Burn Me Anthology

by Shantel Tessier

“Yes! I love her books and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey.” She sighs. “My sisters and I took turns reading the paperback Regina got us. We all took care of it and thought it would be fun to find a rich guy who’d take care of us.” She laughs. “I’m kidding. I would never seek out someone to help me because of their status.”

  “I know.” I turn my eyes back to the screen—fuck. I’m going to kill Amber for keeping that shit here at my house. This movie’s not going to help my damn hard-on, neither is the way Devan’s sitting on the edge of the couch, biting her bottom lip, and running her fingers through her hair. It’s hypnotizing.

  An hour into the movie, I look over to see Devan hugging the throw pillow to her chest and leaning forward. She’s intrigued with the scene. I’ve paid no attention to the movie, so when I look up, I’m surprised to see how curious she is with the sexual parts, watching the way he’s dominating her, like Devan’s never seen anything like that before. Damn, maybe this is new to her. Even though she’s read the books, reading versus seeing it are two completely different things.

  I’m doing my best to keep my distance, not paying attention to the movie or Devan, and mindlessly going through the news on my phone. Devan gasps and mutters something under her breath, which gets my full attention.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” she whispers. “Just interesting to see it all happen before me.”

  I make the mistake and look again.

  Damn.

  That’s when I feel Devan inching closer to me, dropping the pillow on my lap, and leaning down to rest her head on it. I want nothing more than to bring her in my arms and take her to my bed and hold her. The unwelcomed thoughts are quickly being pushed back. There’s no way I’m doing that to her. I can’t.

  “Brennan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I like when you play with my hair.”

  I look down and notice my fingers entwining with strands of her soft hair, brushing it, and massaging her scalp.

  “You like when I do that?”

  “Yeah. It feels nice.”

  “Then I’ll keep doing it.”

  Chapter 8

  Brennan

  The bar’s getting busier and I’m on my forth beer, and I’ve taken six shots of whiskey. My head’s spinning. I can’t move from my chair and I keep asking the bartender for more.

  Today’s Sunday.

  Usually I can handle seeing her, spending time with her, and leaving. I look forward to these days because it’s our time. Now I have Devan in my life and I’m not sure what I should be doing. I love Iris. I’ll always love her. Then there’s Devan. A woman who is slowly pushing herself into my heart. I don’t stop it. I allow it. The comfort of being with someone is nice. I miss it.

  I hang my head, gripping my beer, and letting out shallow breaths. What the fuck am I doing?

  Another hour passes and the bartender asks for my cell phone. He calls Amber and I sit there. Pissed off. Ashamed. Sad.

  “Hey brother,” the bartender says and I look up at him. “Whatever’s ailing you, it’ll be okay. Don’t drown yourself in alcohol.”

  I grunt and place my head on the counter. A hand touches my shoulder and I look to see Amber and Devan.

  “I’m sorry,” I mutter, and get up from the stool.

  The drive to my house is quiet. I’m in the backseat. My head’s against the window and my hands are on my lap. If only I can figure out what I need to do.

  If only.

  They help me inside and to my bedroom. Amber goes to the bathroom to get a washcloth and medicine. Devan helps me out of my clothes and into sweats and a shirt.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  She stops what she’s doing and looks up at me. “Because you’re taking care of me so I want to take care of you. I’m your friend, Brennan. Whatever’s going on you can talk to me.”

  I shake my head and a laugh explodes from my chest. “I’m not trying to be an asshole so I’ll apologize now. I can never talk to you about this. My head’s fucked up. My heart’s broken. I’m trying to atone to my mistakes and all I’m doing is fucking up.”

  “Brennan,” she starts to gently say and I like how my name slips from her lips. “Let go of your anger. Let go of your guilt.”

  “I can’t.”

  The next morning, I head to the fire station to pick up overtime. I need to be away from my own house.

  Tony, another firefighter, isn’t feeling too hot so he leaves and I work his shift. Mornings are usually cool and calm so I help my crew around the station. It’s keeping me busy and helping to clear my head.

  A few hours pass and I take a little break and check my phone. There’s a few text messages from Amber.

  Amber: Hi, it’s Devan. Amber let me borrow her phone. She’s still at the house and we’re relaxing. Do you need anything?

  Amber: So Greg’s here. I guess you’re working some overtime. If you need us to do anything please let us know.

  Amber: Greg’s taking us out. I hope you’re okay.

  Brennan: Thank you for checking on me. I’m fine. Have fun today.

  I put my phone away and then take it out again. My fingers graze over the buttons and I want to see her. Feel her. Be with her.

  Iris comes to my mind. Her smile is all I see. Instead of texting Devan back again, I shut my locker and go back to work. Keeping busy is the only way I’ll maintain my sanity. It has to be.

  Chapter 9

  Devan

  Brennan’s out with his friends and I’m okay with that. Today’s been a roller coaster of emotions and I want to be alone.

  Since that night we picked him up drunk at the bar, Brennan’s working crazy overtime and he’s hardly home. Amber’s spending most of her time here and keeping me company. He barely looks at me and it feels weird. I don’t know what else to do. I keep thinking maybe it’s time to leave and move on. The only problem is I don’t have enough money to get my own apartment. I put a few applications in for a waitressing position, but since I have no experience, they’re not interested in hiring me so I help Amber during her shoots. Her business is picking up. She’s getting busy and so am I. It doesn’t help me to not think about Brennan though.

  I’m restless. There’s nothing on TV and I’m feeling restless. For someone who didn’t have a home for a few years, I should find comfort in being somewhere warm and safe.

  A knock on the door gets my attention then I watch it open.

  “Hello!” I see Amber walking in with a box and a large purse. “How are you doing? Why didn’t you call me? You know I would’ve came over.”

  “I’m okay.” I smile. “And I know you would’ve. I thought I wanted to be alone. Now you’re here and I’m glad.”

  “We’re friends, babe. If you need me, then you can count on me, just like if I need you then I can count on you!”

  Since I met Amber, it’s been nice to have someone else to be around. She’s a great friend and it’s easy to talk to her. She’s teaching me how to edit pictures, and I’m finding that I’m good at this type of work.

  “I appreciate it. So what’s going on?”

  Amber places the box and purse on the table and turns to me. “It’s a girls’ night. I have Chinese takeout, face masks, nail polish, movies…the works!”

  “Wow, I can’t believe you went to all this trouble. I would’ve been fine with fast food and a movie or something.”

  “It’s no worries whatsoever.”

  I’m not in the mood to argue, and if I’m being honest, I’m glad she’s here so that I’m not alone. Even though that’s what I thought I wanted. We grab dishes from the kitchen and Amber grabs two wine glasses. Once we’re seated, she’s pulling out the boxes and my eyes are so wide.

  “Is it just the two of us?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Amber, there’s so much food!”

  “I didn’t know what you liked,” she admits. “So, I got a little bit of everything. And no worries because Brennan’s most likely coming h
ome drunk, so he’ll eat whatever we leave him.”

  “Does he get drunk a lot?”

  “Nope. I’m surprised he’s actually out tonight. It’s his friend, Hudson’s, bachelor party. His wedding’s in eight weeks.”

  I’m a little hurt to hear this when I know I shouldn’t be. Brennan has his own life, and he’s being nice to take me in and get me on my feet. It doesn’t matter if he has a wedding to go to or he does things like this. I’m not his girlfriend.

  Even though I know I’m falling for him.

  So hard.

  “Oh. That’s nice. Are you going?”

  “I am! It’s going to be such a beautiful wedding. Hudson’s fiancée, Eloise, is super sweet. You’ll meet them at my party. You are still coming, right?”

  I completely forgot that Brennan mentioned it before. “I guess. If you want me to go.”

  “Of course I do! You’ll get to meet my friends, and there’s going to be so many hot, single guys there. Personally, I have my eyes on Greg.”

  Greg’s been coming over to see how I’m doing. He’s sweet and cute, nothing like Brennan though.

  “I think you guys would make a cute couple. I noticed the way he was looking at you during the ceremony.”

  “I saw it too.” Amber reaches over and places her hand on mine. “Enough about me and Greg, are you doing okay?”

  “Surprisingly, I am. It’s hard knowing I’ll never see them again, but seeing their families today and talking to them, I don’t know, it was refreshing. Therapeutic, I guess.”

  “Well, if you need anything or think maybe talking to someone will help, I know a someone whose an expert in the field of trauma. I think she’d help you. Only if you’d like.”

  “I don’t have insurance,” I mumble. “And that’s fine because Regina’s mom is a therapist and offered her services. I might take her up on that.”

  “No worries. If you need additional help or anything, I talked to my friend, Beth, and she said she’d do it for free for you.”

  Great. Another charity case.

  “No. Please don’t do me any favors. I’m fine and I don’t need help. I appreciate it, please know that I do, but I’m not a charity or anyone’s problem.”

  A sad expression splays on Amber’s face and I hope I didn’t offend her. What she and Brennan are doing for me is sweet and I appreciate it. I don’t want to continue being a burden.

  “Oh, honey. No. That’s not it at all. We’re here to help you and we’re your friends. Friends help one another, right?” I nod. “See. No one’s looking at you like you’re a charity case. The way I see you, the way Brennan and Greg see you, is you’re one of the strongest women we know because you survived.”

  “I know, but you guys are giving me all these things, and I don’t know, it’s making me feel uncomfortable.”

  “Well, that’s not our intention at all, Devan. I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  I don’t say anything else and excuse myself to go into my bedroom. Well, Brennan’s guest bedroom. I shut the door and look around the room, grabbing a bag from the closet and placing some things in there. As much as I want to stay here and get back on my feet, I know deep down I can’t. I’ve overstayed my welcome and I refuse to continue taking advantage of him. Brennan’s a firefighter. He saves people every day, and he’s done more than enough for me. While out in the field, he can’t do his job and worry about me. Pretty soon I’ll be a distant memory and he’ll go back to his life.

  I write a short note and leave it on the desk. Brennan has a lot on his plate and he doesn’t need my issues to hold him back. I know the look of pain and loss and it’s all over his face. By adding me into that mix, it’ll only cause him more stress.

  Brennan,

  Thank you so much for these past few weeks. Being here with you meant the world to me, and I’ll never be able to express how thankful I am that you came into my life. I’ll always remember your kindness and feeling safe with you.

  Devan

  I stare down at the letter, wondering if our paths will ever cross again. The knot in my stomach grows and the nausea builds with the thought of never seeing him again. Yet, this is what’s best. Grabbing the bag from the bedroom floor, I slowly open the door and see Amber walking into the bathroom while talking on the phone. I slip out quietly, and place the note on the table, quickly writing one for her too, letting her know I appreciate her friendship and wishing her good luck with Greg.

  I’m staring at the door, willing myself to take the steps I need to start my life. When I walk out, and hear the door close behind me, it’s then I realize I have nowhere to go. I have some money from helping Amber, and the things in my bag, but other than that, I have nothing else to my name.

  The only thing I know for sure is I need to get away and be on my own. I can’t allow them to help me.

  Chapter 10

  Brennan

  I hurry home, and once inside, I see Amber holding onto the notes and looking at me with tears in her eyes.

  “I have no idea how she made it out without me noticing. I’m so sorry, Brennan. I have no idea why she left, but she mentioned she didn’t want to be anyone’s charity case. Shit, Bren. What are we going to do?”

  The words she left behind burn in my brain, and I close my eyes, wondering where she could be. I’m wracking my brain, trying to remember if she’s ever mentioned anywhere that means anything to her. Panic pumps through my veins, racing through my body and hitting my chest hard. I stand for a moment, willing myself to calm the hell down so I can figure out where she could be.

  “Fuck,” I mutter. “The only place I can think of is Hope Rose.”

  “Do you think she’d go there?”

  “It’s the only place I can think of,” I tell Amber. “Stay here and don’t leave, I’ll be back.”

  Rushing out of my house, I jump into my truck and hightail it to Hope Rose. All traffic laws are slipping out of my mind, because the only thing I care about is finding Devan and bringing her back home.

  I’m standing outside of Hope Rose, wondering how I’m going to let her know I need her to come back with me. I’ve told her countless times she’s not a nuisance.

  All the lights are on in the shelter and there are some people outside smoking. I take a few steps forward and wonder how she’s going to take me being here.

  “Fuck it,” I mumble and walk inside, heading toward Ms. Kelly’s office. Once inside, she looks up from her desk and smiles.

  “She’s in the kitchen, dear.”

  I nod and give her a smile back, before heading out of her office and making my way to the kitchen. I don’t think about how she knows I’m looking for Devan. The kitchen’s small and Devan’s over by the counter.

  “Devan,” I whisper.

  Her body freezes when her name slips past my lips, and she’s now facing me. Her jaw slightly drops. She’s clearly surprised I’m here. I’m sure she didn’t think I’d come after her. If only she knew how I’m feeling.

  “Brennan, what are you doing here?”

  “Get your things, Devan. You’re coming back with me. You don’t belong here. You belong home…with me.”

  “I’m not going, Brennan. I feel like you’re treating me like a charity case and I’m not. You’re avoiding me and it’s okay. I get it. Whatever’s going on in your life is your business.”

  “You’re getting what I’m doing twisted. When I look at you, I don’t see charity case or someone to pity. It’s hard being around you. When I look at you, I forget the pain and anger. It’s all replaced with happiness.” I step closer until my hands are holding her face, making her look at me. “You’re making me happy and I feel like shit for feeling like I do. And don’t think I’m seeing you as charity. I see a beautiful woman. A strong woman. A woman that can carry her own. You’re making me feel things I didn’t think I could feel. When I got home and didn’t see you, shit, Devan, I felt my world tilt and I don’t like feeling that way. I don’t want to go to bed alone. You need t
o come back with me. Let me take care of you, baby.”

  She leans into my touch. I immediately take her in my arms and hold her tight. She falls easily into me and understands what I’m telling her.

  “Devan,” I whisper against her hair. “Don’t leave me again.”

  “I won’t. I promise I won’t.”

  As soon as I let her go, fuck, I miss her, but we need to get her things and get the hell out of here so I can taste her lips. I need to reassure myself she’s here and she’s coming home with me.

  “Stay close to me and let me know where you put your things.”

  “Okay.”

  We take the stairs to the second floor and the smell of sweat and smoke hits me. Damn, this shelter needs to be cleaned. I make a note to meet with Ms. Kelly and get the guys from the station to come down and volunteer their time. It’ll be good for the community and the people living here.

  All of her things are in my hand and she’s by my side. Before we leave the shelter, Ms. Kelly’s standing by the door. She tells us to be good and to come visit her anytime. We say our goodbyes and I text Amber to let her know I have Devan.

  Amber: Thank God. Okay, I’m heading home. Please give her a hug for me. I’ll come visit her tomorrow.

  Brennan: Thank you, sis. I appreciate everything you’ve done for her.

  Amber: No worries, big brother. Love you!

  Brennan: Love you too.

  The drive back to my place is quick. When I get her inside, I drop her bag, and place one hand on her waist and the other hand on the back of her neck. My body leans over her, towering above her small frame, breathing in her unique scent. It’s making my cock hard. I need her. I need to taste her. Feel her. Hear her moan my name. I want everything she’s willing to give me, and I won’t push for more. I won’t do anything she doesn’t want to do.

  My eyes land on her plump, soft lips. Slowly, I lean in, pressing my lips to hers, tasting her sweetness and gripping her waist tighter. Her warm tongue slides into my mouth and I do the same. Damn this kiss. This fucking kiss. I pull her closer to me, closer than she can possibly go. I need her on me, need her to never leave. This kiss is going to last because I need it like I need my next breath.