Deadly Choice

by Jack Parker

  Kim didn't really want to ask again as she watched him leave and a moment later she heard the front door go. Where the hell was he going? She needed company. She needed to be with someone. Her life was turning upside down. Why was Robin abandoning her now?

  She hugged her knees to her chest as she felt the duvet slowly starting to warm her through. She felt like such a fool. After all the effort she'd gone to and now here she was, in an utter state, showing a vulnerability that she had never let another person see. Never had she let her guard down this way before.

  It felt like forever before she heard the front door open and Robin arrived back in the doorway. He looked a little windswept and damp from the rain in the air.

  "Here," he said, "is this better?"

  He held a small bottle of scotch in her direction and her lips twitched into a smile.

  "You didn't have to go all the way out just to get that," she said, "the brandy would have been fine."

  "Can't have you pulling a face the whole time," said Robin, "that's my job." He saw her smile again. That was a beautiful sight. He handed her the bottle and rubbed his hands together, shivering slightly.

  "Now you're bloody freezing," Kim admonished, "you went out in just your shirt, didn't you?"

  "I was only going to be two minutes," Robin protested, "I thought it was mild out there."

  "Get in here, you stupid oaf," Kim said, peeling back the duvet for him to slip in beside her. He felt a little awkward doing so but he really was cold and the bed was so inviting. He pulled the duvet up around him and he looked at Kim.

  "Was this my fault?" he asked quietly.

  "What? You control the weather now, do you?"

  "No, I mean," he sighed, "you and Linda."

  Kim shook her head slowly.

  "No, Rob," she said quietly, "it would have happened sooner or later. Things haven't been great for a while, I told you that."

  Robin brushed his damp hair from his face. He looked at her softly.

  "You really do look great, you know," he said quietly.

  "Great for a how not to do your make up advert," said Kim.

  "No," Robin shook his head slowly.

  Kim looked away. She felt a little uncomfortable. To distract herself she opened the bottle and took a long swig from it. Closing her eyes, she gave a quiet gasp and breathed in deeply.

  "My reminder of my time over there," she whispered, "you always knew when times were tough that there would be a bottle of scotch in Gene Hunt's filing cabinet."

  Robin gave a little smile.

  "I'm surprised he was willing to share," he said.

  "He didn't usually know," Kim said, slightly guiltily. She gave a gentle laugh and a genuine smile. "I can't drink like that any more. I was quite the ladette for a while. I think I had beer in my veins instead of blood."

  "I'm surprised you remember anything about your time in the nineties," Robin teased.

  Kim smiled as she looked down.

  "I did go a little overboard for a while," she admitted, "but I hated being there at first and it was an escape. I grew out of that lifestyle in the end. Still had a few boozy moments though." She had a faraway look on her face. "Spent one Christmas in that world. I think I drank a small reservoir of beer."

  Robin smiled. He saw her face light up as she spoke about the other world.

  "Is this the same 'worst Christmas ever' that you warned Alex about?" he asked.

  "Oh dear," sighed Kim, "Yeah… I kind of let that slip, didn't I?" she gave a giggle. "It wasn't that bad…in places…" she took a sip from the bottle. "I think I probably had a better Christmas than she did, mind you." She pulled a face. "Only just though. Gene Hunt forgot to buy us Christmas presents so he wrapped up things from Alex's cutlery drawer."

  "Lovely," said Robin, laughing, "what did you give him?"

  "I think I offered to wash his car or something," said Kim, "he still got the better end of the deal." She shuddered. "Aside from that there were hundreds of sprouts and a drinking game to accompany the queen's Christmas message."

  "I can see why you dubbed it the worst Christmas ever," said Robin.

  Kim smiled fondly.

  "There were good parts," she said distantly, "there were always good parts. I didn't always realise that at the time." She sighed. "I think Christmas was when I realised how much I had there. Friends. A home." She shook her head slightly. "I spent most of my time fighting to get back to the real world. And then ever since I did…" she sighed again, "it's never really felt like home." A sad and thoughtful silence fell, broken only by Kim's growling stomach. She groaned and blushed. "Why is my body always showing me up in front of you?"

  "Not as much as mine did," Robin commented before he could stop himself. He cringed as the words escaped. Probably not the best thing to be bringing up, he thought. But at least Kim seemed to be laughing this time.

  "No, that is true," she said quietly.

  Robin looked at her seriously.

  "Do you want to try eating?" he asked, "just a little bit?"

  Kim tried to protest that she was too wound up to eat but she realised she had started to feel a little more at ease with Robin and despite the horrible row she'd had with Linda her appetite was starting to come back. Slowly, she nodded.

  "OK," she said quietly, "just a little bit."

  "What do you fancy? Starter, main or dessert?"

  "Three courses?" Kim felt even worse for spoiling their meal, "God, we could have done with you when we had Come Dine With Me."

  "What?" frowned Robin.

  Kim sighed.

  "Simon's attempt at introducing Gene to twenty first century television," she said, "Simon fell asleep and never cooked the meal, Gene gave us all food poisoning with some kind of potato and dolphin thing and I," she blushed, "I kind of turned the chicken into charcoal." She smiled. "Alex won with beans on toast."

  "Can't beat the old favourites," Robin smiled. He got to his feet. "I'll get some food. Maybe skip the starter. Not sure about eating soup in bed."

  Kim wasn't even sure why they were eating in bed, but she felt cosy and safe there and decided not to argue.

  "OK," she said quietly, smiling gently. She breathed deeply and sighed as she watched Robin leave. How could he have brought such a sense of peace to her after such a short time? She'd been so distraught as she'd left her house. Robin seemed to know just the right thing to say and do. She began to feel herself flushing in the face. Maybe she was too hot under the duvet now? No, her arms and legs were still cold. Maybe the scotch was going to her head.

  Robin returned with a couple of plates and his brandy bottle tucked under his arm.

  "Shepherd's pie," he said, "no dolphins in sight."

  "Thanks," Kim smiled as she sat upright, propped herself up with pillows and took a plate. She felt a little silly eating in bed, like she had the flu or something and had been quarantined in her bedroom. Robin climbed in beside her and started to tuck in. he hadn't eaten all day, first from nerves about Layton's bail hearing and then from his anxiety about the evening. But now that Kim was there, as stressful as her arrival had been, he felt calm and relaxed. He managed to sneak a sideways glance and a smile at her as they began to eat.

  "This is a bit bloody decadent, isn't it?" Kim commented, "eating in bed."

  "No one will ever know," Robin reminded her.

  "This what you do in secret, is it?" she asked, "tuck yourself up and bed and enjoy your dinner?"

  "If I did there would be more stains than stripes on the duvet," said Robin.

  Silence fell for a while as they ate. Neither felt uncomfortable about it. It wasn't a silence that needed to be filled. They were quite happy in each other's company. For Robin, that felt especially strange. He often felt awkward around others and worried about silences. That never happened with Kim.

  Kim found she was hungrier than she realised and managed to demolish the shepherd's pie quickly, and without causing any major gravy-related disasters on the duvet. She's mis
sed Robin's cooking. Neither she nor Linda were exactly culinary experts and she had rarely enjoyed the kind of home cooked fare that Robin was glad to put together. As she finished her meal she laid her knife and fork on the plate, put it to one side on the bedside cabinet and pretended she hadn't just burped in a very unladylike manner.

  "Do I remember hearing there was dessert?" she asked innocently.

  Robin smiled.

  "I'll get it later," he said. "the poor soup, terribly neglected."

  Kim reached for the bottle of scotch and sipped from it. She leaned back a little and closed her eyes. The alcohol was making her feel a little woozy and her full stomach made her feel tired.

  "It's only bloody half past seven and I feel like I could go to sleep right now," Kim commented.

  Robin set his empty plate down and picked up his brandy bottle.

  "You've had a rotten day" he said quietly, "you must be exhausted. If you want to sleep, go ahead."

  "I'd better not," Kim sighed, "my sleeping pattern is bad enough. I could do without screwing it up more."

  Robin drank some brandy, taking slow and careful sips. He looked at Kim and asked,

  "Are you going to work tomorrow?"

  Kim shook her head slowly.

  "I'll call in sick," she said, "I cried off with a migraine earlier so I could go home and change."

  Robin gave a giggle.

  "You didn't?"

  "Yeah, why?"

  "I did the same thing," he said, feeling slightly ashamed. "I wanted to get a head start on dinner."

  "I did wonder how you put this together in an hour," Kim laughed. She looked at Robin a little more seriously. "Are you sure you don't mind me staying?"

  "No problem at all," Robin told her, "the couch is comfortable enough. I'll be fine in there."

  Kim looked at him a little sadly. She felt herself reddening slightly.

  "Do you have to?" she whispered, "I don't really want to sleep on my own tonight."

  Robin looked at her a little nervously. He could feel the brandy starting to go to his head and was worried that words were going to slip out that he couldn't take back.

  "Uh, OK," he said quietly, "Yes, that's fine. Got a nice new sleeping bag I can put out on the floor."

  Kim frowned.

  "Didn't think you were the camping type," she said.

  "Why do you think it's never been used?" Robin asked.

  That made Kim laugh. Her whole face lit up as she did, a genuine smile dancing across her features. It warmed Robin to see that. God, he'd been so worried about her when she'd first arrived. He brushed the hair from her face again and felt as though his limbs were growing warm and numb from the alcohol. She turned to him and smiled.

  "Rob, I've missed you," she said quietly.

  Robin felt himself becoming warmer all over.

  "I've missed you too," he whispered. He breathed deeply as he stared at her. Her eyes had that intensity again. It did something to him inside that he couldn't understand. It stole his breath right away from him, sent a shiver down his spine. He tried to ignore it, hoped that the feeling would pass but it never seemed to. With shaking hands he grabbed the brandy bottle and took a big gulp. That wasn't like him. Even drinking more often he only ever had a small amount but he needed something to try to numb the feelings he couldn't cope with. Unfortunately the drink only appeared to be numbing his digits and the bottle seemed to tumble from his hands. The liquid splashed across his shirt as he scrambled to catch it. "Fuck!" he cried. He closed his eyes as he sat the bottle on the cabinet beside him, breathing deeply. What an idiot. What a fucking idiot! He felt so embarrassed that his face glowed red and he wanted to hide under the duvet.

  "Your shirt," Kim said, slightly unnecessarily.

  The feeling of the wet material against his skin felt uncomfortable and unpleasant and without thinking he pulled the shirt off over his head and discarded it to the floor, right into the gravy-stained plate that he'd left down there. He felt so fuzzy-headed by now that it took him several moments to realise he'd left his scars on full display. The moment he noticed, a terrible feeling of revulsion and horror overcame him, choking him and bringing tears to his eyes.

  "Oh shit," he breathed, his voice fraught and wretched. He closed his eyes and turned his back to Kim. No matter what she had said he felt increasingly conscious of his scars and consistently worse about the idea of her seeing them. He knew deep down that he might be overacting but the intense emotion of the night caught up with him and he felt his eyes filling with tears. As he pulled the duvet around him he felt Kim's hand reaching towards him, turning him back..

  "Rob, no," she said quietly, her voice full of emotion. He resisted her pull and tried to scramble from the bed to find some clothes to put on but she grasped him with both hands and her voice became insistent. "Rob, listen to me. Listen to me," her tone became more urgent desperate for him to listen this time. She pulled him harder until he had no choice but to face her. "It doesn't matter," she looked him straight in the eye, no matter how hard he tried to avoid her gaze, "listen to me, Rob. It doesn't matter. Not to me. It's just skin. It's alive. You're alive. You very well might not have been if he'd had his way. All those scars do is show that you made it. You survived." Her heart was beating so hard that it almost stopped her from being able to speak. She swallowed, choked up by the look of anguish on Robin's face. "Please believe me, Robin."

  He really wanted to believe her but his fear of repulsiing her overrode his common sense.

  "I'm sorry," he whispered.

  "We all have scars," Kim told him quietly.

  Robin bit his lip as his eyes moved to the bullet scar on her neck. He flinched as he remembered watching her drop, a bullet that had been meant for him buried in her neck. He closed his eyes and listened to his heart thumping away. Some words shot from his heart into his mouth and he almost set them free but he held them back just in time. He opened his eyes and stared at her. Her face was sad, desperate to take the pain away from him. That was when he noticed for the first time that she was shaking. Was she still cold? He found his answer as a warm hand gently reached out and traced a line down his chest.

  He sat froze, staring at her with wide eyes, a rabbit caught in headlights. He knew what happened the last time she did that. But so did she, and yet here she was, doing it all over again. He couldn't read the look on her face; she seemed scared, intense, filled with the need for something but he couldn't tell what. He knew that he swallowed so hard that he had a horrible feeling it was loud enough that she heard. His heart was still beating hard. He wondered if she could feel it as her hand moved against his chest.

  He felt movement. Oh god, no, not again. He tried desperately to think about something else, anything at all, but nothing was going to counteract it. He heard himself gasp slightly. He seemed to be losing control of his actions. He looked back at Kim whose expression was contorted between need and fear. He'd rarely seen her look so scared, but she didn't stop. Her chest felt tight. She took shallow, tiny breaths as she tried to cope with the pull she felt to Robin. She'd been fighting it tooth and nail ever since their day on the barge but now everything she'd been trying to lock away was desperately trying to burst forth.

  She was caught in his stare; his deep, dark eyes that made her head spin. Was it her imagination or did his own gaze seem to be hooked on hers too? He looked scared, unsure, not knowing what was about to happen next. Her eyes were drawn to his lips as he involuntarily licked them. Her breathing deepened as she stared. She couldn't work out what was happening to her. She hated it with every bone in her body, it went against everything she knew about herself, but she couldn't stop what she was doing.

  She leaned closer. The pull was magnetic. Her body trembled as she closed her eyes and leaned towards him. It was like the barge all over again, but there as a fundamental difference this time. This time she didn't have to move forward so far because Robin had already moved towards her. There they were, her lips against his. She
remembered the kiss on the boat, the action that had taken him so much by surprise. He'd lain there, shocked and still, not sure how to respond. He didn't seem to have that hesitation this time.

  She felt his mouth moving against hers, his own need felt as great as hers. It was strange and different, it wasn't the kind of kiss she was used to. It was harsher; the feel of the stubble around his face rubbed her delicate skin. It hurt a little, made her sore. She wasn't used to that. She was used to kissing soft, female lips and this was a strange feeling indeed. She tried to ignore the rough sensation as she focused on the feeling of his tongue playing around her lips and into her mouth. She hadn't been expecting that, somehow. All she'd had on her mind was the one-sided moment on the boat. There was nothing one-sided about this.

  A tingle grew down below. A dampening. God, she hadn't felt anything like that in so long. She felt the tingle spreading through her body as Robin's hands reached around her body, clasping her tightly, pulling her closer. Such a firm hold. Such a tight grasp. She felt herself pushing her body against his as though she wanted to feel his heart beating against her. She needed to feel that. She needed him close.

  Robin didn't understand what he was doing or how he was doing it. He'd never had these urges before. There was no part of Kim that fulfilled his sexual preferences. She didn't have the build or the look or the voice or anything that he was attracted to, but she had something else. She was Kim. That was the only way he could explain it.

  He couldn't remember feeling this much of a need before. He had never felt such a strong desire for someone. He was rock hard and aching for release. The kiss felt strange and peculiar to Robin who was used to feeling a roughness of skin against his own. Kim's face was softer, her lips smaller and gentler against his. He felt her pressing her body up against him and for a moment he had a completely ridiculous panic about his scars but her actions made it fade away. He felt her hands around his head, sliding through his hair. It sent shivers through his whole body. He began to pull her towards the flat of the bed, gently moving their bodies downwards to give them room to lay.

  He reached up and gently ran his fingers down the side of her face. Her skin was so soft. It wasn't what he was used to feeling. He couldn't stop exploring the new experience; touching her, learning what it was like. He'd never known before, never even wondered. The thought of being with a woman had never crossed his mind but now Kim was the only thing that filled his mind. He felt her pressing her body even closer. The shape of her curves was strange and unlike anything he'd experienced before. As their kiss continued he felt her leg rubbing slowly against his, her knee riding higher and higher until he felt it touch him between his legs, to feel how hard he had become for her, only for her.