Hayden’s Haven

by Cohen, Julie K.

  Anna was right. Mila’s weak shifter abilities defined so much of what she did because she had no confidence to rise above them. Except when she was with Hayden. He had made her feel like she could do anything, be anyone. She had envisioned so much when she was with him as if there were no limits to what she could do in life.

  “So, if you care for my two cents, I’d say the worst thing you did to Hayden was that you never gave him a chance. Lying was unfortunate, but the worst part was that you assumed he only cared about your strength as a shifter. Instead of giving him the chance to talk with you, to see how important your shifter abilities are to him, you made an assumption. Very unscientific drawing a conclusion based on assumption and not facts, Dr. Evans.”

  Anna was spot on. Mila had assumed Hayden would reject her, without really knowing his feelings on the matter. “You’re right, about everything. How am I going to fix this, Anna? He’s never going to listen to me.”

  “And there you go making assumptions again.”

  “No, this time it’s a fact. He told me to stay away from me. He wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to explain, and nothing has changed. Hayden has written me out of his life for good.”

  * * *

  HAYDEN

  Damien’s wolf followed behind Hayden’s wolf at a respectable distance. Hayden had been sure his alpha would give up hours ago and return to camp, but he was still there, in the shadows, trailing him. Hayden shifted and paced, his hands on his hips. He didn’t even recognize what part of Damien’s territory they were in, and he knew every tree and rock after eight years of living and defending his pack. That’s how much Mila had messed with his head. Even if Hayden wanted to challenge his brother, he was in no shape to do so.

  “Whatever it is, Damien, I don’t want to hear it. I told you I’m not challenging Drake. Exile me, or throw me in chains. I don’t care. You can even end me if you’d like, I won’t fight you. At this point, it would be a mercy.”

  “I’m not here as your alpha.”

  What else was there at this point? Hayden had already destroyed their friendship, calling into question too much of who Damien was to ever be forgiven.

  “I’m worried about you, Hayden. We all are.”

  Those were not the words he expected. Why would anyone worry about him at this point? He had done just about everything he could to show he didn’t belong in Damien’s pack. They should be happy to see him go, though he wasn’t even sure if that’s what he was doing out here.

  “You had a falling out with Mila,” Damien continued.

  Of course, Damien knew. One of his guards had been trailing Mila. He must have overheard everything and reported back to Damien, which was rather irksome considering it was no one else’s business. “It’s over between Mila and me.”

  “Why?”

  “You mean your spy didn’t tell you?” Hayden asked, wincing as soon as the words left his mouth. Now, he was effectively accusing Damien of using his guard to spy on Hayden.

  Damien sighed, heavily, causing Hayden to look at him for the first time. His alpha’s expression was somber, pained even.

  “That wasn’t fair of me,” Hayden said, apologizing.

  “Mac only said there was a fight between you two. He didn’t offer details, and I didn’t ask.”

  “She lied to me.”

  “About?”

  “It doesn’t matter. But it was enough to realize we don’t belong together.”

  “Then count yourself lucky.”

  A growl threatened to explode out of Hayden. For Damien to insult Mila. . . Hell, Hayden was defending her when he shouldn’t be.

  “I thought you liked her,” Hayden said, forcing his voice to remain even.

  “She’s a lovely person. Tess, Anna, Kate. All the women get along with her. As do many of the males here.”

  Hayden’s wolf snarled. Apparently, his wolf hadn’t let go of Mila yet.

  “And we need her work, her dedication. She’s an asset to our pack, and I hope she stays.”

  “Why wouldn’t she stay?”

  “Only you can answer that. Will what happened between you two drive her away? Or will you be leaving us, because from where I stand, you don’t seem inclined to stay, Hayden. I think you were ready to leave us before you broke it off with Mila.”

  Was that what this little talk was about? Learning whether Hayden was leaving so Damien could finally appoint a new second without appearing weak, proving to the masses his first choice had been flawed?

  “I’ll be gone as soon as I collect my personal belongings.” Clothing, a picture or two, reminders of his life here. He’d be better off leaving them behind, but he’d had some good times here too. Plenty in fact. Hayden faced the path leading away from camp.

  “Please reconsider, Hayden.”

  Please? That wasn’t a word Damien used often.

  “Return with me. Take the time you need. Let us help you. Or not. No pressure. Just come back and give yourself time to figure out where you belong.”

  That was the problem. Hayden didn’t belong anywhere. Damien was implying he belonged back with the pack, but he had never belonged there. Hayden closed his eyes as the wind caressed his face. He could almost imagine Mila’s touch. His heart was racing, and his soul had been rent in two. He belonged with Mila.

  Damien’s heavy hand landed on Hayden’s shoulder. The alpha turned him toward camp. The next thing Hayden knew, they were walking in silence, in the direction of camp.

  “What about Drake?” Hayden asked when they reached the outskirts of camp.

  “It’s not your worry now. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. I’ll think of something.”

  Except it was Hayden’s worry. It was his brother, and he was the one who could do something to fix the situation. He had a responsibility to this pack as much as he had to Drake.

  Another sigh from Damien. “Maybe we should focus on freeing Liam’s pack.” Damien had relaxed. His voice and mannerism had returned to normal, as if nothing had ever happened between them. His alpha was a forgiving shifter, something Hayden had always admired about Damien.

  “Freeing Liam’s pack will be worse than invading Drake’s territory and hunting him down,” Hayden offered as he released a deep breath he had been holding. For a brief moment he felt like himself again, the shifter who’d been smiling and joking around with the guys a few months ago.

  “Trying to make you challenge him was a bad idea.”

  It had been a good idea. Hayden simply hadn’t been prepared for it. Still wasn’t, but he was starting to see there really was no other choice. Except he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Anyone else but Drake.

  As they entered camp, Hayden immediately caught Mila’s scent. He stopped short and spotted her talking to Lars. Green eyes found him, and her face, her precious face, held a longing he had not expected to see.

  “Go to her,” Damien whispered from his side.

  “No,” Hayden said, prying his eyes from her to face Damien. “We have work to do.” With that, he headed toward Damien’s house. Hayden still planned to leave Damien’s pack, but he’d do so after he helped his friend and alpha come up with a plan to save Liam’s pack.

  Mila raced ahead and intercepted them. “Can we talk, Hayden?”

  “Meet me inside when you’re ready,” Damien said, excusing himself.

  “There’s nothing to say. I didn’t rat you out to Damien, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  Her face twisted like she was going to be sick. He knew the feeling. Keeping his hands behind his back, so he didn’t reach out and touch her was a challenge, but looking at her eyes lower as if she were standing before Vance, fearing him, was downright sickening.

  Did Mila fear him now? As subtly as he could, Hayden scented the air. No, that wasn’t fear he scented. She had lost the confidence she had gained over the past few weeks. Vance, her parents, Truman. . . They had destroyed Mila’s confidence to the point that she couldn’t speak her mind, co
uldn’t tell the truth about who she was. She’d been building up her confidence here, too, and she’d made great progress, but it hadn’t been enough. Hayden hadn’t been enough for her, or she never would have lied to him.

  “I never wanted to lie to you,” she said, raising those beautiful green eyes to him.

  His wolf was alert, ready to circle her, protect her, show her to whom she belonged. Except his wolf wasn’t in charge here, his wolf didn’t understand what it meant to be lied to, to be deceived.

  Her lips quivered and parted. “ I just wanted you to know that was the only lie I told you. I didn’t want you to know I was weak.” She shrugged. “I was afraid you’d think less of me, get rid of me, and I wasn’t ready for that. It’s why I avoided you in the beginning, but you were so hard to avoid. I guess it was easier to ignore my situation and just live in the moment, to explore what a relationship could be like, one without pain and fear, I mean. I didn’t mean to play with your feelings. . . I. . . I made a lot of mistakes with you, Hayden, including not giving you a chance to hear the truth and deal with it, one way or another.

  “Maybe it’s best this happened now. I know you want a blood-bond with a strong shifter. Just for the record, I never would have blood-bonded you. That’s not what I wanted from you. I wouldn’t drag you down to my level. You’re a strong shifter and that’s something to be proud of. I’ve watched you shift. Your strength humbles me. I would never take that from you, make you suffer, but it seems I still ended up hurting you. And that’s on me. I guess, well, I forgot my place for a bit. That’s the thing with weak shifters; we know our place, or at least we’re supposed to. You made me forget that for a while, and it was nice not feeling like less.”

  She glanced over her shoulder at Lars who was still waiting for her. “Lars asked me out.”

  Of course, he did. The shifter would be crazy to pass up someone as smart and giving as Mila. But the thought of Lars or any other male touching her sickened Hayden. Hayden kicked his wolf down, yet again, the third time in as many minutes. The beast had no say in the matter. It didn’t matter who she went with as long as she kept her distance from Hayden.

  “I don’t even know why I’m telling you about Lars. The guy creeps me out and. . .” She bit her lip. “He’s not you, Hayden. No one will ever be you. I shouldn’t even be over here talking to you, but I. . .” A tear slid down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away as she averted her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Hayden, for everything. I just wanted you to know I lied about my abilities, but nothing else. Everything else was real. At least for me it was.”

  “Let’s go, Mila,” Lars called from the distance. Mila visibly shuddered, but turned from Hayden and ran. Not to Lars, though. Toward Aloe’s house. Lars raced after her. Hayden steeled himself. She was no longer his to worry about. He had a long-standing rule that once he broke up with a woman, he never went back to her. The initial period after the break-up was always awkward, even hard, but it was something he had suffered through before. This would be no different.

  Hayden stared down the path toward Aloe’s. Mila was no longer his concern, but Drake was and always would be. Hayden headed into Damien’s house. One way or another, he’d figure out what to do about Drake. As for Mila, she didn’t need him, she never had.

  * * *

  MILA

  After crying in her pillow and drifting off to sleep, Mila got up and showered. The water went a long way toward making her body feel better, but nothing would soothe her soul. She hadn’t realized how much she had hurt Hayden until she had seen the hatred in his face as she spoke to him in the middle of camp.

  His entire body had brimmed with a tension that she had seen in Vance every time he used his fists on her to relieve that anger. Holding the anger in wasn’t good for Hayden. She wasn’t good for him, but she wanted him. He had been right earlier, saying they needed to stay away from each other.

  If he had ever loved her at all, it wasn’t enough to overcome the damage she had done by lying. True love could allow a person to overcome anything, couldn’t it? Of course, it could. That was the premise of the blood-bond, after all. It’s the very reason forced blood-bonds never took. Love was the ultimate tie between two people. Hayden had spoken of a blood-bond because it’s what all shifters wanted with a mate. That ultimate connection that brought an intimacy so close they could sense what their mate was feeling. Wanting it was natural, but achieving it without real love as the foundation for the bond was unrealistic. They would have found that out soon enough.

  No, Hayden hadn’t loved her. If he had, he would have given her a chance to explain everything. What he had thought was love, what caused him to talk in terms of blood-bonds was nothing more than a manifestation of his drive to protect the shifters under his charge. And it had started back in Wyoming, the moment that shifter had tried to rape her.

  Hayden had watched over her ever since. It was a drive he had that probably resulted over his inability to save his brother from their uncle and to save Reina too. Those events in his life had molded him. It’s not like she had anything to offer him other than sex, and sex couldn’t be the foundation for a relationship, let alone the blood-bond.

  As she got dressed, she resolved herself to doing as Hayden asked. She’d keep her distance and give him time to heal and move on. Maybe eventually, if she were lucky, they could be friends, or at least she’d be able to walk across camp without feeling that stabbing pain in her stomach that had been her constant companion for the past three days.

  The knock at the door startled her. She hoped it wasn’t Lars again expecting to take her to the cookhouse for dinner. She wasn’t quite sure he had gotten the message when she said she needed time to think. If it was him, she’d have to be blunt and say she wasn’t interested. Forget his logic that he was a weak shifter and therefore perfect for her. That alone wasn’t the reason for being with another shifter. Weak shifter or not, being with Hayden had shown her there was much more to being with another than a mere matching of abilities. There had to be a deeper connection, like the one she’d had with Hayden, or rather the one she thought she had had with him.

  The knock sounded again, eager, impatient. “I’m coming!”

  Mila finished shoving her feet into her boots as she reached the door. The knock was louder this time. She didn’t bother reaching for her coat. What if it was a medical emergency?

  “Yes, what is it?” she asked as she flung the door open. Before she could react, Vance’s hand clamped over her mouth.

  Chapter Seventeen

  HAYDEN

  Hayden dragged himself out of bed. He needed to wash the sheets to get Mila’s scent out of them. Nightmare after nightmare had plagued him all night long, each one ending the same, with Mila’s death. It wasn’t the first time he had dreamt of someone dying, and it wouldn’t be the last. The dreams were nothing more than a residual effect of having killed shifters and even a few humans over the years, but he never let them drag him under. He did what he needed as second to protect the pack, and he always would. That thought was becoming clearer each day, now that Mila was out of his life. And yet nothing felt the same without her.

  Her words yesterday in particular haunted him. Perhaps that was the reason he had dreamt of her. She had spoken of forgetting her place as a weak shifter, as if she was beneath him. That left a dead feeling in his stomach. He was starting to understand how a smart woman such as Mila could end up under Vance’s paw, unable to break free. Her parents, hell her whole pack, had worn her down over the years, telling her that as a weak shifter she had little to no value.

  This was what Tess had warned Damien about months ago. Shifters had a social class system that was harmful to so many shifters. Even now, it made him so angry to think about all she had been through. He wondered what he had said or done to make her fear telling him the truth. He could care less if he mated a strong shifter, weak shifter, or human. What would be would be. He just wanted someone who accepted him for who he was.r />
  Hayden grabbed the pillow and thrust his face against it. He inhaled long and deep, breathing in what remained of her scent. Maybe she just wanted to be accepted for who she was too, and that’s why she had lied. The label of weak shifter never got anyone anywhere.

  Someone was pounding on his door. Hell, it was too early for this. He glanced outside. The sun was barely up and they’d received another foot or so of snow.

  “Hayden! Open up!”

  It was Frank yelling. Hayden pulled his pants on. “It’s open,” he yelled back.

  “You alone?” Frank asked from the living room.

  Hayden grabbed his sweatshirt and met him in the living room. “No one since Mila.” He didn’t expect there’d be anyone too, not for a long time, if ever. When he left her, he had left a piece of himself behind, a large piece. No one would ever make him feel whole again.

  Frank tossed Hayden’s boots at him. “Hurry.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Robbie’s dead. Neck broken, throat torn out.”

  “What!” Hayden said, and then his heart nearly stopped. Robbie had been guarding Mila last night. “Where’s Mila?”

  “Missing. Her coat’s still at Aloe’s, but she’s missing. One of the kids found Robbie down by the lake. We already checked for Mila but couldn’t find her or her scent trail anywhere. The wind’s making scenting impossible, and whatever tracks she left are under another foot of snow. I was hoping she was here with you.”

  Hayden and Frank rushed to the center of camp where Blade was organizing search parties and Callen was giving out orders to perimeter guards. Damien was nowhere to be seen. That creep Lars was right there in the middle of the search party, pretending to be as shocked as everyone else.