Here All Along

by Crista McHugh

  “She’s not an actress.” The lie unsettled him. Anyone watching would’ve seen Red’s talent. “At least, not anymore. She’s just my assistant.”

  “What are you trying to pull?”

  “Nothing, Karl. She was just helping me block the scene so that when Mackinzie shows up, I’ll be ready to go.”

  He ran through the events in his mind. He should’ve stopped like he had in the past, but when she pressed her body against him and looked up at him with that seductive glance, all common sense flew out the window. It was his chance to do what he longed to do off the set, to kiss her and see if she carried the same spark of attraction. He never expected it to turn into wildfire.

  Maybe there was some truth in the script. He’d played with fire, and now he was getting burned.

  Karl took a step back, but his eyes remained narrow with suspicion. “She’s good.”

  “I know. Why do you think I asked her to help me?”

  “No, I mean good enough to be working on a set, not fetching you coffee. Who is she?”

  Gideon sucked in a breath through his teeth and silently warned Gabe not to out her. As far as he knew, they were the only ones who knew about Sarah’s past.

  His fellow actor’s smug smile raised more questions than answers. Once he chased down Red and apologized, he needed to have a little chat with Gabe.

  He turned back to Karl. “Listen, I’ve known Sarah for years. I want to respect her privacy.”

  “Too late for that. The entire crew and everyone out there saw your little interlude.” He pointed to the crowd of onlookers standing past security. “If you want to respect a girl’s privacy, kiss her behind closed doors.”

  His chest strained against the breath he was holding. I would’ve if I’d had a chance. Or the nerve.

  “One more time, Kelly. Who is she?”

  He remembered how alive she became when she slipped into character, how she seemed more like the charismatic actress she’d been when he first met her. For the past three years, she’d hidden her passion, her glow, but when she’d stepped on the set, she’d shone like the brightest star. This was what she was meant to do. He only hoped she’d forgive him when this was over. “Sage Holtz.”

  Karl’s eyes widened, and he drew in a sharp breath. “You’re joking.”

  “You saw her. And unless I catch up with her, there’s a good chance she’s going to be on the next plane back to LA.”

  He tried to get past the director, but once again, Karl held him back. “Seriously? She’s Sage Holtz?”

  “She was Sage Holtz. Now she’s just my assistant.” The words stung as he said them. Damn it, why hadn’t he thought of this earlier? Why hadn’t he helped her get her career back on track? But deep inside, he knew the answer. If she got over her stage fright, she’d leave him.

  Guilt drained the fight from him. “Listen, Karl, please don’t tell anyone. She’s become a very private person, and if this got out, it might tip her in the wrong direction.”

  “Yeah, sure,” the director replied, his thoughts appearing to be elsewhere.

  Gideon’s gut sank. He’d been so eager to kiss Sarah, he hadn’t even considered consequences like this. “Give me a call if Mackinzie ever shows up. I need to find Sarah and apologize.”

  “Yeah, sure,” Karl repeated in the same distracted way.

  “I’ll keep him out of trouble.” Gabe appeared beside him with a Yankees hat and a pair of sunglasses. “Put these on, Kid.”

  “Don’t call me that.” But he shoved the baseball cap on. “And I hate the Yankees.”

  “Why do you think I chose that hat?” Gabe grinned and put on his own sunglasses. Thanks to all the poker players who favored them, they could walk around a casino in them without drawing too much attention. “Where should we start?”

  “My place.”

  Casino security helped detain anyone who wanted to follow them, and by the time they were outside, Gideon embraced his newfound anonymity. Even with his stage makeup on, he didn’t stand out too much in Vegas. “Does this usually work for you?”

  “Why do you think I always have a few in my backpack? LA is all about being seen, but in New York, we sometimes like to lie low and just enjoy the city without being chased by the paparazzi.”

  “I see a few White Sox caps in my future.” He waited until they entered Caesar’s before asking, “Was this all part of your plan?”

  “Of course. Sorry it took me so long to lose Mackinzie. That woman was denser than I first thought.”

  The elevators opened, but Gideon didn’t enter right away. “Hold up a minute. You did something to Mackinzie?”

  Gabe grinned and stepped into the elevator.

  Gideon followed, and once the doors were closed, Gabe said, “Mackinzie is probably still on her way to Rome.”

  “What?”

  “You know how well connected my family is.” Gabe rocked back on his heels, appearing very proud of himself. “I introduced her to an Italian prince I know. He’s twice her age and doesn’t have much more than his title, but Mackinzie was all over him for a chance to become a princess. I suggested she go spend a few days in Rome with him.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we needed to get her out of the way so Sarah could take her place. Besides, she was more than happy to skip out on us.” The elevator opened to Gideon’s floor, and Gabe exited, leaving behind more unanswered questions.

  Questions that could wait until they found Red. Gideon unlocked the villa and called out her name.

  Jason appeared from the kitchen. “We haven’t seen her since she went down to bring you your lunch.”

  Gideon swore under his breath. If Sarah wasn’t here, then where the hell was she? He opened the door to her room to find her stuff still there. Sketches of various outfits covered her neatly made bed.

  Gabe picked one up. “Not bad.”

  “I know. This is what she’s been working on.” He surveyed the drawings and grew even more unsettled. Sarah had talent. The designs would be a hit once she got them out there. And then she’d be gone.

  But peeking out from under the sketches on her desk, right where he’d left it, was the unopened box containing her Golden Globe. His chest tightened at the sight of it and reminded him he still had one ace up his sleeve. “Well, there’s one good thing about this. She’s not going to the airport.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because she wouldn’t leave all this behind. She’s worked too hard on it.”

  Gabe tossed the drawing back on the bed. “So where is she, Sherlock?”

  There was nothing elementary about a woman’s brain, especially when she was in an irrational, emotional state. Sarah was scared shitless. He’d seen the terror in her eyes when she realized what had happened. But he knew her better than anyone else, and if anyone could find her, it would be him.

  He dialed her number, but it went to voice mail. “Red, give me a call when you get a chance. Let me know you’re all right.”

  That was all he felt like saying in front of an audience. Once he got her alone, he wouldn’t be above groveling to get her forgiveness.

  And yet, he wasn’t sorry. Not really. He wanted to kiss her. He’d enjoyed kissing her. And he loved that she’d kissed him back. If given the opportunity, he’d do it again. The only damper on the situation was the fact she’d run away from him afterward.

  He closed his eyes and put himself in Red’s shoes. She was upset. She was scared. She would be looking for something to calm her down. She’d want her “little balls of sunshine.”

  He ran for the door. “I know where she might’ve gone.”

  “Where?” Gabe jogged along behind him and managed to squeeze into the elevator before it closed.

  “M&Ms World.”

  “What?”

  “Trust me on this. When Red’s upset, she eats yellow M&Ms.”

  “Just the yellow ones?”

  Gideon nodded. “It’s one of her little quirks, and I’ll
bet you a hundred bucks she went there to stock up on them.”

  “You’re on.”

  Sure enough, when they got there, the clerk confirmed that a woman with red hair had just been in and bought a pound of yellow M&Ms. Gideon arched his brow and gave Gabe his “I told you so” glance.

  His co-star grumbled and pulled out a bill from his wallet. “So she was here, but where did she go?”

  Gideon’s phone buzzed, and a text message from Jason appeared on his screen.

  She’s back, boss.

  Gideon held it up for Gabe to read. “Seems we just crossed paths.”

  “Good. Now, let’s come up with a game plan before we go back. After all, I didn’t hire a private jet to take Mackinzie to London for nothing. You have one shot at winning her, Kid, so don’t blow it.”

  A new resolve filled him. Up until this point, he’d been okay with being just friends. But that kiss had changed things. He knew what he wanted, and he wasn’t going to back down this time. “I don’t plan on it.”

  ***

  Sarah popped another yellow M&M into her mouth and pulled her knees up to her chest. She hadn’t moved from her position by the door since she’d returned from the store hours ago. Both Jason and Raul had come by, knocked on her door and asked if she was all right, but there’d been no sign of Gideon.

  She reached for another tissue and blew her nose. It was as raw as her eyes from crying. Thankfully, she’d managed to keep her shit together until she was safely behind a locked door. It was one thing life in the spotlight had taught her: Never appear vulnerable in front of others.

  And vulnerable was the only word she could use to describe her feelings. In her AA meetings, they’d cautioned that taking one drink could be the start of the slippery slope back to addiction. She’d treated Gideon the same way she did alcohol, because she knew that once she had a taste of him, she’d be in danger of losing control. And that was exactly what had happened this morning. If someone hadn’t reminded them they had an audience, she would’ve been in danger of doing much, much more than just kissing him.

  Her cheeks flamed at the thought, but it didn’t keep her imagination from continuing the “what-if” scenario. What if he’d kissed her here in the villa instead of the set? Would they be tangled in the sheets of his bed by now? Would she have shouted “I love you” as he made love to her?

  Her breath caught, and a new ache formed in the center of her chest. She knew she loved him. She’d loved him for years, but only as a friend. But now she was beginning to wonder if she loved him in other ways, too. And if she did, would she be able to walk away when she needed to? After all, Gideon was a wonderful guy who deserved someone better than her. Someone who wasn’t fragile and broken and completely fucked up in the head. Someone who didn’t come with equally fucked-up parents and a ton of emotional baggage. Someone who wasn’t afraid to stand by his side.

  A new wave of tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over. Maybe it was time to leave before things got more complicated than they already were. She could go back to LA, find a new place, pack, and move out, all before he finished shooting. It would be a clean break. And maybe if he forgave her, they could be friends again.

  She closed the bag of yellow M&Ms and stood. It would be easier to sneak out while he was gone. She pulled out her suitcase and started packing.

  She managed to pack half of her things when someone knocked at her door.

  “Open up, Red. We need to talk.”

  She froze, her half-folded dress still in her hands. Her heart fluttered, sending a fine tremor throughout her body until she didn’t trust her knees to support her. She wasn’t ready to face him.

  The doorknob jiggled, but it was still locked from earlier.

  “Damn it, Red!” A bang rattled the door, and she jumped.

  She threw her dress in her suitcase and raced to grab the rest of her stuff. The hell with folding things neatly. She’d iron out the wrinkles once she got to LA.

  A few clicks came from the other side of the door, and for a brief moment, she hoped he’d given up and walked away. Then the door flew open to reveal him standing there with a screwdriver in his hand.

  “Thanks,” he said, handing the tool back to Jason. Then he came into her room, closed the door behind him, and stood a few feet away with his arms crossed and a look of pure determination on his face.

  Sarah willed her body to move, but her muscles remained locked. Even worse, she couldn’t turn away from him. The Gideon she’d always known was laid back and carefree, but the man standing in front of her both frightened and excited her. He appeared strong, confident, and completely unyielding.

  And it made her want him even more.

  “So let’s talk,” he said in a calm, quiet voice.

  The tone was enough to break the spell he had over her. She threw the pile of clothes into her suitcase and went back to the drawer to fetch an armful of panties. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Bullshit.” He grabbed her arm and threw her underwear back in the drawer. “Something has you rattled enough to make you want to pack up and leave, and I’m not letting you go until I have a chance to make things right.”

  “You crossed the line.” Her reply was as raw as her nose, and tears threatened to spill out again. “Why did you do it?”

  “It was in the script.”

  “So it was all an act?” She yanked her arm free and grabbed her underwear again. “Funny, you’ve never followed those particular stage directions before when I’ve helped you rehearse.”

  He waited until she dumped her panties in her suitcase before replying. “What do you want me to say, Red? That I’m sorry? Because I’m not.”

  It took every ounce of strength not to break down right there. Even her voice threatened to give her away. “But you knew how I felt about this. You knew.”

  “Yes, but I also know how I feel.”

  “Which gives me one more reason to leave.” She reached under the bed for her shoes, but Gideon caught her, pulled her back to her feet and into his arms.

  The kiss that followed was nothing like the prior one, yet it had the same effect on her. It was aggressive, passionate, barely controlled, and yet she found herself completely captivated by it. She matched him stroke for stroke, nip for nip, until they were both locked in a battle for dominance. The desire she’d felt before evolved into pure lust, and she secretly fantasized about him ripping her clothes off and completely ravishing her.

  Too bad Gideon was too much of a gentleman to do that. Her clothes stayed on, and he managed to end the kiss before they ended up in bed. But he didn’t release her. He held her in his arms, her body pressed against his, while they both struggled to catch their breath. His gaze seemed to rip through all her defenses and stare directly into the confusion swirling within her soul.

  “If you felt absolutely nothing, if this kiss didn’t leave you wanting more, if you’ve never lain awake at night alone in your bed and wondered what it would be like if I were lying next you, then leave. But if you felt even a fraction of what I feel for you, then please don’t run away from what could be something great between us.” He placed a soft kiss on her lips before releasing her. “Please, Red, give us a chance.”

  Fury sustained her stony silence until he left the room. She refused to let him know how right he was. If he knew, he’d never give up until she surrendered to him. And she couldn’t do that, not to him. She had to be strong and resist him so she wouldn’t mess up his life like she’d messed up hers.

  The second the door closed, however, she crumpled onto the bed. As much as her mind told her to leave, her heart wanted her to stay, if only to experience the love he offered her.

  Of course, that would involve breaking her heart in the process.

  As the night crawled on, she wavered between leaving and staying. She’d get up to throw a few more things in her suitcase and stop to remember how much she enjoyed the kiss. She’d curse herself for being a coward, but ten min
utes later, she was packing again.

  It was almost midnight when she discovered the box on her desk. It was the one Gideon had brought into her room a few days ago.

  The jerk can’t even open his own mail, even when it’s some stupid football.

  The return address said it had come from his home in Pacific Palisades, but as she took a closer look at it, she spied another label peeking out from the one on top.

  The memorabilia shop in Miami.

  Dozens of questions turned through her mind as she studied it. She’d teased him about it being a football, but it was too heavy for that. And even if it was, why would he have it sent here? More important, why had he left it in her room and not come back to claim it?

  Curiosity got the better of her, and she reached for a pair of scissors to cut through the tape. It wasn’t like she hadn’t opened his mail before. After all, she was his assistant. At least, until she turned in her formal resignation once she got back to LA.

  Layers of bubble wrap concealed the object inside, but as she peeled them away, her throat tightened. She recognized the golden sphere on the top. Years ago, she’d pressed her lips to a similar globe after winning the award for Best Supporting Actress. But that award had vanished years ago on a night she barely remembered.

  Her breath caught when the last sheet of bubble wrap fell to the floor to reveal the name on the plaque.

  Her name.

  Sarah’s gaze blurred until she no longer saw the letters, but her own reflection in the shiny metal. Almost four years had passed since she’d held her Golden Globe in her hands, yet thanks to Gideon, she held it again.

  There was no holding back the tears now. She hugged the long-lost award to her chest and let them fall. Only this time, they weren’t from fear or sadness or frustration. She cried like she had the night she won the award—from pure joy.

  Unlike the kisses today, this wasn’t something spontaneous. This was something he’d been working on for months. Something that spoke of love and commitment and dedication. He could’ve made a big show about presenting it to her, but instead, he’d quietly left it in her room for her to find. The quiet humility of the gesture made her heart long for him even more, but in a different way than the kisses. This went beyond pure sexual attraction.