by Karen King
‘You’ll be fine. You’re outgoing, mix well and are obviously great at your job or you’d never have been given the position.’
She hadn’t expected him to lavish such praise on her. ‘Thank you.’
‘Break time!’ Robbie kicked open the door with his foot and walked in carrying a tray with four mugs of coffee and some saucers. Duncan followed, holding a plate with the now sliced chocolate fudge cake on it.
They placed the tray and cake down on the table. ‘Okay, tuck in,’ Robbie said.
‘That cake looks scrumptious but I think I’d better take this jacket off first, I’ve only just had this suit dry-cleaned.’
Saffy watched as Logan eased off the jacket, memories of the hot, toned body beneath that shirt flitting across her mind. Stop staring at him! She tore her eyes away and reached for a mug of coffee. When Logan sat down beside her, his jacket placed on the back of the sofa, she’d composed herself again.
They all chatted for a while, light, easy conversation about amusing moving house anecdotes.
‘Honestly, when we moved into our place we couldn’t get our huge cream sofa through the front door. We had to take the door off the hinges. And, of course, we had to move in on a Sunday, didn’t we, because of work, so all the neighbours were out watching,’ Robbie said.
‘Yep, so Robbie waved at them all and invited them in for a cup of coffee,’ Duncan continued. ‘Only we all ended up having wine. That was our first party, amid a pile of boxes, bags and other clutter.’
‘It was brilliant. It broke the ice and all the neighbours helped us get straight.’
‘When I moved down to Cornwall Chloe wasn’t even two,’ Logan said. ‘I’d hired a van, and my brother and his wife had come to help. We put Chloe in the dining room with a load of toys, and her favourite film on the TV and kept popping in and checking on her. But she crept out without any of us spotting her and decided to visit the woman next door. She walked in on her when Annie – Mrs Mackintosh – was in the bathroom and helped herself to one of her freshly made cakes. Thanks goodness Annie saw the funny side but I shudder to think what might have happened if Chloe had wandered into the road. Mind you, Annie fell in love with her and became my regular babysitter so it all worked out,’ he added.
‘What about you, Saf, any house-moving stories to share?’ Robbie asked, as he bit into a slice of cake.
‘There’s one I still feel guilty about,’ Saffy said. ‘We moved around a bit when I was a kid, lots of rented places, and we always took our family cat, Mr Tibbs, in a cat carrier and kept him indoors until he got used to where he lived. But once, when I was about five, I was so excited about us having a big garden – we’d only had a small yard before – that I couldn’t wait to show it to Mr Tibbs. I let him out of his case and he was off like a shot. I cried for days but luckily he turned up at our old house a week later. The neighbours phoned to let us know and Mum went to collect him. Every time we moved after that Mum and Hannah banned me from touching Mr Tibbs’ case.’
They all chuckled.
* * *
She was beautiful, Logan thought as he watched Saffy talk, and so expressive, her hands waving as she talked, her expression changing from guilt to worry and laughter as she told the story. She was so warm and genuine as well as sexy and gorgeous. The whole package. He’d never known anyone like her. And he didn’t want to lose her.
After the coffee and cake, it was time for Robbie and Duncan to go.
‘We’re going to miss you,’ Robbie said, putting his arm around Saffy’s shoulder and giving her an affectionate squeeze.
‘We sure are. Don’t be a stranger. Come and spend the weekend with us now and again,’ Duncan told her.
‘I will,’ Saffy promised. ‘Anyway you guys will be too busy planning your wedding to miss me.’
‘We definitely won’t. You’re our chief bridesmaid, remember?’
‘I’m looking forward to it!’ Saffy told them. ‘Have you settled on a date yet?’
‘Not yet, but it’ll be around August/September while it’s still summery.’ Robbie answered this time. He turned to Logan. ‘You must come too, bring Chloe. Children are definitely allowed.’
Logan was too surprised to answer at first; his mind was racing. If he accepted, would that make things awkward between him and Saffy? On the other hand, it would give him chance to see more of Saffy, and looking beautiful all dressed up as a bridesmaid too. He could accept and back out if things were too awkward with him and Saffy. ‘Thanks, I’d love to.’
‘That’s settled then. We’ll send you an invite as soon as we’ve fixed a firm date.’ Robbie air-kissed Saffy on both cheeks and shook Logan’s hand. Duncan did the same and then they were both gone, leaving the flat feeling very empty and Saffy looking awkward. Just like he felt.
‘How about I help you get straight then we could go out for a meal?’ he offered.
Saffy thrust her hand through her tousled hair and surveyed the pile of boxes. ‘That would be great but…’ She paused.
‘Go ahead,’ he encouraged her.
‘Well, I don’t want you to ruin that smart suit.’
‘That’s not a problem.’ He took off his tie and put it on the back of the sofa with his jacket, unfastened the top two buttons of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. ‘There. I’m ready to go. Anything else?’
‘And – can we have a takeaway instead? I really don’t feel like getting all dolled up to go out tonight. I need to settle in and get my things straight before work on Monday.’
‘No problem. And when you’ve had enough of me, tell me to go. Right?’
‘Right. But that won’t be until all this is sorted out,’ she said with a grin.
He grinned back and picked up a big box. ‘Now where do you want this?’
* * *
With Logan’s help it only took a couple of hours to get straight. Yes, lots of her things were still in boxes, but they were in the correct rooms so she could unpack at a later date. The important stuff – the microwave, toaster, coffee machine, her full-length mirror-cum-jewellery-box, work files, bed linen and towels – was all out and ready to be used. Now all she had to do was hang the curtains and make up the bed.
Logan handed her a cold can of Coke. He’d popped out to the shop to get supplies, leaving her to carry on with the unpacking.
‘Nearly there,’ he said. ‘You’ll soon have it looking like home.’
‘I need to hang the curtains, it’s getting dark now, and then I might leave the rest until tomorrow,’ she said, popping the ring pull open and taking a big gulp of the refreshing drink. ‘I’m knackered.’
‘Will your curtains fit these windows?’ he asked.
‘Yep, I checked. The only thing I don’t have is a blind for the bathroom. I’ll hang a towel over the pole for now.’
‘You’re three storeys up and the glass is frosted. No one will be able to see in,’ he reminded her.
‘I know, but I get spooked if I don’t have curtains or a blind at the windows and it’s dark outside,’ she confessed.
‘Really?’ He checked his watch. ‘There’s a big furnishings store only ten minutes’ drive away, and it sells blinds. Want me to measure the window and we’ll go and get one? Or I could go and get it while you carry on here?’
Did she? She could have hugged him. ‘Oh, would you? A cream one will do fine. Thanks so much.’
‘I’ll be half an hour max,’ he told her, grabbing his jacket and taking his wallet out of the inside pocket.
‘No, I’ll give you the money.’
She reached for her bag, tripped over a box on the floor and fell against him.
‘Whoa!’ He placed his hands on her shoulders to steady her.
‘Thanks,’ she mumbled, trying to ignore the effect his hands touching her skin was having on her.
‘You’re welcome.’ Tender blue eyes smiled down at hers. Then he lowered his head and kissed her lightly on the lips and she couldn’t ignore her feelings any longer.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Logan caught his breath as Saffy wound one arm around his neck and one around his waist and leaned into him, returning his kiss with passion. It was as if he’d ignited a fire she’d been trying to quench. His hands slid to her waist as they kissed deeper, then one slid under the bottom of her T-shirt, onto soft bare skin. He felt a shudder run through her body as he caressed her back, moving his hand upwards, underneath the back of her bra. Their kisses were more intense now, and her hands were pulling the bottom of his shirt, tugging it out of his trousers so she could run them over his bare back too. God, she was hot – make that sizzling.
It was as if they couldn’t get enough of each other. They were kicking off shoes, tugging at each other’s clothes, kissing, caressing, then they were lying naked on the rug on the floor and he was thinking it was a good job he’d put a packet of condoms in his jacket pocket just in case and he needed to get one right now… but wow, what was she doing?
* * *
Later, as they lay curled up in each other’s arms on the sofa, and she couldn’t even remember how they’d got there, Saffy closed her eyes, savouring the feeling of contentment. She wanted to lie here forever, to shut out the world, to enjoy this feeling of just her and Logan; the smell of him, the closeness, the way he was looking at her now, gazing into her eyes. It was almost as if he loved her. Did he?
Because she loved him.
There. She’d admitted it to herself, the truth she’d been refusing to face since she met Logan. She loved him. Although where they went from here, she had no idea. Chloe was away this weekend so Logan was free to spend time with her, but what about other weekends? Would he expect her to stay at Hannah’s and pop over to visit? Or maybe he didn’t expect anything at all, maybe this was a one-off again?
‘You’re looking thoughtful.’ Logan tapped her nose playfully. ‘Are you having regrets? Or have I tired you out?’
‘Neither.’ She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, suddenly cold. ‘I think I might turn the heating on.’
As she went to get up, Logan pulled her back. ‘Wait. I want to talk to you. Please.’
He reached down and pulled a throw up from the floor, tenderly wrapping it over her to keep her warm.
Okay, so where exactly was this going?
Logan wrapped his arm around her shoulders, hugging her to him. ‘Can we put our cards on the table? I think it’s important that we’re honest with each other.’
So this is where she got the ‘can we keep this casual and away from Chloe’ speech, which was fine by her; she had a new job, a new home, she didn’t need complications in her life. Even if she did love him.
‘Sure,’ she agreed.
He kissed her on the forehead. ‘Bottom line is that I love you.’
She shot upright and turned to face him, hardly able to believe her ears. ‘You do?’
‘Yes.’ He pulled the throw that had fallen from her shoulders back around her. ‘I won’t be able to concentrate if you don’t cover up,’ he said, leaning forward and kissing her on the forehead.
This was beginning to sound serious. She met his gaze and steeled herself for what he had to say.
‘The question is, do you love me?’
She could see the love in his deep blue eyes as he held her gaze and hoped he could see the love reflected back in her own eyes. She nodded emphatically. ‘Yes.’ She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. ‘Definitely.’
And then they were kissing again. When they finally came up for air Logan pulled away a little, his eyes searching her face. ‘So how about we take the next step and make this a relationship?’
A relationship? What did he mean by that?
‘As in, see each other regularly?’ she asked.
‘As often as we can. Maybe we can meet up in the week, or at weekends. One of the plusses of Jade wanting to be in Chloe’s life is that I get child-free weekends.’
He only wanted to see her when Chloe wasn’t there? Did that mean he saw this as a temporary relationship? A fling? Yet he said he loved her…
He must have seen the confusion in her eyes because he suddenly stiffened. ‘It looks like you aren’t ready for that. You want to keep things light?’ He reached down for his boxers. ‘Maybe I ought to go.’
She steadied his hand. ‘Not ready for what?’ she asked gently.
‘To be my girlfriend. To tell people we’re an item.’
‘And what about Chloe? You both come as a package.’ It was important that she knew exactly what he was asking of her.
‘I’m not asking you to be a substitute mum to Chloe, Saffy. I thought we’d got a connection here, we’ve just said we love each other. But yes, I want you to be in Chloe’s life too. To be part of our family.’ His eyes were searching her face. ‘Is that what you want too?’
‘Of course.’ There was nothing she wanted more, but what if he wanted to extend that family? For them to have a child together? She had to tell him that wasn’t possible before they got too involved. She had to give him the chance to walk away now. It would hurt but not as much as if she’d become part of their family and then had to tell him. She couldn’t cope with going through that again, and this time she knew the rejection would be far more painful than it had been with Joe. She tried to find the words to voice the fears that were whirling around in her head. ‘But, I have to tell you something. A family isn’t for me…’ she stammered. ‘It never will be.’
Suddenly he was up and starting to get dressed, his face all closed and tight. ‘Normally I’m okay with casual, normally that’s what I do. But I stupidly thought we were more than that. I thought you liked Chloe, that you accepted us as a unit.’
He was dressed now, reaching for his jacket. He was going to walk out if she didn’t say something to stop him but she felt like she was frozen, she couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. She made one last attempt.
‘I do. Chloe’s a lovely little girl. I’m just trying to say…’
He turned to her, his eyes full of sadness. ‘Goodbye, Saffy. Good luck with your new job and new life.’ Then he was out of the door. Out of her life.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
How had they gone from professing their love for each other to Logan walking out? Saffy thought dismally as she stood at the window, watching him walk to the car, his jacket slung over his shoulder, his movements slow, dejected. She’d hurt him; she hadn’t meant to, she hadn’t been able to find the words to explain what she’d wanted to say: that he could never have a family with her, that if he was with her he would have to settle for Chloe being his only child.
Tears gushed to her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand and turned away from the window. Half-blinded by the tears that wouldn’t stop coming, she made her way over to the sofa and slumped down on it, drawing up her knees and hugging them tight, as she looked around at her clothes scattered on the floor. How had it changed from that passion to this emptiness? Surely if Logan loved her, he would have tried to understand?
She sat up as the words she’d said repeated in her mind. ‘A family isn’t for me and never will be.’ God, that sounded awful. No wonder he was so hurt. He thought that she meant Chloe. That she didn’t want to take on Chloe.
She had to phone him, to explain. But what if he reacted like Joe? What if he said that he couldn’t be with someone who could never have children? Well, at least she could give him the choice. She couldn’t bear for them to break up because he thought she didn’t want Chloe. She adored that little girl. She had to phone him. Where had she put her phone? It had been on the table with Logan’s car keys before they started tearing each other’s clothes off.
Logan’s car keys. Her eyes rested on the bundle of keys on the floor under the table at exactly the same time as the door knocked.
Logan. He’d come back for his keys.
She wrapped the throw around her, picked up the keys and shuffled over to the door.
‘Sorry to disturb
you but I’ve left my keys,’ he said stiffly as she opened it.
‘I can’t have children,’ she blurted out. ‘That’s what I was saying. Not that I didn’t want Chloe.’
He stared at her, stunned. ‘What?’
‘I can’t have kids. That’s why I said a family wasn’t for me. I wasn’t talking about Chloe. I love Chloe. But if you stay with me, she’ll have to be your only child.’ She bit her lip, blinked back the tears and watched his expression. The icy coldness was replaced by bewilderment, surprise – was that relief? Then compassion.
‘Saffy.’ His tone was suddenly tender and he stepped inside, closed the door behind him with his foot and took her in his arms. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this before?’
‘When?’ she asked. ‘We haven’t exactly been in a relationship, have we? We just…’
‘Made love a couple of times,’ he finished for her.
She nodded, enjoying the comfort of his arms around her. ‘It’s not something you say to everyone you meet or hook up with, is it? I can’t have kids.’
‘But we said we loved each other…’ He had his arm around her and was easing her –almost tripping over the throw – towards the sofa as they talked.
‘I know. And I tried to tell you but it came out wrong. It came out like I wanted to keep things casual because I didn’t want to take on Chloe.’
They sat down, facing each other, and she pulled the throw close around her shoulders. ‘The problem isn’t Chloe, Logan, it’s me. I won’t ever be able to have children. If you and I stay together, you’ll never have another child. That’s a really big deal. I want you to think about it, make sure you’re okay with it before this goes any further.’
He gently placed his hands both sides of her face. ‘I love you, Saffy. You’re enough for me. It doesn’t matter whether we have a child together or not, that doesn’t change how I feel about you.’
She could see the love in his eyes and knew he meant it, for now. She had to be sure that he realised what he was committing himself to.
