Rush Home Road

by Lori Lansens

  Addy hardly heard what he said though, because she was distracted by the strange look of the money and thought it must not be real. Poppa laughed and said, “I forget you come from Canada, Child. Your dollars look like playing cards with your King and Queen faces on them, and all colours like you don’t mean business, too.”

  Addy read the name on the American dollar bill. “George Washington.”

  Poppa said, “He was the president of these here United States a long time ago, Adelaide. Our president today is Calvin Coolidge. We admire our presidents here in America, some better than others, true, and we think they’re important enough to put their face on a dollar.”

  “Oh.”

  “Can’t say I ever did see a dollar with a picture of your Canadian president. Don’t even know who your president is. Do you?”

  Heat rose in Addy’s face and she shook her head, ashamed. “I know the prime minister is William Lyon Mackenzie King but I never did know the name of our president. I never even knew there was a president to learn his name.”

  Poppa said it was all right because Canadians were just naturally more ignorant than Americans. But, he reminded Addy, she should always be proud that Canada was not a nation of slavery while America had to have a shameful bloody war over it. So many things were different in America, and though Addy never said so to Poppa, she thought it was the Americans who were the ignorant ones. Poppa had warned her, when she went out on her errands, to be cautious, to know where she could go but more importantly where she couldn’t. In Rusholme, she could go anywhere.

  She’d found comfort in the simple task of caring for Poppa and Riley. She mended their shirts and trousers, stitching buttons where they hung by a thread, and made all the good things to eat that she could remember Laisa teaching her those long hours together in the kitchen on Fowell Street. There was no venison to be found at the grocer, and Addy felt smug that such a big-city store would be so lacking in essentials. She used beef for her stew recipe instead and was relieved when Poppa pronounced it delicious. She made a nice light batter for her fish fry and because she wanted to mark her first week in her new home, she made a special dessert called apple snow. Poppa said he could eat apple snow every night of the week. With only five or six teeth left in his whole wide mouth, he preferred a dinner that didn’t need much chewing.

  Addy was dismayed there was never food to turn over for the next day, but proud how the men liked her cooking. It’d be some time though before she’d fix apple snow again. The memory of her mother and the day Laisa taught her how to make the sweet fluff brought a choke to Addy’s throat as she cooked, cored, peeled, and mashed the tart apples and as she whipped the egg whites with sugar, then folded the mixture together to set. She could not have been more than five or six years old and it was November, the apples well off the trees but still fresh and crisp in the cool root cellar. Leam was recovering from illness and Laisa thought to buy extra eggs for apple snow, hoping he’d have an appetite for it, knowing it would give him strength. Laisa had been happy that day and her voice softer than usual. “No, Addy. Like this, Child. You make sure you got all the peel off, every little bit, else it only look like snow with red apple skin bits.”

  “Like this, Mama?”

  “That’s right. You’re doing a fine job. We’ll tell your Daddy how you made this all yourself and you should know this is his very favourite sweet dish.”

  Addy glanced down the hallway to see that her brother’s bedroom door was shut. “Mama?”

  “Yes, Addy?”

  “Leam gonna stay alive now?”

  “Yes he is. His fever passed and his eyes bright and the Lord did hear my prayers and them of the whole congregation at church on Sunday.”

  “He gonna play in the yard with me again?”

  “Sure he is. You’re his little sister. That’s a special thing to be.”

  “I don’t have no sister.”

  “Your Mama got sick having you, Little Girl. Heaven said no more children for that woman. She’s blessed enough.” She’d guided Addy’s small hand around the big bowl. “Like this, Daughter, faster, because you need to get air inside and that’s what make it fluff up so nice and look like real snow.”

  “Apples kinda brown though.”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “Like dirty snow.”

  Laisa laughed at that and said, “I always thought that myself but don’t say so to your Daddy. I don’t think he’s gonna like to eat something called dirty apple snow.”

  Addy smiled at the silhouette of her mother in the kitchen window and pointed. “Look!”

  It was the first snowfall of the season and as magical a thing as nature could produce. Though the snow meant hardship and struggle for Rusholme, it also meant the Christmas celebration and sledding and snowballs and watching the men drag massive ice chunks from the lake to the icehouse. Finally, it meant the anticipation of the glory of spring, for even the children knew that without winter’s wither there would be no bud or blossom in which to rejoice.

  Laisa and Addy had stood at the window and watched the snowflakes drift from Heaven and settle on the bare branches and on the ground, then melt away like they were never there at all. Laisa put her two working hands on little Addy’s narrow shoulders and said, “I do feel a blessed woman today. I do have joy in my heart. May all our days be happy as this one and our family safe in God’s embrace.”

  Addy shook the memory away now, for it would be some time before she was ready to think of her mother in a soft way and not be angry any more. She also had enough to concern herself with and that was the challenge of getting the black ink stains out of Riley Rippey’s shirt cuffs.

  It was two weeks before Christmas and there was no snow in Detroit City, neither on the ground nor in the air. Poppa said just wait, and he was right. For one day the cold blue sky turned grey and nearly fell as low as the rooftops, then let go a storm of white like Addy knew winter to be. Poppa and a friend had driven off in a slow-moving auto to see people over to Port Huron, east of the city, before the sun even rose. He’d have reached his destination before the storm stopped him, but not be able to return that evening.

  Riley would not go to work, it being a Sunday, and the two would pass a strange and strained morning together. Addy fixed a good breakfast of fried ham and hotcakes and Riley was grateful and said thank you and she didn’t have to trouble. He had intended to visit a friend himself today and Addy wondered was that a female friend but didn’t dare ask. The snow prevented him from leaving though, for it was foolish to start out on a journey when the sky warned stay home. He rolled himself a cigarette and settled back on the sofa to smoke it. Addy came into the room with some crochet work, not only because of the good light, but also because she meant to ask Riley some questions, most importantly, did he want her to leave.

  Riley exhaled a cloud of smoke and never glanced Addy’s way. Addy’s fingers flew, looping delicate white thread from the skein beside her into a round lacy pattern with her crochet hook. “Riley?”

  “Yes, Adelaide?”

  She held up her work. “You think Verilynn like this for Christmas?”

  Riley looked at the lacy circle. “What is it?”

  “It’s a decoration doily. To put on a table. Or the back of a chair. I thought Verilynn have some place to put it in her room at school.”

  “Adelaide, I’ll tell you true, nothing pleases my sister Very so don’t try too hard or wish too well.”

  “You think she doesn’t want me here?”

  “I wrote to her at Oberlin College and told her about you. I know Poppa did too. Didn’t neither of us get a letter back, but then we never do.”

  “She coming back for Christmas though?”

  Riley shrugged and picked up his cigarette.

  “She gonna want her room back?”

  Riley laughed at that. “Oh, yes.”

  “I’ll give it back. I can sleep right where you are now. I slept in some surprising places before.”

&n
bsp; “You’ll sleep in my room, Adelaide. I’ll sleep here on the sofa and that’s the last word.”

  “You mind?”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “I mean, you mind me being here?”

  Riley cleared his throat and took a long puff. “I like you being here.” With that, Riley crushed his cigarette in the dish on the table and stood. “Well, I think I’ll go have a rest.”

  “Riley?”

  Riley left the room and Adelaide felt more confused than ever. Of course Riley was lying. How could he like her being there? He could not have friends visit him without explaining her presence and the circumstances of her swollen belly. He’d have to vacate his room when his sister came home, and his own father doted so on her, he could not be blamed if he felt envious and displaced.

  Addy set her crochet work on the table, drew in her breath, and squared her shoulders. She was prepared to leave Chestnut Street and find some other place to live, but first she’d talk to Riley and she quietly asked Leam for help.

  She knocked on the door to Riley’s bedroom and did not wait before she turned the doorknob. Riley was stretched out on his bed but sat up quickly, angry. “Can’t a man get a little privacy in his own house?”

  Addy was about to speak when a wave of dizziness overtook her and she could do nothing but ease herself to the bed and let her head sink into her palms.

  “Adelaide?”

  “I’m fine. Just dizzy. Happens all the time.”

  “That bad?”

  Addy couldn’t look up yet. She swallowed. “I seen ladies in my condition getting dizzy before, Riley. Don’t think it means nothing but that the baby wants you to sit yourself down.”

  Riley swung his legs over the side of the bed and set a pillow against his stomach. Addy didn’t know the pillow was to hide the fact that his trouser buttons were undone.

  The dizzy feeling left her and Addy glanced up. Riley’s face had never been so close and she had not seen before the soft wispy hairs under his nose, or the tiny black freckles sprayed on his cheeks, or the dense black pools of his eyes that could never look straight on together. She smiled at him and said, “You remind me of my brother, Riley. You make me think of Leam.”

  “That make you sad?”

  “No. It makes me happy. Especially when you smile.”

  Riley did smile at that and looked at her close face too. “You make me feel like a boy, Adelaide. And here I am eighteen years old.”

  “So truly you don’t want me to leave?”

  “Truly I don’t.”

  Addy nodded and made a circle on her belly. As she did, the baby inside of her moved and twisted and the flesh on her stomach rippled and stopped and rippled again. Riley could see the moving under her dress and was alarmed by it. “You see that? You see that?!”

  Addy laughed and reached for his hand. She gently placed his inky palm on her moving stomach, but he was frightened and pulled it away. “S’all right, Riley. It’s just the baby needs a little stretch like any person.”

  She took his hand again, placed it near her stick-out belly button, and held it there. This time Riley left his hand and let the baby push against his palm. He looked into Addy’s eyes and said, “That’s a blessed thing to feel.”

  Addy nodded and released Riley’s hand, but he did not pull away and instead began to move his palm tenderly over the swell of her belly all the way down and back up again. Addy felt vaguely ashamed to let him do it, but did not want him to stop. Her congested pelvis had been vexing her lately and she’d more than once taken Verilynn’s pillow from under her head and thrust it between her legs, moving against it until she felt an explosion of relief. She felt the building tension between her legs now and a smooth wet feeling too.

  Riley moved his palm crossways from hip to hip, then in a circle like Addy liked to do herself. Neither of them felt powerless over their actions, but rather anxious to continue, prepared to deny the implications. Riley unhooked the buttons of her dress and pulled up her thin undergarments, exposing the whole of her brown baby stomach. He traced with his finger the straight black line from her pubis to her belly button and back again, tickling the coarse hair near her lady part, making Addy feel dizzy again.

  She had not known she would do such a thing, nor even that she wanted such a thing done, so Addy surprised herself when she reached for Riley’s hand and guided it toward her heavy breasts. Riley moaned and pinched her hard nipple with one hand as he worked the rest of the buttons on her dress with the other. He pulled at her undergarments, not roughly, but eager to free her from the fabric and to touch her smooth burning skin.

  Riley guided Addy back onto his mattress and did not look into her eyes lest the spell be broken. He leaned overtop of her, careful not to rest his weight on her stomach, pressing his mouth against hers. Addy, never having been kissed, for what Zach Heron had done was no kiss, thought at first that Riley’s mouth was strange and worm-like, his teeth slippery, his tongue a weapon. But after she relaxed and let her own lips and tongue explore, the feeling was no longer wormy and strange, but hot and good.

  She was sorry when he pulled his lips away and glad when he pressed them again to her neck, and then to her collarbone, and then even further, searching her heaving breasts and finally latching on to her big dark nipples. Addy peered from under her eyelids and was glad that Riley’s own eyes were closed, for she wanted to watch as he worked his fist up and down the slender shaft sprouting rigid from his trousers. She wanted to see his tongue lick the tip of her nipple and flick its way over the mound of her belly and, to her surprise, explore further down yet. She watched as Riley moved his mouth back and forth and up and down until Addy knew she would explode as she’d done against Verilynn’s pillow. Riley groaned and fell against her, his breath still quick, his eyes still closed.

  They slept like that, Riley’s cheek on Addy’s thigh, until the snow stopped falling and they woke hungry, in darkness. They had not feared Poppa might come home and find them, for even the main roads would not be passable tonight, but they did fear something when they woke half clothed and steeped in each other’s scent, and that was what would come next.

  They said not a word as they pulled on their clothing and rose from the bed. Addy waded into the kitchen and Riley into the sitting room to roll himself a cigarette. Addy came into the room a little later and said, “Supper’s ready.”

  Riley ate his salt beef hash like a starving man and said yes when Addy asked did he want a slice of pear pie. Addy served him the pie but could not stand another moment’s silence. “Riley?”

  “Yes, Adelaide?”

  “I feel so ashamed.” Her chin quivered and she sat down in her chair.

  “I feel the same way. It’s my fault, Adelaide.”

  “But I done it too.” She wrung her hands a little. “Will you tell Poppa?”

  “No. Never.”

  “Will he know?”

  “He can’t know.” Riley’d been playing with his fork and put it down now, looking at Addy squarely for the first time. “Poppa…” he said, but he didn’t finish his thought and she couldn’t imagine how it might end.

  Addy rose from her chair and went to Riley now, lowering her bulk into the small man’s lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder, whispering, “I love you, Riley. I love you.”

  They stayed together that night in Riley’s narrow bed, his bony arms enclosing Addy’s big breathing stomach. They did not make love but kissed and caressed in a sweet gentle way until dreams stole them off and it was another day.

  Poppa arrived late the following morning, long after they’d risen and eaten a hearty breakfast. He was beaten from his difficult journey back on the snow-covered roads and took to his bed. He suspected nothing. Poppa loved Riley deeply but wouldn‏t believe a woman might find his son appealing with his stick limbs and look-away eye. He was certain Riley would never disobey or betray him, just as he was certain his daughter, Verilynn, would.

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bsp; The next day, the sun rose high in the cloudless sky, but Poppa did not rise from his bed. He was still tired from his journey and still without appetite. Adelaide sat on the bed beside him and forced some broth down his throat. When he smiled at her, a big yellow tooth dropped from his black gums and fell on the clean bed linen. Poppa laughed at the tooth and blew out a cloud of putrid air. Adelaide shuddered, but Poppa was a good man, and decent too, so she felt nothing but tenderness toward him and tried to breathe from her mouth whenever he was near.

  The snow didn’t melt but stayed on the ground and Addy thought it was like seeing an old friend. The blizzard made a thick fleece blanket for the ugly brown grass and clothed the naked trees and capped the rooftops in a thousand sparkling stars. She and Riley tossed snowballs at each other in the yard and laughed to sore stomachs, until Poppa came to the porch coughing and called hoarsely, “Riley! Riley! You got no sense at all? You forget about that girl’s condition?!” Riley hung his head and said he was sorry, then fired a bull’s-eye at Addy’s behind the second Poppa closed the door.

  It was more outside the house on Chestnut Street than inside that Addy felt the approach of Christmas. The shops were bustling, the streets crowded with boot-clad families juggling gift parcels and food sacks. There was a nativity scene on the lawn of the Polish church down the road and a choir practising inside. Addy had not been to church since she left Rusholme, and she longed to inhale the wood and candle scent and hear the rise and fall of singing voices. She looked at the porcelain baby Jesus in the crèche and prayed silently, “Dear Jesus, please make my baby strong. And please make her come out easy.” Then she corrected herself lest she sound too demanding. “Easy as you see fit.”

  The Rippeys had precious few Christmas traditions aside from exchanging gifts, and even that was thought tedious and done begrudgingly. It was not because the family didn’t love, but mostly because Poppa said the true meaning of Christmas was to remember the birth of the Lord Jesus Christ and the rest of it was claptrap. Nevertheless, Addy wanted to make the house feel festive so she popped corn kernels on the stove and strung the puffy white clouds with dry cranberries, hanging the garlands all over the house. She baked sugar cookies and did her best without a proper cutter to shape them into stars. And she kept her fingers busy making presents for Poppa and Riley and Verilynn.