With This Man

by Jodi Ellen Malpas

‘And some more of these,’ Kate adds, tossing another into her mouth. ‘I’m running low.’

  I’m out of my chair fast, laughing as I walk away with a chuckling Sam. ‘Hey, look at that.’ I nudge his shoulder, and he looks across the bar with me where John’s romancing his lady friend.

  ‘He’s gonna plant that big knuckled fist on your nose if you don’t pack it in,’ Sam laughs, waving the barman over.

  ‘It would be worth it,’ I order some water. ‘And some grapefruit juice with . . . ’ I fade off, trying to remember the foul concoction Kate requested. I look at Sam, who takes over, reeling off his order.

  ‘Hey, boys.’ Drew joins us, a hand on each shoulder as he peeks his head through the middle of us. ‘What the fuck is that?’ He eyes up the glass of God-knows-what.

  ‘Don’t ask.’ I turn away from the bar, leaning against the wood. ‘So not long until you’re nailed down, too. Excited?’

  ‘Yes, actually. I know that surprises you.’

  It doesn’t. From the moment he met the lovely Raya, he was smitten. It might have been a surprise at the time, but you only have to see them together to get it. Who would have thought back in the day that this is where we’d be? Sam preparing for the imminent arrival of his firstborn, Drew ready to walk down the aisle. And me with twins and a wife who doesn’t know me. I flinch, knocking myself out of my own depressing thoughts, and it doesn’t escape the boys’ notice. I swallow and shake off the melancholy.

  ‘Hey, how’s things?’ Sam asks, and I look past them both to see Ava has moved to the other side of the table to be next to Kate. She must sense my watchful eyes, because she looks up as she collects her glass, and then proceeds to take a cheeky, very measured sip. But the volume of alcohol she’s drinking isn’t foremost in my mind. What she’s saying to Kate is.

  Chapter 38

  Ava

  ‘How are you feeling?’ I ask, resting the stem of my glass on Kate’s pregnant belly.

  ‘I’m pregnant, fat, and I’m eating like a fucking horse.’ She blows her cheeks out and motions popping them. ‘Tell me how you are. How’s yoga going?’

  ‘Great.’ I smile, reminded of the image I had. ‘It beats therapy by a mile. At my last session, I was so spaced out, and I saw Jesse and the twins when they were babies.’

  ‘That’s great!’

  I nod, sipping my drink.

  ‘And how are things with you and Jesse?’

  I inhale and take a quick peek into the bar area where my husband is standing with his friends, but his attention is far from on them. ‘Good.’

  ‘And?’ she prompts.

  I shrug. ‘He’s being very attentive. In between his rants about dresses, drinking and anything else that displeases him. Which is a lot.’

  Kate laughs, holding her belly, and then flinches. ‘Ouch.’

  I immediately bolt forward, my hands over hers on her tummy. ‘What is it? You okay?’

  She shuffles in her seat, grimacing. ‘It’s nothing. Just the baby lying awkwardly.’ Brushing away my hands, she settles and gives me her undivided attention again. ‘It’s—’

  I hold my hand up, stopping her. ‘I know what you’re going to say. I’ve figured out very quickly that he’s a bit of a control freak.’

  ‘A bit?’

  ‘A lot,’ I relent, taking my glass to my lips, thoughtful. ‘It’s just . . . weird, isn’t it?’

  ‘What is?’

  I wave my glass through the air, indicating everything around me. ‘Up here.’ I tap the side of my head. ‘I’m still early twenties, rocking youth and pursuing my career.’ I look down my lace-clad body. ‘But here I’m thirty-eight, married to what can only be described as an ogre, and I have eleven-year-old twins. Eleven!’ I flop back in my seat, once again utterly shell-shocked by what is my life.

  After way too long a silence, I sip my drink as I look at Kate. She’s smiling. ‘You know, I saw all these emotions in you once before.’ She waits a moment for me to ask when, but I don’t. I don’t need to. ‘Ava.’ With one hand on mine, the other on her gigantic belly, she shuffles in closer. I look Kate straight in her vivid blue eyes, wondering where she’s hiding the past sixteen years because, frankly, she looks no different. The pregnant belly aside. ‘For the record, you look fucking fabulous,’ she says. Reaching up, she pushes a stray strand behind my ear, her smile knowing. She’s read my mind, but I still pout, a little put out that I’m much older than I want to be. ‘How do you feel about him?’

  ‘Jesse?’

  ‘No, the Lord Almighty.’ The roll of her eyes is dramatic.

  ‘He is the Lord Almighty.’ I laugh softly, casting my gaze to him at the bar. He’s still watching me, though something tells me the glass of bubbles in my hand isn’t the reason why. I can see curiosity scattered across his face, the signature creases that I’ve become familiar with spanning his forehead. I breathe in, unable to help admiring the fine form of a man who is my husband. He has a sexy, magnetic appeal that demands attention, and for the most part, he knows it. He’s a god, no denying it, and I am married to him. Though past all his cocky arrogance, there’s a vulnerability. A weakness. I am the cause of that weakness. His love for me.

  I study him as he studies me, his big body relaxed against the bar. My eyes go off on a tangent, roaming the vast length of him, all the way down to his Grensons, and back up again until I get to his face. That face. I sigh, relaxing, a smile breaking free when his green eyes shine, glimmer, and sparkle madly, his devilish smirk faint but apparent. He’s aware of the inspection he’s under, and, as always, he’s taking too much pleasure from my inability to keep my damn eyes under control. I shake my head faintly on a little laugh, and he winks, kissing the air. ‘Arrogant pig,’ I mouth.

  ‘I love you, too,’ he mouths back, making me laugh out loud and quickly return my focus to Kate before I inflate his huge ego even more. The man’s a case. When I find my friend, I also find a cheesy grin around another one of those bloody canapés.

  ‘Tell me you don’t adore that man,’ she demands. ‘Tell me it isn’t ingrained into you like every one of your internal organs. Tell me you don’t need him to survive.’

  ‘I can’t,’ I admit, though the idea is crazy if true.

  I look at him and feel electric inside. He touches me, and my veins charge with heat. In his arms, I feel at home. Like nothing can hurt me. And I know for sure that it can’t.

  ‘I didn’t know what I felt at first,’ I admit. ‘Attraction, for sure, but trying to get my head around this man being my husband was frightening.’ I smile when Kate takes my hand and holds it in a sign of support. ‘I saw something in him, something that I should have been wary of, yet I was more intrigued by him. He’s told me things that are unbelievable, yet I believe them.’ Kate doesn’t ask what things, as I suspect she knows. ‘I just feel myself leaning on him in all ways, and I know it’s the right thing to do. I can’t explain it. I feel protective of him, even though I know he can more than look after himself. But more protective of his ways, like a need to defend how he is. Because I know why he’s like that. The Manor, his uncle, his brother. The scars on his stomach, just the thought of him being hurt, no matter in what way.’ At the mention of the scars, Kate inhales, flinching. ‘I know,’ I agree. ‘I was so mad when he told me how he’d sustained the injuries. I know he claims to have been nothing before he met me, empty and lost, but still. He shouldn’t have been so careless with his life.’

  ‘Careless?’

  ‘Not wearing his leathers when he rode his bike,’ I prompt, and she nods slowly, looking across to Jesse with the disappointment I feel myself.

  ‘He’s a silly man,’ she muses, starting to get up from her seat, the effort too much, even with my helping hand. ‘I need to pee for the thousandth time in an hour.’

  ‘Want me to come?’

  ‘Trust me, you don’t want to hear
me pee. I sound like a carthorse.’

  ‘So you’re eating like a horse, peeing like a horse. You gonna start galloping?’ I smile when she chuckles.

  ‘Sam’s gonna have to roll me out of this joint.’ She stretches, standing tall, her palms in her back pushing her hips forward. ‘Oh, God,’ she groans, the sound pure pleasure. ‘I’ll be back in a minute. You want a drink?’

  ‘Yes, but don’t let Jesse see it.’

  ‘I’ll smuggle it through in my gigantic knickers.’ She wanders off, and I fall into thought again, at the same time admiring Jesse. Falling in love with him so quickly seems like an outlandish possibility.

  But it happened once before.

  And it’s happening once again.

  Chapter 39

  I watch as Kate half wobbles, half marches towards me, though it’s plain to see she’s trying to execute the latter with grit. It doesn’t matter if she’s failing. The look on her face is like thunder, and I’m puzzled as to why.

  ‘Oh shit, who’s upset the she-devil?’ Sam mutters under his breath, spotting his girlfriend steaming towards us. ‘Hey, gorgeous!’

  ‘What the fuck, Jesse?’ She launches right in. ‘Your scars. You told her you had a motorcycle accident?’

  ‘Oh,’ I say, her grievance suddenly crystal clear.

  ‘Oh? That’s it, oh? You can’t keep that kind of shit from her!’

  What? I can’t keep that kind of shit from her? Fucking watch me. Only because Kate’s expecting do I hold back from getting up in her face. I don’t fancy a scrap with my mate, not that Kate would need him. She’s a firecracker all on her own, more so since my mate put a bun in her oven.

  ‘I know what I’m doing.’ I breathe through my statement, calm as I can manage when on the inside I’m livid. I know what’s best for my wife. Me.

  She’s the one recoiling now, and Sam’s quick to move in, a pacifying arm placed on her back. And Kate’s quick to shrug him off. ‘You’re lying, that’s what you’re doing.’

  ‘I’m protecting her.’ I can feel my teeth grinding, my jaw aching in an instant.

  ‘By lying?’ She laughs, and it’s sarcastic as fuck. ‘Haven’t you learned? Look what happened the last time you kept her in the dark.’ Her face is getting redder by the second, her rage probably matching mine, though I’m containing it far better than Kate.

  ‘Kate, calm the fuck down.’ Sam tries to encourage her away. She’s having none of it.

  ‘You can’t lie to her. It isn’t right.’

  I swallow and reach for Kate’s hand, taking it in a firm grip and looking her square in the eye. I hope she sees how sincere I am. How determined. ‘Kate, lies are necessary when you know the person you’re lying to can’t handle the truth.’ I breathe in more oxygen, and Kate snaps her mouth shut, so I push on while she’s been silenced. ‘Ava can’t handle the truth, Kate. Not now. Maybe never. I don’t know, but in this moment I’m not telling her all that shit. It pales into insignificance, anyway. What matters to me, to Ava, is us. Our family. The kids. I want all of her energy on me and the twins. Not a nobody who’s not in our lives any more.’

  She’s staring at me, absorbing my speech. ‘I think you’re mad.’

  ‘I feel it,’ I say. ‘But she’s falling in love with me again, and now more than ever, I don’t want anything to jeopardise that.’ I flick my eyes to Sam. He still has hold of Kate, but his eyes are on me. Sympathy is emblazoned across his face. And his small nod tells me he understands the angle I’m taking here. I’m grateful.

  ‘Oh shit,’ Kate blurts, her welling eyes overflowing when she blinks.

  ‘Hey.’ I move in to comfort her, to make sure we’re all right. ‘Don’t get upset.’

  ‘I’m not upset.’ She looks down, as do I, finding a puddle around our feet. ‘My waters broke.’

  ‘Oh, fuck.’ I step back, cringing, feeling all kinds of guilty for more or less inducing her labour.

  ‘What?’ Sam shoots a fiery stare at his girlfriend. ‘That’s what happens when you get stressed out!’ He takes her cheeks and moves in, smacking a big kiss on her lips. ‘If you weren’t in labour, I’d spank you stupid.’

  ‘Save it for later, Samuel.’ Kate gazes at him as Sam gazes back. ‘We’re going to have a baby.’

  And like the news might have just sunk in, he flips to panic mode. ‘Fuck! I’m going to have a baby!’ He looks at me, and then to Drew. ‘We’re having a baby!’ he shouts, silencing the room. ‘Call an ambulance!’

  ‘Someone calm him the fuck down,’ Kate mumbles, and then that mumble turns into a moan, her body bending at the waist. ‘Ohhh, shit, there it is.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ Ava rushes over, looking to everyone, and then down at her feet. ‘Oh.’

  ‘Oh, your pretty shoes,’ Kate whines, clinging to Sam’s arm. ‘They’re ruined.’

  ‘Give it a rest, woman,’ Sam chides as Kate flings her other arm out and grabs me. I hold on to her as she pants, her red face now red for other reasons. Flashbacks, tons of them, steam forward and swamp my brain – visions of Ava in the latter weeks of her pregnancy, fooling me into believing she was in labour to wind me up, and then the moment she wasn’t playing any more. The moment it actually happened. I look across to my wife as I help Sam hold up Kate, a crowd of people growing. I watch as she throws out instructions, before taking Kate’s arm from me. I’m in a world of my own, rendered immobile by my memories, a useless heap of man amid the pandemonium.

  ‘Jesse!’ Ava’s sharp shout of my name snaps me back into the room. She’s looking at me in question. ‘You’re the only one who hasn’t been drinking.’ She must catch my confusion, because she pushes on urgently. ‘You need to drive us to the hospital.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘An ambulance!’ Sam yells, frantically looking around the room, like he might find one in Café Royal.

  ‘Will someone shut him the hell up,’ Kate spits, forgoing the help of her boyfriend and putting all of her trust into Ava, clinging onto her friend. ‘Oohhhhhh God!’ Over she goes again, bending at the waist. ‘Shit, shit, shit.’

  Ava starts walking Kate towards the exit, me and Sam following like the useless men we are. ‘Sam, I need you to time the contractions,’ Ava orders over her shoulder, helping Kate along. ‘Jesse, bring the car around.’

  Kate takes slow, tentative steps, Ava matching her pace. ‘How bad does it hurt?’ Kate asks, looking to Ava for reassurance.

  ‘Like a bitch,’ Ava answers automatically. I find myself inhaling, a little stunned. ‘And when that baby’s ready to come out, you’re gonna feel like you’re trying to push a flaming watermelon out of your fanny.’

  Kate laughs, and then stops, shouting at the doors of the elevator. ‘Motherfucker!’

  ‘About sums it up,’ Ava quips, accepting a wet cloth from Raya and dabbing at Kate’s forehead.

  ‘You’re stealing my thunder,’ Raya jokes, nothing but fondness in her tone as she takes Kate’s other side, the trio of women in a line before us, taking the ropes, putting us to shame.

  All that’s left for me to do is put an arm around Sam and walk him on behind while I watch Ava talk Kate through it. Like she’s done it before. Because she has.

  *

  Five of us sit in the waiting room – me, Ava, Drew, Raya and Georgia. We insisted they stay at Café Royal and enjoy their party. They insisted on coming. It’s past midnight, and Georgia is asleep on Drew’s lap, Raya’s head resting on his shoulder. The constant moans and screams of women are leaking out of the doors of the maternity unit. It’s only been a few hours since we arrived, and I know more than anyone that it could be a long night. But not one of us is prepared to leave. This is a monumental moment in our friends’ lives. We all want to be here for it.

  I peek down at Ava. She’s sitting next to me, her gaze fixed on our held hands in her lap.

&nbs
p; ‘You okay?’ I ask, wondering if she’s thinking about when she had our babies. Looking up at me, she sighs, her head falling onto my shoulder. I reach around with my spare hand and cup her cheek. ‘Does it really feel like you’re pushing a flaming watermelon out of your fanny?’

  Her jerking body against mine makes me smile, her laugh soft. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Ouch,’ I quip, shuddering for effect. Her hand reaches for mine on her face and holds it there.

  ‘I don’t know where it all came from,’ she says, almost sad. ‘It’s the story of my life at the moment.’

  I breathe out, my arse slipping further from the seat. I’m not sure whether I like these little flashes of recollections any more. They don’t excite me, more make me sad. Sad that the instinct is there, but the memory and the essence of that memory isn’t. I close my eyes, feeling so tired.

  I have roughly two seconds of shut-eye before I hear some doors open. Shooting my stare towards them, I find Sam standing outside the maternity unit, looking like shit, his face washed out, his eyes bloodshot. For a moment, I’m terrified that something has gone wrong. Then a lazy grin creeps across his exhausted face, and my heart works its way back to a safe pace.

  ‘It’s a girl,’ he croaks, his voice like gravel. ‘We’ve gone and got ourselves a little girl.’

  I’m up in a heartbeat, seeing he’ll collapse with a mixture of happiness and exhaustion if I don’t reach him quickly. He practically falls into my arms. ‘Fuck me, I never want to do that again.’

  I smile, knowing exactly how he feels. ‘Congratulations, mate.’ I give him the biggest bear hug, taking most of his weight. A girl. I laugh under my breath. That’s it. Sam has joined Drew and me in girlie hell. I fucking love it.

  I release him only when Ava makes it to us to take over the hug, though I’m on standby to catch him if his legs give. ‘Well done. How’s Kate?’

  ‘Knackered.’

  We all come together, hugs and kisses given all around. And it’s beautiful. A beautiful moment in our lives. My only wish is that the twins were here, and as I look at Georgia, rubbing at her sleepy eyes, that wish turns into an ache. Only one more day, I tell myself. Then I see my babies.