Bewitched, Blooded and Bewildered

by Robyn Bachar

  “Probably because you keep insulting them,” Lex said, scowling.

  “Lord and Lady, don’t you start too. Do you honestly think those two tigers could do a better job than we do?”

  “That’s not my point. My point is you play nice with the vamps, but you’re still trashing the shifters. If you want to pretend to be impartial, that means everyone, shifters included.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but no sound came out. He had a point. I frowned—was I some kind of supernatural racist? I’d been accused of it before, where vampires were involved, but most vamps were deserving of scorn. They were bad people. I was willing to give chroniclers the benefit of the doubt now, because I’d learned that they chose undeath for scholarly purposes instead of “dude, it’s cool to live forever!” But shapeshifters were little more than animals.

  Right?

  “I’m not sure I can be down with the furry posse,” I admitted. “I wouldn’t trust my cats to be in charge of anything.”

  “They’re people, not house cats.”

  “Don’t start the ‘werewolves are people too’ argument. I won’t be able to take you seriously ever again.” I folded my arms across my chest.

  “Do you trust me?”

  That sounded like a trap. “Yes. Do you trust me?” There was a moment of hesitation, and I pointed at him. “Aha! I knew it. You think I’m going to run away and join Team Evil, don’t you?”

  He looked irritated by my word choice, and he shook his head. “I don’t think you’d do it willingly.”

  “But you think if Harrison went all Dracula and crooked his little finger and said ‘come here’ I’d jump in the car and drive downtown.”

  A vein in Lex’s neck twitched and I was sure lasers were about to shoot from his eyes. He seemed to be considering his words carefully, which didn’t bode well. “I think you wouldn’t have a choice.”

  “Of course I’d have a choice. There’s always a choice. I fought him off before. I can do it again if he tried anything.”

  “You let him bite you.”

  “I didn’t let him bite me. How many times do we have to go through this?”

  “We’ll keep having this argument until I’m sure—”

  “Sure of what? That I’m not going to leave?” I asked. I took his hesitation as a yes, and I resisted the urge to scream. “You’re the one with a history of walking out on this relationship.”

  Lex jerked as though I’d slapped him, and I grimaced. Shit. I’d crossed the line into unfair territory.

  “I didn’t have a choice,” he argued.

  “You always had a choice; you just didn’t choose me, so don’t get all up on your high horse about this. I choose you. I love you. I married you,” I reminded him. To accentuate my point I jumped on him. Literally. Leapt on the man and wrapped my legs around his waist and held on for dear life. Luckily I didn’t knock him flat or throw his back out when he caught me. “Marriage may not mean much to half the couples in America, but it means something to me. I’m not leaving you. Not for him, not for anybody. Feel free to tell me the same thing. It wouldn’t hurt if you also mentioned that you feel you made the right choice in marrying me. I could stand to hear that a few more times.”

  Lex smiled. “I love you. You know that.”

  “I do. And I like hearing it. I’m not asking for diamonds or flowers, just a little verbal repetition.”

  “I love you, Cat.”

  I kissed him, and he shifted his grip on me. He carried me out of the room, and I squeaked and held on for dear life. He never seemed to have a problem carrying me, but I’m paranoid that one day my fat butt will hit critical mass and I’ll be too heavy to haul around.

  I unwound myself when we reached the bedroom, and while he closed and locked the door, I stripped off my shirt. I toed off my shoes and reached for the button of my jeans, and Lex’s hands covered mine when he rejoined me.

  “Let me,” he said.

  I nodded, my pulse speeding into overdrive at the feel of his hands against my skin. Lex kissed me as he unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, and then he nudged me back onto the bed as he slid both the pants and my panties off. My socks joined the pile of clothing next, leaving me in only my bra. He leaned over me and kissed me, and deftly unhooked my bra with one hand.

  “Why am I always naked first?” I asked as he tossed the garment aside. Lex grinned down at me.

  “So I can enjoy the view?”

  “Well I’d like to enjoy your view, so strip,” I ordered. He laughed and obliged me, with tantalizingly slow movements that made my pulse pound even harder. Damn, that man was gorgeous, and he knew it too. When he was gloriously naked, he moved to join me, but I pointed at his head.

  “Hair too.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Lex pulled the tie from his hair, and it hung loose around his shoulders. I debated complaining for the millionth time how it was unfair that his hair was prettier than mine—if nothing else, his hair was better behaved. My complaints faded as he laid his body over me, and I slipped my arms around him.

  “I love you,” I murmured against his lips.

  “You just love me for my body,” he teased, and I laughed.

  “Not only for your body. Your voice is pretty sexy too. I also love you for your season Cubs tickets.”

  “I aim to please.”

  Grinning, he rolled me on top of him, and his hands settled on my hips. I kissed him, tracing my fingers over his chest. I knew he was expecting me to straddle him, so instead I moved down his body and stroked his shaft with my hand. He moaned, and with a wicked smile I took him into my mouth. Lex was more than a mouthful, so I teased the tip of his sex with my lips and tongue as I stroked his length with one hand and cupped his balls with the other.

  Moaning again, he ran his hands over my hair, encouraging me to continue. I was happy to oblige, and the sounds of his pleasure increased the ache between my thighs. I loved listening to him, knowing that I could affect him that much—mousy me could make the big stud moan. Finally Lex nudged me away, and this time I straddled him, feeling his cock slide into me, inch by glorious inch. I arched my back and rode him as hard and fast as I could. I wanted to feel him fill me, to hear him call out my name as he lost control, and to feel his fingers dig into my hips. But when he neared the edge of his climax, he tugged me down to him and rolled me beneath him.

  “Hey,” I protested.

  I frowned as he withdrew and stood next to the bed, and then he rolled me again so I lay on my stomach. Lex’s hands gripped my hips, pulling me to the edge of the bed, and then he thrust deep inside me. I’d have screamed from the pleasure if I was sure that Marie hadn’t come home—having a roommate dampened the volume of our sexual activities. Instead I gasped, my hands grabbing handfuls of the covers as Lex pounded me. I came fast, a tingling rush that filled me until I was shaking from it. My reaction encouraged him, and his grip tightened, bruising my skin. Lex moaned, but he didn’t slow, and another surge of pleasure built. This time when I climaxed, he came with me, sighing my name.

  After he withdrew, he lay beside me, and I snuggled into his arms. “You know, we can do this without arguing first,” I murmured.

  “I know. That’ll be easier once we have less things to argue about.”

  “You sure we won’t find new things to argue about? Like the laundry or who should take out the recycling?” I asked.

  Lex chuckled. “Maybe. We’ll see.”

  Chapter Six

  I found Marie in the kitchen the next morning, passed out at our kitchen table with an empty coffee mug in front of her. Poor kid. I guess she had a rough night after we left her.

  “Marie?” I said. I didn’t want to shake her awake in case she accidentally took a swing at me. Though it was safest to let sleeping guardians lie, she’d be better off dragging herself to bed. After a few seconds she stirred, picking her pink head up from atop her folded arms.

  “What time is it?” she slurred.

  “Almo
st nine. You should go to bed, catch a few hours of real sleep,” I suggested, and she shook her head.

  “Can’t. Too much to do today.”

  “Let me make some fresh coffee then,” I offered. Marie nodded and plopped her head back down.

  I smiled. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she’d been out clubbing all night—the ruffled, pink hairstyle screamed “rave” to me, but then again what would I know? I’d never seen a rave outside of prime-time drama. Maybe I should be grateful that Zach’s undead crowd leans toward wine–and-cheese parties instead of pounding techno-dance orgies. I dumped out the old coffee, which went cold hours ago from the smell of it, and set it up for a new pot. As I was flicking the power switch, Lex padded into the room wearing only his ratty blue jeans, put his arms around my waist, and brushed a kiss against my hair.

  Marie grunted. “Eww. Have some pity and put a shirt on,” she grumbled.

  “Go back to sleep,” he replied.

  “Can’t. So keep the cuteness down.”

  “Sorry, can’t help you there.” Lex nuzzled my neck and I giggled.

  “That’s just not fair. I haven’t gotten laid since I got here,” Marie said, and Lex flinched. It was kind of funny.

  “I didn’t need to know that,” he complained.

  “Well it’s not like I can bring dates back here… I can’t bring dates back here, right?” she asked.

  Lex sighed. “Marie,” he started, but she interrupted him.

  “Fine, fine. I know. Whatever. I’ve got an appointment to look at a few condos later today.”

  I nudged Lex away. “How about you sit down so I can start making breakfast,” I suggested.

  “I can’t help?”

  “No, you can’t help. Last time you tried, you turned the toast into charcoal briquettes and set off the smoke alarm,” I reminded him. “Have a seat. You can fill Marie in on our field trip to Faerie.”

  He kissed me again and did as ordered, and I started on making a guardian-sized breakfast. Eggs, bacon, pancakes, hash browns—the works. I tried to listen in on their conversation, but I was busy, and occasionally they rambled off into French, which I don’t speak, so if there was anything important, I missed it.

  With the dogs off visiting with Auntie Portia, my cats frolicked through the kitchen. Merri and Pippin spent a lot of time hiding in mortal terror from Bubba and Cesár, despite the fact that the dogs didn’t express any interest in them. The cats just found them terrifying, and it was something I hoped would be remedied with time or by a bigger house. Possibly both. Because I felt guilty, I gave the cats bits of cheese and hash browns, which they scarfed down greedily. The ginger butterballs were looking like they’d lost some weight—probably too scared to come out and eat (and Bubba kept eating their food).

  Marie looked more animated by the time food was ready, and with full plates and mugs we all dove into breakfast.

  “So where do we find this Patience person?” I asked Lex.

  “Her office is in Oak Park. We’ll have to wait a bit. I don’t think I’ve ever met a summoner who was up before the crack of noon.”

  “Who’s this?” Marie asked.

  “Patience Roberts. She’s a summoner,” Lex replied.

  “I don’t think I’ve met her yet.”

  “You will,” he said darkly. “Patience is always skirting the rules. I’ve only managed to catch her at it twice, but I know she’s broken dozens of summoner laws.”

  “And we’re working with her? On purpose?” I asked. That didn’t sound like a good idea.

  “Simon’s right—she’s the best. Problem is, bein’ a good summoner usually means you’re a bad person,” he explained.

  Rather like being a necromancer. I’d yet to meet a good necromancer. There were some I didn’t mind, like Zach’s apprentice Anthony, but I knew he was up to no good. I think he was even pre-law. Vampire lawyers. Now that was a terrifying thought.

  We left the house around noon and headed toward the city. Oak Park was near the suburb I’d just moved out of, so I was pretty familiar with it. Nice place. I used to take the bus there to browse the shops, which were cute but pricey, and I’d wander around and go stare at the Frank Lloyd Wright homes. Maybe I could talk Lex into buying one of the humongous Victorian houses in the area. He could afford it, though the thought of washing that many windows was a tad bit scary. Maybe we could hire a maid.

  We parked in a lot next to an El train stop, and I looked around for an office building. Instead, Lex led me to an inconspicuous door set between a shoe store and a novelty shop. I glanced in the window of the shoe store and eyed the boots, wondering what Lex would say if I asked to shop. I wasn’t exactly a cute shoes kinda girl, but I wasn’t opposed to the idea of cute shoes. I’d just never had a chance to wear them in my previous day job. Cute shoes meant blisters, aches and pains, and comfortable shoes were usually clunky and/or ugly.

  An ancient intercom system was next to the plain wooden door, and I peered at the names next to the buttons. Lex didn’t push any of the buzzers and merely opened the door and walked inside. We walked up two flights of stairs—reminding me that I should be grateful that I quit smoking because I get winded way too quickly—and turned down a hallway. Hardwood floors creaked beneath our feet as we passed frosted-glass doors proclaiming Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine and Dr. Howard, until we arrived at the last office, All On Red Consulting. Plain font, no cute logos, nothing that hinted at its being a magician-owned establishment. Usually magician businesses had a tell of some sort, something that signaled to other magicians that the place was safe. The number three was most typical—Three Willows Café, Three Oaks University. Then again, that was probably about to come back to bite us all in the ass, because the hunters were sure to figure it out.

  I followed Lex into the office, and I walked into a wall of pungent brimstone-scented magic. Eau de summoner. Gross. There was a bland waiting area with an empty fish tank and old magazines strewn across the coffee table. Zach’s face smiled from one of the covers, his arm around some skinny blonde model, and I flipped him off as Lex opened the inner office door without knocking.

  I heard the occupant’s voice before I saw her. “No. Get out,” she snapped.

  “Nice to see you too, Patience,” Lex drawled.

  I stepped around him and got a look at her. Though her eyes were hidden behind a pair of round, mirrored sunglasses, I knew Patience Roberts was glaring at Lex. Her short hair was cherry red and cut in funky, angular layers, but she wore a plain, black business suit with a white blouse. I wasn’t sure what to make of that.

  “You’re not welcome here, Duquesne, and you don’t have grounds to harass me anymore, so you can get the hell out of my office.”

  “He’s not here to harass you—we’re here to hire you,” I said.

  “Oh, this should be good. Are you looking to deal in demons now, Ms. Morrow? Your father always enjoyed it, and he was happy to pay the price in flesh,” Patience said. She grinned, and my stomach stopped, dropped and rolled.

  “That’s Mrs. Duquesne,” Lex corrected, “and you’d do well to call her Titania. In fact, as your Oberon, I’m orderin’ you to help us, so get the twist out of your panties now.”

  The smile slipped from her face, and she dropped a series of F-bombs so epic even I was impressed. Finally she jabbed a finger at the empty seats in front of her desk. “Sit the fuck down and tell me what you want.”

  For a moment I wondered if Lex was going to demand she say “please”, but he strode across the room and took a seat. I followed, my stomach still knotted. I wasn’t sure I could work with her if she’d known my father in the biblical sense. The odds were against it—Lovely Laura didn’t like sharing her playthings, and I couldn’t imagine her allowing dear old Dorian to have any frolic on the side, even if it was business related.

  “We need a guide through the shadow realm,” Lex said.

  She quirked one bright-red brow. “I knew a summoner who honeymooned there once, but I don’t t
hink it’s quite your ideal vacation destination. Why the shadow realm?”

  “We need a ritual from the library of Kristoff Valkyrie.”

  “You mean you need a ritual,” she said, turning her attention to me. “This is about you and Zachary Harrison, isn’t it?”

  “Does it matter?” I asked.

  “Damn right it matters. If I help you against him, I’m a dead woman. You can’t ask me to do that.” Patience scowled as she tugged a desk drawer open and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. My hands twitched as she lit up her smoke. I wanted one so bad.

  “He wouldn’t kill you for helping us,” I scoffed.

  “Yes he would if I helped rob him of his favorite pet. No offense, Titania, but I don’t care how hard you and your Oberon ask me for my help. I’m not getting involved in this.”

  “Name your price,” Lex said, his voice low.

  Patience leaned back in her chair, and silence hung heavily in the air as she smoked, eyeing us both. I hate mirrored sunglasses. They made her look soulless, and as a summoner, that could well be possible.

  “A favor. From each of you,” she said when she finally spoke.

  Lex swore, and I knew that meant it was worse than it sounded. I bit the bullet and decided to admit my ignorance. “What does that mean?” I asked.

  “It’s like makin’ a deal with the devil,” Lex growled, and she snorted.

  “Don’t be such a drama queen. It means you owe me, and when I call the favor in, you can’t say no. It could be worse. I could ask for your firstborn, but I don’t like kids.” Patience smiled, and it wasn’t pleasant. “That’s my price. Take it or leave it.”

  “I’d rather write you a check,” Lex said.

  “This is better than money. If Harrison comes after me, I want to know you’re obligated to have my back.”

  “Fine. A favor. From each of us,” Lex said. “In return, you take us to the shadow realm, escort us to Valkyrie’s library, help us retrieve the spell, and then escort us back to this realm. Full protection, from beginning to end. And I want the agreement in writing beforehand.”