The End of Cuthbert Close

by Cassie Hamer

  ‘All right, so, when you asked me to organise the street closure, things were going crazy at work and it got to a couple of days beforehand and I thought how about I save everyone a few bucks by not getting the permit? It’s not like we ever really need it.’

  Beth’s heart sank. He hadn’t organised it. She knew her husband. To him the glass wasn’t just half full, it was consistently as full as an Alex-sized glass of champagne. As a real estate agent, he was expert in putting the most positive spin on everything. Derelict houses were ‘an opportunity to capitalise’, apartments that looked straight into a brick wall ‘offered complete privacy and seclusion’, and gardens that never saw sun were ‘low maintenance’ because nothing ever grew there.

  ‘Well, we do need it,’ said Beth.

  ‘I can fix this. Leave it with me,’ said Max.

  James shifted awkwardly. ‘I’ll give you a hand. Make sure my wife doesn’t punch someone.’

  Max drained the last of his beer and went to hand the empty bottle to his wife. ‘Could you please, Beth?’

  ‘Take it yourself, Max.’ Beth turned and stomped away towards the truck, not bothering to wait for her husband. Along the way, Cara snuck in by her side.

  ‘What is happening? You’re upset.’ Cara linked her arm into Beth’s.

  ‘Max forgot the permit.’

  Cara sucked in a breath, then let it out again before speaking. ‘Oh, I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding, as Alex said. After all, who would move house on a Saturday night?’

  From a distance, they heard Alex’s voice, rising above the truck driver’s. ‘Look, I don’t care whose house in this street you have to deliver this furniture to, you cannot do it tonight because we have a permit that says it’s closed to traffic from 4 pm until 11 pm.’ At that moment, Alex turned and spotted James, Max, Beth and Cara. ‘Ha! And here comes the man with the paperwork. Show him, Max. Show this man that he is not allowed to drive his ridiculous truck into the middle of our street party.’ Alex folded her arms and stuck out her chin.

  ‘G’day. Max Chandler’s the name.’ He thrust out his hand and gave his best real estate agent smile to the driver. ‘Seems we have a little problem here.’

  Max started talking quietly to the driver and Alex sidled up to Beth and Cara. ‘What is he doing?’ she hissed. ‘Why hasn’t he thrown the guy out already?’

  ‘Oh, we don’t actually have a permit,’ said Cara in a low voice.

  ‘Why the hell not?’

  ‘Because my darling husband forgot,’ said Beth tightly.

  As Alex opened her mouth to speak, Cara briefly shook her head in warning, before squeezing Beth’s shoulder. ‘We’ll sort it out.’

  ‘Cara’s right,’ said Alex. ‘This bozo driver will not ruin the party.’

  ‘Max! Max Chandler! Is that you?’ A woman’s bright and breezy voice came from behind the truck.

  ‘Who’s that?’ asked Alex.

  ‘No idea,’ said Beth, watching as a tanned blonde woman dressed in a long and strappy white linen dress floated towards them from the equally white and shiny SUV parked behind the removalists’ truck.

  She greeted Beth’s husband with a warm handshake. ‘I thought it was you.’

  ‘Charlie, welcome to the neighbourhood. And this must be Talia, is it?’ Max offered his hand to the teenager who’d sidled up behind her mother. Beth took in the girl’s jeans and t-shirt. Freckles, wide cheeks, spectacles. Twelve, maybe thirteen, at a guess.

  ‘Charlie Devine, meet my wife, Beth. And our next door neighbour Cara, and Alex and James O’Rourke, who are two doors down.’

  ‘Pleased to meet you all.’ Charlie gave a dazzling smile and peered past them, down the street. ‘I hope we haven’t interrupted anything.’

  ‘Well, actually you have,’ said Alex with an equally dazzling smile. ‘It’s our annual street party, and usually we get a permit to shut the street to traffic but it seems someone forgot this year.’ She glanced sideways at Max. ‘Then again, we don’t often get people moving in on a Saturday night.’

  Charlie’s eyebrows furrowed while her lips remained in a smile. ‘Yes, we had planned to be here much earlier but the truck had some mechanical trouble in Brisbane.’

  Beth clasped her hands. ‘You’ve driven all the way from Queensland? In one day? Oh, you poor things. You must be exhausted. Come and sit down. Have something to eat. A drink perhaps? We’re just about to have dinner.’ She gestured to the tables set up further down the street.

  Charlie shook her head. ‘Thank you, Beth. That’s so kind, but we really need to get this lot unloaded.’

  ‘Of course. Maybe we can help.’ Her brain did the calculation. There was only one empty house in the street. ‘You’re moving into twenty-five, I presume?’

  Charlie confirmed with a tight nod. ‘We’re going to be neighbours, I seem to recall Max telling me when we signed the lease.’

  ‘Wonderful.’ Beth hid the small hurt in her voice. Max had been trying to sell the Pezzullo place ever since they left for Singapore. Clearly, they’d changed tack, renting it to the Devines, but why hadn’t Max mentioned it?

  ‘Is that … is that a barbecue on my lawn? I can get my removalists to help clear it all away, your tables, too, if you like?’ Charlie looked over her shoulder to the burly men, leaning quietly against the truck and enjoying a smoke. ‘And we’ll take down those fairy lights, obviously.’

  Her voice was friendly enough but Beth had a sense that she was being told what to do, rather than asked.

  ‘Mum, why don’t we let the guys have a break and something to eat, and we’ll unload later.’ Talia Devine hooked her hand through her mother’s arm and Charlie’s smooth face collapsed into worry lines.

  ‘Are you sure, darling?’ The woman fingered her ear lobe, drawing attention to a massive set of diamond earrings. Beth had never seen bigger. ‘I thought you’d want to get settled straight away, set up your room.’ The concern in Charlie’s voice was genuine, and Beth softened. Of course a mother wouldn’t think twice about driving through the middle of a party to get her child settled into a new house. Relocating a teenager was a huge wrench, especially when it was to an entirely new city.

  ‘I don’t mind waiting, it’s cool,’ said Talia.

  ‘All right, sweetie, as long as you’re okay with it.’ Charlie patted her daughter’s hand. ‘That’s really thoughtful of you.’

  A little bit over the top, thought Beth, then scolded herself. Who was she to judge? She was a stay-at-home mother who’d made a life, a good life, out of servicing her children’s needs. She could barely criticise others for doing the same. And it was nice of the daughter to offer to wait.

  ‘Thank you, Talia. That would be wonderful. One hour, okay? That’ll give us just enough time to serve up the dinner and clear out of your way,’ said Beth. ‘And I’ll have to introduce you to my Chloe. She’s just started high school at St Therese’s.’

  Talia smiled. ‘Oh, cool. That’s where I’ll be going, too. But I’m fourteen, so a couple of years ahead … Year Nine,’ she explained, and Beth hid her surprise. Talia was older than she’d thought. Just small for her age.

  ‘We meant what we said about joining us for dinner. You’re more than welcome,’ said Cara.

  ‘There’s enough to feed an army,’ said Alex. ‘Beth always does an incredible job getting us all organised.’

  ‘Thank you but I think we passed a supermarket near here, so we might go there and pick up some supplies,’ said Charlie smoothly.

  ‘Oh, please don’t,’ said Beth. ‘I can give you some milk and bread for the morning, and I probably have a cheese and bacon quiche in the freezer somewhere for tomorrow’s lunch if you’d like.’

  Max cautiously put his arm on Beth’s shoulder. ‘My wife declares a national emergency if there’s no food in the house.’

  National emergency … That’s a bit much.

  Charlie paused. ‘That’s very sweet of you, but we follow a strict kangatarian diet.’

/>   ‘Sorry?’ enquired Beth.

  ‘Vegetables and kangaroo meat, and a little fish sometimes. If it’s wild caught.’

  ‘That’s a new one,’ muttered Alex, soft enough for only Cara to hear.

  ‘Talia’s kangatarian as well?’ asked Beth.

  ‘Mostly.’ Talia grinned. ‘But bacon is pretty hard to resist.’

  ‘Oh, you are so right,’ said Cara.

  ‘Maybe I could bring one round for Talia, then?’ asked Beth.

  Charlie exchanged glances with her daughter. ‘Whatever she likes.’

  ‘That would be awesome, thanks, Mrs Chandler.’

  ‘Wonderful, but please call me Beth. Now, come and have something to eat, and meet the rest of the Cuthbert crew. There’re some sushi platters, somewhere. Salmon and tuna, that might be suitable for you, Charlie? Or green salad?’

  The woman gave a tight smile and started to follow Max down the close, her arm around Talia’s waist.

  Beth, Alex and Cara fell in behind them.

  ‘Who does this woman think she is, barging into our party with her ridiculous truck and her made-up eating habits?’ hissed Alex.

  ‘Kangaroo meat is actually very low fat and high in iron, so it could be very healthy,’ said Beth. ‘Provided you include legumes.’

  ‘I think I know that woman from somewhere,’ said Cara, producing her phone.

  ‘Now that you mention it, she’s kind of familiar to me too.’ Alex squinted into the distance.

  Cara held her phone up. ‘Here she is. Charlie Devine – wife of the Primal Guy, Ryan Devine.’

  ‘The primal who?’ Beth peered at the shot of a muscle-bound couple doing something that looked like tight-rope walking no more than a couple of feet off the ground between two trees. Slack-lining is how we chill, read the caption.

  ‘Oh, he’s a lifestyle guy. All about the hunter-gatherer way of life. Lots of meat, kangaroo, I suppose, and veg. No grains. No carbs. Crazy intense exercise. He’s huge on Instagram and he sells green smoothie powders and that kind of thing. I think his wife is in the business too.’ Cara tapped at the screen. ‘Oh, yes. Here’s a better shot. The Primal Wife. Former dancer, and now wellness educator.’ The next photo was a close-up of Ryan and Charlie, arm in arm, with matching sixpacks.

  Alex took the phone. ‘I know that guy. What a goose. The daughter seems nice. Poor thing, with parents like that.’

  ‘Don’t be too harsh, Alex. Give the woman a chance,’ said Beth.

  ‘I wonder why the Primal Guy isn’t with them,’ remarked Cara.

  ‘Maybe moving house doesn’t quite fit the brand. Bit too mundane. He’s probably off building a grass hut somewhere,’ said Alex.

  ‘I’m going to sign up for his newsletter,’ said Cara, typing away.

  ‘Sign me up too. I love cyber-stalking the neighbours.’ Alex checked over Cara’s shoulder.

  ‘I’m sure, in time, all will be revealed,’ declared Beth. ‘After twenty years of living in this street, I’ve learnt that it’s almost impossible to keep secrets from your neighbours.’

  ‘I don’t know. I reckon most people in this city would have no idea of their neighbour’s first name,’ said Alex.

  ‘Oh, but that’s not true for us,’ said Cara. ‘I can’t imagine ever leaving this place.’

  ‘They’ll have to carry me out of here in a box,’ said Beth.

  ‘I’ve told James that if he wants to move, he’ll either have to divorce me, or get me fired so that the bank repossesses.’

  Walking in the middle of the trio, Beth linked her arm through Cara’s, and then through Alex’s. While she made a point of being friendly with everyone in Cuthbert Close, the two women by her side were special to her. In so many ways, they were different. Different ages. Different marital status. Completely different in fashion. Yet, they clicked. They balanced each other. It was chemistry, and perhaps a shared love of bundt cake.

  ‘Even if I’d had a choice, I could never have picked two more lovely neighbours.’ As Beth spoke, a strong breeze blew up the close, causing her skirt to flap around her legs and threaten to fly higher, into her face. She let go of Alex and Cara to pull it down. ‘Oh my goodness, where did that come from?’ Just as she’d settled herself, there was another gust, more powerful than the first. Leaves skittered across the bitumen and a couple of small branches tumbled to the ground.

  ‘Holy shit, that southerly blew up fast,’ said Alex, looking skywards.

  Beth walked ahead, quickly. ‘I think we’d better hurry with the—’

  The wind interrupted her. Howling up the close, the turbulent air buffeted the women, causing them to stumble. There were shrieks from the kids as tablecloths and lanterns went flying. In the distance, Beth saw Max put a protective arm around Charlie as a beach umbrella came flying towards her. Meanwhile, James threw himself over the trestle table to stop it from becoming airborne, Alex’s twins cowering under it along with little Poppy. A flock of squealing cockatoos flew across the sky and the trees let out groans as they were battered sideways.

  From above came a cracking rumble of thunder. Beth turned. Mountainous clouds loomed behind her, thick and grey and pregnant with rain. Lightning forked across the sky, white with heat, and the ground almost sizzled as big, fat raindrops started to fall.

  Spotting Ethan and Chloe taking shelter near the garage, Beth started to run. ‘Don’t just stand there, take what you can,’ she yelled to them, filling her arms with platters and cutlery, whatever she could grab off the tables. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Alex and Cara doing the same.

  ‘Take it all to my house,’ she shouted over what was now driving rain, sweeping over the close in thick, heavy sheets.

  Ten minutes later, saturated, but at least indoors, Beth despatched Ethan and Chloe to the shower, and distributed towels to her drowned-rat neighbours, now dripping onto the floorboards. They quivered silently in a huddle near the French doors, gazing out onto the now deserted street, the houses across the road barely visible through the fog of rain.

  ‘Such a shame. All that effort everyone put in. I feel awful,’ said Beth, sensing that as chief organiser of the food, she was also somehow responsible for organising decent weather. Just as Max had failed to get the permit, she’d failed to get the sunshine. But who would have anticipated such a freak storm? In twenty years, she’d never known the Cuthbert Close End-of-Summer Street Party to be rained out before. The last weekend in February was always guaranteed perfection.

  ‘There’s always next year, I suppose,’ said Alex gloomily.

  ‘Mummy, can’t we go and jump in the puddles, please?’ the twins beseeched her.

  ‘Absolutely not.’ Alex folded her arms and watched as the removal truck started to make its way down the street. ‘Well, the Devines got what they wanted, at least.’

  ‘They won’t try to unload in this, will they?’ James put his arm loosely on his wife’s shoulder.

  ‘I suppose I should give them a hand.’ Max came up beside them.

  Beth patted his arm. ‘Wait till it’s settled a little. I’m sure it will blow over soon.’

  ‘I hope the cottage won’t leak like last time.’ Cara raked a finger through her daughter’s rain-flattened curls. ‘This rain is so violent.’

  They stood and watched, the stunned silence in Beth’s living room broken only by the beep of the reversing truck and the loud beat of torrential rain.

  Across the way, Charlie Devine ran out to the truck under the cover of a pristine white umbrella.

  Like a moth, Beth thought. But prettier.

  A butterfly.

  ThePrimalGuy.com.au

  From: The Primal Guy

  Subject: Moving On

  Hey Prime-Mates,

  So, I know you’re already down with the idea that the first humanoids had a rad diet and exercise regime. But did you also know that they were mad travellers? And when I say mad, I mean crazy, like wandering from Africa to Alaska kind of crazy.

  Sounds
batshit insane, right? I mean why leave the fertile grounds of the African savannah to go off to the freezing cold of Alaska?

  Well, obvs, it’s cos that’s what we crazy cats called humans love to do. We’re built to move. We go where the wind takes us. To seek out the food. Explore. Find the nectar and suck the life out of that shit. And if that means trekking to Alaska, then that’s what we do, man.

  You see where I’m going with this, yeah?

  The Primal Guy is on the move! Yep, I’m headed for new pastures. New horizons. Places where they’ve never even heard my name.

  But that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget you guys. No way, no how. You know what? I’m actually gonna take you on my journey, thanks to the wonders of this thing they call the interweb.

  Now, I’ve gotta plan, and it’s going to get a little hairy, but you gotta stick with me okay?

  As the great man, Bob Dylan, once said, ‘Chaos is a friend of mine.’

  Or, as the Primal Kid, Talia, would say, ‘Chaos is a BFF of mine.’

  Peace out, dudes.

  Ryan (AKA the Primal Guy)

  PS Super-awesome two-for-one offer going on for our uber-popular Smash It! Green Smoothie powder. Promo code 2SMOOTHIE4U

  CHAPTER THREE

  Her fingers clenching the steering wheel tightly, Alex pressed the button for the garage door and wondered why the fuck she’d elected to pick the boys up early from after-school care.

  ‘I can do twenty-two,’ said Jasper.

  ‘I can do fifty,’ retorted Noah.

  The twins were fighting about who could do the most burps in a row.

  ‘Well, I can do forty-five.’

  In the rear-view mirror, Alex saw the boys straining against their seat belts. ‘Jasper, you do know that forty-five is actually less than fifty.’

  The boys continued to squabble and Alex tuned out. The garage door was open, yet her foot stayed firmly on the brake. Driving into the garage meant she would have to get out of the car, unstrap the boys, get their bags out of the boot, carry them in, unpack them, organise some afternoon tea, shout at them to do some homework, then get a start on dinner and check her emails to tie up a few loose ends from work.