Love Undercover

by LK Shaw

  I hated puzzles, but this was one I needed to solve.

  After Estelle and I finished our dance, I excused myself and went in search of Alejandro. It was time to head to the back. I wanted to get this over with. When I finally found him, he and his idiot compadres were downing shots in the VIP section, pointedly ignoring Gabriela, who sat at his side looking bored.

  “Alejandro,” I called out with impatience. “It’s time to go.”

  Initially I thought he was going to ignore me, but eventually he rose from the table. He bent down and spoke to Gabriela, but I couldn’t hear what he said over the music. He grabbed her ponytail, yanking her head back. His mouth slammed down on hers and I could see his tongue sloppily shoved into her mouth. A display of ownership. I resisted the urge to tear him away from her, and plastered a bored expression on my face when I caught him watching me out of the corner of his eye. After what felt like hours, he tore his mouth from hers, straightened, and strode toward me, wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb and then sucking the moisture off it. When he was even with me, I ignored the smirk he sent my way, turned, and walked toward the back of the club.

  All the while, I was fighting the urge to beat the little fucker within an inch of his life.

  Chapter 5

  I took a large swallow of my nearby water, hoping to wash Alejandro’s spit from my mouth. This was the part of the job I despised. Letting him paw at me. It was also the first time he’d shown such aggression. I’d been in so much shock I couldn’t do more than let him ravage my mouth. I winced when I rubbed my head where he’d pulled my hair. That kiss had been a show of possession strictly for Tomás’ benefit. It cemented the fact Alejandro hadn’t believed my story about him wanting to dance with Estelle, who I needed to go find. She’d told me she’d stick around.

  From my higher vantage point, I was able to scan the room more easily than if I were at floor level. It only took me a moment before I spotted her. I waited a minute or two, and when it looked like she was looking in my direction, I waved to try and get her attention. When she spotted me, she hurried over. I pulled her to a corner table where our backs were to the wall so we could talk without fear of someone eavesdropping.

  “Tell me about your dance with Tomás.”

  Estelle knew what I really wanted to know. Her smiling face belied the caution in her eyes as she glanced around to make sure we were alone. “Your Tomás is awfully inquisitive.”

  My heartbeat sped up. My eyes widened, and I nodded for her to continue.

  “He wanted to know how we knew each other, how long we’d been friends. He also wanted to know why you didn’t wish Alejandro to be privy to the little confrontation that happened earlier.”

  Damn it. “And? What did you tell him?”

  Estelle shifted a little nervously in her chair, which had me just a tad twitchy. I trusted her with my life, but she wasn’t a professional. She was my best friend. I knew it wasn’t the smartest idea to have someone from my real life near me, but I needed that connection. Estelle was the logical choice as my lifeline to the outside world, because she was a woman. Alejandro wouldn’t be threatened by our relationship. To him, women were nothing more than arm candy. Misogyny at its finest. I did my best to keep her away from this side of my life, so we only saw each other on occasion, and only here at the club. I didn’t go to her house, and she didn’t come to mine.

  Victor was keeping watch over her. I wished they could see what I saw when they were together, but both of them were too stubborn to realize they were in love with each other.

  “I said the first thing that came to mind. Women don’t like their men to worry over them and since he’d already handled it, there wasn’t any point. It would only make Alejandro overprotective and hover.”

  I was actually impressed, because it was totally legit. Of course, it wasn’t the real reason. My goal was to appear timid, sheltered. Like violence didn’t exist in my world. I needed to appear harmless and innocent so Alejandro would drop his guard. It was my way of trying to gain information to find my brother. I’d had zero luck so far.

  When we’d first started dating, I overheard him talking on the phone one day about someone I thought could have been my brother, but when he noticed I was listening, he went into the other room and closed the door. Since then though, I’d kept my head down and my ears open. I must have been playing my role well enough, because more often than not, he conducted business in front of me. Recently, I’d been hearing him talk about something big that was going down soon, but I hadn’t been able to figure out what he was talking about. I always made sure it seemed like I wasn’t paying attention in hopes he’d spill.

  “Do you think he believed you?”

  Estelle shrugged. “I don’t know. He had this look on his face. Like he smelled the bullshit I was spouting. But, he didn’t press for more, so maybe. I wish I had a better answer for you.”

  I put my hand on hers and squeezed. “He either believed you or he didn’t. There’s nothing either of us can do now. Thanks for being here. I’d be lost without you.”

  Alejandro would be gone for the rest of the night, so it was time for me to head home.

  Once I was back in my apartment, I unscrewed the vent off the wall in the second bedroom and pulled out a burner phone hidden inside. I took it into my bathroom and turned on the shower. A few rings later, a man answered.

  “Did you learn anything tonight?” The voice on the other end questioned.

  “Nothing pertaining to Ernesto. I did hear about a drug exchange taking place tomorrow night at a truck stop off Interstate 90, about ten miles from Gary. I don’t know exactly where, though.”

  I hated that I had nothing more to offer, but every little bit of intel I passed on that stopped the trafficking of drugs through Chicago was still a positive.

  “Estoy orgulloso de ti, conejita.” I’m proud of you, little bunny.

  I smiled at the nickname, though it almost had me in tears. I knew he was proud of me, but I felt like a failure. What if I never found Ernesto? I knew others on the force were looking for him without success, but it weighed heavily on me. I missed my father and brothers.

  “Te amo papá. Buenas noches..” I disconnected the call, wishing I could have spoken longer, but we both knew our calls needed to be short. I turned off the phone and then the water before returning to the bedroom and replacing the phone behind the vent.

  I quickly changed into my pajamas and crawled under the covers. While I waited for sleep to come, my thoughts returned to the club and how quickly Tomás broke that idiot’s fingers. I hadn’t lied when I said my brothers taught me how to protect myself. If one of them had done what he had, I would have been pissed at their interference. Except with Tomás, I found it incredibly hot. Watching him grab that guys hand and snap his fingers, as horrifying as it may sound, totally turned me on.

  I’d been looking at him in a way that was going to get me in trouble. And considering the questions he was asking, it was more important than ever that I avoid him.

  Chapter 6

  Locking the bike, I stowed my helmet and took a deep breath. I both hated and loved coming here. I strode up the walk and pressed the button on the front door. A raucous buzzing sounded before the lock on the door disengaged, allowing me to open it. Once it was closed behind me, the lock reengaged. The twelve-foot ceilings caused my footfalls to echo as I strode down the white ceramic-tiled hallway, which was more of a lengthy foyer. When I reached the desk in the middle of a grand room, I was greeted by the elderly, gray-haired woman behind it.

  “Mr. Thomas, welcome back. It’s so good to see you again.” Her smile was warm, welcoming, and far too familiar.

  “Hi Mary. Is he available?” I asked in a tone that I prayed conveyed hope and not dread.

  She glanced down at her calendar and back up at me, the smile still in place. “You’re in luck. Group is just about to recess for the afternoon. Preston should be out in a few minutes, if you’d like to take a s
eat.”

  I nodded my thanks and took a seat in the plush burgundy office chair. My foot tapped out a staccato of restlessness while I waited. Every time I came here, the urge to never return became stronger, but I knew if I didn’t, I’d regret it. Besides, I didn’t come here for me.

  “Hello, Brody.”

  My head shot up at the voice, and I locked eyes with a younger version of me. He wore blue jeans and a red-and-blue plaid button-down shirt, the cuffs undone and sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms and the track marks peppering them.

  I stood awkwardly, never knowing if I should shake hands with or hug him. Choosing the former, I discretely wiped my palm on my pant leg before reaching out to grasp his hand. I could tell my choice disappointed him.

  “Preston.” My voice came out crisper than usual.

  “Do—” he cleared the roughness from his throat, “—do you want to step outside for some air?”

  I nodded and waited for him to lead the way. We strode through the grand room and out a side sliding glass door into the gardens. The sounds of birds chirping and the faint hint of water flowing were heard. It was meant to be soothing, but only served as a reminder of where I was. We continued walking in silence until we reached a park bench under a giant tree. Preston sat at one end and I claimed the other, both of us staring straight ahead.

  “Have you been to see her?” He asked after a moment, his voice soft and hesitant.

  I cleared my throat. “I was going there next.”

  “You know her birthday is coming up, right?” His laugh was humorless. “Never mind, of course you do.”

  I ignored the last. I finally turned toward the near-stranger sitting next to me. “So, how have things been going?”

  He shrugged. “Oh, you know, the usual. I wake up, eat breakfast, go to individual counseling, then group therapy, eat lunch, maybe take a shit during my free time, have more therapy, work out in the gym, eat dinner, another group discussion, and then I jack off before bed. Rinse. Repeat.”

  “Why do you do this every time?” My jaw clenched while I tried to control the anger in my voice. “You ask about her, and then you get defensive and turn into an asshole. Don’t get pissy with me because you’re here. We both know you have a choice.”

  Preston spun sharply in my direction, jabbing his finger in my direction. “Screw you, Brody. Don’t try to act like you’re better than me. You’re only here to show everyone what a good person you are by supporting your addict brother. We both know that’s the reason you keep coming, so don’t bother denying it. You’re a judgmental asshole.”

  He jumped up and stomped in the direction of the building, fists clenched at his side.

  “Damn it, Preston, wait,” I called, following behind him.

  He spun around so quickly, I almost collided with him. “You know what? I think it’s time you stop coming. Like you said, we do this every time. You’re bitter and angry.” He held up his hand to stop me when I opened my mouth. “No. You are, Brody. And I get it. I really do. If our roles were reversed, I’d feel the same way. But we can’t keep doing this. Every time you come, I pray for a different outcome, but it never changes. It’s not good for either one of us. You show up full of resentment, and then I feel guilty all over again, which makes me want to use to numb it. She’s dead. I killed her, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.”

  His shoulders drooped with the weight of the burden I knew he carried. Me showing up only made it heavier. Deep down, I knew that, but I tortured us both anyway. I wanted his guilt. I resented my brother. Sometimes, I even hated him for what he’d done. Then I hated myself even more, because I was a far worse person than Preston would ever be.

  It was why I’d joined the D.E.A., why I’d gone undercover. I wanted to rid the streets of the drugs that had destroyed my family. It had become my life’s goal. My obsession even. Because if it weren’t for my brother’s heroin addiction, our mother would still be alive.

  “You’re right, and I’m sorry.” My tone was heavy with regret. “I don’t want to fight every time I come. And maybe I should stop coming. The thing is, I don’t know if I can. You’re my baby brother, Preston. We’re family. Our whole lives, mom taught us that we only had each other to rely on. Us Thomases look after one another. You’re all I have left, and I love you.”

  Preston swallowed hard and stared at the ground for a long moment. When his eyes returned to mine, a sheen covered them. When he blinked, it disappeared. “I love you too, Brody, but this is too damn hard. I think we’re both better off if you just forgot I was here. So, please, for your sake, if not mine…don’t come back.”

  He turned his back to me again, and with a straight spine and his head high, my brother walked away.

  This time, I let him go.

  Chapter 7

  Smoky eyes stared back at me from the reflection in the mirror. I’d almost finished my makeup, and soon my street clothes would come off and I’d slip into a purple lace bra, matching g-string, and mile-high stilettos that I prayed nightly I didn’t break my ankle wearing. I listened to the girls’ chatter while they too got ready for the evening’s performances. When Ernesto had first gone missing, I thought going undercover as a stripper was perfect. It gave me the opportunity to get close to Miguel Álvarez and his associates to try and find my brother. Now, weeks later, after dancing with men ogling, propositioning, and occasionally groping me, I dreaded it. In fact, it made me heartsick for so many reasons.

  A lot of these women had no choice. Granted, there were a couple who danced to either pay for college or to pay off student loans. It was their body, they could do whatever they wanted with it.

  It was the women who had no education and no other options that bothered me. Michele, for instance, was here because she became pregnant at the age of fifteen. Her rich family and their equally rich friends all abandoned her when they found out. With nowhere to go, she was forced to drop out of school. After living on the streets until the baby was born, Michele moved into a women’s shelter. She survived the first year on government assistance, but she wanted more for her and her baby. With the help of a fake ID, she began dancing here about a year ago. In that time, she’d earned enough to move into her own apartment, start classes at the local community college, and pay for daycare for her little girl. Michele was a sweet kid, and I hated using her like I was.

  “Hey girl!”

  I swiveled in my seat to see her strolling toward me through the sea of half-naked women milling around the room. She hugged me and air-kissed my cheek so she didn’t ruin our makeup.

  “Hi yourself. How’s Maisy?” I pasted on the smile I practiced daily to look sincere.

  “Oh my god, she’s hitting her terrible twos, and they sure didn’t lie with that description. I feel horrible for even saying this, but she’s become a complete asshole. Tantrums galore. Makes me want to either tear my hair out or cry right along with her. Everything is ‘no’. There’s no middle ground. It’s her way or ‘no’. Of course, when it’s not her way…melt down city.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “I know exactly what you mean. My niece was the same way at that age. Thankfully, she’ll outgrow it. You just have to put up with it until then.”

  Michele sighed dramatically, her expression woeful. “I only hope we both survive until then. My patience is hanging on by a thread. They need to give every teenage girl a two-year-old to babysit twenty-four hours a day for a week. Best birth control ever.

  “Anyway, how are things between you and Alejandro? You guys seem hot and heavy. I’m so jealous. I wish I had a man who worshipped me like he does you.”

  Inwardly, I cringed, because her assessment wasn’t too far off. Alejandro did seem overly attached. “He does treat me like a queen. I’ve never had that before. I keep waiting for him to realize I’m not good enough, like my last boyfriend did. I mean, I take off my clothes in front of men for a living. I love the money, but—” I shrugged, “I never pictured this for myself. Either way,
until Alejandro smartens up, I’m going to keep hoping it works out between us.”

  Michele gasped. “Girl, don’t you ever think you’re not good enough for someone. We all do this for one reason or another. I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me. You shouldn’t either. At least you’re not selling your body like some of these catty bitches. Or high on dope just to make it through your set. There are worse things you could be doing with your life.”

  I hugged her with sincerity. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”

  Michele flushed and waved me away. She looked around before lowering her voice to a whisper. “Did you hear the rumor going around? About the cop?”

  Instantly, I perked up and leaned in closer. “Oh my god, you have to tell me.”

  “Well, from the sounds of it, someone who works for Mr. Álvarez caught some cop snooping around. Word is they plan on killing him.”

  I suddenly found myself unable to draw in a breath. Black spots danced in my vision, and there was a loud buzzing in my ears. Michele’s worried face appeared fuzzy. I could see her mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Slowly, I pulled myself together, and the buzzing sound began to fade until only a small whooshing sound remained.

  I shook my head to clear it and rubbed my forehead. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  Pasting on a fake smile, I waved off her question. “I’m fine, really. Whatever it was, it’s gone. Didn’t mean to freak you out.”

  Michele still looked like she wanted to ask more questions, but she let it go. “Anyway, I don’t know how accurate the rumor is or anything. I mean, I know Mr. Álvarez isn’t entirely on the up and up, I mean, no one who makes the kind of money be obviously does is, but to kill a police officer?”