It did not matter when we rolled off the couch. It did not matter and we did not care when we were on the dining table. I have no idea how we reached the bedroom. But I do remember that I did not let go of her bare skin. My fingers never let go of her skin, her touch never left mine. We kissed until we ran out of breath. We bit and clawed our way into each other. Our hands were all over each other. So were we. We lost count of time and space.

  Three hours later.

  We lay next to each other, on the floor. I was exhausted and panting. She lay beside me. I looked at her and caught her looking at me. Her eyes had small tears that were streaking down. But she was smiling. I crept my hand up on the floor and she clutched it. She rolled over on to me and hugged me. It was not the fact that we’d made love that I was smiling about. What made me smile was that she looked at me with such love in her eyes. Maybe, I was imagining it, but it sure made my day. She slept with her head on my chest; she kissed me whenever she woke up. And I kissed her on the forehead whenever I got the chance. I did not know what she was thinking, but I knew what I was thinking.

  Has this really happened?

  Things suddenly changed in my head. This was an entirely new concept of Shaina in my head. She was a pretty and cute girl, who had been so guilty about briefly kissing me that day. But this was different. It was an entirely different side of her. And this side was incredibly seductive and sexy. As we snuggled and periodically kissed, we did not say anything. I did not know what to say. I don’t know how much time passed. But my reverie was broken by her phone buzzing on the table.

  ‘Ohh shit! It’s seven,’ she said; her phone kept ringing. It was her mom.

  ‘Hi, Mom,’ she said. ‘Yes, Mom. With Benoy. Yes, I am just coming. Thirty minutes.’

  She immediately got up and looked for her clothes. I tried not to look at her as she changed. I got up, too, and got into my clothes.

  ‘Need to go, Benoy. Manoj is home. They are home!’

  ‘Ohh.’

  ‘Shit! Why did I tell Mom I was with you!’

  ‘Did your mom tell him?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Can you drop me home?’

  ‘Oh fuck! I had to pick up Diya from the hospital.’

  ‘She’s already home,’ she said and checked her face in the mirror.

  She was worried. And tense. I drove faster. I did not know what to say. Just a few minutes back, we were lying in each other’s arms, naked, and now she was on her way to decide on which date she had to get engaged. I was furious, but my skin was still tingling from before.

  Just as she got down from the car, I asked her, ‘So?’

  ‘So?’

  ‘What about today?’ I asked.

  ‘Benoy?’ she asked. ‘Do you mind coming upstairs?’

  ‘ME? Are you crazy? Your bastard boyfriend and his family is there,’ I grumbled.

  ‘Please,’ she pleaded.

  I couldn’t say no.

  Chapter Forty

  Mrs Gupta opened the door.

  ‘Hey, beta! What took you so long?’

  ‘Traffic,’ I said, trying to compose myself.

  ‘Shaina.’ She turned to her daughter. ‘Why don’t you make him sit at the dining table? Call your sister, too. She’s sleeping I think.’

  We walked to the dining area and I couldn’t see Manoj or his family there. Shaina’s father was missing, too, so I assumed they had gone for a walk or something that adults do. ‘Where is everybody?’ I whispered in Shaina’s ear.

  ‘They must have gone out,’ Shaina told me. Diya came out of her bedroom, rubbing her eyes, still sleepy.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Diya asked as she saw me.

  ‘Diya beta. You also sit down with them. I will serve all three of you together,’ she said and Diya joined us at the table as well.

  ‘Are you sure we should eat, Aunty? Shouldn’t we wait for Uncle and the others?’ I asked but Mrs Gupta was too busy filling up the plates in front of us. She pointed out to the different casseroles in front of us and told me I shouldn’t feel shy and I should eat whatever I felt like. She disappeared into her bedroom.


  ‘You were sleeping inside?’ I asked Diya. ‘Didn’t you meet Manoj and his family?’

  Before Diya could answer, Shaina butted in, ‘They don’t like Diya. So Mom must have asked her to be in her room. Is that right, Diya?’

  Diya smiled and nodded.

  ‘It will be so strange if they walk in now and see us all eating,’ I said.

  ‘I don’t care what that bastard thinks,’ Diya said with disdain. ‘Where were the two of you?’ she asked us.

  ‘We were hanging out at his place, but then Mom called and told me that Manoj and his family were here to decide the date of our engagement. So we rushed back!’ Shaina explained.

  ‘Aha! Okay,’ Diya said and nodded her head. ‘I’m surprised you’re here, Benoy. Manoj hates you; you clearly love my sister. On a scale of one to ten, you’re clearly a ten as far as undesirability goes.’

  ‘She wanted me to be here,’ I said, gulping as fast as I could. I wanted to run out before Manoj came, because I would have punched him otherwise. ‘If left to me, I would thrash Manoj to inches away from his death, and then thrash him some more.’

  ‘You would have done nothing!’ Shaina argued.

  ‘Excuse me?’ I said.

  ‘What excuse me? You just sit where you are and try to act all wise and understanding, Benoy. Why couldn’t you just tell me that I should walk out of this wedding?’ Shaina bellowed.

  ‘I agree with my sister,’ Diya said.

  ‘Excuse me! The last time I said I loved you, you said I was spoiling it! And you were ALWAYS SO FUCKING HAPPY marrying this guy!’

  ‘But I could have been happier with you. I know that. You know that. You didn’t even have the balls to talk to my parents once about you and me. They love YOU! And you still couldn’t tell them that you loved me,’ Shaina argued.

  ‘Yes, I agree again. You don’t deserve her, Benoy,’ Diya added.

  ‘You know, FUCK BOTH OF YOU! I was the one who was crying day after day after day, and you, Shaina, were the one frolicking around with that bastard! And you blame me for this mess? When have I ever taken a step back from saying that I love you and that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me?’ I said and banged my fist on the table.