Burn Me Anthology

by Shantel Tessier

  “I’m not. If it’s truly about taking care of him, we had a ton of dogs growing up so I can do most of it, I already work more than anyone, and if it helps when I’m off, I’ll take him home with me.”

  “Which reminds me, can you cover my shift this weekend?” Mark asks.

  “Sure, man.” I was supposed to have the weekend off, but really this is where I’m happiest and where I enjoy being. “So what do you say?”

  “Fine, but if he gets in the way or becomes too much, he’s gotta go.”

  “Understood,” I tell her with a wink and catch that she squeezes her thighs together.

  Shit, did she really just do that?

  Discussion over, she turns her attention to her iPad, which I hadn’t noticed in her lap before. I try not to let her know I’m looking, but it’s hard. I can tell she’s on that dating app, and I want to snatch it from her hands and find out who else she’s been talking to besides me. Suddenly, my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I ignore it, not wanting her to catch that the second she sent the message my phone went off. Casually, I get off the chair and head out of the living room. Once I’m out of sight, I take my phone out and right across my screen is a message from Jill.

  Jill Terrano: So when do I get to see what you look like?

  Before my balls explode, I sneak off to my room.

  R.J. Smith: I’m out of town for some work training, but when I get back?

  Jill Terrano: How about a picture now?

  R.J. Smith: How about a picture now?

  Jill Terrano: Are you mocking me, R.J.

  R.J. Smith: Never . . .

  I wish I could send her a real picture and then have her knock on my door and we could be together. But I can’t. I know that if she found out the truth, she’d hate me. Deciding that I’m only going to message for a bit, keep things chill between us so I can learn what she’s into, and then ghost, I pull up Google.

  After a quick search, I send her a picture of some random but decent-looking guy who has my same haircut and eye color. The picture is a bit too dark to actually tell.

  R.J. Smith: attachment (1)

  Chapter 6

  Jill

  Staring at the screen of my iPad, I go back into my photos and look at the picture R.J. sent me. It’s been a week since I got the photo, and I can’t deny that part of me was and still is, sad he isn’t Remi. I know it’s dumb to even think that, and I have no clue why I’d think that in the first place, but there it is.

  Maybe it’s because deep down that’s what I really want. But I know I can’t have him and my career, too.

  From the other side of the firehouse, I hear a ruckus and glance out of my room to see a dog darting manically down the hallway. I slam my door shut out of instinct. Then I open it again and spot the guys petting the dog. It looks young and spunky, it can’t be the dog Remi rescued, can it?

  “Sorry, we didn’t mean to wake you,” Remi says.

  “Jill, come check him out,” Oliver, one of the firefighters on shift, says excitedly.

  “Is this the same dog?” I ask Remi, who nods, tossing the pup a treat from his pocket. The dog catches it in the air.

  “He looks amazing.”

  “Thanks,” Remi says coolly, and my mouth goes dry.

  “You name him yet?” Oliver asks.

  “Yup, I’m thinking Blaze. I mean the way he runs is like his ass is engulfed in a fiery blaze, and it cracks me the fuck up.” We all laugh as Remi tosses the ball down the hallway and the dog darts off after it. It does look like his ass is on fire, and I laugh a little.

  “See what I mean?” Remi says. “Plus, he already comes to the name, which is strange, so I don’t think I have a choice. Come here, Blaze!” The dog proudly prances over with his green tennis ball in his mouth.

  Wow, Remi is a really good dog owner.

  “Blaze it is,” Oliver says as Remi tells me, “You can pet him, Chief.”

  Nervously, I lean down and scratch the top of the dog’s soft gray head. It isn’t the dog that has me anxious. It’s Remi. He smells so good. I glance up at him and realize he’s staring right at me. Immediately, I pull my eyes away and focus on the dog.

  “You’re a good boy, huh?” I ask, and he licks my arm. Remi nudges me on the shoulder, and I see he’s handing me a dog treat. “Can I just give it to him?”

  “Oh yeah, he’s super gentle.”

  With the treat between my fingertips, I present it to the dog, who nibbles it softly.

  “So, you excited for movie night tonight?” Remi asks, and I shrug.

  “More like I’m excited for Cal to get here and for my shift to be over for the week.”

  “But you’re coming tonight, aren’t you?”

  “I’ll be here,” I tell him.

  The phone in my office rings and I head off to answer it. After a fifteen minute call with my battalion chief, I get the day started checking over the last of everything on the checklist before I turn the station over to Cal. Don’t get me wrong, I trust him, I just want to leave it all in his hands and in perfect working order.

  Then a knock startles me, and I glance up to see Remi holding a huge bouquet of flowers.

  “What the fuck is that?” I want to ask, but I don’t because I’m too mesmerized by the thought that they could be from him.

  “These came for you.”

  But they aren’t from him.

  “Thanks, you can set them there.” I point to the corner of my desk. Getting up, I can’t help but smell the sweet aroma of the long lilac stems. A message on the card attached reads:

  Happy Birthday, beautiful.

  ~R.J.

  Sitting back in my chair, I bite back the grin pulling at my lips and swat at the butterflies trying to take flight in my stomach. R.J. is really growing on me. I remember telling him the night we first talked that my favorite flower is a lilac. I didn’t think anything of it at the time or even bothered to remember that my birthday was coming up, I just figured we were getting to know one another, but clearly, R.J. thinks far ahead, and I like that in a man. Plus, he’s the only one who has acknowledged that today is my birthday.

  To be fair, a few years ago, I threated the guys’ jobs if they ever told or spoke the words or tried to celebrate. Since I lost my parents, I have had no desire to observe the day I was born, not without them. Part of me died the day I lost my two best friends, so each year, it’s just another day, as it should be.

  “The flowers are nice,” Remi says.

  I nod slowly. “Oh yeah, they are.”

  “Are they from someone special?”

  I don’t know how to answer that, so I settle on, “A new friend, of sorts.”

  “Got it.” Blaze is walking around my office, sniffing everything he passes, and Remi tells me, “I’m gonna take him out.” I give him a wave and then watch the two of them leave together before reaching for my iPad.

  Jill Terrano: I just got the flowers you sent, and they are absolutely stunning, I love them.

  R.J. Smith: That’s good, only the best for you.

  Jill Terrano: Thank you. That means a lot.

  R.J. Smith: Of course, how’s your birthday so far?

  Jill Terrano: Not too bad, considering I don’t celebrate it.

  R.J. Smith: Really? Why’s that?

  Jill Terrano: Long story, some bad stuff happened in my past. I’ll tell you in person one day. Speaking of which, when do I get to see you in person?

  R.J. Smith: Soon, my training here was delayed, but as soon as I’m back.

  Chapter 7

  Remi

  I reread the last message I sent to Jill as I walk Blaze out behind the station, and I can’t tell you how terrible I feel for lying to her. That’s part of the reason why I showed up here on my day off, I needed to see her I guess to make myself feel better. There is a huge knot in the pit of my stomach that just won’t go away unless I’m around her. But the more we message back and forth, the harder and harder it gets to keep lying to her.

&
nbsp; But this is the bed I’ve made, so now I have to lie in it—literally. The back garage doors to the station open, and I watch a few of the guys pull out the trucks to wash them. Jill isn’t with them. She’s upstairs all alone on her birthday, and no one seems to give a shit.

  Now is my chance to go and talk to her, to come clean about how I feel, nothing to do with R.J., not yet. But at least let her know that she consumes me, all of me.

  The guys will be cleaning the trucks for at least an hour. Saul gives me a honk of the horn, and I glance at Blaze as his ears perk, but he doesn’t budge away from me. He’s such a good dog. I still can’t believe that he was a stray and abandoned the way he was. I flip Saul off, and he returns the gesture.

  “Get your ball,” I tell Blaze, and he picks it up so we can go back inside and talk to Jill.

  “Yo, Remi?” Saul calls out, coming over to us.

  “What’s up, man?”

  “Not much, so . . . you all set for the party tonight?”

  “You mean movie night?”

  “Yeah, whatever,” he says, briefly glancing behind him to make sure no one can hear him.

  “Did Cal talk to you about the cake?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about, man?”

  “The party tonight is for Jill’s birthday.”

  “No, that isn’t a good idea. She doesn’t celebrate,” I blurt out and hope that it’s common knowledge around the station.

  “It’s already done. Don’t be a pussy, she’s gonna love it.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “Whatever, man.” I shrug. It’s their funeral if they want to throw her a party. I can just claim ignorance.

  “Don’t be a bitch.” I flip him off, and he says, “Hey, have you got on that dating site yet? Sounds like you need to find your bitch ass some good pussy.”

  “Fuck off!” I tell him, and he laughs, jogging back over to the truck.

  I look up at the station and am no longer contemplating going inside. I can’t now that I know movie night is actually a cover for Jill’s party.

  God, I’m so dumb.

  How did I not put two and two together before? I mean, did I really believe these guys wanted to hang out and have a movie night? What would they watch anyway?

  Leaving the station with Blaze in the back of my SUV I head home to clear my mind. On the way, I get a message from Jill.

  Jill Terrano: Could you come back tonight and save me from this god-awful movie night?

  If only I could, I would. I’d cook her dinner, treat her like a queen, and then . . . I grit my teeth together and push all the thoughts of exactly what I’d do with her out of my head.

  When I pull into my driveway, I still have no clue how to respond. Heading inside with Blaze close behind me, I take a seat on my couch and reread her message again before responding.

  R.J. Smith: You know I would if I could. Go and have fun, have a few drinks, and watch a movie with your guys. Just unwind.

  Jill Terrano: That sounds so much easier than it actually is.

  R.J. Smith: Come on!

  Jill Terrano: These guys are my employees. I can’t unwind and have fun with them.

  R.J. Smith: Sure you can, even if you don’t celebrate, it’s your birthday, and you deserve to have fun. Do it for me?

  Jill Terrano: I’ll think about it. How’s that?

  R.J. Smith: It’s better than a hell no.

  I wait for her to message me back, but she doesn’t. Blaze is curled into a ball next to my feet, and I take the opportunity to rest, too. Lying back, I toss my baseball hat on the table and kick my shoes off. Closing my eyes, sleep quickly takes over, surrounding me with visions of Jill that quickly shift to nothingness.

  Chapter 8

  Jill

  I’ve never been one to drink in excess, but I think in order to get me through tonight, that is exactly what I’m going to have to do.

  When I pull up to the station, the building is eerily quiet. There are no lights on inside, and there aren’t any extra cars in the parking lot. I check my time to make sure I’m not way early, and sure enough, I’m not. Cal said to be here at seven o’clock, so here I am.

  Looking down at my skinny jeans and soft, white T-shirt, I cringe. It feels strange going into the station dressed like this. Maybe I should at least put my hair up in a bun. I don’t let the guys ever seen me in my normal clothes or with my hair down. But I’m not at work, and I don’t have any hairbands to sweep my hair into, so I heave out a heavy sigh and climb from my car.

  Tossing my purse over my shoulder, I walk into the firehouse, and the second I do, the lights are thrown on and a chorus of “Surprise!” echoes around me. Someone flips on the music, but all I can do is stand there frozen. All of my guys are here, as are their families. Even my old battalion chief Abel and his wife Cara flew in from Colorado.

  Tears of joy take over, and I place my hand over my mouth, still not moving. Well, not moving anything except for my eyes as I take this all in. “Say something!” Cal shouts from the left of the crowd.

  “Oh my God, you guys, this is too much!”

  “Never, not for you, Jill,” Cal says and raises a drink to me. “To Jill, happy birthday, Chief!”

  “Thank you!” I shake my head in utter shock and then blurt out, “If you’re on the clock, no drinking or I will fire you! And everyone else must call a cab or have a designated driver.” They all laugh at me, but I have to worry about these things.

  In the next moment, I’m overtaken by a whirlwind of people wishing me a happy birthday and giving me hugs. It’s all so much to take in, but I try.

  “Happy Birthday,” Abel says and pulls me into a tight hug before Cara grabs me for one as well.

  “Thank you. You guys didn’t need to come all the way here.”

  “Sure we did,” Abel says.

  “But you’re so pregnant,” I tell Cara, smiling as her hands move to her belly.

  “Actually, I’m not that pregnant, only five months, but we’re having twins.”

  “Shut up! Congrats, you guys, that is amazing.”

  Just then, Remi passes me a red Solo cup with a sexy expression on his face. I look in to see the foam of beer on top and give him a side hug. It’s the first time we’ve been this close or touched like this, and holy hell, he sets my insides on fire.

  “I take it you aren’t mad?” he asks.

  “No, did you see who’s here?” I gesture to Abel, who he used to work for in Denver.

  “I did, we’ve been shooting the shit all afternoon.”

  “Geeze, I feel left out.” We all laugh, and then Cara excuses herself to the restroom, leaving the three of us standing there chatting.

  “So, is this guy working out for you?” Abel asks, pointing to Remi.

  “Yeah, he’s a keeper.” I plaster a smile on my face as Remi takes a drink from his cup and winks at me. My stomach flips, and I drink, too. I wonder if anyone else can sense the tension between him and me.

  “You hear that, Cal?” Remi says to him as Cal walks up to give me a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Jill thinks I’m a keeper.”

  Cal glares at me jokingly, and I shrug. “What? He works more than anyone else does, of course, I want to keep him around.”

  “Feel free to talk to my wife about that, she’s somewhere around here.”

  And with that comment, he keeps on walking. The beer is good and going down smoothly, and after I finish my last sip of it, Remi takes my cup without asking me a thing and walks off to get me a refill.

  “He’s into you,” Abel whispers into my ear, and we both look at Remi, who’s refilling our cups and joking with one of the other guys.

  “Don’t say that,” I tell Abel.

  “Why? It’s the truth.”

  “You think?”

  “Hell yeah. I can tell.”

  “Well, it’d never work out. He’s my employee.”

  “You could always take me up on my
open invitation to work for me in Denver.”

  “I’m not leaving here or starting over, and you know why.” Abel knows how hard it’s been for me to make a name for myself and to earn the respect of my guys in a job that’s ninety-five percent men.

  Chapter 9

  Remi

  As the night has progressed, I’ve stayed by Jill’s side. And I don’t feel strange about it. It is her party, after all, so I’m just making sure she’s having a good time. But I can’t deny that part of me really likes it, and I feel like she does too.

  I’ve never seen Jill be so open and free. Maybe it’s the alcohol, and maybe it’s her just being relaxed, but whatever it is, this side of her is pretty sweet. She’s literally the life of the party, and as the night begins to die down, the alarm goes off for a call. We all move out of the way so the guys on call can load up and leave.

  As the bay doors open and the truck pulls out, Jill asks, “What’s the call?”

  “A fuckin’ cat up a tree,” Cal says, and we all laugh. Don’t get me wrong, those calls are serious, but most of the time the cat is already down when we get there, and if it isn’t, the person who draws the short straw and has to get the thing ends up scratched to hell.

  The guys drive off, and the sound of the siren in the distance followed by the low roar of the truck reminds me of everything I love about this job. Blaze meanders out the open bay door, and I follow him as his nose leads the way.

  “You gonna tell her, or what?” Abel asks as he follows Blaze and me outside.

  “Tell who what?”

  “Tell Jill that you like her.”

  His words make me go into a panic. I search for her in the sea of people, but he chuckles. “Don’t worry, she’s upstairs.”

  I look up at the station and can see her through one of the windows, talking to a group of people.