Still Rattled

by Charles, Jane

  Just the thought of sitting for the interview makes my stomach tighten. It doesn’t matter that I’ll be meeting with Mrs. Robak and already know her--this job is important. Baxter is important, and I don’t want to blow it.

  The guys are in the kitchen when I come down the stairs, and Dylan is cooking pancakes, scrambling eggs and frying bacon. Is it his week to cook or something? We don’t share those jobs where I live. But, I don’t live with friends. I live with two bitches and Mary. We cook our own meals and clean our own spaces and keep the common areas uncluttered of our stuff.

  “Told you she’d be down as soon as she smelled the food.” Dylan grins.

  I hadn’t really smelled it until I got to the living room, not that I tell Dylan that.

  “Hey, I want to thank you guys. Last night was great.” I turn to Alex. “Thanks for the use of your bed.”

  “My pleasure.”

  He couldn’t have been comfortable sleeping on the coach.

  “What time you headed up to Baxter?”

  “It’s about three hours to Poughkeepsie and then I’ll need to rent a car, and I want to be a little early, so probably around eleven.”

  “Why don’t we head up earlier and look around?”

  I frown at Alex. “You’re still going with me?”

  “Yeah. I want to see the old school.”

  “Hey,” Ryan blurts. “It’s the day after Thanksgiving. Don’t they usually do a concert?”

  “I don’t know.” Why is Ryan suddenly so interested?

  Christian punches something into his phone and then does a few swipes before smiling. “Yes! The orchestra is giving a concert.”

  Why do they even care?

  Christian looks at Sean. “What do you say? Nobody has to work today.”

  “I would like to see the gallery,” Sean adds. “I hear it’s three times the size it was when we went there.”

  They weren’t seriously thinking… “You guys are not going to Baxter with me. It’s a job interview, not a school visit.”

  All six of them look at me and grin.

  “We’ll visit the gallery and you’ll interview,” Sean insists. “We’ll grab a bite to eat and then go to the concert. It’ll be great.”

  “I’m going alone,” I inform them.

  “No, you’re going with me,” Alex insists. “You already invited me. You can’t take it back.”

  “You had me at a disadvantage. I was on my back, and you were pricking my skin.”

  “Ah, so that’s how you guys ran into each other,” Zach laughs as he comes into the kitchen. “Alex did your tat.”

  “Where is it?” Ryan asks as he starts lifting the camera he was holding.

  “No place you’ll ever see.” I turn around and march into the living room. I don’t want to talk about my tat, and it’s my own fault for mentioning it.

  There’s whispering in the kitchen, but I can’t hear what they are saying. I don’t care how much they may beg me, nobody sees that tat, and I doubt I’ll ever be close enough to anyone ever again that they’d have the opportunity to see it.

  “Time to eat,” Dylan calls out.

  “You guys have a good day.”

  “You aren’t going anywhere,” he says. “Most important meal of the day and this is an important day.” Dylan points to an empty chair. “Sit.”

  The food does look good, and I’m surprised I’m even hungry. I ate more yesterday than I do in a week.

  “Come on.” He tempts me by waving a plate of food toward me.

  My stomach grumbles. Rolling my eyes I go back to the table. “Food and then home.” And, they are not coming with me.

  Kelsey left two hours ago after eating a healthy breakfast, which I think she needed. She’s too skinny by half. Then again, she was always skinny, except when she was about to pop out her kid, but when she got back to the school, she was already in her regular clothes. I thought it usually took longer for things to go back to where they were supposed to be. But, I was a kid. What the hell did I know about babies and how long it took a girl to be normal again?

  “That’s her building.” Sean pulls in a parking space that I’m surprised we could even find. The block she lives on is almost identical to ours and like so many streets in New York. Turn of the century brownstones, four to six stories high, cut up and made into apartments. I’m so glad we could save our place from suffering the same fate.

  I’m also not sure how comfortable I am with Kelsey living in Harlem. The place does have a bad rep. Or, at least it once did, but this area looks decent enough. Lots of people out, walking dogs, kids yelling, music blaring from various places. It’s loud! How does she get any studying done? “I’ll go up and get her.”

  “We’ll all go,” Ryan insists.

  “Hell, no,” I come back on him. “She’s going to be pissed.” Kelsey was adamant about nobody going with her and even tried to talk me out of going, but the guys weren’t having it. They want to head out of town as much as I do, and why take the train when there was a vehicle available. Even if said vehicle was an old mini-van with more rust than paint. It still runs good. We all went in together and bought it, but it’s mainly for Sean, Ryan and Christian because they work construction on the side and it was easier to haul their tools in this than on the subway.

  I get out and slam the door before any of them have a chance to follow me, and I head for the front door and push the buzzer for her apartment.

  “Yes?”

  “It’s me, Alex.”

  There is a click and the front door opens. I’ve been anxious to see Kelsey since she left this morning and I’m not sure why. Last night I couldn’t take my eyes off her. So fucking beautiful, and sweet, and hot. Okay, maybe not so sweet when she first walked into my room at the Reed’s, but after that, she was really sweet.

  I also wish my roommates would have stayed home. Jealousy ate at me last night when they were all laughing about stories from Baxter. Stories I had no part in because I resented her too much to be around her. They all have great memories of her, and I don’t because I was a fucking dick.

  But, now that she is back in my life, I intend to fully make it up to her, if it’s even possible. Plus, I want to know as much about her as I can. Catch up to where my friends are, and go beyond.

  I’m not sure what the beyond is, but I sure as hell am attracted to her, I’m just not so certain she’ll let me take her out. This trip back to the school might be as close as I get.

  I pause outside her door after going up two flights of stairs and knock. She opens the door immediately, and I am taken aback. Her dark hair is pulled back neatly at the nape of her neck, so librarian-ish, and she’s wearing just enough makeup to highlight her natural features.

  “We’ve got a problem,” she blurts out.

  Just then I notice that she isn’t smiling at me but frowning. “What?”

  “That tattoo.”

  My heart drops. “Let me see. Is it red, swollen?” I’m careful, and clean, so she can’t have an infection, but that doesn’t mean her body couldn’t react to the ink.

  “The tat is fine. I’m just a little tender, which is a given.”

  My heartbeat slows. “So, what’s wrong?”

  “I didn’t put my bra back on yesterday.”

  I can’t help but grin at the memory. All night she’d been free and easy, not that I commented on it, but I sure as hell noticed. Plus, I’d seen those boobs up close and personal, not that I was paying that much attention to them while doing her tat. But I sure as hell was thinking about them last night while I tried to sleep on the most uncomfortable couch on the planet.

  “I just tried. The bottom band, where it’s the tightest, is right at the foot. That is uncomfortable. I even hooked it so it’d be looser, but it’s not loose enough.”

  Shit, I hadn’t even considered that it’s right where any binding would be. “So, go without one.” I shrug.

  “I can’t not wear a bra to a job interview.”

 
; “Just put it on right before you go in and take it off when you are done.” Seems like a reasonable solution to me.

  She is staring at me as if I’ve lost my mind.

  “Look, it’s cold out. You’ll be wearing your coat. It isn’t like anyone will know.” Except, I’ll know and probably be thinking about it constantly.

  Kelsey bites the left corner of her bottom lip for a minute, as if trying to decide what to do. “I suppose I could do that.”

  “See, problem solved! Now get your stuff so we can get going. I’m looking forward to an adventure and getting out of the city.”

  She just shakes her head as she grabs her bag and coat. I follow her into the hall and she locks the deadbolt and the door before shrugging into her coat.

  As we walk down the stairs, I try to think of ways to tell her that we won’t be alone, but can’t find the right words. I don’t want her pissed at me.

  We step outside and she stops. “What the hell?”

  Yep, this is exactly the reaction I expected. The guys are hanging out in front of the van, but Christian is leaning on it, comfortable as can be, his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Hey Kels, you don’t mind if we ride along, do you?” Christian winks at her.

  A group of college-age girls are coming down the street. They slow as they approach our group. The guys part to give them room, but they don’t hurry. Instead they slow even more, looking over each of them as they pass. Once they are through, a few look over their shoulder, and they start talking to each other. I’ve seen it happen so often it doesn’t even shock me anymore. The thing is, they don’t seem to notice when it happens to them, and it boggles my mind. If someone was checking me out like that, I’d sure as hell notice. If Kelsey were checking me out like that, I’d damn sure as hell notice.

  Kelsey smirks and shakes her head as she glances back at the van. “Will that thing even make it that far?”

  “Hey, it’s a good van,” Sean defends. “Don’t talk mean about her. She’s sensitive.” He pats the hood as he heads to the driver’s side.

  “Fine!” she sighs. “But, if you’re going with me, I get shotgun.”

  Christian had been sitting in the front passenger seat, but he makes no argument as he opens the door for her.

  Well, so much for my plan of her sitting in the back with me. Now I get to share her with my five best friends, and most of them will be in the seats between us. Not how I hoped this would work out and it sucks.

  “Two hours until the interview,” Sean says as we pull into the small town. It’s not much, and I think I’ve only seen it twice in my life. The first time, when I was on my way to Baxter. The second, on my way to college. We were never allowed to leave campus, so I had no clue what was around the school.

  Traffic is heavy and Sean has to drive slowly. He’s almost to a crawl.

  “I didn’t think this place had so much action,” Christian says.

  Me either. It’s just a main road into town, after we turned off the interstate. It’s lined with big old houses with big old trees, like they’ve been there since the beginning of time. The one thing missing is a town.

  “It’s an arts and crafts fair,” Dylan points to a sign. “Want to go?”

  I just shrug. “We do have two hours to kill, though I still want to be early for the interview.”

  He follows the direction to parking and pulls in. After we pile out of the van I look at it again. This thing is holding together on a miracle. Rust bucket doesn’t begin to describe it, but it did run well and got us here.

  Alex comes up beside me and we follow the other guys toward what I assume is the town by the taller building. Not that they are above two stories, unlike New York. After we emerge from a side street, we find ourselves facing an old fashioned town square. In the center is a gazebo that is draped with bright quilts. On the green area around it are tables and booths from various vendors.

  Normally I’d enjoy this, but my nerves on are edge. If I can get this job, I’ll know my future is set. As much as there is a need for teachers everywhere, it’s still hard to get a job. Of course, normally I wouldn’t look this early since I do have a semester and my student teaching to get done, but when I saw the advertisement, I had to apply. It was Baxter. The place that saved me.

  “You doing okay?” Alex asks quietly.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “You seem tense.”

  I just shake my head. “I’ll be fine when the interview is over.”

  He takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “You’ll do great.”

  A chuckle rises. “How can you know that?”

  “It’s Baxter, and you know the school. It’s Mrs. Robak, and she already knows you.”

  “That’s what worries me.”

  “Hey, if she didn’t want former students in the school, she would have never asked you to interview,” he points out.

  That is true. I take a deep breath and blow it out. “You’re right. I just need to go in there, be myself and not worry.”

  “And, wear a bra,” he winks at me.

  “I’d be wearing one now if it wasn’t for you.”

  His face sobers and Alex turns to look at me. His cobalt eyes have gone serious. “No regrets?”

  He’s really worried. “None,” I say, meeting his eyes. “It’s perfect. I couldn’t stop staring at it today when I got out of the shower.”

  Lightness returns to his eyes. “Good.”

  “Would you two come on?” Ryan yells.

  “Yes, sir,” Alex yells back and we pick up the pace.

  And, Alex doesn’t let go of my hand. I’m not sure why he’s holding it, but I don’t mind either. I kind of like it. I’m not so nervous about later with him near. And, there’s something comfortable about Alex.

  I nearly laugh out loud. Who would have thought I’d ever put Alex and comfortable in the same sentence?

  Kelsey hasn’t pulled her hand away, so that’s good, right? Is it possible that maybe she likes me a little? A lot?

  No, not a lot. We still have a history to repair, but I think we’re making good progress.

  The other guys think a lot of Kelsey, and did when we were in school, but I was too blinded with anger to see anything good about her. I think Ryan and Christian also had crushes on her back then. Not that any of us were allowed to date or anything. But, we were still high school guys with raging hormones. Crushes and unrequited lust were bound to happen. It was the nature of things.

  But, we aren’t in high school anymore, and I’ve seen how the guys look at her. They still admire and like her, and I’m afraid if I let go of her hand, one of them will take it and keep it.

  They already have a great history with her and mine is shitty. That’s what I need to make up for. I need Kelsey to see me differently than the douche I was back then. Yes, I was well aware that she called me Alex Douche far more than she ever called me Alex Dosek, and usually, she just addressed me as Douche.

  I deserved it, and more. But that was then and this is now. I admire her, and I’m so fucking attracted to her I can’t think about anything else. It’s only been twenty-four hours since we reconnected, but I feel stuff I haven’t felt in a long time. Now to figure out what all that is and get to know her. Hell, who knows what could happen, but I sure as hell am not going to give up her hand until I’m forced to, and not to any of my roommates.

  When we reach the town square, we stop to take it in, or maybe decide where to start. Tables and booth fill the large area with more tables lining the sidewalk on each side of the street. From what I can tell, they are all craft items. Things made by hand from jewelry to wooden toys and needlework and embroidered shirts to ornaments.

  “Oh, look.” Kelsey points to a table of painted scarves and walks over, pulling her hand from mine.

  Shit!

  I follow and stand by her as she holds different ones up, admiring the watercolor prints on the silk. They’d look beautiful on her.

  She checks the little price
tags hanging from them and smiles sadly. “They are beautiful,” she finally says and walks away.

  I glance down. They are only twenty dollars. Not that I throw money around, because I don’t have money to throw around, but twenty for a hand painted silk scarf is cheap. And, she really wants one, I can tell.

  Kelsey wanders over to another booth of soaps and creams as I study the scarves. There is one with blues, yellows, creams and oranges that reminds me of Renoir’s Sunset at Sea. It would look beautiful on Kelsey and compliment her coloring. I fish out my wallet and pay for it. The woman behind the table bags it and hands it to me. I quickly shove it into a pocket on the inside of my coat before Kelsey sees me. I don’t know when I’ll give it to her, but someday I will. Maybe at Christmas since it’s within the allotted budget for each of us. I’ll just have to make sure the guys let me have her name.

  One day, and I’m already planning Christmas. Then again, it is only a month away, but I want her to stay around. I don’t want this to be just a few days that she is in our life, my life, and gone again for five years.

  “What did you just buy?” Christian asks as he comes up to me.

  Kelsey’s back is turned and she’s looking at stained glass items with Sean. “A scarf. Kelsey really liked them, but didn’t want to spend the money, or couldn’t spend it. I didn’t ask.” Even though she gave fifty to a family yesterday didn’t mean she actually had money to spend. I don’t know her well enough to ask, but she is a student on scholarship and aid, so unless she hit the lottery since leaving school, her money is tight.

  Christian hitches an eyebrow. “Are the two of you becoming a thing?”

  “What? I just saw her for the first time yesterday in five years.”

  “And, you were holding hands.”

  I shrug. “She’s nervous about the interview.”

  “So you bought her a scarf.”

  Christian is not going to let this go. “Look, I’m not sure what I think or feel. I like her, okay.”

  “Just don’t screw it up this time.”