Loving Violet

by Terri Anne Browning

  “I would.” I stood and pulled a wrap on over the bikini I was wearing. “I’m going to go home and get dressed.”

  “Want me to come with you?” Shaw called after me.

  “No…” I paused and glanced back at her. “But don’t go far. Okay?”

  She gave me a small smile and promised, “I’ll be right here.”

  “Violet,” Dad called after me.

  “Go for your run, Dad,” I told him. “It’s probably better you’re not around for this anyway.”

  “Damn it, Vi.”

  “Don’t make me call Mom,” I threatened and kept walking.

  At home, I changed into a pair of jeans and a hoodie in my room, then walked downstairs. On the last step, I sat and waited. Shaw still had my phone, but she was right. I didn’t need to continue to tear myself apart by looking at that crap over and over again.

  I was exhausted after little to no sleep the night before, and I leaned my head back against the wall as I waited for the doorbell to ring. When it did, I clenched my eyes closed and took a fortifying breath before forcing myself to stand and walk to the door.

  When I opened it, Luca stood on the other side. His eyes were bloodshot and bleak, the brown having turned to a hazel color that was almost green. I hated when they were that color because I knew how much pain he must have been in for his eyes to change so drastically. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, tell him it was going to be okay, but for once, I couldn’t do it.

  He was in pain because of what he’d done. Not just to himself, because I could smell the booze on him and knew from Shaw that he had a hell of a hangover. But to me. He had effortlessly eviscerated me, and all because his feelings were hurt over something as trivial as not telling him “happy birthday.”

  I knew he could be vindictive, and I’d overlooked it more times than I could remember throughout the years. But he’d never once been spiteful to me.

  If someone had asked me just twenty-four hours ago if I thought Luca and I could survive anything, I would have told them without hesitation that of course we could. We loved each other. We were soul mates. And we were so damn lucky because we found each other early in life and we got to spend our entire lives together.

  Now, after seeing just what he was capable of where my heart was concerned, I couldn’t answer that question. We obviously couldn’t survive anything, because Luca’s love wasn’t nearly as strong as I’d once thought it was.

  When his eyes met mine, they filled with tears. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Luca cry. He dropped to his knees in front of me, his arms going around my waist as he pressed his face into my middle. “I’m so sorry,” he rasped out.

  After all the crying I’d done the night before and earlier that morning, my eyes felt oddly dry as I looked down at him. I lifted my hands, my fingers aching to touch him, but I refused to give him a moment of comfort when my own heart was aching so badly I couldn’t breathe.

  “Did you fuck her?” My voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, but I felt him flinch as if I’d screamed the question at him.

  His head snapped back so he could see my face. “No! I swear to you, I didn’t touch her.”

  “Liar. I’ve seen the pictures of you two asleep on that couch, Luca.”

  His arms tightened around me. “I was alone when I fell asleep last night. I woke up to her beside me. I didn’t touch her. I didn’t kiss her. I didn’t—”

  “Lucy heard her begging you to lick her pussy when she was on the phone with Lyric.” Nausea began to make my stomach toss yet again as I heard Megan’s voice in my head. “Luca baby. Luca baby. Luca baby.” I clenched my eyes shut, fighting the voice and the pain lacerating every nerve ending in my body.

  With a strangled cry, I pushed him away and took several steps back, but Luca had a look of confusion on his face. “When was this?”

  “Right after you hung up on me yesterday, I called Lyric, and Lucy took the phone.” I shrugged, like it didn’t matter, like I hadn’t died a little when his sister told me what she’d heard.

  “I didn’t touch her, Violet!” He jumped to his feet and reached out for me, but I took another step back. “Baby, please believe me. You know I would never do something like that. You’re the only girl I want. I love you.”

  “Yesterday, I would have believed you. Today, I’m not even sure you understand what that word means.” I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling cold despite the hoodie I was wearing. “I think you’ve gotten so used to saying you love me that it’s just a habit now, but you obviously don’t really feel it.”

  A pained sound came from him that tore at my heart, but I pushed back my own agony. I had to be strong. Had to hold on to myself, because it was obvious I could no longer hold on to him. “Baby, I know I fucked up, and I know saying sorry isn’t enough, but please. You can’t possibly think that. You know that I love you. That I’m in love with you, Vi. You’re the other half of my soul.”

  My strength was quickly fading. I could feel it seeping out of me as if Luca were draining it from my body while he stood there. His words—those words—had once been something I considered our own personal laws.

  He would never hurt me.

  He would never cheat on me.

  He would never make me feel like our love was something only found in fairy tales.

  But it seemed we were both deluding ourselves.

  “I think you should go,” I told him as I fought the lethargy that felt like it was pressing down on me. “You missed football practice yesterday, and your coach will bench you this week if you miss another.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about practice.” He reached for me again, but I backed up, and his face turned green. “Baby, please just listen.”

  “I…I can’t. Not right now.” I swallowed hard, needing to stay on my feet while he was in front of me. I had to be strong. I had to. But it was so hard when it felt like I was going to fall on my face at his feet. “Just… Maybe give me a few days, and we can talk then,” I suggested, hoping it would get him out the door faster. “We both need to calm down and clear our heads.”

  He scrubbed his hands over his tear-streaked face but nodded. “If that’s what you want, I can do that. But only a few days, Vi.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, knowing I was lying to him, but he needed to go before my knees gave out. I felt like such a coward, like a young and dumb little girl who couldn’t face anything now that the one thing I’d always had faith in was no longer my truth.

  “I love you,” he told me, his eyes pleading for me to believe him.

  “I’ll call you.”

  He flinched but nodded again. “Okay,” he rasped out.

  “Go to practice,” I urged, because even as bad as I felt, I couldn’t stop worrying about him and his future.

  “Will it make you forgive me?” he asked hopefully.

  “Just go to practice, Luca,” I snapped, seconds away from completely collapsing.

  “Will you come to my game tomorrow night?”

  “I’ll think about it.” Another lie, but fuck, he needed to go—now.

  “Vi, I really am sorry,” he whispered.

  “I know.” But I wasn’t sure his being sorry was enough to fix what he’d broken.

  I stood there, waiting for him to go. He gave me one last pleading look, then turned and walked off the porch. I moved to the doorway and watched him get into his dad’s SUV. Uncle Jesse backed out of the driveway, and I closed the door.

  Turning, I pressed my back to it and slowly slid to the floor. Pulling my knees to my chest, I pressed my forehead to them and prayed for the strength I needed.

  Chapter 10

  Violet

  My head was pounding, and I couldn’t concentrate on what my teacher was lecturing about for longer than two minutes at a time. She’d already called on me twice, and I hadn’t even pretended to know what the answer was that she was looking for. It had earned me a dirty look,
and I knew she was going to be emailing one or both of my parents after class.

  In the last two months, my grades had slipped a little, mostly because I couldn’t bring myself to care. It wasn’t that I was failing, but my straight A’s had dropped to B’s in all my AP classes, and apparently that wasn’t good enough for my teachers.

  Caring would mean I would have to feel, but I’d been numb since the day after Luca’s birthday. From the moment he’d left my house, I’d turned everything off. It helped get me through each day, but it was exhausting. Each step, each tilt of my head, each blink of my eyes felt like it took Herculean effort, and by the time I got home from school, I was barely able to keep my eyes open.

  Mom said it was normal, that I was just going through some mild depression over my breakup with Luca. Dad had been more worried, however, and even took me to the doctor for a full physical to make sure I was okay. My lab work had come back normal, and the doctor had diagnosed me with the same thing Mom had.

  My broken heart would heal—eventually—and the numbness helped.

  Until Luca called. Or showed up at my house.

  I hadn’t seen him face-to-face since the morning after his birthday, but he continued to try. Luca went to school every day, then to football practice, but instead of going home afterward, he drove to my house and stood on the front porch until Mom came home from work and told him to go home.

  Dad never opened the door for him, and neither did Mason. Meanwhile, I stayed in my room or went straight to Shaw’s house until it was time for bed. Sometimes I didn’t even go home because I didn’t want to be that close to him. My heart could sense him down there, and it cried like it was in agony because I wasn’t with him. He wasn’t beside me. He wasn’t holding my hand or making me laugh.

  He wasn’t mine any longer.

  On Friday nights, Luca didn’t show up until after his game. Even if he had an away game, he would drive to Santa Monica once he got back to Malibu with his team and sit on the porch all night. Sometimes, Lyric came with him, but more often than not, he was alone. He would sleep there until Mom would tell him to go home.

  All weekend, he wouldn’t come back, and I suspected his parents had something to do with that, but his texts and calls were even more frequent. I read every message, listened to every voice mail, and died a little more inside. Reading his words always threatened to lift my numbness, but it was nothing compared to what hearing his voice did to me.

  I knew he was hurting just as much as I was, and all I wanted was to make it better for him. But making it better for him meant forgiving him, and I didn’t know if I could.

  Not yet.

  Maybe not ever.

  Luca had explained hundreds of times what had happened with him and Megan the night of his birthday, and while I believed him, I still felt betrayed. I thought he and I were indestructible. Now that I had proof we weren’t, it was hard to trust him not to hurt me again.

  Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I was making it out to be.

  But I knew the next time he broke my heart, I wasn’t ever going to recover, and that scared me. That was what I was hiding from and why I didn’t trust myself to see him in person or even talk to him.

  Not that I would have much choice with the coming weekend.

  It was my cousin Nevaeh’s birthday. She and Mia were flying home from Virginia for a few days, and everyone was going to her parents’ house for a big party. She was turning eighteen, but she was scary smart and already a senior in college.

  As soon as the bell rang, ending the class, and thankfully the end of the school week, I grabbed my book and made a dash for the door before the teacher could stop me. At my locker, I tossed everything inside and waited for Shaw.

  “Hey, Vi,” Arella called out as she passed with her friend Palmer. “I think the kids are going to your house for the evening,” she said as she paused a few feet from me. “Don’t let Damien have too much sugar or he will drive you insane.”

  “I’m not going home,” I told her with a shrug. “So, he can drive Mason and Dad crazy all he wants.”

  Frowning, my cousin left her friend and walked back to me. “Where are you going? Shaw’s?”

  “Anywhere but home.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re so nosy, Arella,” I muttered.

  She pinched my side then hugged me when I yelped. “I’m just worried about you. Since the twins’ party that never happened, you haven’t been yourself.”

  “I wonder why?” I pulled out my phone when it alerted me to a new text, and sure enough, it was from Luca.

  Looking over my shoulder at my phone screen, Arella sighed dramatically. “He’s worse than you are right now. So moody you can’t even look at him without him getting all snarly. I know it was a whole clusterfuck, but he’s sorry, Vi. It’s not like you to be so unforgiving.”

  I slammed my locker door. “See you later, Arella.”

  “Vi,” she huffed behind me. “Don’t be mad at me.”

  “Stop being a bitch and taking his side,” I called over my shoulder as I walked away.

  “I’m not being a bitch, and I’m not taking sides.” She fell into step beside me. “I love you both, and it hurts me to see either of you like this. Can’t you give him another chance and put both of you out of your misery?” She caught my arm and turned me to face her. “Look, all I’m saying is that you two are supposed to be together. Since you haven’t been, the world feels off-kilter for all of us. I just want it to be the way it was.”

  I felt my numbness quickly fading, replaced by anger. “I’m so sorry the world isn’t perfect for you right now, princess. How about you stop being selfish for two seconds, and let the rest of us live our lives.”

  “For fuck’s sake!” Arella grabbed my shoulders and shook me, while around us, others stopped to gape at us. “Shut the hell up. I know you’re hurting because of a dumb-ass boy right now, but just. Shut. Up! My dad is sick. My world hasn’t been perfect since he told me he might die. And maybe I’m selfish for not wanting anything else to change right now, but that’s only because it scares me. I might lose him. So, get over your stupid broken heart already and put the world back to the way it was because I can’t fucking take anything else right now!”

  With that, she gave me one last shake and then stomped away.

  I stood there, feeling like the worst bitch as I watched her go.

  I’d been so locked up in not feeling anything that I’d forgotten what everyone else around me was dealing with concerning Uncle Drake’s illness. I refused to think about what my dad had to do to help his brother, and I hadn’t allowed myself to think about what my cousins were going through every day with their father so ill.

  I’d been so pissed at Arella just now for being selfish, but she wasn’t. Not really. Not compared to how awful I was acting. By hiding from my hurt over Luca and hiding from my fear of losing my dad to whatever complications might arise during surgery, I’d forgotten about what those around me were dealing with.

  I’d turned off everything, including my ability to feel compassion for those I loved most.

  “Hey, beautiful.”

  I looked up at Cannon just as tears filled my eyes. I saw his handsome face turn stormy as I began to crumple. “I knew this was coming,” he said resignedly as he lifted me into his arms.

  I sobbed and buried my face in his neck as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

  “It’s okay, Vi.” I felt him kiss the side of my head as he carried me out of the school to the student parking lot. “You cry all you want, honey. I’ve got you.”

  Chapter 11

  Luca

  Lyric pulled to a stop on the street outside Aunt Lana and Uncle Drake’s house. Ahead of us, our parents were already getting out of their own vehicle, taking out Nevaeh’s present from the back.

  I glanced at the house then at the other cars parked in the driveway and on the street. Uncle Shane�
�s SUV was already parked a few cars down from Dad’s, and anticipation began to make my heart slam against my rib cage.

  “Take it easy,” Lyric cautioned me when I reached for the door handle. “Don’t go in there and scare the fuck out of her.”

  “That’s the last thing I would do,” I growled at him.

  “Dude, I know that, and I’m sure, deep down, she does too. But she’s liable to take one look at your face and back away screaming.”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “Have you looked in a mirror lately?” I shrugged, and he shook his head. “You’ve been wearing this aggressive snarl for weeks. I get it, really, I do. You’re all kinds of fucked in the head since she broke up with you—”

  “She didn’t break up with me!” I yelled.

  “You keep telling yourself that. But the girl ghosted you, brother. She hasn’t talked to you in two months, and you haven’t seen her in the flesh in just as long.” His brows pinched together for a moment. “Huh, I don’t think you two have actually spent this much time apart since she was born.”

  “I know,” I groaned, leaning my head back against the seat and closing my eyes. “I can’t take much more of this, Ric. That girl is my everything, and I can’t… I can’t breathe.”

  My brother’s hand came down on my shoulder. “I know. Just calm down, and then you can go in there and get your girl back.”

  I nodded and took a minute to get my heart rate under control before reaching for the door handle again. Mom and Dad were already walking toward the house, so we jogged to catch up with them. As soon as we stepped into the house, my niece and nephew came running through the crowd already inside, distracting my parents while I glanced around for Violet.

  I saw Uncle Shane standing with Uncle Drake, the two of them laughing together. Across the room, Aunt Harper was standing with Aunt Dallas and Aunt Lana, and I even saw Mason talking to Bliss and Heavenleigh as they stood with plates of food in their hands. But there was no sign of Violet.

  Shaw and Cannon weren’t anywhere to be seen either, and I gritted my teeth, realizing she must be coming with them.