Puffy & Precious

by Mary E Thompson

  Sam rested her head on Addi’s shoulder, making her best friend smile, but I could see from her watery eyes that it didn’t help much.

  “Trying is hard,” Carrie agreed. “It’ll happen one day, Addi. You guys can’t give up the faith.”

  “I give all of you a lot of credit,” Claire interjected with a wink at Addi. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for kids. Brownie is more than enough work for me right now.”

  “I’m with you. We’ve talked about kids, but I don’t think we’ll ever have any. We both love them, but we’re enjoying time to ourselves,” Lexi added.

  “Well, one day we’ll have kids,” Riley said. “I’ve already started my collection of baby books.”

  “Why does that not surprise me,” Charlie teased.

  “Have you guys talked about kids?” Riley asked Charlie and Max.

  They looked at each other and smiled. “It’s a conversation, but we’re not ready to try just yet. We’ve only been married a few weeks!”

  “True,” Riley agreed. “What about you guys?” she asked Tara and me. “Are you guys hoping for kids one day?”

  Riley realized a second too late how awkward the question was with Graham sitting next to me. He stiffened ever so slightly. If he didn’t have his arm resting on the back of my chair I might have missed it. But I didn’t miss it.

  “Um, yeah,” I stumbled. “Eventually, one day, I guess I hope to have kids.”

  “I think I’m in the no kids allowed group,” Tara said, quickly drawing the attention of the group. “It’s never been one of those things I filled in on the to-do list. Get a job. Fall in love. Buy my own house. Have kids? Nope.”

  The others laughed, but Graham was still tense beside me. As the rest of them kept talking, I leaned over to talk to him.

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  He shook his head. “Nothing to be sorry about. I’ve never had a group like this. You guys talk about a lot of personal stuff.”

  I nodded. “You should see it when the men aren’t here.” He chuckled, but I could still sense the tension in him. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  The tone in his voice told me to leave it alone, but I couldn’t do that. I needed to understand. “Can we talk later if you won’t tell me now?”

  He huffed, looked away, and finally nodded.

  Which made me wonder if I really wanted to know.

  Graham was quiet the rest of the night. Tara and I talked when we drove back to Max’s apartment, but she could tell Graham and I needed to talk and said goodbye without coming inside. He followed me in, the silence between us increasing with each step.

  “Do you want something to drink?”

  He shook his head and paced the living room. I sat down on the couch and waited for him to say something. I didn’t expect…

  “I don’t want to get married. I never wanted to. It’s not something that ever interested me. And kids… well, kids weren’t ever an option. Not without marriage.”

  I knew it wasn’t fair, but I felt like Graham had delivered a blow I couldn’t handle. No marriage and no kids? Granted I wasn’t a big fan of marriage and wasn’t sure I’d ever want to get married again, but that was before we got together. After? Well… shit, I still didn’t know.

  I heaved out a breath. “I know better than to ask, but why?”

  He sighed and paced back across the room. “I just… A lot of reasons really. Does it matter?”

  “It matters to me,” I said softly.

  “My childhood wasn’t great, Abby. Less than that. My mom… She bounced around from guy to guy. Whenever she served her purpose with one of them, they moved on or she did. Travis and I have different dads. Mom did the best she could, but she was always looking for someone to support us, to take all of us on. I don’t want my life to be that way.”

  “Who says it will?”

  Graham shook his head. “I’m not sure I want to take the risk, Abby. Listen, I know we haven’t been seeing each other long, and if you want me to walk away, I understand.”

  “I’ll be honest, Graham. It’s a bit of a shock. I always liked the idea of marriage. I wanted kids, too. I don’t love the thought of never having them, but I’m also a bit gun shy about marriage right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for another one, but I hope I will be.”

  “Where do we go from here?”

  I shrugged. “I think, right now, we’re on the same page. I’m not looking for marriage and neither are you. We can enjoy each other’s company and if either of us decides we want something to change then we talk about it.”

  Graham studied me for a long moment before he scooped me up. On his way to the bedroom he nuzzled my neck and whispered, “You’re an amazing woman, Ab.”

  Brett called Thursday afternoon and demanded I help him on Friday. I hated to close the shop going into a weekend, but I didn’t record the call so I had no choice. Again. One more week, I told myself as I walked into his office Friday morning. One more week and I’d be able to tell him to leave me alone.

  “Thanks for your help again, Abby,” he gushed when I set my stuff down at the desk. “You really are a lifesaver.”

  I hated to admit it, but his appreciation went a long way toward easing my frustration at being there. It was nice to know he needed me, that I was helping him.

  “You’re welcome. What do you need help with today?”

  He sighed. “I’ve got a trial starting in two weeks. I’m trying to gather everything I have for the case, but you know how I am with paperwork.” He looked embarrassed to be caught less than perfect, an expression that reminded me of the man I’d fallen in love with years ago. He’d never been organized, but when he started his practice, I took care of that for him. Over the years as others worked for him, they would always use the system I’d established, making it simple for me to jump back in and figure out what was going on.

  “Client’s name, file number, and cause.”

  “Rodriguez, file 7-301, and reckless endangerment.”

  “I’ll have everything pulled together by lunch,” I told him, turning to the files and effectively dismissing Brett.

  I spent the entire morning collecting everything he needed. I’d done it so many times I could have compiled his court documents in my sleep. Brett though, he had no idea where everything was.

  When lunch time rolled around, I delivered the final packet to his office. “Thanks, Abby. I’d lose this case without you. You’re saving my ass here.”

  I smiled at him, feeling genuinely happy I could help. “I know how hard it is for you to go through the files,” I teased. “You might get a paper cut or mar your perfect manicure.”

  He laughed. “Lucky for me you were never as vain as I am.” He reached for my hand. “Of course your hands were always so small and dainty, and usually covered with flour.”

  I let him hold my hand for a minute, remembering the good times we had together. Starting his practice was one of them. Working together had been fun. It was tough, sure, but I loved it. We were a team back then. I never thought anything would tear us apart.

  But it did, I thought as I extracted my hand from his. And I needed to remember that.

  “What do you say I buy you lunch? A thank you for helping me out so much.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but it was a nice gesture. “We can go to Clara’s Cafe if you want.”

  “You know I can’t say no to Clara’s Cafe.”

  Brett chuckled. “That’s what I was hoping. Come on, Abby. Let me buy you lunch.”

  I finally nodded, a part of me wishing the Brett standing before me had never left. I wouldn’t have met Graham if he hadn’t though. That thought alone had me torn.

  Brett drove us to Clara’s Cafe. We went there all the time when we were working together. It was our favorite spot with good food and affordable prices. Walking in the door with his hand on the small of my back brought back a lot of memories. Memories of when Brett was a good man, when he was good to
me. I did love him.

  At that moment, my mom’s words came back to me. She warned me to make sure I loved Graham for who he was and not what he could do for me. The same applied to Brett. I loved him. But looking back, I wasn’t sure if I loved him or how he made me feel.

  We sat down at a table with those concerns running through my mind. I was so distracted, I didn’t realize Brett chose a table next to Graham until he stood up, towering over us.

  “Graham! What are you doing here?”

  He glared at Brett then slid his look over to me. “Having lunch. Same as you, I assume.”

  I leapt from my seat and stretched up to kiss him. He turned his cheek to me but leaned down to accept my lips. It stung, even if he did make a little effort.

  “This isn’t what it looks like,” I stammered, hoping seeing me with Brett didn’t derail what we had going on. “I was working with him today and we decided to get some lunch.”

  Graham nodded. Wisely, Brett kept his mouth shut. A waitress passed by and Graham reached a hand out to flag her down. She smiled up at him, a look of desire if I’d ever seen one. “I changed my mind. I’d like to get my food to go.”

  Her face fell but she nodded, then flashed me a nasty look that left no room for misunderstanding. “Of course. I’ll get that right out for you.”

  “Thanks,” he told her with a forced smile.

  She hustled away and Graham turned back to me. “You don’t have to leave,” I said quietly.

  His eyes slid to Brett again. Without looking at me he said, “Yeah, Ab, I do. I can’t stand to see you with him.”

  “Are you coming over tonight? Or I could come to your place if you’d rather? If I knew where you lived.”

  He sighed. “I’ll text you my address. I’m not sure I’m up for going out tonight.”

  “We can stay in. Watch a movie?”

  “Maybe. We’ll see.” The waitress brought him a bag of food and he handed her a few bills. “Thanks.”

  “Anytime,” she said with a grin you could see from the moon. It morphed into another dirty look when she looked at me. It was not going to be a good lunch.

  “Graham?” I put my hand on his forearm, desperate for something else from him. He paused and looked at me, his green eyes dull instead of the usual light when he looked at me. “There’s nothing going on with Brett. You know that right?”

  He nodded once then kissed my cheek. “I’ll text you later.”

  I watched him walk away and my throat closed up. It hurt to have him look at me the way he did. Like he wasn’t sure about us anymore.

  When I sat down, I looked across the table at Brett. The smirk on his lips pissed me off. I thought he’d changed. Saw glimpses of the man I remembered. The man I’d once loved. I needed to know.

  “Did you know he’d be here?”

  Brett shook his head, the smirk falling away. “How would I know that, Abby? It was just a coincidence.”

  “One you were happy to exploit.”

  Brett sighed. “Abby, look, none of this has anything to do with me. It’s not my fault he was here, or that he got mad about us being together. We were married. If he has a problem with you helping me, I can’t do anything about that. Besides, I have more of a claim to you than he does. You still have my last name.”

  The arrogant son of a bitch. I stood, not willing to sit one more minute with him. “You know what, Brett? You’re an asshole. You’re not half the man Graham is. He’s kind and considerate and an amazing man. You have no claim on me. Just because we share a last name does not give you any right to me. I am not your wife any longer and you will never have control over me again.”

  “Really?” he challenged, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair. “Because it looks to me like I hold the strings right now, controlling your future. You come when I call, and you have no choice if you want to keep the one job that’s going to define your future. I handed the job to you, and I can take it away if I want.”

  “Fuck you, Brett.”

  He shrugged. “If that’s your attitude, I can make the call right now. There’s still a week to call one of the others and hire them.” I fell back to my seat. A triumphant grin crossed his face. “That’s what I thought. Now, what do you want for lunch?”

  His balls on a platter would have been nice.

  I ate my lunch in silence, barely choking down my panini. I couldn’t wait to see Graham, to talk to him, to hold him. Facing Graham and Brett together, once more, I knew Graham was a better man than Brett. A man I was proud to be with. A man who put Brett to shame.

  The rest of the day I counted the hours until I could leave Brett’s office. I went home, changed into more comfortable clothes, and waited for Graham to text me.

  But the text never came.

  Chapter 19

  I had no choice but to wait for Graham to decide he wanted to talk to me again. I called him. For two days I called him. I apologized countless times to his voicemail, but he never answered.

  By Monday morning I was getting pissed. He was acting like just as much of an ass as Brett. I understood he wasn’t happy about it, but he wasn’t in control of my life. He had no say in what I did or how I lived. And it felt like he was trying to control me.

  A half hour before I was ready to open, someone pounded on the door. I was back in the kitchen, preparing a tray, so I ignored it. When they hit the glass again, I pushed out of the back, ready to tell whoever was at the door to come back after I’d opened, and saw Graham.

  I crossed my arms when I made it to the door, not willing to let him in. “I’ll be open in thirty minutes.”

  He dropped his head, looking sheepish. “Can we talk?”

  I shrugged. “I tried to talk to you all weekend.”

  He sighed. “I know. Can we talk now?”

  I shook my head. “I’m working. You can come back when I open.”

  I turned to walk away and he hit the glass again.

  “Please, Ab. I’m sorry.”

  I faced him again and cupped my ear. “I didn’t catch that. Could you say it again?”

  He fought a grin. “I said I’m sorry, Ab. I wasn’t fair. Can I come in, please?”

  I sighed heavily, still not willing to forgive him, but at least it was a start. “Fine. But I’m working.”

  He nodded and waited as I unlocked the door. I locked it behind him and immediately turned to the kitchen. He followed me.

  I went back to stacking cinnamon doughnuts on the tray, ignoring Graham as he stood, watching me. After a minute he cleared his throat.

  “I’m sorry for not returning your calls this weekend, Ab. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Agreed.”

  “I didn’t like seeing you with him.”

  “You will not control my life, Graham.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t want to. But I can’t stop the way I feel. I don’t trust him, Ab.”

  “Neither do I.”

  Graham narrowed his eyes. “Seriously?”

  I shrugged. “Why would I? I married him and he cheated on me. I know what he’s capable of. I don’t let my guard down around him. Ever.”

  “Is that why you’ve kept working with him?”

  “No,” I said firmly. “I’d love to tell him to go to hell, but right now he holds the keys to my future. To the future of my dream. I spent my entire marriage struggling to figure out who I was. I was Brett’s wife. When I filed for divorce, I was free. I was Abby again. I could be me. I know who he is, but the difference now is I know who I am also.”

  “You don’t deserve him.”

  I shook my head. “No. He doesn’t deserve me. I’m far too good for him.”

  Graham smiled. “That’s what I meant.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t want you to get hurt. I know after what I told you last week that I’ll lose you, but-”

  “Why do you think that?”

  He shrugged. “You said you want kids. I don’t. That’s not somethi
ng we’ll be able to work out.”

  I sighed. “I thought we were going to enjoy our time together. I told you I’m not ready for another marriage or kids right now. I don’t know if I ever will be. Yeah, I wanted kids, but my life has changed a lot since I had that dream. Why are you counting on us being over?”

  “I don’t know if we can overcome something like that. Is it worth it to get more invested only to break up later?”

  I suddenly knew exactly what was going on, why he was pushing.

  “That’s what happened with your last relationship, isn’t it? You told her you didn’t want kids and she said it was okay then tried to convince you otherwise. When you didn’t give in, she broke up with you.”

  He huffed a breath and nodded. “Yeah. Sandra and I were together for a while. I thought things were going great. She thought we were heading down the aisle. It didn’t go over well when I reminded her that was never in my plans.”

  “And you’re expecting me to do the same. If that’s the case I should be getting ready for you to cheat on me.”

  “I’d never do that, Ab!”

  “And I’d never change the rules without talking to you. I just got divorced, Graham. I’m barely ready to date or be involved with someone. Marriage isn’t going to happen any time soon. Maybe not ever. I’d like to think I’d be ready to get married again one day, but I don’t know that. You might decide you want to get married. We don’t know our future, Graham. All we can do is try to be together and enjoy our time.”

  “I have trouble enjoying my time with you when it feels like you’re throwing your dreams away.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not throwing it away, Graham. I’m putting up with Brett because of my dreams. I need to deal with him one more week. The picnic is Saturday. Once it’s over, Brett won’t be able to ruin my future again.”

  “What if he comes back with another opportunity, Ab? What if next month or next year is something else?”

  I shrugged. “Just like our relationship, I can’t predict that, Graham.”