Hayden’s Haven

by Cohen, Julie K.

  “Logan cut me, over and over. But I was still young, strong, and Logan only held me a few days each time, quickly getting bored with me. My wolf had time to heal me. I’d spend the next few days in the woods, waiting to heal before returning to my cousins. I didn’t want them to know what I was doing, because I was endangering them, not just myself.

  “After a few more attempts, Logan made it quite clear what would happen if I came near Drake again.” Hayden took a deep breath, still remembering the terror that had gone through him when Logan pinned him to a wall and explained in graphic detail what would happen to the only family he had left.

  “He would have killed them all, Mila. My mother’s family. Uncles, aunts, even the babies. I couldn’t let anyone else die. I stayed away. Abandoned my own brother. Years passed. The rumors began about the type of shifter Drake had become. Except they weren’t rumors.

  “When I was nineteen, I was allowed to return. It was expected as part of guard training. My uncle never killed me because he never saw me as a threat. I was simply another male to be used how he wanted.”

  “Do all males there train as guards?”

  “We’re lined up, assessed for speed and strength. I had both. There were no choices under Logan’s rule. For anything.”

  Green eyes lowered. She understood, all too well perhaps. He tipped her head up with his finger beneath his chin. “Why the frown?”

  “I was hoping your childhood was better than my own.”

  “Maybe we’ll just understand each other better this way.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with being a guard, Hayden. Or second. Or a maintenance worker. We don’t get to choose what our talents and abilities are when we’re born. We can only decide what we do with them. That has to be what matters, right?”

  Why did he feel as if she was trying to tell him something? “Agreed. Being a guard wasn’t something I cared for, but it wasn’t like I had a choice either, but being assigned a job by the alpha was rather typical in my pack. Had been for many years from what my father had told me. We do the same here, assign jobs based on skills and strengths. Though if a shifter has a strong objection to a job assignment, Damien will take his or her request under consideration. That was unheard of in my pack. Regardless, I did as ordered. Lived the best I could, kept my distance from Drake. We crossed paths a few times. Didn’t say much at that point, either of us.

  “Then, there was. . . an incident one day.” He really wasn’t ready to talk about that.

  Her hand fell to his thigh as she leaned against him. Even though she was wrapped in a towel, she was starting to shiver. “You should dress, or sit by the fire,” he said as he kissed her forehead.

  “Or you can warm me.”

  He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her. They sat for several minutes as he rubbed heat back into her arms.

  “I killed my alpha,” he suddenly blurted out. “It was easier than I thought. Physically, emotionally. Should have done it years earlier. It’s what came next I wasn’t prepared for. Drake found me. This. . .” Hayden placed her hand against his scars. The heat from her hand warmed his exposed chest and somehow the pain of remembering didn’t sting quite as much. “This was Drake’s response to what I’d done.”

  “You killed an alpha. . .”

  “Worse. I killed Drake’s father. Or rather the shifter he’d come to know as his father. Drake had been raised and molded by Logan. To fear, love, and idolize the bastard.”

  “Still, your own brother tried to kill you. . .”

  “I’m not sure what he was trying to do. He could have killed me once I’d been caught, but he didn’t. He certainly couldn’t let me go unpunished. After he declared me a traitor, he chained me to a wall in the cave. I tried explaining what had happened, but he raged.”

  Hayden took a deep breath. “I had never seen Drake like that before. And I couldn’t escape him. He clawed me open and left. He returned day after day, re-clawing the same spot before my wolf could heal me. After a few weeks, the strain of healing me over and over again became too much for my wolf. Healing the scars became secondary to keeping me alive.”

  Mila snuggled against his chest, and his wolf practically purred inside. Hayden had never told anyone that story before, not even Damien when Hayden had escaped to Damien’s pack and asked for asylum.

  “It’s over, Hayden. You can let go of the past. It’s hard sometimes, but you can’t blame yourself. You’re responsible for what you do, not what others do. And it hurts when loved ones let us down.”

  Wise words that they were, his Mila was still speaking from experience. He was glad she had come to terms with her past. Perhaps one day soon he’d learn how to do the same. Hayden pulled her tight against his chest and kissed her forehead, just above the cut. One day soon he’d blood-bond this amazing shifter, and they’d find a new path together, just the two of them.

  Chapter Fourteen

  HAYDEN

  Hayden awoke to his Mila’s lush body pressing against his chest. Before having her in his bed, he had never been one to spoon. This here, having his arm stretched over her midsection, her hair tickling his nose and neck, was pure heaven. He spread his hand over her stomach and started caressing her skin. His cock was already hard for her, but after the night they’d had, they both deserved a few more hours of sleep. There was no rush. They had their whole lives together.

  “Keep wiggling your ass against me like that and I’ll have to remind you of what happens to shifters who flirt.”

  “I wasn’t flirting last night when you decided to fuck my ass.”

  “Dragging your nails down my back was shifter foreplay, sunshine, and you know it.”

  She turned over to face him. He opened his eyes to find her beautiful green eyes staring at him. The sadness there gutted him, and he realized what he had said. He cupped her face, running the pad of his thumb over her cheek. “Maybe you don’t know. He didn’t treat you well at all, did he?”

  “My parents pushed me into dating him. They said I would never do better.”

  “And you believed them.”

  She nodded. “Until I left for school. I met a nice guy there, but he was human. When he found out I was shifter, well. . .”

  “So, you went back to Vance when you returned home. Thought you had no choice.”

  “Actually, I returned home more confident than when I’d left. I told him I wasn’t interested in him. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. I mean he’d dated other women while I was in school. There’d be no promises or commitment between us. No talk of blood-bond. I told him about Thomas. When he realized I’d slept with someone else. . .” Mila shivered and burrowed herself into his arms.

  Hayden held in the string of curses going through his head. She needed to feel safe and venting his wrath for the asshole and her parents even in the form of cursing wouldn’t help her.

  “Promise me something, Mila.”

  “Anything.”

  He scooted his head back far enough to see her face. “You should at least hear what you’re promising, don’t you think?”

  “No need. I trust you.”

  I trust you. Those had to be the best three words a shifter could say to another. “If there’s ever anything you don’t like, or that scares you, you need to tell me. It’s not good for me unless it’s good for you. Got that?”

  Her hair slid aside as she nodded, revealing the cut from yesterday. He brushed the rest of her hair behind her and touched the scar. It hadn’t healed yet. “Mila?”

  She took his hand in hers, brought it to her lips and kissed his fingertips. “It’s fine, Hayden. Doctor here, remember?”

  “It should have healed. Maybe the process didn’t work fully. Your bridge could still be—”

  “Anna’s serum is new, and I’m only the second to receive it so anything is possible. There are a lot of unknowns. Did you know that when companies conduct clinical trials on a new drug they use hundreds or thousands of participants? Two isn’t e
nough to draw any real conclusions.”

  “But she said—”

  “She said healing the bridge would take place over the course of days, maybe weeks.” Mila’s hand started drifted over his chest. “Clearly it worked to some extent or I wouldn’t have been able to shift yesterday.”

  He relaxed. He would have to be patient, but it was hard not to worry about her. Then again, she didn’t seem the least bit concerned, so he would take his cues from her on the matter.

  “If you’ll excuse me, I need to shower.”

  “Want company?” He wiggled his brows. Showering would never be the same again after last night.

  Her mouth came down on his in a very passionate kiss. “Not this time. I have work to do today, and I have a feeling if you join me in the shower, I’ll never get out of here.”

  For as much as her eyes sparkled, he still sensed a hesitation in her. She slid from the bed, her movements slow and stiff. When she turned to head to the bathroom, he saw the bruises on her back and hips.

  “Mila!” he shouted as he sprang from the bed. She stopped and let him turn her to look over her nude body. Black patches mottled her back from her shoulders down to her hips, where the distinct impression of fingers remained. He had been too rough, especially for a shifter whose bridge had not yet fully healed.

  “That’s why I want a hot shower. I’m a bit sore.”

  “Hell. Why didn’t you tell me I was being too rough?”

  “You were being you, Hayden. I wanted nothing less.”

  If this is what it meant to be him, so violent that he had harmed her, then there truly was something wrong with him. He was as violent as his brother, to be able to do this to someone he loved and not realize the harm he was causing.

  “Hayden?” Her voice shook.

  He didn’t smell any fear coming off of her, but there definitely wasn’t something right between them. She never tried to stop him. Had she submitted to him because that’s all she knew from her time with Vance? He didn’t want to steal her voice, to make her do what she didn’t want. That wasn’t what being a partner was about. A blood-bond would never form between them if she felt pressured in any way. Equals. . . they had to enter a blood-bond as equals, or the bond would never form.

  “Go shower.” His words came out brusque, like an order. Right now, talking, explaining all the thoughts and feelings within him was beyond his ability.

  Mila nodded, the concern on her face quite clear.

  The old water pipes groaned awake as she started the shower. Hayden dressed in jeans and boots, his head lost in what to do next. Protecting Mila had to be the priority. Perhaps he could talk to Anna about how long before Mila’s bridge was back to normal. The bigger problem, the one he had been avoiding for a long time, the one everyone else in this camp seemed to see except him, was that he had a violent streak. He and Drake were brothers in more than name. That gene, the violence that went along with being a Novak had not skipped him as he had thought. He could not risk Mila or his pack.

  A knock at the door startled him. He opened the door. Damien with three guards behind him stood there with dour faces. Had they come to arrest Hayden? No, that was his paranoia at play after yesterdays’ fight. He was on edge, nothing more. Suspecting Damien of anything before giving the alpha a chance to speak was doing them both a disservice.

  “Why are you here?” Hayden asked, his tone and words combative.

  Damien scowled. “I see I’m no longer welcome. Things have certainly changed between us.”

  Damien straightened his spine further, appearing as intimidating as ever. This was the posture of an alpha, not a friend. Well, that had been Hayden’s fault, and foolish pride was keeping him from apologizing.

  “Things haven’t changed. I’m only starting to see how others view me here.”

  “You’re lumping me with all those in this pack who don’t know you? Who’ve never had the privilege of fighting alongside you, for you?”

  Those were the words of a friend, words which humbled Hayden. He scrubbed his face with his hand. He needed a shower, coffee, time to think. “You brought guards to my home, Damien.”

  The shower stopped at that moment, and Damien peered past Hayden, though it wouldn’t take much for him to guess who was there. Hayden hadn’t showered yet and Mila’s scent would still be all over him from their activities in bed.

  “Just as well she’s here. This concerns her,” Damien said.

  Hayden’s wolf roared within, too eager to charge without facts. Maybe that’s why Drake was the way he was, more so that how Logan had raised him. If he gave his wolf too much reign, Drake would be more violent, more ruthless than a shifter who controlled his or her wolf. Was that the answer he had been searching for?

  The three guards took that moment to fan out, as they would for an expected attack. Hayden’s eyes snapped to Damien’s. “You’re not taking her. She’s not going back to Truman or to that monster who abused her. I don’t care how big a bribe he finally offered, she’s not part of any deal.”

  Bones moved beneath Damien’s skin and his hackles erupted down his back. The shifter was fighting the urge to shift.

  “Go ahead, Damien. Shift. See how far you get. I don’t care how many guards you have with you—”

  Damien moved so fast Hayden didn’t have time to defend himself. His alpha wrapped his hand around Hayden’s neck and pinned him to a wall.

  “This chip on your shoulder, Hayden, or whatever’s up your ass, needs to go.”

  Wrapped in only a robe, Mila appeared from around the corner, and her fear filled the air. “Please don’t hurt him!” she begged.

  Damien’s hackles receded. Blue swirled in Damien’s otherwise gray eyes as he released Hayden.

  Hayden knew he wasn’t thinking straight, but all he wanted was to attack Damien. Mila slipped her hand around Hayden’s arm and held him tight. That simple action probably saved Hayden’s life. Without her there to calm him and his wolf, Hayden could easily have attacked not just an alpha, but three of his guards.

  “I’m. . . I’m not myself lately, Damien.” It was the best explanation he could give, though the reason behind his behavior escaped him.

  “I see that,” Damien said, his frown saying more than his words. Hayden’s distrust had wounded Damien.

  Mila placed her hand on Hayden’s cheek, turning his attention to her. She had thrown on his black terrycloth robe and she looked striking in it. A little too striking considering she was standing near the open door. Being nude in front of other shifters was part of shifter life and no one gave much thought about it, but having her standing there, looking so incredibly sexy made him growl a warning to the guards standing outside. If they even thought about her improperly, he would pound them into oblivion.

  “Everything’s fine, Hayden. Whatever happens, happens. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.”

  She hadn’t said ‘we’.

  “As I was about to say,” Damien began. “I turned down Truman’s offer after you left last night. I don’t sell shifters, not even ones who are only here temporarily. I thought you knew me well enough to know that. Apparently not.”

  “Damien—”

  He held up his hand. Any apology right now would seem insincere, so perhaps it was just as well Damien didn’t want to hear what he was going to say.

  “Callen took care of Truman’s enforcer, but I brought guards for Mila, to make sure she’s protected over the next few days.”

  “Vance isn’t dead, is he?” Mila asked, looking horrified.

  Of course, Mila was concerned. She wasn’t a killer like Hayden was. Despite all that Vance had done to her, it never occurred to her to wish him dead. Meanwhile, Vance’s death was all Hayden could think about. The asshole deserved to die after what he had done to Mila.

  Hayden was finally starting to understand Blade’s thirst for Drake’s death, and his growing dislike of Hayden. Hayden was too much like Drake. The majority of shifters here knew it. Hayden had been abl
e to ignore their distrust over the years because he had had Damien, Blade, Callen, Pryce, and Frank in his corner, entrusting their very lives to him when they went on a mission or encountered an enemy. That was all changing. Blade had walked away from him last week, and Damien and he had nearly come to blows, twice now.

  “Thank you for the guards, but they won’t be needed,” Hayden said. “I can protect Mila.”

  “While you’re here, yes, but—” Damien’s eyes drew to Mila and the alpha looked concerned. “Perhaps we should talk later, Hayden. Come see me after you two have eaten. I’m leaving the guards here. They’ll go wherever Mila goes.”

  “I have no secrets from her,” Hayden said. “Just tell me what you want.” No matter what Hayden did, he couldn’t remove the anger from his voice. He hoped he wasn’t scaring Mila.

  “We don’t have enough shifters to go in after Drake. Without Liam, it will be nothing more than a blood-bath, on both sides. I want you to go in alone and challenge your brother for the position as alpha of his pack.”

  * * *

  MILA

  Mila couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Damien wanted Hayden to go up against an alpha, Hayden’s brother no less. It wasn’t right on so many levels. This situation with Drake had just turned very real. Before, when it was just the idea of a bunch of wolves invading another pack and taking down an alpha, she hadn’t given it much thought beyond the fact that there would be dead shifters on both sides. Unfortunately, that was a part of pack life, when disputes arose that alphas could not resolve via compromise or mediation.

  Drake would tear Hayden to shreds. Hayden didn’t have his brother’s killer instinct, except when it came to defending those he cared about. She’d seen the result of what Drake could do, and the mess he’d left behind at the summit all those years ago still made her shudder. Those kills were not clean, not in the least.

  “He can’t go!” she protested, knowing how foolish and selfish she sounded. She thought of the wounds on Hayden’s chest, and how he had received them. Drake wouldn’t hesitate in killing Hayden.