Bewitched, Blooded and Bewildered

by Robyn Bachar

  I sighed in relief, and we hurried in the other direction, hugging the wall. Instead of the usual gray stone or concrete, it was made of slick, glassy, black material. Obsidian? I was pretty sure it made good arrowheads and hand axes, but you didn’t build with it. I vaguely remembered something about obsidian having specific magical properties, but I didn’t recall what they were. Curious, I touched it, and the surface didn’t feel like stone, but instead like a giant, cold gummy bear.

  We turned the corner and came to a large gate carved into the wall. More demons stood guard, but Patience continued on without pause, leading us onward. I balked, sure she’d lost her damn mind because there was no way we were actually about to do a direct assault on this place, but Lex tugged me forward. Patience waltzed past the guards, and when no alarm went up, I knew what it was like to be a Klingon warbird sneaking past the Starship Enterprise.

  The inside of the castle was no better lit than the outside. Though I expected torches or chandeliers, there were none to be found. It made me wonder what Castle Silverleaf would look like if my faerie cousins stopped paying their magical utility bills. No alarms blared, no guards appeared to attack us, and everything was silent as Patience marched through one dark hallway after another. I breathed a giant sigh of relief once we arrived at the library. It reminded me a bit of Simon’s lair, but while the chronicler’s collection was warm and somewhat inviting, this room was cold and severe. Aisles of books seemed to grow out of the shadows, and bookcases loomed upward into the blackness of the ceiling, if there even was a ceiling. I wondered how anyone could read in a room like this, or ever hope to find anything on the shelves. It was like walking through the stacks of my alma mater during a power outage. At midnight. On Halloween.

  “Hello, Patience. I admit, I wasn’t expecting to see you in my library again,” a smooth voice said. The speaker stepped forward, and I flinched at his appearance. He was a villain made completely of shadow, with lifeless black eyes and strange long hair that languidly moved around him as though he were underwater. I made a mental note to apologize to Simon St. Jerome for criticizing his wardrobe. Kristoff Valkyrie had needlessly black, out-of-fashion clothing down to a T.

  “Aww, did you miss me, Kris?” Patience asked.

  The demon snarled, which I took as a no. Lex stepped in front of me, and I surrounded us with shields, just in case. Patience, on the other hand, seemed nonplussed.

  “Did you really think it would be so easy to break into my home?” Kristoff asked.

  “Yes. Don’t give me the ‘I let you get this far’ speech. It demeans both of us. Now, these nice people need a ritual of yours. Why don’t you give them a copy and we’ll call it a day?”

  “Give them? I do not give away pieces of my collection,” he sneered.

  “I said a copy, not the original. Geez, are you going deaf?” she said. My jaw dropped—even I wasn’t that tactless. Right? Okay, maybe sometimes…

  “And I am to give these nice people a copy because you asked so politely? I think not.”

  I frowned. “Would it help if we said ‘please’?”

  “Payment would be more helpful. What can you offer?” the demon asked.

  Lex opened his mouth as though he was about to answer, but I cut him off. “Unless you’re talking American dollars, we’re not playing Let’s Make a Deal. That’s how I got into this situation.” No more negotiating with Team Evil for favors, and if he didn’t like it, we were going to beat Team Evil down and loot his body.

  “Right. They’re not offering you anything, and neither am I,” Patience said. “No favors, no soul pieces, no firstborn. Nothing.”

  “But the lady is in a position to offer her firstborn.”

  I looked down, wondering again if there was a Baby On Board sign hanging over my stomach that only the bad guys could see. Great. Would Harrison be able to spot it? Maybe that’d lessen the freak-out after I broke our special bond.

  “Okay, Kris, these are your options,” Patience began. “You can give them a copy of the ritual they need, or I burn your whole library down.” To accentuate her point, her hands burst into flames, the flickering, orange glow providing the brightest light in the room. “Or, third option, I bind you to me, I make you give it to them, and you get to come home with me and be Harvey’s new BFF.”

  “I have been very lonely, Mistress,” Harvey said.

  Kristoff hissed at the pooka and then scowled at Patience. “What makes you think you would get out of here alive if you tried?”

  “Yeah, Tiberius said something like that to me before I killed him. Guess what happened to his fortress?” she countered. I bit my lip to prevent myself from asking. Besides, Kristoff’s reaction told that story. He growled, pacing back and forth for a moment, his hands clenched into fists. The demon snarled and leapt at Patience, and they both went down in a tangle of flaming limbs.

  Lex stepped forward, and Harvey grabbed both of us. “Let her work,” the pooka ordered.

  Maybe demon wrestling was covered by our contract and I’d missed it. The rug caught fire as they rolled around, kicking, punching, clawing and biting. I could tell that it was irking Lex’s inner guardian not to get involved, but Harvey seemed calm, so I didn’t worry. Finally Patience pinned Kristoff, one of his arms twisted at an unnatural angle behind him. She spat out a mouthful of blood—apparently he’d clocked her in the face during the scramble.

  “Seriously, Kris? How many times do I have to kick your ass before you learn not to argue with me?”

  “At least once more,” the demon grumbled.

  “Are you going to play nice or do I pick a bookcase to start a bonfire with?” she asked.

  “Enough! What ritual do you require?”

  Lex told him the name, and after Patience let him up, the demon stalked off to retrieve it. Wow. I stared at Patience, and she dusted herself off, extinguished one hand, reached into her messenger bag, and withdrew a cigarette. She lit the smoke with her other flaming hand, which was quite possibly one of the most badass things I’d ever seen. And it made me want a smoke really bad. Guess it was a good thing I’d quit if I was going to be a mommy.

  Lord and Lady. I took a step closer to Lex at the thought. We’d need to stop by a pharmacy on the way home and pick up a pregnancy test.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “I’m ready to get out of here,” I replied.

  “Soon, sugar.”

  Not soon enough, in my humble opinion. I gave him as reassuring a smile as I could manage. Kristoff returned, holding a piece of paper that was startlingly white against the blackness of his body. His fingers blurred where he held it, and I wondered if he was not quite solid—a shadow person for the shadow realm, but he’d looked solid enough when he was fighting Patience. I let Lex take it, because I didn’t want to get closer to the demon if I could avoid it. Lex looked the ritual over and tucked the page into an inner pocket of his coat.

  “Now if you would be so kind as to remove yourselves from my property,” Kristoff said. “And, Patience, if you darken my doorway again, you will become my permanent guest.”

  She snorted. “Whatever. Good luck with that. But fortunately for you, I don’t plan on coming back.”

  The demon smiled thinly. “The times are changing. We shall see.”

  We left before Patience could antagonize him further, and we didn’t encounter any resistance on the way out of the building. We walked a bit away and then she stopped. “I’ll make the door. Stand back,” she ordered.

  She chanted and waved her arms in a large circle, and the darkness shimmered into a round portal showing the spot in Millennium Park that we’d just left.

  “Come on,” she said. She slipped her sunglasses back on and stepped through first.

  We quickly followed suit, and the moment we stepped through the gate, Patience’s friend Harvey vanished again. Had he always been there before? Did he silently watch when we met with her in her office? Creepy.

  We walked a few feet away from
the bean, and Patience stopped and turned to us. “Keys, please. Are we square?”

  “We’re square. Thank you,” Lex said. He handed his key back to her, and I followed suit.

  “Remember, when your vampire boyfriend freaks the fuck out over this, you don’t know me,” she said, pointing at me for emphasis.

  “He won’t hear it from us,” I promised.

  “He better not. Good luck with your spell.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “Are you going to be okay? With that demon?” I wasn’t really concerned with her well-being, but I was morbidly curious.

  “I can handle Kris. Shadow demons are usually more bark than bite. It’s been real, kids.” Patience turned and sauntered away, and I glanced at Lex.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I said, and he nodded.

  Chapter Ten

  Two pink lines confirmed what Patience had already told us. I was pregnant. Probably just barely pregnant—what do they call it? A little bit pregnant? I wanted a real, actual doctor to verify it, but Lex and I both accepted it as truth for the time being. We sat in the living room, unsure of what to do next. Lex kept switching back and forth between frowning in concern and smiling a goofy grin, which I found pretty cute. I scratched Bubba behind his big furry ears, and he drooled on me.

  “Do dogs adjust well to babies?” I asked, curious.

  “Sometimes.”

  “Maybe Marie can take them if they freak out.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “You’re being very calm about this.” I was panicked on the inside. I wasn’t ready for this. I’d expected that we would decide on the best time to start a family and then get down to business. I’d never predicted an oops might happen. Especially not so soon…though considering the amount of sex we’d had since getting married, I supposed the chance for an oops was pretty good. Guess I shouldn’t have scoffed at the idea of getting some magical contraceptives from an alchemist shop. But if the damn alchemists weren’t all such shady bastards, I wouldn’t have hesitated at dealing with them.

  “Sorry. I’d pick you up and spin you around the room, but you look tired,” he drawled with an easy smile, and I laughed.

  “I am tired,” I agreed. With one last scratch of Bubba’s ears, I got up from the couch and gently sat down on Lex’s lap. No sense in crushing the poor man. He linked his arms around my waist. “Are you okay with this?” I asked.

  “You know I want kids.”

  “Right, and I do too, but this is bad timing. It takes me off of the list of people who can fight the hunters and onto the list of people who need to be defended. And what if the faeries have another battle royal planned if we have to face off against the tigers? I can’t throw down with anyone in my condition.”

  “I’ll always defend you,” he replied. I smiled softly, as something squishy melted in my chest. I’d doubted Lex in the past, particularly when he sold me out to the witches council for using magic to do harm. I thought I could never trust him again, but I was wrong. He’d go to hell and back for me. Literally, now.

  “I know, but that’s not my point. I’m supposed to be battle-ready. Not baby-ready.”

  “We’ll figure something out.”

  “This is your fault, you know,” I accused, poking him in the chest for emphasis.

  Lex grinned. “I do recall you participating in the process.”

  “Yeah, but obviously your superpowered guardian swimmers are at fault for thwarting the contraceptives.”

  This time he laughed, and I was glad to hear it. We hadn’t had a lot of laughs lately. “Oh really? You sure it’s not your tree-hugging witch magic refusing to be restrained by contraceptives?”

  He had a point, because witches are all about fertility, but I wasn’t about to admit it. “Nope, this is definitely your fault. But I love you anyway.”

  “I love you too.”

  I leaned down to kiss him, and the touch of his lips against mine chased away the last of the butterflies in my stomach. Before I could kiss him again, we were interrupted by the arrival of Marie.

  “Ugh, PDA!” she mock-gasped. “Don’t y’all have a room?”

  “We’re celebrating the success of our field trip to the shadow realm,” I replied.

  “You got the ritual? That’s great,” she said and then grinned.

  “A copy of it. The owner didn’t want to part with the original,” Lex said.

  “I’m sure a copy will work just fine. But you two should still get a room. My momma always told me that kind of celebrating is how you end up with a house full of children,” she teased. Marie shrugged off her long black coat and hung it on the stand next to the door, with the rest of the long black coats.

  “Funny you should mention that,” I said dryly.

  “Why, what happened?”

  “You’re going to be an auntie,” Lex said.

  Marie laughed, probably thinking he was joking, but then her jaw dropped. “Whoa. Seriously?”

  “Seriously,” I confirmed.

  Marie jumped up and let out a war whoop. “That’s awesome! I’m going to be an auntie!”

  I hoped the rest of the family took it that well. Her mother still looked at me with distrust, and I assumed her inner monologue referred to me as that witch tramp who stole my only son away. Maybe a grandbaby would mellow her out. “Well, you guys are in charge of telling your mother. I’ll tell Mac. But not now, we’re supposed to be figuring out this ritual thingy.”

  “It’s still in my coat,” Lex said.

  Normally I’d be shocked that we’d let ourselves get so distracted, but we were having a baby. I think we had a good excuse. I stood up to let him fetch the paper, because I wasn’t about to rummage through his pockets—who knew what kind of explosives or traps could be in there. He returned and set the page down on the coffee table, and the three of us stared down at it.

  “What is that, Sanskrit?” I asked. I didn’t recognize the language at all. “Are we even sure that’s what we need?”

  “It could be one of the languages of magic. Maybe your cousin can read it,” Marie suggested. I shrugged. It was worth a shot. I called out to Portia, and she popped into the room.

  “Kitty!” she said, throwing her arms around me. “The tigers passed the second test. I thought you should know.” Like we didn’t have enough problems going on right now.

  “Great. I’m pregnant.”

  Portia blinked her big blue eyes at me, and then she squealed with joy. The sound was so high pitched that the dogs threw their heads back and howled. She squeezed me again, tighter this time, and then she zoomed around the room like a dragonfly on speed. “Oh that’s marvelous! You’ll need a proper nursery. Are you still buying a new house? You’ll need to do that as soon as possible. I don’t approve of swimming pools because they’re a drowning hazard, and you should keep that in mind. And you need baby clothes! I love baby clothes! And toys! Oh, this will be so much fun! We must go shopping!”

  “Whoa, whoa. One thing at a time. Can you read this?” I asked. I held the page up and she stopped in front of it. One of her chunky clogs almost kicked me in the head, and I eyed her feet warily.

  “Yes. Oh, this is the spell you needed. That’s good too,” she said. “We can kill that vampire once you’re free of him.”

  “No you’re not. Nobody’s killing him unless I say so, understood?” I tugged her shoe to encourage her to come down to eye level.

  She sighed, and her shoulders slumped. Her torn sweatshirt emphasized the movement, rather like a scene out of Flashdance. “All right. But that’s no fun.”

  “There are plenty of other vampires still on your list that I’m sure will be all kinds of fun to kill. Now, can you write down a translation of this for us, please?” I asked politely.

  “Of course.”

  Portia plopped down onto the couch, and I fetched a pen and a blank piece of printer paper and let her go to work. Her handwriting was very pretty—I don’t think I’d ever seen it before. It was flowing and femi
nine and put my scrawl to shame. Portia outlined it like she was writing a recipe. I suppose in a way she was—a recipe for magic. I frowned as I spotted an immediate problem in the list of ingredients.

  “‘Blood of the master, freely given.’ Aw, hell,” I said. “Well, we’re screwed right there.”

  “You don’t think you could convince him somehow?” Marie asked.

  “Harrison? No way. After all he went through to enslave me in the first place, there’s no way he’ll just open a vein to let me go. Besides, I’m part of his evil plan to take over the world.”

  Lex snorted, shaking his head. Marie whacked him on the shoulder. “That’s not helpful,” she scolded. “Are you sure he wouldn’t agree to it if you explained you’re pregnant? I can’t imagine any man wanting to experience real sympathy pains.”

  “That’s true. But he had to figure it’d happen sooner or later. We’ve been clear on the subject of wanting kids,” I said.

  “Unless he was plannin’ on bumping me off before that could happen,” Lex drawled.

  I wanted to argue with him, but I couldn’t. I’d like to give Zach the benefit of the doubt and believe that he wouldn’t really hurt Lex, but I didn’t trust him that far.

  “Maybe you could trick him into it. Only seems fair,” Marie suggested.

  “Maybe.” I took a seat on the couch and tried to come up with ways we could fool Zach into giving us his blood for the ritual. Most were zany cartoon ideas, born of too many Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV. Finally a real idea occurred to me.

  “Hey, maybe we could tell him we need his blood to attune him to our wards. He’d like that. He’s already whiny that he has a hard time eavesdropping on me when I’m here.” It was difficult, but not impossible. I shivered at the thought of the inappropriate dream I’d had, and I rubbed my arms for warmth. I’d love to not have one of those dreams ever, ever again.