Still Rattled

by Charles, Jane

  “I can see the caption now,” Ryan continues. “Popular tattoo artist faints at the sight of needles and blood.”

  “You wouldn’t dare,” I grind out.

  “Maybe, maybe not.” He shrugs and tosses his jacket toward the coat rack and misses.

  “Did you really pass out?” I ask him.

  “Out cold.” Sean laughs. “Out like a light, out like…”

  “She gets it.” I cut him off.

  “Don’t people bleed when they get tattoos?” Sean asks.

  “It’s different,” I insist. They won’t get it. I’m not sure I get it. Tattoos and that little blood is no big deal. A long needle, syringe, tubes, bags of blood, are an entirely different matter.

  “If you say so,” Sean says as he goes into the kitchen.

  Ryan grabs his laptop and plops back down on the couch and puts his feet back up. Just like he was when we first walked in after seeing the doctor. He connects his phone.

  “Don’t you fucking dare load those photos of me.”

  He just laughs. “Nah. I wouldn’t do that to you, but I’m not going to delete potential blackmail material either.”

  “You guys good?” Mary asks, still standing at the entrance to the living room.

  “You going?” Ryan asks.

  “I’ve got stuff to do. I just wanted to make sure Alex got back okay.” She smirks. “It’s the nurse in me.”

  “Very funny.” I like Mary, but she’s shown me no mercy since I first got queasy when they were taking Kelsey’s blood. “Work on your bedside manner.”

  “My bedside manner is perfect, when I want it to be, and for the right person.” She winks. “You’re not it.”

  “I bet I know who it is,” Kelsey interjects. “It’s a shame he’s not here.”

  All of the guys focus on Mary, whose face turns bright red. “See ya.” And she’s out the door before anyone can ask her a thing.

  “Mary has a thing for Dylan?” Ryan asks. I’m not sure if he’s disappointed or not. The two did talk a lot while we were riding the subway.

  “Mary just wants someone to cook and clean for her,” I say, not feeling very pleasant toward her right now.

  “You know that’s not true,” Kelsey chastises.

  “I don’t know that. I barely know her.”

  “I better get the instruments put away before Dylan gets back.” Christian says. “Or, maybe we should just send him over to see Mary.”

  “She might like that, but I’m not sure he’s got the same interest,” Kelsey answers.

  “Oh?” I ask.

  “Just a few things she said,” Kelsey answers evasively. I don’t press, nor do the other guys. Confidences are confidences for a reason, but I do want to figure out what Dylan does think about Mary.

  Christian grabs the keyboard and starts heading up the stairs and Kelsey sits on the couch next to Ryan, looking at his laptop. “That’s not Alex.”

  “Nope, that’s the most beautiful girl in the world,” he answers.

  I sit on the other side and look at the screen. There are dozens of shots of the same woman. Photos he took from a distance. Long, straight dark hair, generous hips and breasts. Just Ryan’s type. “Who is she?”

  “No clue. Just saw her in the park a couple of times.”

  “That’s kind of stalkerish,” Kelsey says what I was thinking.

  “I’m not following her.”

  “You could have talked to her then, you know.” Then again, Ryan isn’t the type of guy to go up and talk to girls. They come up and talk to him when he’s out, but he’s never been the one to do the approaching.

  “She was with a guy. An ass who treated her like shit.”

  “Maybe not your type after all.”

  He grins. “No, she is. Grabbed her stuff and stomped off, hailed a cab and gave him the finger as she left.”

  “And you haven’t seen her since?” Kelsey asks

  “Nope. I’ve gone back to that park, but she hasn’t shown up.”

  I shut the laptop. “This is sad, Ryan. In a blow up doll kind of way. Go out and get a real one. Much more satisfying.”

  The apartment is quiet when I walk in, thank God. I don’t want to deal with Shelby or Tiffany right now, if ever. I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t need a shower and change of clothing. It’s the first time I’ve been here since Sunday morning, two days ago.

  The main reason I stayed at the brownstone was because here I’d be alone in my room, where all I can really do is think or watch old movies. Being with Alex and the guys keeps my mind off Brandy and her illness and waiting for a call from the doctor. Or from thinking about not having a student teaching position and that I might not graduate.

  My stomach tightens. It’s not good to be alone with my own thoughts right now.

  I grab the mail from Monday and shuffle through it. “Finally!” I grab the envelope to me from the landlord. We usually get our new leases to sign a month before it’s due to expire, unless we told them we were moving out. I’ve been meaning to call since mine hadn’t arrived, but so much shit has happened that it kept getting pushed to the backburner.

  I tear open the envelope and grab a pen, ready to sign, but stop. It’s not a lease, but a letter, termination. “What the hell.”

  I reread it, unable to believe what I’m seeing.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Mary asks coming from her room.

  “I have to be out by December 31st.”

  “What?” She takes the letter from me, reads and then hands it back. “Why didn’t you turn your lease back in?”

  “I never got a lease.”

  “I had to call for mine.” Her face slightly colors. “I figured I just lost it in my room. I’m not the best about opening my mail and tend to just toss it to read later.”

  She’ll probably find it beneath a pile of dirty laundry in a few days.

  Shelby and Tiffany walk in the front door carrying bags of what looks like clothing. I swear, as often as they shop, they could each open their own department store for just what is in their room. “Did you guys get your leases?”

  Shelby blinks at me. “Yeah. On the first like we always do.”

  “Didn’t you get yours?” Tiffany asks innocently.

  My stomach churns. “No. I didn’t.”

  Shelby shrugs. “They were due yesterday. I hope you don’t have a problem renewing.”

  I just know those two had something to do with this. It’s no secret that they don’t care for me or Mary. I’d be willing to bet that they did something with our mail, which is a Federal offense. Not that I’ll be able to ever prove it. Those leases are probably long gone and in a dump somewhere.

  “I’m sure it will be fine.” I force a grin and walk in to my room, slamming my door behind me and call my landlord.

  “I’m sorry, Kelsey. When we didn’t get your lease, we rented your room.”

  That quickly? “It wasn’t due until yesterday.”

  “We had someone interested.”

  “You knew I had a semester left. Why would I leave now?”

  “One of your roommates said that you probably planned on leaving because you’re going to go off and student teach somewhere.”

  “One of my roommates? Which one and did it occur to you to ask me?” I’m yelling but I don’t care.

  “Sorry. I don’t remember which.”

  “Let me come down now and sign a new lease.”

  “There’s nothing we can do. The new tenant has a binding lease. You don’t.”

  This cannot be happening. “Is there another apartment I can get into?” Will my string of bad luck ever fucking stop?

  “Sorry. Everything is filled and we have a waiting list right now.”

  “You have leases for everything next semester?”

  “Yeah. Sorry.”

  “What am I supposed to do?” I cry.

  “Don’t know. Usually there are plenty of places this time of year, but I’ve heard from everybody that anything de
cent and reasonable is taken.”

  “Fine! I’ll figure something out.”

  I hang up without saying goodbye and storm out of my room. Shelby and Tiffany are still in the living area. “Which one of you bitches told the office I was moving?”

  They blink at me, appearing innocent.

  “Mary, did you tell the office Kelsey wasn’t renewing?” Tiffany calls into Mary’s room.

  She steps out and gives them a disbelieving look. “Are you fucking kidding me? You know damn well I wouldn’t do something that low.”

  “It also makes me wonder what happened to my lease.” I pin Shelby with a look. “The office assures me that it was dropped off.”

  She looks at Tiffany. “I have no idea what she means.”

  I clench my fists together to keep them from wrapping around her diamond adorned, scrawny neck.

  “It really is for the best, Kelsey,” Tiffany finally says.

  “How the hell could this be for the best?”

  “Well, someone like you doesn’t really belong here,” Shelby says.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Well, we are from a different class. We don’t live on the streets and have babies and get tattoos.”

  “You fucking bitch,” Mary says. “You did this on purpose.”

  Neither Shelby nor Tiffany answer her.

  “I’m sure you’ll find a place to live again. Your kind usually does.” She grabs her bag. “Isn’t that why we have shelters?”

  How many fucking times am I going to have the rug ripped out from under me? There are no words for the betrayal, panic and pain I’m feeling so I go into my room, grab my backpack, toss in some clothes, a book and then my laptop. I’m not sure when I’m coming back, but it can’t be before I’m sure I won’t commit murder as soon as Shelby and Tiffany are asleep.

  The brownstone is quiet when I get home. It is late and I don’t really expect anyone to be here. I didn’t even get a chance to call Kelsey today because my customers were back to back. I barely got a chance to pee and grab a bite to eat. I tried calling her when I was leaving Skin Scribes, but she didn’t answer so I went by her place. That bitch, Shelby, told me she didn’t know where Kelsey went and didn’t even offer to buzz me up so I could wait in her room. Since Mary was out too, I just assumed they were together and headed home.

  What I did not expect to find is Kelsey sitting on our couch, working on her laptop.

  “Hey,” I say as I lean down and kiss her. This is nice. I like coming home and finding her here.

  I sit next to her, expecting to find her watching a movie, even though she could have turned on our television. Instead, it’s apartment listings. “Moving?”

  She hands me a letter.

  “You have to move out by December 31st?”

  Then she tells me about her conversations with Shelby, Tiffany and then the leasing office.

  “You are blaming this on the tattoo, aren’t you?”

  “Of course. We didn’t exactly get along before, but we tolerated each other. She became ten times worse after the segment aired. I should have known she’d seen it. As I am gutter trash to her Manhattan millions, I had to go.”

  I turn toward her. “You don’t believe that, do you?”

  “No,” she says defeated. “She does. Her and her people. The same ones who don’t want me teaching their precious children.” Kelsey starts scrolling through the listings. “I can’t afford any of these places.”

  I close the lid. “So don’t. Just stay with me.”

  “You and your five roommates. No.”

  “It’s my room.”

  “Alex, we are so not there.”

  “Maybe I am.”

  “No, you aren’t.” I touch his head, his heart and then his pulse. “Don’t rush. I’m not ready for that. Neither are you.”

  She’s right. I could spend every moment of the day with her, there is no doubt about that. But, we both have our own places we can go to. Even though I want her in my bed every night, I’m not so sure I’m ready for her panties in my drawers and her jeans in my closet.

  She opens the laptop again. “Let me keep looking, okay?”

  “If you can’t find anything, you do have a place here. They guys wouldn’t let it be any other way.”

  She smiles. “I know and I appreciate it.”

  “All the guys out?”

  “All except Sean. He headed upstairs a little bit after I got here. I offered to hide in your room so he has the place without me sitting around, but he said he had things to do upstairs.”

  Sean upstairs? “Did he tell you what he’s doing?”

  “No. Didn’t ask.”

  That’s a good thing, because if Sean is doing what I think, she’d be insisting he not. “Think I’ll shower, change and see what he’s up to.” I give her a quick kiss on the forehead, even though she isn’t really looking at me, but scrolling through apartment listings.

  My eyes are so tired from staring at the screen and trying to find a place to live. Alex went upstairs about an hour ago and didn’t come back. Dylan came home, said hi, and then headed up too. None of them are staying down here. Should I go up to Alex’s room so I’m not in their way?

  Should I just leave?

  I don’t want to leave because the only place to go is my apartment, which is too close to Shelby and Tiffany.

  “Hey sweetheart,” Zachary says as he comes in and yanks off a wig. Ryan and Christian are both with him.

  “How was your night?”

  “Same old scene.”

  “I got some great shots,” Ryan adds.

  “Of your dream girl?” I grin at him.

  “Haven’t found her yet, but I will.”

  “Well, night Kelsey,” Zach says as he heads up the stairs. The other two follow.

  This is really weird.

  Then I glance at the clock. It’s going on two in the morning.

  Alex went up a lot more than an hour ago. I’ve just been caught up with trying to find a cheap apartment in a safe place to live that I’ve totally lost track of time. Clearly Alex isn’t coming back down. He’s probably already in bed and didn’t ask me to join him.

  I shouldn’t have come here. We have a thing, but I just majorly presumed on him. Or, maybe he’s mad because I told him I wouldn’t live with him. I don’t think he really wanted me to anyway because it’s not like he argued with me or insisted or anything like that.

  Setting the laptop aside I try to decide what to do. I don’t want to take the subway by myself at this time of night, but I’m not exactly wanted here either. Otherwise, at least one of the guys would have chatted more than a millisecond.

  As much as I hate it, tears well. It’s as if I’m being rejected at every turn. Schools don’t want me. My roommates don’t want me. My daughter’s adopted parents want my blood, but not me. The guys don’t want me here. At least not right now.

  I’ll just sleep on the couch and leave first thing in the morning. I will not come back unless Alex or one of the guys invites me. Never again will I just show up uninvited.

  Before I got that tattoo my life was easy. I went to school. I worked, I had a future. I did not need anyone. My only friend was Mary, but we weren’t close. Not that she didn’t try, but we’re closer now than we ever were. But, I won’t even have Mary close come January 1st. How did everything go so wrong?

  This is what I get for relying on others. Had I just kept to myself, not let others in, the sting of rejection wouldn’t be so bad right now.

  Well, Kelsey, lesson learned. Keep your distance, rely on no one, and take care of yourself. It’s a lecture I once gave myself often, and it worked. I’d forgotten and now I remember why and won’t let it happen again.

  “Kelsey asleep yet?” I ask Zach as he enters the attic.

  “Nope. On her laptop.”

  Christian fists his hands on his hips and does a turn in the center of the room. “What needs done?”

  “Sean and I hauled everyone’s st
uff to your rooms. He cleaned the kitchen and is now working on the bath.” I toss him a paint brush. “Help me finish in here.”

  The paint had been sitting up here for three months. It was supposed to go on the hall walls, but Sean hadn’t gotten to it yet. Since the attic is so dark, we decided to use what Sean calls Antique White up here.

  “Think she’ll like it?” Ryan asks.

  “I hope so.” The attic is more than just an attic. It’s the first space the owner started to convert to an apartment before we moved in. It’s the width and length of the brownstone, has a kitchen, though no appliances, a full bath, bedroom, walk-in closet, and living room. The very back room was designed to be another bedroom. It just has a smaller closet, but what didn’t fit in our rooms was shoved in there, like the Christmas decorations and other stuff that we don’t have room for in other places in the house. There’s also a small room next to it. A storage closet, basically, but that’s what Ryan uses as his darkroom because there are no windows. Hopefully Kelsey won’t mind him coming and going.

  “Why does she need a place to live? I didn’t get it all between sets,” Christian asks.

  I quickly explain and Christian just shakes his head. “That pisses me off on so many levels.”

  “Hey, we’ve all faced the prejudice before,” I remind him.

  “Not since before Baxter,” he retorts.

  They don’t know about the student teaching yet, so I fill them in.

  “What the fuck is wrong with people?” Sean demands. “Things are supposed to get better, but since that show, she’s been hit left and right with shit.”

  “Kelsey still has us,” I remind them.

  “Yep, and she sure as hell isn’t going to end up on the streets again.”

  Sean comes out of the bedroom carrying a paint can, roller and brush. “Bedroom’s done. Does she have furniture?”

  “I don’t know if what’s in her apartment is hers, or if it came furnished.”

  “We’ll find out tomorrow.” I hand my paint brush off to Ryan and head out. “I better go check on her.”

  When I get downstairs, Kelsey is asleep so I just grab a blanket and cover her and turn off the lights. I kind of hoped she’d be in my bed, but she needs rest and not me waking her to get her upstairs.