by Karen King
‘I’ll see you sometime in the afternoon then.’ Logan stood up. ‘I’d better be off now.’
‘Don’t forget Sunday lunch tomorrow. I’ll be dishing up at one-thirty,’ Hannah reminded him.
Logan hesitated. ‘Are you sure? Don’t you want to spend the time with Saffy? You must have a lot of catching up to do and I don’t mind.’
‘Don’t be daft, Saffy and I have got plenty of time to catch up. She’s here until Sunday evening – and it’s nothing to dish up a meal for two more people,’ Hannah told him.
‘Then, yes, we’ll be there. Thank you.’ He looked at Saffy. ‘I’ll leave you two to chat then. See you both tomorrow.’
‘See you,’ Saffy replied.
As soon as Logan and Chloe had left, she turned to Hannah. ‘Are you trying to matchmake?’
Hannah turned on her innocent ‘what, me?’ look. ‘Logan’s a friend, he’s a single dad, he gets on well with Lee and we often invite him to lunch. You don’t want me to cancel on him, do you?’
‘And what about inviting him to drop in on me in Exeter?’
‘I thought it would be nice for you to see a familiar face. Besides’ – Hannah shot her a knowing look – ‘anyone can see you both fancy the pants off each other.’
‘I do not!’ Saffy said emphatically.
‘You do. And he fancies you too, but you both think it won’t work.’
‘It won’t. Logan wants a stay-at-home mum to look after Chloe, and probably another child. That’s not, and never will be, me.’
‘I doubt he wants that at all,’ Hannah replied. ‘And what is it you want?
Saffy considered this. ‘What I don’t want is to be tied down to someone. I’ve just got this fantastic promotion and I don’t want to be held back.’
‘Being with someone doesn’t mean you can’t have a career too,’ Hannah reminded her gently.
‘It makes it more difficult. It’s different for you, Hannah, you’re motherly. All you’ve ever wanted is a family. You enjoy looking after people, you always have. You were like my substitute mother…’
‘Because I had to be!’ Hannah retorted. ‘Do you really think I wanted to be? That I wouldn’t have preferred to go out with my friends, have a bit of fun sometimes instead of always having to look after my kid sister?’
Her angry words stunned Saffy. She had never stopped to think what it must have been like for Hannah having to look after her all the time. Hannah had been young too; of course she would want to be out with her friends. All the time Saffy had been resenting her older sister bossing her around, Hannah had been resenting it too. She bit back the angry retort that it wasn’t her fault when she noticed the tears in Hannah’s eyes. She was really upset. ‘I’m sorry.’ She reached over and touched Hannah’s hand. ‘I’ve never stopped to think what it was like for you. It must have been hard. And I was an awkward brat sometimes,’ she admitted.
‘You were a normal teenager, and I loved you. But I wanted to be your big sister, Saffy, not your mother. I wanted to be the one you confided in, not resented. I wanted us to be close, like we have been since Christmas. I really appreciated how you helped me out then, and how you messaged me every day to see how the twins were. It was like I finally had a sister.’
Saffy’s heart went out to her. She got up and hugged Hannah tight. ‘I’m sorry, sis. All I wanted was for Mum to have time for me, to look after me instead of you doing it. It was hard for both of us. And for Mum.’
‘I know.’ Hannah sniffed. ‘Take no notice of me. I shouldn’t have said all that.’
‘Yes you should. I’ve been selfish, wrapped up in my own life, and you gave up a lot for me to have that life.’ She squeezed her sister’s shoulders. ‘I promise to be there for you from now on. How about I start by taking the twins to the playground? Give you and Lee some time together?’
Hannah’s face lit up. ‘Really? Thanks, that would be great.’
‘I’ll go and get our coats,’ Saffy said.
As she went into the hall to get the coats Saffy cast her mind back to Hannah’s words about Logan. ‘You two both fancy the pants off each other.’ Well, it was true, she did fancy Logan like mad. Who wouldn’t? He was drop-dead sexy and really caring too. Did he fancy her? What if he did? It made no difference. As she had told Hannah, they would never make it work so it was best for them both to save each other some heartache and not even attempt to have a relationship. Friends; that was all they’d be from now on.
It was a pity she hadn’t thought of that before she went to bed with him, though. It was hard to get the images of him kissing her, caressing her, out of her mind.
Chapter Thirty-Four
‘Push me higher, Auntie Saffy,’ Lily squealed. ‘Right up to the trees!’
‘Hold tight then!’ Saffy said, giving the safety swing another push. Lily clung onto the rails and screamed in delight. She loved going high, whereas Miles was more cautious. He liked to gently swing to and fro, moving his head from side to side to study his surroundings, pointing to the birds, or a passing dog or cat. Nothing much slipped past Miles’s eager eye but Lily lived her life at a faster pace and was always too busy having fun to take much notice of what was happening around her.
Saffy was enjoying spending time with the twins. She had never been one for babies; yes, they were sweet and nice to cuddle, but she preferred toddlers and older children who had developed their own personality. She loved watching them learn to walk, to talk, do different things.
‘Saffy!’
She spun around at the familiar voice. Chloe was running toward her, closely followed by Logan.
‘Great minds think alike,’ he jested. ‘Are you on auntie duty?’
‘Yes, I thought I’d give Hannah and Lee a bit of time alone.’ She turned back as Miles shouted, ‘Push, Auntie Saf. Push!’
Chloe ran over to the slide and swiftly climbed the steps.
‘Be careful!’ Logan warned her. ‘One step at a time.’
‘Push please, Yuncle Loggy,’ Lily called.
They stood side by side for a few minutes, pushing the twins on the swings, while Chloe ran up and down the slide.
‘You must be pleased about your new job. And I know Hannah will be chuffed to see more of you,’ Logan said.
‘I am. And yes, I’ll be pleased to see more of Hannah and the twins.’ She paused as Miles held up his arms and demanded ‘Out!’ She bent down to lift the little boy out of the swing and cradled him in her arms – accidentally brushing against Logan’s thigh. Tingles coursed through her body and memories of her fingers running over that naked thigh at Christmas flashed across her mind. Two months ago, yet it seemed a lifetime. ‘I didn’t realise that the company you worked for was based in Exeter.’
‘Higher!’ Lily demanded, obviously not tired of swinging yet.
Logan gave Lily a gentle push. ‘Yes, and I’m thinking of working from the office a bit more now that Chloe is settled at school, especially on days where she has after-school clubs.’
Miles started to struggle in her arms. ‘Down!’ he demanded in a very firm voice.
‘Out!’ Lily demanded, lifting her arms.
‘I think these two want to run around now,’ Logan said, lifting her out of the swing.
‘I’ll let them for a few minutes then I’ll take them back home.’ She put Miles down and they both watched as the twins ran off. Chloe immediately followed them, stood between them and held both of their hands. ‘She’ll make a great big sister,’ Logan said.
‘Let’s hope Jade has the sister she wants,’ Saffy replied.
‘She won’t mind, she’ll love the baby whether it’s a boy or girl. She’s been begging me for ages for a little brother or sister. Slower, Chloe,’ he called as Chloe ran across the grass, still holding the twins’ hands.
She was a lovely little girl, Saffy thought. Logan was right, she’d make a great big sister. She wondered if he minded his ex-partner having a baby with another man. He didn’t seem to. She guesse
d his feelings for Jade were long gone. What about his feelings for her? Was Hannah right? Did he still fancy her as much as she still fancied him? But even if he did, did he want another child? And if he did, did he want it more than he wanted her?
* * *
Sunday lunch was a lovely, relaxing affair. Saffy enjoyed herself immensely. Lee and Hannah’s fondness for each other was evident to see, and the twins were a delight. Miles emptied his dinner over his head – much to the consternation of his parents – and Lily spent most of the time blowing raspberries. Chloe had persuaded Logan to buy her a joke book she’d seen in the supermarket when they went shopping yesterday afternoon and insisted on telling joke after joke. The rest of the adults took this in good humour but Logan clasped his hand to his forehead and groaned. ‘Why did I let her talk me into buying that perishing book? She’s going to drive me mad for the next week or so until she tires of it.’
‘I remember you being like that, Saffy. Someone bought you a joke book for your birthday when you were about eight and we had to listen to the same jokes for weeks. Drove us insane!’
Saffy grinned. ‘I bet you were the same but luckily you have no older siblings to tell tales on you.’ She turned to Logan. ‘I warn you now that she likes to come out with some very embarrassing stuff that she says I did when I was little and I’m not even sure half of it is true.’
‘I’m the oldest too,’ Chloe said. ‘So my little sister or brother won’t be able to tell tales on me but I will about them. I think being the oldest is really good.’ She opened her book again. ‘Can anyone get this joke?’
Logan groaned. ‘Put it away for a while please, poppet, and go and play with the twins. They’re getting bored.’
Chloe pulled a face but Miles chose that moment to call her so she got down from the table and ran over to play with him. She adored the twins.
The rest of the afternoon passed pleasantly; they went into the lounge, where Lee opened a bottle of wine and they shared anecdotes and memories of their childhood. Saffy was fascinated to discover that Logan’s parents used to run a newspaper shop. Logan and his brother helped out on Saturdays and had a paper round each. ‘Mum and Dad used to love going around stately homes at the weekend,’ he said. ‘That’s what made me so interested in architecture. I used to study the designs of the houses, it fascinated me.’
‘It sounds a very interesting job, and handy that you could work from home when Chloe was little. You must miss going into the office and mixing with people though. Is that why you’re thinking about working from the office more now Chloe’s older?’ She would hate to work from home; she’d miss the hustle and bustle of the office, the interaction with the others.
‘Yes, that’s why I have a meeting on Saturday, to sort out the finer details. I won’t go in every day, and I need to make sure I can have time off if Chloe is ill. She comes first and I’m all she’s got. Well, I was,’ he corrected himself. ‘Now it seems that she has her mother, a soon-to-be stepdad and a new baby too.’
‘How do you feel about that?’ Saffy asked him softly.
‘I don’t mind. Jade and I were over years ago. I just hope that she doesn’t get so busy with the new baby that she drops Chloe again. She’s older now and it will hurt her badly if she’s got close to her mum and then doesn’t see her any more.’ He shrugged. ‘I guess it’s a chance I’ll have to take.’
‘You can’t protect her from everything, you can only be there for her if things go wrong,’ Saffy told him. ‘I know that’s easy to say when I don’t have any kids…’
Logan grinned. ‘And you might think you don’t want any right now, but you wait, the bug will bite you when you don’t expect it. I can hardly believe Jade’s about-turn. She actually seems excited about this child.’
‘I’m glad. And yes, that does happen to some people but not to me.’ She rose to her feet. ‘Anyone want a top-up?’
‘Just bring another bottle in, there’s one in the fridge,’ Lee said.
She kept her face away from them all so that they wouldn’t see the tears that had sprung to her eyes because suddenly she wasn’t sure she was fine with it any more. Right now she didn’t want children, but maybe in a few years she might. She’d enjoyed spending this weekend with the twins and Chloe, and the knowledge that she might never have children of her own was unexpectedly painful.
Saffy made her way to the kitchen, feeling slightly wobbly. She must have had too much to drink, that was why she was feeling tearful, she thought as she opened the fridge. She tensed as she heard footsteps behind her. Please don’t let it be Logan, she prayed. I don’t want him to see me like this.
‘Saffy.’
Thank goodness, it was Hannah.
‘Are you okay, hun?’ Hannah held out her arms and hugged her. ‘Are you feeling upset about the children thing?’
Saffy nodded. ‘I don’t know why it’s suddenly hitting me. It’s silly, I dealt with it years ago and was fine with it. It must be spending all this time with you and the twins.’
‘And Logan and Chloe.’ Hannah’s eyes searched her face. ‘You love him, don’t you? I can see it in your eyes. I think he loves you too.’
‘Well, there’s no future in it. Logan loves kids. Anyone can see that. Sooner or later he’ll want a brother or sister for Chloe too and start to resent that I can’t have any children.’
‘I’m sure he won’t. You need to broach the subject with him, see how he feels.’
Saffy wiped the tears away with her sleeve. ‘It’s not something I tell everyone, Hannah, and we aren’t even an item.’ She sniffed. ‘And I’ll make sure we never are.’
‘You could be robbing yourself – both of you – of a really great relationship.’
‘I don’t want Logan’s sympathy,’ she said determinedly. ‘Promise me you won’t tell him.’
‘I promise. But I think you’re making a big mistake,’ Hannah told her.
Why did she have to break down like that? She’d accepted it years ago. She didn’t want or need sympathy from anyone. Least of all Logan.
* * *
He’d longed to reach out and touch her, to draw her to him and kiss her, to make love to her but he hadn’t. He’d kept a respectable distance, chatted lightly about the twins, Chloe, Saffy’s job when all the time he was longing to ask her if they could give it another try, see if they could make a relationship work.
Why hadn’t he?
Was it really because of Chloe? Chloe had her mother back in her life now, a baby brother or sister on the way, and she really liked Saffy. He wasn’t talking anything serious, just a few dates. What harm would it do? There was definitely strong chemistry between them. Maybe he could ask Saffy if she felt the same when he popped in to check out her new flat next week.
Chapter Thirty-Five
A week later
‘Where do you want this, Saf?’ Robbie asked, pushing in the white-wheeled ottoman with the light beech lid. ‘I’m presuming the bedroom?’
‘Yes please, under the window,’ Saffy replied, putting yet another box down on the floor. She had no idea she’d collected so much stuff! Thank goodness Duncan and Robbie were helping her move in.
‘It’s a nice place, plenty of character,’ Duncan said, carrying in the big Tiffany lamp Saffy had fallen in love with at an antique shop a couple of years ago.
‘It’s not as nice as my old flat, but it’ll do for now,’ Saffy said. ‘Once the position is confirmed as permanent, and I’m sure I want it to be, I’ll sell my flat and buy one down here.’
‘Yes, make sure you like it before you uproot yourself.’ Robbie nodded. ‘Now, that’s the last of the boxes so how about I put the kettle on?’
‘Good idea, I’ll just take this through into the bedroom.’ Saffy picked up the black plastic bag she’d chucked all her duvet covers and sheets into.
‘I’ve got something to go with the coffee.’ Duncan popped out to the van and returned five minutes later with a plastic container containing a large cake
, and Logan by his side. ‘Look who I found downstairs,’ he said with a grin.
Saffy looked up from the box she was unpacking and her pulse danced as her eyes rested on Logan, looking devastatingly handsome in a dark grey suit, white shirt and blue tie. Whoa!
‘Sorry I’m a bit early. The meeting didn’t last as long as I thought,’ he told Saffy.
‘No worries,’ she said. ‘You look smart. I didn’t realise your meeting was such a formal one.’
‘Not really formal but I thought I’d best make a good impression. I don’t want everyone thinking I’ve let myself go and spend all my day in pjs or trackies just because I work from home.’
‘Don’t you?’ Duncan asked him. ‘I often do when I’m working from home.’
‘Designer ones, naturally. So if anyone pops in he still looks totally gorgeous,’ Robbie added, popping his head around the kitchen door.
Duncan grinned. ‘I wouldn’t wear anything else.’
‘I might do if I didn’t have to get dressed to do the school runs. Mind you, I admit I spend most of my time dressed in jeans and a T-shirt or jumper.’ He glanced around at the pile of boxes and bags in the room. ‘I’d offer to help you sort all this out, but I can see you’ve already got plenty of help.’
‘We’re just the delivery men, we’re off after we’ve had a cuppa and a slice of cake, so you can take over from us,’ Duncan told him. ‘I’ll go and slice this up.’ He went to join Robbie in the kitchen, conveniently leaving Logan and Saffy alone.
‘So this is it, D-day,’ Logan said, gazing around. ‘How do you feel about the big move?’
Saffy thought about it. ‘Truthfully? Excited and a bit nervous at the same time. I’m made up about the job, it’s a big step forward for my career and I’m so looking forward to building up a group of creatives and helping them sell their goods. But I’m going to miss my work colleagues. It’ll be whole new team at Exeter.’
