Rush Home Road

by Lori Lansens

  Riley sat up, surprised. “Blame myself? I don’t blame myself, Emeline. You saw that thing. There was no measure for me to take to save it.”

  “What do you mean, Son?”

  “I know I did the right thing in letting it die. Addy’d be worse off if it had lived.”

  Emeline was profoundly confused. “Are you saying you did that on purpose? Do you mean you didn’t pick that baby up because you wanted him to die?”

  Verilynn shot a look at Emeline. “Why would Riley want to save the baby if it was deformed and looked like a devil?”

  Emeline still did not understand.

  Verilynn went on, “He said it came out a monster, with a big horny head and puss all over his body and hair on his chest like a grown-up man.”

  Emeline’s heart fluttered and she grew sick as she began to understand what had happened. She turned back to Riley. “That’s a perfectly healthy baby boy, Riley. Babies born early sometimes got a little hair and that white creamy fluid just something covers the baby in the womb. That was a healthy baby boy, Riley.” She felt she had to say it again. “That was a healthy baby boy.”

  Verilynn’s face went slack. Riley cleared his throat several times before he could speak again. “What about his head? His head was all—all pointed and long and looked like the picture of the devil.”

  “That’s the head bones squeezing together to come out is all. They drift apart and round up after a few days. Most babies look like that, Riley. Most babies look just like that baby in there, except they’re breathing and suckling right now, and not waiting to be laid in the ground.” Emeline could hardly control her rage even as she sensed Riley’s horror at what he’d done.

  Riley rose from the sofa, put his feet into his boots, took his coat from a hook by the door, and left the house. Emeline and Verilynn looked at each other.

  “I need to get on back to my family, Verilynn. Nothing more I can do here.”

  Verilynn nodded.

  “I’m sorry about your father. You know he was like a brother to me.”

  Verilynn nodded again.

  “This house has seen too much sadness. Much too much.” She shivered. “You have to help her, Verilynn. Doesn’t look like Riley’s gonna take this too well and she’s gonna need someone strong to help her through. There’s some cleaning-up and washing to do. You’ll have to get that baby buried, too.”

  Verilynn nodded.

  “Ground’s frozen hard. Likely have to dig close to the house.”

  Verilynn nodded once more, then asked, “Did she give him a name?”

  Emeline blew her nose. “She calls him Leam.”

  Verilynn repeated, “Leam.”

  Verilynn waited until some time after Emeline left to venture down the hall toward Poppa’s room. She opened the door slowly and stood very still. Addy was gazing into the face of her son and did not seem to see Verilynn there.

  Soft afternoon light filtered through the window and fell upon Addy’s calm, gentle face, and since the child was hidden in the cradle of her arm and might have been alive for the way Addy looked at him, Verilynn thought it a most beautiful picture.

  “Adelaide?” Verilynn ventured.

  Addy looked up, said nothing, then looked back down at her child.

  Verilynn crept forward and wondered why she had hated this big-eared, sweet-faced girl so much. She stood next to the bed and peered into Addy’s arms. She herself had seen just one newborn baby and thought only that this one was uglier than that. She reached down to touch the baby’s toe, startled by the coolness of his flesh.

  Addy looked up into her face. “He’s a big boy, Very. Especially considering he come early.”

  “Leam,” she said quietly, and Addy smiled at that, and at her.

  Addy tried to peer down the hall. “Where’s Riley?”

  Very didn’t want to say she suspected he went to Jerome’s Place.

  Addy held the baby up. “Want to hold him?” she asked.

  Very reached for the child, remembering to support his wobbly neck as her stepmother, Rosalie, had shown her when Riley was an infant. She stroked the baby’s cheek with the back of her hand. “Soft,” she said.

  Addy glanced out the window. “Pretty like that, with the sun on the snow.”

  Verilynn squeezed her eyes and whispered, “I’m sorry, Adelaide.”

  “Call me Addy.” Addy touched Verilynn’s arm. “I know, Very. I am too. I feel so sad I can’t even cry.”

  Very handed the baby back and left the room without a word. In a moment she returned holding something in her palm. She reached for Addy’s free hand and placed the thing in it. Her mother’s marquise-diamond-and-emerald ring.

  Addy shook her head. “No, Very. I can’t. You were right. This is your mother’s ring. You should have it.”

  Very shook her head and could not speak. She left the room again, shutting the door behind her. She moved into the living room and settled on the sofa and grieved for Addy and Riley and Poppa and Rosalie and her own long-dead Mama, whom she longed to be held by now.

  In the quiet of Poppa’s room, Addy Shadd looked upon the face of her child and thought of her own mother, Laisa. She whispered, “He come out pretty, Mama. You should see him. Even if he was Zach Heron’s son, he came out looking like an angel.”

  Addy turned her attention to the blinding white snow out the window and called quietly, “Leam? L’il Leam?” But L’il Leam did not come and she could only hope it was because he was too busy welcoming his namesake to Heaven. Addy kissed her baby’s mouth, telling herself not to think of Riley or worry over what she’d do next. She quietly sang the lullaby Laisa had sung to her:

  Sleep Child, deep Child, Mama holds you near.

  Sleep Child, keep Child, nothing need you fear.

  May all your dreams be sweet,

  And all your days be bright,

  Sleep until the sunrise,

  My little one, good night.

  Coconut Logs

  ADDY WOKE FIRST THE morning of Sharla’s birthday party and was stiff and sore but not sorry she’d slept in the small bed with Sharla. She eased herself up, trying to be quiet, then realized she was too excited to be quiet and felt like she was a child herself and that this was her birthday. She kissed Sharla’s sleeping cheek and got batted away like some annoying fly. Addy laughed at that and whispered, “Happy birthday, Little Miss Six Years Old.”

  Sharla opened her eyes and smiled though she was a little grouchy. Addy moved into the kitchen, announcing, “Pancakes and maple syrup for breakfast then pretty soon Lionel and Nedda and Fawn’ll be here.”

  Sharla pulled herself up in her bed, wondering if she heard right. “Fawn?”

  “That’s right, Honey. Fawn’s coming to your birthday party too. What do you think of that?”

  Sharla clapped her hands and grinned like that was a present itself and Addy thought it was a blessing how a child could not know she was hated.

  Sharla ate her pancakes quickly. Addy wondered if she should correct the child’s habit of holding her fork in her fist like a baby, but decided not to. There were two bags of coloured balloons and Addy made a stab at blowing up a pink balloon, only she had not enough breath to finish. Sharla blew up four balloons and felt a little dizzy too, so she said four was enough and they’d likely just get popped anyway.

  They hadn’t discussed it, but they both knew Sharla would wear the pretty white cotton dress with the lace collar and pink ribbon trim and she’d already chosen that dress to wear the first day of school too. Mum Addy got her registered at a different school from the one where Claude was janitor. It wasn’t a religion school but that was just as well. She’d told the secretary at the desk that she was the grandmother looking after Sharla and the lady didn’t blink or ask was that a lie.

  When Sharla pulled on the white dress, Addy was pleased to see that it was no longer tight at the waist and surprised that it grazed her knee and didn’t hang below. She thought it was a miracle that a child’s body
could grow and change so much in only weeks. She thought it was an even greater miracle to feel an abiding love for a little girl whom she had never laid eyes on till after the lilacs bloomed.

  Lionel Chase’s mother knocked on the door just after Sharla had slipped into her white t-strap sandals, saying that Lionel was being punished for some misdeed and would not be coming to Sharla’s party. Addy nodded politely and said she understood but really she was thinking it was more a punishment against Sharla and wondered if that was the woman’s real intention after all. She’d noticed the way Lionel’s mother hated the half-and-half look of Sharla and thought her just as racial as the worst of them. She was sorry though, because Lionel was a gentle boy and Sharla was truly fond of him.

  Fawn was the next to show up. Addy imagined Krystal pushing the child out the door and telling her she could play over at Sharla’s all day if the old coloured lady said it was fine. Fawn was dressed in her bathing suit top and a pair of soiled, much-too-big plaid shorts. Krystal had pulled her hair into a ponytail but hadn’t bothered to wash her face after breakfast, which was fried eggs, judging by the yellow yolk flakes on her cheek. Sharla clapped at seeing Fawn, letting her in the house and showing her everything: the sofa bed and blue blanket, the salt’n’pepper shakers, the tidy kitchen, and even the gleaming white tub. But Fawn didn’t look at any of the things in the trailer, for her eyes could not leave the beautiful white dress on Sharla Cody’s different body. They sat down on the bed in Addy’s bedroom and Addy stood in the hall and listened to their words.

  “Ain’t this a nice bedspread, Fawn? See, it’s a match to the curtains, too. Mum got it out of the catalogue.”

  “This supposed to be a birthday party? Where’s the treats?”

  “Nedda’s coming too though.”

  “Who’s Nedda?”

  Fawn hadn’t ventured down the mud lane much and didn’t know the children there. When a moment later Nedda knocked on the door, Sharla and Fawn shot out of the room to go see. The way Fawn and Nedda looked at each other told Addy it was going to be a long day. She had the three girls sit at the kitchen table and gave each of them a birthday grab bag with a bubble blower, some marbles, and several licorice whips tied in a bow. Addy noted that neither Fawn nor Nedda had brought a gift for Sharla, and though it wasn’t good manners, she understood it was not their fault.

  “Well,” Addy said, “time to open presents.”

  Sharla clapped her hands. Nedda and Fawn looked at their grab bags and Addy knew they felt ashamed they’d come empty-handed.

  Addy reached into a hiding space above the refrigerator and took down the three presents wrapped in pretty pink paper and decorated with the stinky white flowers from her garden. Sharla grinned and counted, “One, two, three!”

  “Yes,” Addy said. “You’re a very lucky girl to get three presents.”

  Nedda let her chin sink to the table and didn’t care she was spoiling things. “I never got but one present on my berfday and that was a Sally Server I never even wanted.”

  Fawn smalled her eyes. “My Aunt Krystal give me twenty dollars and I got a pink wagon for pulling my dolls.”

  Sharla explained to Mum Addy, “Fawn put the kittens in but they didn’t like the wagon and one of them jumped out and died on the grass.”

  Nedda let her head roll on the table. “I got a twenty dollars from my Poppy one time.”

  Addy ground her teeth. “Well, girls, why don’t we see what all Sharla got for her birthday.”

  Sharla glanced at Mum Addy and could not have surprised the old woman more when she said, “Three girls. Three presents. Can one present be for each girl?”

  “But Sharla, Honey, these here are your presents because it’s your birthday.”

  “But we could pretend it’s everybody’s birthday.”

  Addy did not know if she felt like scolding the child or kissing her. She had not intended for these presents to go to the snotty girls who sat at her kitchen table. She did not feel the generosity toward them that Sharla did. Addy wanted to make sure that Sharla was not just afraid of them, or of having her day spoiled by their petulance. “You don’t have to give your presents away, Honey.”

  “I know.”

  Nedda said, “It’s her berfday ain’t it? She could give us a present if she wants.”

  Addy squeezed Sharla’s shoulder and decided on the book for Nedda and the cartoon lunch box for Fawn. They tore the pink paper off before Addy had a chance to say wait. They loved their presents, and though neither girl remembered to say thank you, you could tell they were very glad to have come to Sharla Cody’s party.

  Finally, Addy handed the last present to Sharla. The girls watched silently as she took her time unwrapping it. When at last the paper was set aside and the porcelain baby doll revealed, there was a collective gasp around the kitchen table. Sharla looked up from the doll to Mum Addy, then back again because she couldn’t believe it. “This is mine?”

  “She’s yours, Honey.”

  “Could I see her, Sharla?” Fawn begged, and reached for the doll.

  Sharla shook her head. “She wants to stay with me for a minute.”

  Nedda touched the porcelain toe. “That’s a Chinky-doll. My cousin in Detroit got one of them.”

  Sharla corrected her. “That’s a China-person-doll, right Mum Addy?”

  Addy hid a grin and nodded. “What you gonna call her?”

  Sharla didn’t hesitate. “Chick.”

  Addy thought that was a fine name.

  “Could I see her now, Sharla? Please?” Fawn begged again.

  Sharla shook her head. Generous as she had been, she could not let Fawn or Nedda touch this precious gift yet.

  “You’re just hoggin’ her,” Nedda complained.

  “Yeah. You’re hoggin’ her,” Fawn chimed.

  “That’s Sharla’s doll.” Addy tried to keep her voice smooth. “And that’s fine if she wants to hold on to her for a while. You girls got two nice presents there to be thankful for.”

  “Not nice as that doll though,” Nedda whined and made Addy sorry she’d allowed Sharla to give up the gifts at all. She decided that now was a good time to get the girls into their bathing suits and under the sprinkler, then they’d have hot dogs and a few games and she’d be relieved when it was time to send Fawn and Nedda home.

  The sprinkler was set in the little green patch they called a field, which separated the trailers on the mud lane from Frank Kuiper’s cow pasture, and Addy’s hose just barely reached. It was a large sprinkler and shot into the air for what seemed like a thousand feet. The girls jumped over it and around it and screamed and ran away from the pelting, follow-you-everywhere spray. Addy had a hard time getting them inside for lunch and was glad, when they finally came in wet and grinning, that they all seemed to be getting along. Sharla told Mum Addy, “Chipper come and played with us too. He was biting at the water like this.”

  Addy shook her head. “I don’t trust that animal, Sharla. Don’t get too close to him.”

  The girls stuffed themselves with hot dogs and potato chips but no one touched the coleslaw Addy’d scraped her knuckles making the day before. Addy didn’t care. She loved to see Sharla damp and giggling and she even felt her heart tug for the smiling little girls beside her, who only needed good mothers much as any child does. Addy had a few games planned, pin the tail on the donkey and hot potato, but after lunch the girls decided they’d rather just take a blanket out to the field and read from Nedda’s storybook, then maybe play a game of tag. That was fine with Addy. The girls wouldn’t need much supervision if they were just sitting in the field, and she had a mind to put her feet up and close her eyes a moment or two till they came back inside for cake.

  Sharla wanted to put her white dress back on and though Addy knew it’d come back dirty and possibly even stained, she did not have the heart to say no. She watched the girls carry a blanket out to the field and settle down on it to hear Nedda read. Almost at once Fawn pulled the book out of Nedda�
�s hands, but Sharla persuaded her to give it back and the crisis was averted. Addy went into the trailer, taking the china doll in her arms. “Chick.” She smiled and hugged the twice-loved doll. Then she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  Addy’s eyes were still closed a short time later when Nedda crept into the trailer. She had come to touch the doll, but seeing it there in Addy Shadd’s sleeping arms she knew she could get no piece of it. Instead, she remembered the coconut log cookies she’d snuck before and carefully, quietly, pulled a chair over to the cupboard. She opened the door and found the tin, opened the tin, and took out the package.

  Nedda joined the girls on the blanket and showed them the cookies, saying, “She said we could,” as she passed the package from Fawn to Sharla. Sharla was careful not to let a crumb fall on the pretty white dress.

  Fawn took a bite and looked around. “This is boring.”

  “Wanna play tag?” Sharla asked.

  “Tag’s for babies.”

  “No it ain’t,” Nedda said.

  “Yes it is.”

  “We can play Red Rover,” Sharla offered.

  “Not with only three people, Dumb Dumb.”

  “Don’t call her Dumb Dumb on her berfday.”

  “I’ll call her what I wanna call her.”

  “Then I’ll call you something, too.”

  “Oh yeah,” Fawn said, leaning over on the blanket. “What?”

  Sharla warned, “Don’t say names though. We’ll get in trouble.”

  “Like what?” Fawn repeated, glaring at Nedda.

  “I’m not telling.” Nedda grabbed her storybook and pretended to read.

  Fawn wouldn’t let it go. “You know the name I can call you and it starts with a N and you can’t call me such a bad name as that because alls I am is white.”

  Sharla shook her cookie like a pointer. “Don’t Fawn. Don’t say names!”

  Fawn used her backhand to knock the cookie out of Sharla’s fingers. It landed with a melty plop on the white cotton dress.