“I was right when I said Blake was your leader, right?” she asked, waiting for Noah’s nod before continuing. “Why didn’t Dmitri answer him, then? He basically defied a direct order.”
“Because Dmitri’s a dickhead,” Blake muttered as he stomped behind them on his way to the hallway.
Noah chuckled as he watched him go. “Dmitri’s really not a dickhead. He just does what he wants. It drives Blake crazy, but as long as Dmitri’s here and follows orders when it really matters, he lets him get away with it, for the most part.”
Damara walked by, taking her plate to the back. “Hey, Dmitri has a point. What we do in our down time is our business. It’s clear you’re both from military backgrounds. Defying a direct order. Sheesh.”
Noah chuckled, but the military comment made Lily pause as she realized she hadn’t thought of Brandon and the last few painful years at all that morning. He was usually the first thing she thought of when she woke up in the morning, and the last thing she thought about before falling asleep.
But that morning, she’d immediately thought of Noah.
Her heart skipped a beat, and she gave her head a quick shake. Not specifically Noah. Not him as a person. Although, she thought as he stood up to take their plates and her eyes ran up and down his tall frame, thinking about him like that first thing in the morning wouldn’t be a bad way to wake up.
No. No thinking about Noah like that. He’d been like a brother to Brandon, so that meant he was kind of like a brother-in-law to her, and that was gross.
And she was just going to ignore the little voice inside her saying it wasn’t gross at all, and she was an idiot for trying to convince herself it was. If that was the best excuse she could come up with for why she shouldn’t check him out, she was so screwed.
But what she’d meant was that she’d woken up thinking about him and the mystery surrounding all of the Enforcers.
And she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She was ready to move on with her life—up to a point, that was. She wasn’t sure she was ready to move on romantically, and didn’t know if she ever would be.
Not thinking about Brandon as soon as she woke up meant that she might be moving on the way she did want, and she felt a little relieved. She was ready to move into her future, but she honestly hadn’t known if she’d be able to. That felt like the first step.
But it made her a little sad, too. For most of her life, she’d known Brandon was her future, and when he died, she hadn’t wanted to let that dream go. Even though it couldn’t come true, she clung to it, grieving just as hard for it as she had for him. That was part of why it took her so long to begin to heal. She’d lost two things the day Brandon died—him, as well as the future he promised her.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Glancing up into Noah’s concerned green gaze, she forced a smile as she nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. So when do we leave?”
His eyes narrowed as he studied her. “Right now, if you’re ready.”
“I am. My bag’s packed. I’ll go get it.”
“I’ll get it. I have to get my own. I’ll be right back down.”
He turned and strode toward the stairs, and she watched the fluid way he moved his powerful body. Frowning thoughtfully, she remembered what she’d been thinking the night before. He definitely didn’t seem to have any lingering issues from his injury, and that just seemed odd, considering how severely he’d been hurt.
And then there was the fact that his eyes changed color. She hadn’t been imagining it when she came downstairs earlier. She’d thought her imagination was going into overdrive when the green seemed to glow, but she’d seen it happen just then. As she watched, they lightened until they were glowing—not as bright as when she first saw them earlier, but more than any normal human’s eyes would.
Maybe he wasn’t human at all.
She wanted to scoff at herself, but there was clearly more to him than a normal person. She didn’t know what he really was, but he had to be more. As absurd as the thought sounded, it was the only thing that made sense.
Maybe all the Enforcers were more. She’d need more time to observe them, which meant staying once they were back from their mission. But if that was what it took to unravel the mystery, then she’d do it.
She didn’t have anything to rush home for, anyway. She worked for a tech firm, but she rarely went into the office anymore. Since Brandon’s death, they’d allowed her to work from home for the most part, and she only went in for the occasional meeting. Her laptop was with her, and she had absolutely no one waiting on her. She could stay as long as it took to figure this—them—out.
Noah was back soon with their suitcases, and as she followed him out to the back parking lot, her eyes narrowed on him. He was carrying them easily, and she wasn’t sure what his felt like, but hers was heavy.
But maybe that had nothing to do with an extra quality he might have, she thought, eyeing him appreciatively. He was built like a brick house, his tall frame heavily muscled. Surely that was the reason he was carrying them effortlessly.
She’d continue to watch him closely, but Lord knew, that wouldn’t be a hardship at all. She snorted with amusement at her thoughts, and he turned his head as he stopped by a big black truck, cocking an eyebrow at her. The idea of telling him what she’d been thinking made her giggle and she just shook her head at him mutely.
He turned to put the suitcases in and she couldn’t resist anymore. “How tall are you, Noah?”
The look he gave her made her think he was suddenly questioning her sanity. Hell, so was she, so she didn’t hold it against him.
“I’m six foot four. Why?”
“Oh, no reason.”
Well, that explained it. The truck was jacked up high enough that she knew she was going to have trouble getting in, and she was average in height. But it looked normal sized next to him. The urge to laugh again came to her, and, wondering if she was going delirious, she cleared her throat, looking around and spotting the row of motorcycles.
“Oh, are those y’all’s? Which one is yours?”
He walked up next to her and pointed to the right. “That blue one there.”
Curious, she walked closer, studying it as she went. It was bright blue and chrome, shining brightly in the sunlight. There was a logo on the side—a grizzly bear wearing a helmet, with bones forming a cross behind it, and the words Blood & Bone Enforcers surrounding it.
“Is that what you guys are called? Blood and Bone Enforcers?”
“Yeah. There are other groups of Enforcers, but that’s our name.”
“Weird name for law enforcement,” she muttered under her breath. “Why a grizzly?”
He stilled beside her. “Blake chose it. I guess he just likes the animal, and he’s the boss, so we went with it.”
Pursing her lips, she looked sideways at him. Something about that answer seemed all wrong, but she wasn’t sure what. Filing it away to examine later, she looked back at the motorcycle. “It sure is pretty. Can’t we take this instead of the truck?”
Noah glanced over at her, his eyebrows raised with surprise. “You want to ride on my bike?”
“Yeah. I think it’d be fun.”
“Hard to do the kind of surveillance required, though, and too conspicuous. Besides, there’s nowhere to put our suitcases. But I’ll take you for a ride when we get back, before you go home.”
She nodded, satisfied, and turned to walk to her car. “Okay, that works for me. As long as I get to ride on it.”
“Where are you going? We’re taking my truck.”
“My laptop is in the trunk. I need it if I’m going to do my part.”
He waited next to her as she got her laptop out and then held his hand out for the bag. She raised an eyebrow at him but handed it over. She could carry something as simple as her bag, and she knew he knew that, but it was nice that he wanted to be a gentleman. They were a dying breed, so if he wanted to carry her bag, she wasn’t going to protest.
He walked to the passenger side and put the bag in the back and then moved to the side, gesturing her in. Grabbing the handle, she put her foot on the step side, thankful he had one. It was still a bit of a climb to get in the truck, but without it, he would have had to lift her in.
Once she was in, he shut the door behind her, and she smiled as she buckled her seatbelt. She could get used to that. It reminded her of the little ways Brandon used to take care of her, but it didn’t make her sad. The memory filled her with warmth for once, and she basked in it.
Maybe that was part of moving on. Being able to remember someone with warmth, and maybe a little ache, but not have it be so painful, it stole her breath.
Noah climbed in the truck and cranked the engine. It started with a loud growl that startled her, and she laughed as she glanced over at him. “And you think this truck is less conspicuous than a motorcycle? You do know not everyone drives trucks as big and loud as this one, right?”
He laughed as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Guys as big as I am do. Could you imagine me fitting into something like your car?”
“Yeah, that’d be like a clown car for you,” she agreed with a laugh.
But when her laughter died down, she became hyper aware of how he filled out the cab of the truck. It was a large extended cab, but he was so big that he took up more than his fair share. It seemed crazy, but the heat from his body was warming her down to her bones, and there was a console between them.
The awareness she had of him felt like a physical being, racing down her spine and raising the hairs on her arms. Swallowing hard, she tried to turn her attention to something, anything, else, but her whole being was focused on sharing such a small space with him.
“Um, so I never asked where we were going,” she said as casually as she could, looking out the window like everything was normal and she wasn’t feeling the things she was for him.
“Idaho. It’ll take most of the day to get there, I’m guessing.”
Well, shoot. She was going to be stuck in there, so close to him, feeling that level of awareness for him, for hours.
She was going to lose her mind.
Noah tightened his hand on the steering wheel, digging the fingers of the other hand into his thigh, as Lily moved around in her seat. Her strawberry scented shampoo wafted over to him, and he swore he could feel her heat against his side, just like she was pressed into him.
Why the hell hadn’t he given thought to how it would be, confined in such a small space, for the length of the trip? The drive itself would be long, but that wasn’t even taking into consideration the fact that they’d be in the truck during the surveillance, too. It’d only been thirty minutes so far, and she was already driving him crazy.
This was going to be fucking torture. Having her so close but unable to do a single thing he wanted to do.
As much as he wanted her, he’d be ecstatic if he could just hold her hand in that moment. That knowledge was scary shit, because he didn’t need to even be thinking about her like that at all—much less be so desperate for a touch that he longed to hold her hand like a twelve-year-old boy.
Think about Brandon, he lectured himself. But it didn’t work. Fuck, he was a shitty friend. He’d known it already, but lusting over Lily confirmed it.
It wasn’t just sexual, though. He thought if it was, he could control it. The problem was, he genuinely liked her as much as he was attracted to her. She was smart, funny, sweet, and loving.
And what made him hate himself was the fact that he noticed those things about her because of Brandon. Because they’d been friends, and when he was invited over for dinner, he observed how they were together.
He hadn’t known her well because he chose to keep his distance from her. At least he’d been decent enough to do that. But, while he might not have taken the chance on getting too close to her, on learning what she liked and disliked, he knew the heart of her. He knew who she was in her soul.
And she was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.
“So you’ve been with the Enforcers for three years, Damara said. Did you leave the Marines and then join them right after?”
He glanced over at her with surprise at the sudden question. “Pretty much. Once my discharge was complete, I met up with Luke and we joined. He already knew Blake and had planned on becoming a part of his team, so I joined him.”
From the corner of his eye, he saw her hook her hair behind her ear as she turned to face him more fully. “But it must have taken some time to heal, right? You were injured pretty badly.”
Freezing, he held still, barely breathing as his mind raced. “Uh, yeah. It took some time.”
If by time, he meant two weeks. That was actually a long time for a shifter to heal, but he’d been hurt badly in the explosion. It was still far faster than a human could heal. Actually, if he were human, he never would have healed completely, if he lived at all.
Shit. He never even thought about that when she showed up. He’d been moving around like he was never hurt—because his lion had healed him completely, so to him, he wasn’t.
He hated lying to her, but if he’d thought of it, he would have tried to limp or something. He’d done that at the funeral, the last time he saw her. He hadn’t been exaggerating how heavily he’d needed to lean on the cane, but he hadn’t needed the wheelchair. Luke cautioned him not to go at all, but he couldn’t miss Brandon’s funeral. So he went, but he conceded to Luke’s advice on the wheelchair.
Dammit, it was for that reason that Brandon had been his only human friend. It wasn’t because of a prejudice or an inherent dislike of humans. It was because he hated lying and it grated on his soul when he had to.
“You must have worked pretty hard. It wouldn’t be obvious to anyone that you’d been hurt so severely.”
And with that, she was suspicious again. At least, he thought she was. He didn’t blame her. He would be, too. But it was why he would have lied, if he’d thought about it, no matter how much he hated it.
“Yeah, I did,” he replied. Clearing his throat, he changed the subject. “You know, you never did tell me why you were looking for me.”
She didn’t respond right away, and a quick glance told him she was studying him closely. He prayed she’d let it go and not ask any more questions, and he was just starting to think she wasn’t going to when she answered.
“I thought it was for the last bit of closure I needed, but now I’m not so sure.”
He glanced quickly over at her, taking in her furrowed brow and the confusion in her unusual blue eyes before looking back at the road. “What do you mean?”
She sighed as she kicked her flip flop off and pulled her leg up on the seat. “It took me a long time to overcome my grief after Brandon died. I felt like I was drowning in it for years, and I was so inaccessible that everyone in my life drifted away. The only person I had left was Mary, and when she passed away last year, I surfaced from my grief, determined to live again. Only, there was no one left. I was alone.
“I started thinking about you, wondering what happened to you. If you were okay. And I thought I owed it to Brandon to find you and make sure you were well. That’s why I thought I was coming. I put together a box of pictures and things you and Brandon shared that I thought he’d want you to have and drove to Nevada as soon as I found the deed. But now I wonder if that was the whole reason I came.”
She fell quiet, and he glanced over at her again, his heart aching for her. When he left after the funeral, he honestly thought it was best. They were both missing Brandon, both grieving, and while he didn’t think she was attracted to him like he was to her, he worried he’d do something to make how he felt obvious, and alienate her in the process—or that she might get lost in her grief and turn to him, and he wouldn’t have been able to resist her.
They both would have regretted it, and they would have ended up hating each other and themselves. It seemed like a long shot that something like that would happen, but he�
�d still worried.
And he’d been so caught up in his grief, felt so fucking guilty for living when he should have died, while Brandon died when he should have lived. He couldn’t handle any reminders of his friend back then. Hell, just before Lily showed up, he’d still been thinking he couldn’t. And he thought he’d be a painful reminder to her, as well. One she didn’t need, because she had her own grief to work through.
He’d thought it best for both of them—but especially her—if he just disappeared from her life.
But maybe he’d been doing her a huge disservice.
“What are you thinking now?” he asked slowly.
She wrapped her arms around her leg, still looking out of the front windshield. “When Damara and Tarun were in my room last night, they mentioned how you guys were like family. How there was nothing you guys wouldn’t do for each other. And I was jealous. I realized how much I wanted that, and how many people I’d let slip away while I was drowning in grief. It made me wonder if maybe I sought you out because you were a connection to the past, to a time when I had that. That maybe, I looked for you because if I made contact with you, I wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.”
His hand tightened on the steering wheel and he had to force himself to relax his grip, afraid with his shifter strength, he’d snap it in two. “Fuck, Lily. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have disappeared like I did. I just thought it would hurt you too much to have me as a reminder, and I wanted you to heal. I didn’t want to set you back every time you saw me or heard from me.”
He saw her glance over at him, her brow furrowing as she looked at him. “Don’t apologize. You did what you had to do, and I’m not upset at you for it.”
Shaking his head, he clenched his teeth together, fighting against the knowledge that he’d hurt her. The thought hurt him, but maybe he shouldn’t fight it. He deserved it for causing her pain to begin with.
Thief (Blood & Bone Enforcers MC Book 2) Page 5
