“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I smiled and kept rubbing my tummy. “My baby just kicked me.”
“You could have kept that shit to yourself. I don’t wanna hear anything about your bastard.”
“Yeah, but you asked.”
When they finally called me, I was relieved. The lady didn’t ask me shit, just made sure I filled out everything correctly. She said I would receive my Independence Card in the mail.
When we left the county office, Rhonda went her way, and I went mine. But we ended up on the same bus. Only, we didn’t sit together. You wouldn’t have known that we lived in the same house or even knew each other. And that was fine by me. I hated her, and she hated me.
I ended up getting off on Alamitos, so I could go to Church’s Chicken. I wanted some serious fried chicken and jalapeño peppers. I got my order to go. I waddled my behind home as I ate the jalapeño peppers and prayed that I wouldn’t pay for eating them later with heartburn. It seemed like everything gave me heartburn. But Danada said her mama told her that when a woman has a lot of heartburn, it meant her baby gonna have a lot of hair.
I opened the door and walked up my steps. I knew Rhonda was already there, so I was gonna go straight to my room, eat, and go straight to sleep. I walked in the living room and saw Otis lounging in the house.
“What’s up, goddaughter?”
Rhoda was in the kitchen frying up something. I wondered where my daddy was. It didn’t matter cause he didn’t give a shit, I told myself
I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist as I watched his ass take a deep bite out of one of my mangoes. The juices ran down his double chin.
“Put down my fucking mango!”
He laughed. “Come get it.”
I didn’t have time to stare at his ass another second, so I placed a hand over my belly, kept a tight grip on my chicken, and went into my room and slammed the door. I hoped nobody thought of fucking with me. And if his fat ass even so much as thought of coming in my room, I had something for him. That was for sure. And I wasn’t about to go easy on him if he didn’t respect my personal space. My body was private property. It didn’t belong to his fat ass or his dick.
I ate my food and lay down to take a nap.
Later that night, I woke up to the sound of someone fiddling with my bedroom door. Shit. My heart sped up as I saw a shadow step into my room.
“Goddaughter, where you at?” Otis bumped into the wall.
“Get out of my room, you fat bitch!”
“Baby, why you coming at me that way? I’m your goddaddy. Remember, if something were to happen to your pops, I would have to take care of you. I know you don’t like—”
“I wouldn’t piss on my daddy if he was on fire. That alcoholic bastard could drop dead today for all I care. I know one thing—I’d kill you or myself before I’d go live with you.”
I reached under my pillow and prayed that I had something there. And sure I had a flathead screwdriver and some scissors. He better not think of coming my way.
But he did. He even had the nerve to sit his fat, stinky ass on my bed.
“I’m pregnant. What the fuck you trying to do, you sick bastard?” I gripped the scissors in my hand.
“I won’t get in the baby way, if he won’t get in mine.”
“You need to lift your obese ass off my bed and get up out of my room. Bitch, you gonna get stabbed if you don’t!”
His dirty dick wasn’t going anywhere near my baby.
“You already knocked up baby. And, to be honest, god-daddy kind of disappointed you been giving my pussy away to someone else. I wanted to be the one to take your virginity, teach you about making love.” He lowered his voice. “How to suck dick.”
Why is he trying to sound sexy? He was disgusting the hell out of me. “Get out!”
“I ain’t going nowhere, but up in you.”
As soon as he laid his fat ass on top of me, I jabbed his ass in his stomach as hard as I could and felt blood splash against my hand.
He howled out in pain and hopped off me. “You stabbed me!” He fell to the floor.
I got up from the bed and waddled over to my light switch. I flipped on the light and saw blood soaking up his shirt. Did I have sympathy for him? Hell muthafucking no! I kinda hoped I had hit a fatal organ.
When he looked like he was going to get up again and come after me, I grabbed the flathead screwdriver and cracked his ass upside his head with it.
He screamed again.
I busted him in his head again and again. And then I prepared to stab him again, until he dragged his fat ass from my room.
“You little bitch!” he said, hustling to get out of harm’s way even as he talked shit.
“Touch me again! You fat fuckin’ bitch!” I yelled as he ran out of my room. I closed my door. Then I heard a loud thud that must have been him falling again in the living room.
I heard Rhonda cracking up laughing in the living room.
He told her, “Give me my twenty dollars back.” “Hell no. That’s already been spent, Otis.”
“Well, call the fuckin’ cops! Shit, I’m bleeding. She stabbed me.”
“Muthafucka, you high, I’m high. Ain’t no way I’m letting the po-pos up in my crib. You betta put some alcohol and a Band-Aid on that shit, Otis.”
I lay back on my box spring and texted Danada: Maybe I need to get a fucking gun.
Chapter 15
I had managed to get to my eighth month without being raped or getting into a fight with anyone. I was still taking my prenatal pills every day, along with my fruits and vegetables. Little by little, me and Danada were buying everything I needed for the baby. So far, I had a beautiful cherrywood crib, a stroller, bouncer, and a swing. Everything was Winnie the Pooh.
I just needed to stock up on diapers, and I planned on breast-feeding. We kept everything at Danada’s house, because I just knew that if I brought it home, Rhonda would sell it. Not just to buy crack, which was what people would assume, but also to hurt me. Although it would have been fun to set the room up nice and pretty for the baby, I figured it wasn’t worth the risk.
“You got about another month and a half to go, Diamond.”
“I know,” I said excitedly.
“How is school going for you?”
“I don’t go to regular school anymore, Dr. Sojl. I can’t waddle my big behind to class. I was taking classes at the continuation school, but I got tired of that, so I stopped going there too.” Dr. Sojl was the only adult I felt uncomfortable cursing in front of, for some reason.
“Everybody needs an education, even mothers, Diamond. How do you expect to take care of your baby, if you don’t even have a high school diploma? Diapers and formula cost money, and I do hope you don’t plan on staying on welfare for the rest of your life. Welfare is a means to an end. And with all these budget cuts going on, who’s to say that welfare will still be given in abundance like it is now?” He dropped his paper towel in the trash. “Young lady, these are all things that you should consider. I am sure you want more for your child, right?”
I nodded. I did, there was no way I wanted my baby girl to endure what I had to endure. I was all she had, and I had to be a role model for her. That meant that I couldn’t do drugs or even drink when she came into the world. And since I hadn’t been doing that during my pregnancy, it wouldn’t be so hard to control. I didn’t even crave weed anymore.
There was no way a muthafucka was going to be able to touch my baby and live to talk about it. No way would Otis get the chance to rape my daughter. No way was Rhonda going to beat my daughter or call her out of her name. I would kill the bitch first.
“We should always strive to give our kids more than what we had, Diamond. It’s our duty as parents.”
“I’m going to, doctor. What do you think I should do?”
“Go see Nisa in the Resource and Referral Department and see what assistance she can offer you. I’ll see you in another two weeks. Don’t have that
baby before seeing me.”
I laughed. “How can I control when she wants to come out, Dr. Sojl?”
He winked. “I’m sure you will find a way, Diamond. You’re strong-willed.”
“I am?”
“Yep. You got strength you haven’t even tapped into yet.”
When he and the nurse left, I got dressed and went to the lady named Nisa. For him. Hey, if he felt like that was something I needed to do, I was going to do it because I know he had my interest at heart. I couldn’t say that about any other grown muthafuckas in my life.
“Hi. What can I do for you, young lady?” she asked once I approached her desk. She was a plain-looking, light-skinned woman with a Halle Berry haircut.
“Dr. Sojl told me to come here. My name is Diamond.”
She chuckled. “Okay. How—”
“Have you ever met Dr. Sojl’s wife?” I asked her before she could get another word off. He wore his wedding band faithfully, and I had to know how his wife was.
“As a matter a fact, I have.”
“Well, how is she? ’Cause Dr Sojl is not only fine, but he is a good man. Next to Big Homie, he’s the only other black man I have ever respected.”
I thought about Murder fucking Gutter. I didn’t respect his sick ass no more. He was faking the funk like he was a thug and was fucking dudes and women. That was some down-low shit. It was too many innocent women catching shit from men like him.
“So if that bitch ain’t treating him right, I have no problem calling the homegirl and beating her ass.”
“Yes, I treat Dr. Sojl very well.” Her voice got deeper, and she winked at me.
My eyes widened. “Oh shit! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disrespect you, ma’am. It’s just that Dr. Sojl has always been nice to me. And he shows more concern for me than my own daddy does.”
She smiled. “I understand, sweetie.”
Next to Dr. Sojl she was a plain Jane. She must have had a good personality.
I continued to smile at her.
“Now what can I do for you?”
I shrugged. “Dr. Sojl told me to come see you because I dropped out of school.”
“Okay. I see.” She studied me carefully. “What are your goals?”
“If you had asked me that about seven months ago, I would have said, ‘to smoke as much weed as I could and wear cute clothes.’ But now all I want is to be able to take care of my baby. I want to watch her grow up, and I want her to be proud of me.”
“Are you having a girl?”
“Dr. Sojl said he doesn’t know, but I know it’s a girl.”
She chuckled. “Well, the first step would be an education. And I’m not just talking about a high school diploma. I’m talking about a college degree. We are in the middle of a recession now, so you have to be able to compete for a job nowadays. What sets you apart from others is a degree. With you being a single parent, there are a lot of programs out there to help you. You could qualify for financial aid and even get money to pay for your books. But the first step is to get your GED. Long Beach City College assists students with taking the GED test. You know where the campus on Pacific Coast Highway is?”
I nodded. I didn’t think I was smart enough to go to college. Hell, I doubted I could even finish high school, but still, I listened to her.
“Read some of these pamphlets. And here is some more information on the GED. You are having a child now, and once you bring that baby into the world, you are going to have to be responsible for her.”
I nodded.
“But don’t think just because you’re having a baby that you are putting your life on hold. If anything, having a baby at such a young age can be hard, but it does not have to stop anything. Now while everyone is not fit to be a parent at a young age, you just might be. Dr. Sojl has told me how well you eat and exercise.”
I blushed. He talked about me?
She saw the blush and chuckled at my girlish crush, I guess.
“So go ahead and read over this information, and I hope that you enroll back in school. It would be a sad thing to see another bright, pretty girl let her life go to waste.”
She thinks I’m bright? I wondered if Dr. Sojl felt that way too. “Thank you, miss.” I grabbed the pamphlets from her and went home.
Chapter 16
By the time I reached my eighth month, I was on bed rest. I had to rely on Danada to help me. But when she was out carjacking, I had no choice but to bite the bullet and either ask Daddy, who often ignored me, and sometimes when I had no other alternative, I asked Rhonda for help. But she always ignored me. So, really, asking for their help was a waste of time.
That why she surprised me one day when she started beating on the bathroom door. I was trying to shit, but them damn iron pills often gave me constipation. I didn’t want to strain, but I felt so bloated, I thought I was gonna explode.
Every morning I would take some prune juice, and by the evening, I would have a bowel movement. But today I ran out, and Danada wasn’t answering her cell phone. So I was suffering big time. “Will you get the fuck out of the bathroom?” she demanded.
“I can’t shit,” I whined.
“Oh, fuckin’ well!”
“Leave me alone!”
“Get out the bathroom!” Rhonda yelled, not caring about my pain.
“I ain’t getting off this seat until I drop some turds!”
“Damn! I hate your needy bitch ass!”
A few minutes later, I was still straining, and she jammed her way into the tiny bathroom holding a cup of something.
“Here.”
I turned my nose up to her. “What is that?”
“Castor Oil.”
I had never heard of it. “What is that for?”
“It’s minerals. It works like prune juice does, to help you take a shit.”
“Will it hurt my baby?”
“No. It’s fucking minerals. Women been taking this shit for years. Take the shit.”
“Why you trying to help me when you hate me?”
“I’m not. I gotta shit, so I need your ass off the toilet.”
So without giving it any more thought, I took the cup from her and drank the fluid, trying not to throw up. It tasted so nasty, like I was drinking cooking oil.
“Give it a few minutes to set in.”
She shoved me out of the bathroom, and I waddled to my room.
About an hour later, I wished I hadn’t touched that shit. I felt a sharp cramp in my stomach, and before I could even stand up, I ended up shitting on myself. The shit was watery, all over my ass, and covered the bed. I stood to walk to the bathroom, but more shot out of me, leaving a foul smell in the room.
I dropped to my knees from the pain. I was hit with another cramp. More shit flowed from my ass. Right after it stopped, I got hit with another cramp, and more shit followed, until my ass was raw, and my maternity dress was soaked.
Then when the cramps subsided, a salty liquid filled up in my mouth, and I vomited over and over again, until snot was hanging from my nose. My body felt so weak, I thought I was going to pass out. And since I couldn’t get up off the floor, I was lying in a pool of shit and vomit. The odor was making me more nauseous, but I had nothing left to throw up.
I screamed Rhonda’s name, praying she would help me.
“Why the fuck you calling my name?” she yelled, storming into my room.
“Help me,” I moaned. I was too weak to lift my head, so my face was in the vomit and shit. I was able to open one eye and peek at her.
She doubled over in laughter. “Damn! You look like a fucking pig!” she exclaimed. Then she walked away.
Then I was hit with another cramp. At first, I thought I had to shit again. But when it lasted longer than the previous cramps and no shit came out, I panicked. It was a contraction.
A few minutes later, I was hit with another one. The pain was so intense, I screamed. I called Rhonda’s name again. I knew she wasn’t gonna be so dirty as to let me have my baby on my
bedroom floor that was covered with shit and vomit. But she didn’t respond.
Another contraction hit me. I closed my eyes, clenched my fist, and breathed through it. Then, when it faded, I took all the strength I had and crawled over to the outlet in the wall where my Sidekick was charging. I snatched it and dialed 9-1-1.
When the woman said, “Nine, one, one. What’s your emergency?”
I yelled, “Eleven hundred Mahanna Street, Apartment four. I am in labor. Please get here now before I lose my baby!” I kept my phone near me, in case they called me back.
Those contractions were killing me. About ten minutes later, I heard the sirens outside. I was praying Rhonda didn’t send them away.
When they arrived, they got straight down to business by putting me on their stretcher. Then they wheeled me out, despite the fact that I was covered in the shit and vomit. I knew I smelled bad. But they wheeled me out past my daddy, who was on the couch, watching TV, unconcerned with me, and past Rhoda, who smirked at me.
Bitch! I continued breathing through the contractions and prayed they got me to the hospital in time to have my baby.
They shot me to St. Mary’s. Once I got there, they changed me into a gown and placed me on the hospital bed. The contractions kept hitting me, each time getting worse.
“What happened to you?” The nurse put the IV into my wrist.
“I don’t know.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I was constipated and drank some Castor Oil.”
Her eyes got wide, and she yelled, “Castor Oil?”
It was in that moment that I realized Rhonda had meant to do harm to my baby. I closed my eyes briefly. I wanted to kick my ass for being so fucking naïve. But who could be so dirty to want to hurt an unborn child?
She put on some gloves and spread my legs wide. “I need to check to see how dilated you are because you are indeed having contractions.”
Another contraction hit me, and I gripped the rails on the bed.
When it was over, she placed two fingers inside of me. “Page Dr. Sojl!” she yelled to another nurse standing by. “She’s crowning!”
Around the Way Girls Page 14
