What Lies Between (Where One Goes Book 2)

by B. N. Toler

  Grams left my side and went to the boy, dropping to her knees and taking his face in her hands. “Your name is going to be Jennings after your grandfather,” she told him.

  My brows rose as I snorted. “Is that so, Grams?”

  “Well, why not? It’s a good strong name.” She continued to fuss over him as I stared.

  “I don’t understand,” I mumbled to Marlena. “Did you know the entire time?”

  “Just since last night,” she said. She pulled the sucker from her mouth and took a deep breath then met my gaze. Suddenly, the hospital room disappeared, and we were standing in the master bedroom of the house I shared with George, only something felt different.

  “Are you happy, Charlotte?”

  The sound of George’s voice drew my eyes to the bed where he was kneeling over me, rubbing my extremely pregnant belly as we talked about the baby we were going to have. I stumbled at the sight of what was obviously a vision of the future and turned to Marlena. “This is what you saw?”

  “Remember me saying something usually comes along and changes what I see?” When I nodded, she continued, “Well, it works the other way, too. Sometimes, something happens to eliminate all the other possibilities.”

  My bedroom disappeared and we were back in the hospital room where Grams was still fussing over her great-grandson, as if no time had passed. I slumped into the chair beside the bed, struggling to process what Marlena had shown me.

  “And if I hadn’t wound the watch…” I trailed off, unable to finish the thought, as I met Marlena’s steady gaze.

  “Then it would have played out very differently.”

  I looked back at my body lying in the bed and let the scene I’d just seen replay in my mind. I hadn’t just been alive. I’d been me. That thought brought me back to the little boy—I still hadn’t fully grasped he was my son. “With my condition, the surgery and the drugs...how could he have survived that?”

  “Miracles, love. They happen every day.” Before this moment I would have scoffed at her response, but she was right.

  “Will he be okay?” I jutted my chin toward the boy.

  “That, I’m afraid, isn’t something I can say for certain. At the moment, you both are healthy, but…”

  “…but that could change if I don’t wake up soon.” I finished, remembering what the doctor had said about my body deteriorating. My eyes blurred with fresh tears. I was going to have to leave my family. I was going to have to leave Ike.

  She nodded, taking a breath before she added, “It’s time to wake up, Charlotte.”

  I bobbed my head, hearing her words, but not really absorbing them. “Thank you, Marlena.” Walking over to my son, I took his hand. “Stay with me,” I told him and then I took us back to the other side.

  Ike

  I was on the ground, dry heaving, when Axel appeared beside me in the fetal position, holding his stomach. The transfer was a bitch.

  “I want to be alone,” I grumbled through the bile in my throat and the tears in my eyes. “Go!” I demanded.

  Axel hacked as he moved to his knees, his condition similar to my own. His face was red and a thick vein bulged across his forehead as he strained against the nausea. “Too bad,” he grunted. “We’re family now. I’m not leaving you alone.”

  “Family?” I snapped as I sat back on my heels. “You mean because our siblings are married and having a baby?”

  Axel forced himself up and met my stare dead on. “That, and my sister is in love with you. Any way you slice this shit pie and serve it up, we’re family.”

  “I’m so fucking angry,” I yelled, squeezing my eyes shut and pushing to my feet. “Why?” I shouted. “Why do this to me again? What did I do?” The hurt raged through me overpowering any rational thoughts. I wanted to hit something or someone, hard.

  Something shoved me, and I lurched forward. Once I caught my footing, I spun around and found Axel with his fists up, hopping foot to foot, hyping himself up. “You need to hit something,” he said as he jutted his chin at me. “Come at me, bruh.”

  “I’m not hitting you,” I mumbled.

  When I turned to walk away he shoved me again. “Why not? You scared?”

  “Stop trying to egg me on, Axel. I’m not hitting you.” He shoved me again, only this time he did it while I was looking right at him. Unable to stop myself I shoved him back.

  “Quit it, Axel. Seriously.”

  He shot out a fist that I managed to dodge. It was purely reflex that had me swinging back, catching him in the jaw. His head popped back, and he stumbled as he laughed. “That all you got? Charlotte could hit harder than that.” It wasn’t the insult that I hit like a girl that sent me over the edge. It was the mention of Charlotte’s name. I swung, my fists hitting Axel in the face, chest, and arms. He blocked his head as best he could, but never tried to hit me back. He’d offered himself as a sacrificial punching bag and somewhere in the back of my rage-consumed mind I knew I shouldn’t be hitting him, but I couldn’t stop. After a few minutes, my arms tired out, and Axel grabbed me to him. I struggled to escape his hold, but I was too weak, and instead, when I couldn’t fight anymore, I collapsed to the ground, each exhale coming out as a groan as I dug my fingers into the ground.

  Kneeling before me, Axel put a hand on my shoulder as I gasped for air. “You ever hear the bible story of the prodigal son?”

  Letting my head drop, I let out a long breath. “Yeah, I know it; the lost son returns.”

  “Right, well there’s more to it than that,” Axel said as he sat on the ground and rested his arms on his knees. “After squandering the inheritance he’d begged his father for, the youngest son, with great shame, decided to return home and beg for his father’s forgiveness. He didn’t believe he would be welcomed back, but he had to try. But the father welcomed him back with open arms and decided to have a feast to celebrate his return. The oldest son was angry because his father not only welcomed his brother back, but was going to kill one of their best goats for the feast. He had stayed and cared for their lands and flocks, and his father had never killed a goat for him.”

  I rubbed my face. “Dude, I know you’re trying to help me here, but I’m one-hundred-percent lost as to where you’re going with this.”

  Axel bobbed his head patiently and continued, “The father told his oldest son that he should be happy his brother was home—that basically he had been dead and now was alive. The oldest son refused to join in the celebration. The thing was…the celebration went on without him. His aversion to it all didn’t stop what was happening. In the end, he only punished himself and missed out on the feast.”

  It was a stretch to say that was the same as what was happening with Charlotte, but I understood Axel’s point. It didn’t matter how shitty I felt, or how angry I was…Charlotte was leaving. I could choose to be pissed off and make the whole thing harder, or I could embrace it and let her leave with peace.

  “I hope you know I’m not angry with her. I’m just…angry.”

  He gave me a hard pat on the back. “You forget, Ike, she will be back. I’m not happy she’s going either, but I am happy that she’s going to have the things in life that she deserves. Things we didn’t get to have.”

  We sat in silence for a while. I knew everything he was saying was true, but that didn’t make it any easier, and it didn’t make me feel any better. “Would you go find Meadow please? I just need to get myself together.”

  “Yeah man, I got her. What is family for?” When he vanished I closed my eyes and told myself, Let her go with peace, Ike.

  Charlotte

  I don’t know why, but I took us to Grams’s backyard. I thought maybe my son would like the hens like Meadow did, but when he looked up at me with a perplexed expression I wasn’t so sure.

  “These are chickens.” Making a silly face at him I clucked a few times in my best chicken imitation. He stared vacantly at me. “Clearly, you got your father’s sense of humor,” I told him; though, I was only kidding. George h
ad a great sense of humor. Of course our unborn son wouldn’t know any of this. “Go on,” I told him, motioning for him to go forward. “Go explore a little.”

  With a bit of trepidation, he stepped off the porch and approached the clucking hens. The farther he walked away, the weaker I felt. The despair I felt rumbled inside of me, vibrating and threatening to crack me open from within and bleed out. It was taking every bit of my strength not to collapse into a heap of sobs. The expression on Ike’s face when he discovered I was pregnant was burned into my mind. Seeing that much pain in the eyes of someone you love so much felt like the equivalent of being stabbed in the chest.

  A hand took mine, lacing my fingers with theirs. I didn’t have to look, I knew it was Grams. Marlena must’ve sent her back just after I left.

  “I know it doesn’t feel this way, but everything will be okay, Charlotte Anne. I promise.”

  I stared ahead at my son just in time to see him rear back when a hen clucked loudly in his direction. Grams chuckled. I knew things would be okay…or I believed they would…for me anyways. I would go back to life and with luck, fully recover. I’d wake up to George and my family, and eventually, I’d become a mother. I’d have a beautiful life. But only after I did the most difficult thing I’d ever have to do—say goodbye to Ike McDermott. Again. Before I could return to life, I’d have to first destroy not only my heart, but Ike’s as well.

  “I…” I stopped, forcing down the emotion fisting in my throat. Don’t cry, Charlotte. Don’t you dare cry. “I—I don’t know what to say to him. How do I make this okay? How do I say goodbye to you and Axel? How do I say goodbye to Ike…again?”

  “He will find peace again, love. It may take some time, but he will. And it isn’t goodbye, Charlotte. Surely you must know that more than anything. You will see him again. You will see us again.”

  I turned to look at her and the walls I’d been working to hold up disintegrated. My Grams’s sweet face stared back at me, but not as the young vivacious woman she’d appeared as when I arrived, but as the rounder, gray-haired grandmother I remembered with the evidence of age etched across her face. Grams had changed herself…for me. Something about the familiarity of it wrecked me, and I stopped fighting. The hurt I’d been holding back erupted from within, and a shrill sob escaped me, followed by another and another. Still holding my hand, she led me to a bench and sat, making me lay my head in her lap. I cried harder than I ever had in my life. The happiness, the pain, the fear, the doubt, the love came pouring out of me as she stroked my head and spoke softly to me.

  “Let it all out, Charlotte Anne. Purge it all.”

  I don’t know how long I cried, but when the worst of it had passed, and all that remained was a soaked-faced woman with the hiccups laying her head in her grandmother’s lap, Grams said, “You’re going to be an excellent mother, Charlotte.”

  I wish I’d felt as much faith in myself as she did. Through blurry eyes, I looked out at my son. He stood still as a statue in the center of the hen chaos around him. He was lost here. He didn’t know how to act like a little boy because he’d never had the chance to be one.

  “This George…will he be happy?” Grams asked.

  My mouth turned up, warmth seeping in my heart. “Yes. He’ll be thrilled. He’s going to be an amazing father.”

  Sitting up, I wiped at my face and nose. Grams was still the version of her seasoned self. I gazed at her face, memorizing it. “Thank you for this, Grams,” I told her.

  She smiled. “You should go and see to Ike and Axel before we run out of time.”

  My chest tightened. I had no idea how to do this. I felt like it wasn’t possible that I could even make myself do it. It was always an impossible situation when it came to Ike and George. There was never any winning. And now, there was no other choice. My son. Another McDermott man.

  Grams must’ve had some idea of what I was thinking by the look on my face because she said, “You must do it. There isn’t much time.”

  I nodded and wiped under my eyes with my fingers.

  “I’ll watch my great-grandson,” Grams volunteered. “Go on, now. Be strong.”

  I hugged her tightly once more, then I disappeared.

  Ike

  “Again?” I groaned from the floor as Marlena stared down at me. “You just sent me back.” I hadn’t even had a chance to catch my breath after Axel left, and here I was, back again. She already had a sucker in her mouth, an indication of the toll this was taking on her. How many spirits had she summoned that day? Dark circles hung under her eyes, accentuated by an already-pale face.

  Before she could respond, I heard Sniper’s voice. “I’ve just realized, watching George go through this…I love you, Anna.” He was on his cell phone, leaning his shoulder against the wall, his back to us. “I don’t know why marriage scares me…me parents weren’t exactly the best examples of husband and wife,” he went on. “I just know my best friend is losing his wife, and I keep thinking about what if I lost you.”

  I cast my gaze at Marlena. “You didn’t tell them you saw Charlotte coming back?”

  She let out a long breath. “I learned a long time ago, when it comes to future events, it’s best if I don’t share what I see with the ones directly involved, even if the outcome is a certainty.”

  “You don’t want to be wrong,” I said bluntly.

  “No, love. Being wrong has nothing to do with it. I don’t want to give false hope.”

  “Please don’t cry, Anna,” Sniper pleaded drawing my attention back to him.

  “They’re going to get married,” Marlena whispered, then winked when I cut my eyes to her. “You aren’t directly involved.”

  I smiled at the thought. Sniper—married. Would wonders ever cease to exist?

  “George wants to speak with you,” she said, showing zero concern that I was still on the floor, holding my stomach and fighting the nausea.

  My eyes narrowed. “He asked you to summon me?”

  “No,” she said, her mouth lifted in a partial smirk.

  “He doesn’t know I’m here…that you brought me?”

  She shrugged. “You should go in, Ike. He has some things he wants to say to you.”

  After I managed to stand, I limped through the door and to the other side of the bed to face George, while Marlena stood and looked through the window. George held Charlotte’s hand in both of his. He looked like hell. I hated everything about the situation we were in, but even with all that in mind, the only thing I could think when I saw him was how much I wished I could hug him. He was my brother—my twin. This side or that side, we would always be two halves of the same person, and nothing in existence could change that bond…not even us loving the same woman.

  “I don’t know how to do this, Ike,” he said. I was momentarily thrown off wondering if he sensed me in the room, but quickly realized it was only coincidence. His eyes were fixed on Charlotte.

  Even though I knew he couldn’t hear me I said, “I’m here, George. I’m listening.”

  “I want her to come back,” he went on. “I don’t want to let her go. I know it’s pretty shitty that I don’t care how much care she would need, I just don’t want to exist in this world without her.” Lifting her limp hand, he kissed her knuckle and held it against her mouth. “The truth is, I don’t know if I know how. I feel like my purpose was to take care of her…like it was what I was meant to do.”

  I rubbed a hand down my face. It was then that I noticed what he was wearing. It was the cross necklace that Axel had given to Charlotte, and he’d added my tags to the chain.

  “The thing is, it doesn’t matter what I want. The doctor says the chance of her waking up is slim. I know, you gave her to me once. Maybe you really didn’t have a choice about it; maybe if you had, you wouldn’t have, but I know you trusted her with me.” He clenched his eyes closed. “So now I give her back to you, Ike. Take care of her. Take care of our child.” His voice cracked with emotion making my heart clench in my chest. He knew
about the baby. “The doctor told us a couple days ago that she was pregnant. He said it was a miracle that the pregnancy had even survived everything she’s been through,” he snorted. “I think it’s the McDermott blood.”

  “Our family is stubborn as hell,” I agreed, tears stinging my eyes.

  “I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, but teach them to fish. And teach them about good music.”

  I winced, my brother’s pain overshadowing my own. I knew everything would be okay for him, that he’d meet his child, but he didn’t. Axel’s words from earlier resonated somewhere in the back of my mind. George and I were experiencing the same pain, mostly. The difference was, George was being gracious.

  “You’re going to be an amazing father, George,” I told him, an exquisite concoction of pain and joy lancing through me. I envisioned the years ahead of him, the way he’d age and look more and more like our father with each day that passed. I saw a dark-haired boy with gray eyes standing beside him in the river, the sunlight reflecting on the surface, fly lines dancing over the water as George told him about the secrets of life, just as our father had done with us. I saw the happiness this one life would bring to so many of the people I loved, and I realized this was so much more than a love triangle; so much more than me, Charlotte, or George. “I love you, brother. Everything will be as it should be. You take care of her for me.”

  Turning back to the door, Marlena’s gaze met mine. I nodded to her in thanks. I finally understood. The corners of her mouth lifted and she gave a small wave goodbye, then she sent me back.

  Charlotte

  I found Axel first. He was with Meadow, watching her as she chased butterflies. She was giggling, and the sound was more beautiful than anything I’d ever heard. It was pure unadulterated joy.

  “For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.” I spoke quietly.