Love Undercover

by LK Shaw

  “Here, sit down.” This came from Victor as he and Ines helped me over to the couch. I collapsed against the sofa, still seeing spots. I steadied my breathing and they blessedly began to disappear. My entire body ached, and I was exhausted. Seeing that shit was being handled, I couldn’t help but lay my head back and just close my eyes. Bloodflow was returning to my hands and they burned with pins and needles and eight of my ten fingers were numb. But I was alive.

  “Drink this.” I peered out of my good eye to see Ines’s brother with a glass of water. I never even heard him move away, I was that out of it. I nodded my thanks. I struggled to hold onto the cup, but clumsily managed to bring it to my mouth without spilling it down the front of me. I hadn’t realized how thirsty I was until the wetness hit my throat. I swallowed the liquid so fast, I almost choked on it.

  “Slowly. Take your time.”

  Once the glass was empty, he took it out of my hand. Then I looked over at Ines. Tears streaked down her face and she was biting her lower lip like she was holding back from a major meltdown. I hated seeing her so defeated. We survived. Against the pain, I reached out and cupped her jaw, rubbing my thumb alongside the cut on her cheek, but not touching it.

  “I’m so sorry Ines. I never meant for you to be hurt.” My throat was raw.

  She covered my hand with hers, and leaned into my touch, but she only continued to cry.

  “The Mercedes is gone.” Ines’ father had returned. “How the fuck did we lose him?”

  The brother who’d tried to help Alejandro responded. “When that first gunshot rang out, it was chaos from there. I was trying not to get shot, and protect you guys at the same time. Fucker must have slipped out then.”

  “Son of a bitch.”

  The faint sound of sirens floated through the house. Suddenly, a buzzing filled my ears and black spots danced in front of me. My body felt heavy and lethargic. I recognized the signs of adrenaline crash and knew it was about ready to be lights out for me.

  “I don’t feel so great.” My mouth didn’t seem to be working right, and my words sounds garbled like they were coming from a tunnel.

  “Brody!” Ines screamed at the same time I could feel myself begin to sway. I tried to shake away the cobwebs, but they were winning. I needed to tell her something before everything went dark. Shit, what was it? Oh, yeah.

  “Love…” My voice faded and the blackness took over.

  Chapter 29

  I spent two nights in the hospital with a dislocated shoulder and some minor nerve damage resulting in numbness and tingling down my arm and fingers, probably for the rest of my life, according to the doctors. They were actually surprised it wasn’t worse. I’d also suffered a bruised spleen, dehydration, and I had several loosened teeth that the dentist wasn’t sure wouldn’t need pulled eventually. All things considering, I didn’t think I was too bad off.

  Ines’ brother Victor stopped by a few times to visit me. We’d talked some and learned we had a few things in common like our love of baseball, including the Colorado Rockies. He was someone I could call a friend eventually. We’d also tiptoed around certain topics. Like why Ines hadn’t come to see me. It wasn’t because she didn’t care.

  She needed time to process everything, and no matter how hard it was on me, I needed to respect that. I’m sure it was equally hard, if not more so, on her. She’d been taken completely unaware by my identity, and I knew she was coming to grips with it, and the knowledge that because of who I was, Alejandro had scarred her for life. I only prayed she understood why I kept it from her.

  I also made my official statement to the police. With all the evidence I’d been collecting while undercover, I had compiled enough to almost destroy the entire organization. I gave them supplier names, including Raoul Escobar’s, all the information regarding warehouses owned by Miguel, businesses used as a front for money laundering, which club’s back rooms were used to house Miguel’s drug labs. They raided all of them, made hundreds of arrests, and shut down every single business. It would take years for Miguel to rebuild.

  I’d arrived home about an hour ago, and my arm was fucking killing me regardless of the sling I wore. The last dose of pain meds had been six hours ago. I’d just reached for the bottle when a knock sounded at my door. My stomach tightened, then dropped when I saw who stood on the other side. When I opened it, I tried not to let my disappointment show when a tall, leggy blonde walked in and not the caramel-haired beauty I’d hoped it was. I had a feeling I knew why she was here.

  Landon strolled past me and headed straight to my kitchen. She huffed in disgust at finding the fridge empty. What did she expect? I hadn’t lived here full-time in years and I’d barely wiped my feet on the welcome mat before she’d come barging in. She closed the fridge door and headed to the couch where she flopped down, making herself comfortable, arm splayed across the back of it.

  “Word on the street is Álvarez headed back to Mexico. I assume he’s licking his wounds. For now anyway. Jesus, Brody. What the hell happened in there?”

  I sighed. “I’d taken Alejandro to a deal with Escobar. An introductory meeting if you will. Shit went south when one of Raoul’s men recognized me from a drug bust years ago. Suddenly it was lights out, and the next thing I know, I’m waking up to getting my ass handed to me by one of Miguel’s, well, I guess Alejandro’s, men.”

  When I’d first gone undercover, I’d been paired up with some dickweed handler who’d rubbed me the wrong way. There wasn’t anything specific that made me not trust him, but this was my life. I wasn’t comfortable with him, so I called my superiors. It had taken some major cajoling, but they finally reassigned someone else to me. That someone was Ms. Landon Roberts. A rookie. She’d only been with the organization for a year, but she’d graduated at the top of her training class at Quantico. Immediately, I knew she was going places. She wasn’t a ballbuster, but she evoked confidence and class. We’d been together ever since. I trusted her implicitly.

  “What a fucking nightmare. So, your cover was blown. How does Officer Rodriguez factor in to the showdown at the cabin? Aside from the obvious fact you’re fucking her.”

  She held up her hand when I growled. “Don’t be so touchy. You know what I mean.”

  When I settled, I let her in on everything that had gone down since the last time we’d made contact. I rubbed my free hand down my pants, gearing myself up for possible life in prison. I had to come clean though. No matter how ugly it was.

  “After Ramírez confronted Ines, he taunted her with the knowledge he held me captive. He also left her with a lifelong memento of my betrayal. She, in turn, went to Álvarez, and told him of Ramírez’s plan to take him out and gain control of the cartel. She and her brothers followed Álvarez to the destination where I was being held. He confronted his nephew about the allegations and an argument ensued. Álvarez baited Ramírez enough that he attempted to gun down his uncle. Ines and her brothers entered the house, and multiple shots were fired which led to the death of José Perez, Javier Oca, and Alejandro Ramírez. Miguel Álvarez escaped, as you already know.”

  Landon sighed in frustration and her head dropped back while she stared at the ceiling for a moment before returning her gaze to me. “I got your letter of resignation. What’s that all about, Brody?”

  This was the hardest part. I took a deep breath for courage. “I can’t go back to the organization. Not after everything I’ve seen and done. Plus, I don’t belong there anymore. It no longer feels right.”

  She laid her hands in her lap and looked at me in understanding. “Brody, you were undercover. No one can fault you for doing things that weren’t quite above board in order to maintain your cover. It’s all part of the job. It’s often unavoidable, and for the most part, we look the other way when it happens.”

  Finally, I took a seat in the opposing chair, my good elbow resting on my knee. “I killed someone.”

  Her response was to blink. And blink again. Her expression turned to understanding. “Diego
Garcia. That was your in all those months ago. I assumed—”

  “Paulo Hernandez.”

  With those two words, she inhaled a gasp and stopped talking. Stopped moving. In fact, I felt like the whole world stopped. Slowly, her eyes widened with realization.

  “Oh fuck. Brody.” Her words were a whisper. Then, silence. We sat there, neither of us speaking for a few minutes. Finally, Landon cleared her throat.

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “He was the one who murdered Ines’ brother.”

  The whole story poured out of me. She listened intently, never once interrupting. After I finished, I sat back in my chair, exhausted, and waited for judgment.

  “Who else knows?” Her voice came out soft.

  “Ines. And now you.” I was so weary.

  “No one else can ever know, Brody. Not now. Not ever.”

  Wait, what?

  “Landon, you understand that your silence makes you complicit to murder?”

  “My father suffered from mental illness. For as long as I could remember.”

  I sat there a minute, confused, wondering what that had to do with anything. “Land—”

  She interrupted me. “He would fall into the deepest depression, and nothing I did could shake him from his despair. It would last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. His melancholy was tangible, Brody. I’d walk into the house after coming home from school, and I could literally feel it in the air. It was overpowering, smothering. It tore our family apart.”

  She paused, inhaling deeply, her eyes focused on the past. I remained silent, waiting to discover where this was going.

  “About a year after my parents divorced, I went to spend a week with my dad that summer. I’d just turned thirteen. The second day I was there, he sent me down the block to the convenient store for some candy. When I got home and stepped into the house, I knew something was wrong. I started up the stairs, my feet growing heavier with each step I took. I moved down the hall to my father’s room, where the door was cracked open.”

  Her voice broke, but she cleared her throat and continued a story I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear.

  “I saw the blood first. My father’s body second. The gun in his hand last. At first glance, I thought he was dead. His face was half blown off. But then he said my name. I mean, I think it was my name. To this day, I still can’t be sure, the word was so garbled. I dropped to my knees next to him. Slowly, like it pained him greatly, he reached for my hand. He then placed it on top of his other hand, the one that still held the gun. There was so much sadness in his eyes. So much suffering. Behind all that though, was a small measure of peace fighting its way to the forefront. I couldn’t ignore it. Didn’t want to ignore it. He tried to raise our connected hands and the gun, but was too weak. So, I helped him. Together our arms moved and with a final I love you, my finger squeezed the trigger.”

  My mouth tasted like sawdust while Landon swiped at her eyes. They were puffy and bloodshot when she finally turned to look at me. I had no words. Silently, while I continued to sit there in shock, she rose from the sofa and headed to the door. She opened it and then turned slightly toward me, looking over her shoulder.

  “To an outsider, what each of us has done is an unpardonable sin. But there are times when you do unpardonable things out of love. Whether it’s right or wrong isn’t for anyone but a greater power to judge. I’ll let the Deputy Director know I’ve accepted your letter of resignation. Word will get out that you were killed in a drug bust, in which several other members of the Juarez Cartel were also killed. Be good to yourself Brody. I hope you and Officer Rodriguez are happy together.”

  Chapter 30

  “Ines.”

  I was slow to respond to Estelle. My mind was elsewhere. On Brody. I missed him.

  “Ines!” I jerked at her sharp tone and looked over at her. “How long are you going to make him suffer?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know. He kept a huge secret from me, E.”

  It had been four days since Brody’s release from the hospital. I’d made Victor keep me updated. He’d thrown up his hands yesterday and scolded me like I was a recalcitrant child. “I’m done with playing the middle man. Grow a pair and go talk to him. That or let the man down so you can both move on with your lives.”

  Which was why I was sitting on Estelle’s couch, drowning my sorrows in a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. I thought maybe she’d be more sympathetic than my brother. Apparently, I thought wrong.

  “I get it. I really do. But you have to understand where he was coming from. You’re a cop, Ines. You were only undercover for a few weeks. Brody had been a part of the cartel for years. He was ingrained in the business. You know the danger you faced just trying to look for Ernesto. A cop they killed, and he’d only been investigating them. Brody was a part of Mr. Álvarez’s family. Ernie was just looking to make an arrest. Brody was there to bring the entire organization crumbling to the ground. I don’t know about you, but I can’t even begin to comprehend the stress he had to be under. Especially knowing that he was now in charge of protecting you. To make sure your identity wasn’t found out.”

  I swallowed down my bite of ice cream. “I didn’t ask him to protect me. I can take care of myself.”

  Lord, even I cringed at the whine in my voice.

  Estelle moved from her spot on the couch and scooted next to me, laying her hand over mine. “Ines, you know I love you.”

  I set down my ice cream and rested my head on her shoulder. “I know. I love you too. I hate when you’re right though. It’s not fair you’re this smart. What did I ever do to deserve you?”

  She laughed. “I promise I’m not that smart. I’m just an objective bystander who can see Brody’s side of things. Look at the steps you took to protect me. It had to have been ten times harder for him. Give him a chance. That man loves you. And you love him.”

  I sighed. “I really do. God, I hate when Victor’s right.”

  That made Estelle snort.

  “I need to go see him don’t I? Like soon.”

  She hugged my shoulder. “No time like the present.”

  I sighed in resignation knowing she was right. “What if he’s not home?”

  “Then you go back tomorrow. And the next day. Until you guys finally talk.”

  An hour later, I stood outside Brody’s house, my knees practically shaking and a nervous churning in my stomach when I noticed a light on. I thought back to that first night and how everything about it now made sense. Why there was such an unused feel to the house. Because Brody had brought me to his house. Not Tomás’, but Brody’s. I didn’t want to read too much into it, but I felt like it meant something. I wiped a sweaty palm on my pants and, with only a minor hesitation, knocked on the door. And waited. And waited some more. Still, the door remained closed without a peep coming from inside. Of course, it was my luck he wasn’t home. I moved to leave and only made it down the first step when I heard the lock disengage and the door opened.

  “Ines?”

  God, just the sound of his voice sent shivers racing through me. I’d missed that voice. I’d missed him.

  I turned back around and, Sweet Jesus, just about swallowed my tongue. Standing there barefoot, in only a pair of low-slung gray sweatpants, which did nothing to hide, well, anything, and his arm in a sling, was Brody.

  “Um, hi.” I gave a little awkward wave. Fuck, I was turning into a damn girl. Squaring my shoulders, I started again. “Can I come in?”

  He stepped back and gestured. “Of course.”

  I strolled past him and couldn’t help but inhale his clean, masculine scent. Damn, my knees went weak. I wondered if he’d just recently got out of the shower. Focus, Ines.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” he asked from the doorway to the kitchen.

  I shook my head. “No, thanks. Do you mind if I sit?”

  “Make yourself at home.”

  I settled on the couch and glanced around. Seeing the place in the l
ight of day, it appeared different. More lived-in, I guess. Although that was most likely since the tabletops had been dusted and the carpet looked recently vacuumed. There was also the hint of an artificial air freshener mixed with the continued hint of disuse. I’m sure it would take a bit for the smell to dissipate. Brody took the chair opposite from me. Neither one of us spoke, and it was an uncomfortable silence. Something we’d never experienced.

  It looked like it was going to be up to me to start the conversation since I’m the one who showed up here. I looked at his bound arm, and all the emotions of a few days ago came rushing back. Worry, fear, anger. It took a moment to get them all under control.

  “How are you feeling?” Such an innocuous question, but I figured it was better than the awkward silence.

  Brody chuckled softly. “Like I got my ass handed to me.”

  I couldn’t help but smile.

  “But seriously, I’m doing okay. I start therapy in a couple weeks for the shoulder, so I’m stuck in this sling until then. I have some aches and pains here and there, but nothing I can’t handle.” He shrugged. “Otherwise, I’m making it. How about you?”

  God, I hated this stilted, polite conversation. Even when he and I were butting heads, we had more spark between us. Now, it was like we were almost strangers. Inside, my stomach hurt. Especially because I knew that this void was all my fault. I was the jerk who hadn’t even come to visit him in the hospital. I was struggling to get past the hurt. I knew Estelle and Victor were right, but it was still painful that Brody hadn’t shared a part of himself with me.

  I shifted uncomfortably and ignored his question. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to the hospital. I should have been there for you.”

  It was important that he knew that.

  “I get it. I’m sure everything came as a shock to you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was an undercover agent.”

  There it was. The giant elephant in the room. Looked like we were going to tackle the subject head on.