by Amanda Perry
Caleb pulls me into his arms and rests his cheek on the top of my head. “If I get my hands on that fucker, I’ll kill him,” he growls. “I won’t let him take anything else away from you, baby.”
I don’t say anything as I hug him back tightly. Caleb doesn’t know what Samael is capable of. As much as I wish I could believe his promise, I know better than to doubt Samael’s abilities to hurt me.
We stand there, holding each other for a while, and allowing the sadness and depressing thoughts to fade. All to soon Caleb pulls back and gives me a light kiss on the lips. As he tries to back off, I thread my hands through his hair and pull him closer. I kiss him a few more times, before letting him go. I smile slightly at the way he makes me feel so safe and loved, even when I’m remembering bad times.
Looking up at his face, I find his eyes have darkened, and butterflies explode in my stomach.
“You’re killing me.” Caleb’s eyes flick from mine to my lips and back. “Though, I can’t complain. It’s a good way to go.”
I take a deep breath and dig deep for a bit more courage. Caleb says he loves me, and I love him. In theory, I should be able to kiss him if I want to. Before I over think it, I push up onto my tiptoes and kiss him deeply. He inhales sharply in surprise at my sudden assault, but he quickly recovers and takes over the kiss. I’m grateful he takes control, and I don’t have to think.
His arms make their way to my hips, and he grips me tightly. I push myself closer to him, and he seems to understand I need more. He easily lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist, putting my arms around his neck. Our lips never part as he walks us to the bed and lowers me down. I keep my legs locked around his waist as he lowers himself on top of me. His weight on me feels amazing, exactly the comfort I need.
He moves his lips to leave a trail of kisses down my neck, giving me a chance to catch my breath. I can’t help but squirm a bit at the feel of his lips on my neck—it ignites the fire inside me, and I can’t control myself.
I wiggle and gasp as he makes his way back up my neck. My shirt rides up my stomach and over my ribs. The internal fire I felt the last time we were in this position returns with a vengeance. Caleb’s hand leaves my hip and slowly slides up my bare side. If anyone else were to touch me right now, they might get burned. However, Caleb seems to feed off of the heat, and I find myself doing the same as his body grows hotter against my own.
My back arches into his touch when his fingertips reach the edge of my bra. He pulls back slightly and smirks. His eyes dart down to his hand, then back up to my eyes. “I think this blue is my new favorite color.” He runs his fingers over the side of my bra.
I shiver and can’t help the small moan that escapes. Caleb’s hand lowers to grip my side, and he squeezes his eyes tight as if trying to gain some sense of control.
“Baby,” he breathes against my lips.
Instead of finishing his thought, he presses his lips against mine again, making me forget about everything but him. Our kiss is softer, and I know he is holding back—the heat that radiates from both of us cools little by little but never fully disappears.
When Caleb shifts to the side a bit, my head hits something soft, and I realize all of the stuffed animals are still on the bed. Not wanting my new stuffed babies to get smashed, I pull away from our kiss. I know Caleb needs to slow down anyway and gain more control. Like he told me back in Sacramento, he can only take so much.
I blink several times, trying to get my body to calm down. I grasp at the first subject to pop into my mind, hoping to distract us both. “I wonder where I should put the babies,” I say, thinking out loud of a safe place to put the stuffed animals so they don’t get messed up. As childish as it may sound, I’ll treasure them forever.
Caleb sits up so fast he almost falls off the bed and gapes down at me with wide eyes. “Wh-what?”
My brow scrunches together at his odd reaction. “The babies, where should I keep them?”
“Baby girl, uh… Shouldn’t we… Riley, I mean I don’t know… It isn’t really…” He stumbles, trying to form a coherent sentence.
I didn’t realize it was so important to him or maybe our kiss muddled his thoughts as much as it did my own. “It isn’t a big deal. I was thinking maybe the dresser since there isn’t really much there.” I shrug. Of course, I love them, but I think they will be safe wherever I put them.
“The dresser?” he chokes.
My frown deepens. “Would you rather we put them in your room? I don’t mind either way.”
“Holy shit.” He runs his hands through his hair repeatedly, messing up the already scruffy, dark locks. “Okay, um, I’m not so sure we should be talking about this yet. I mean, I haven’t even given you a ring.” He pauses, his eyes growing wide. “Not that I don’t want to. I would right now, if I thought you were ready. But you just told me you love me. Are you really ready for that? Especially with everything else going on? I thought we would go a bit slower than that.”
Maybe our kiss knocked his senses out of him. “What in the world are you talking about, Caleb?”
“You’re asking about babies,” he says cautiously. “And I think it’s a little too soon for that.”
It takes a moment for his words to sink in. When they do, I’m stunned into silence at the realization of where his mind was. I can’t seem to stop the giggles from bubbling up and out, and they quickly turn into full-blown hysterics. Caleb looks slightly less amused than I am, but I can’t stop.
“Caleb,” I manage between giggles. I desperately try to compose myself, but the whole situation is comical. Even after several deep breaths, it’s hard to manage a full sentence. “I was talking about the stuffed animals, not real babies.”
“Jesus Christ.” He lets out a heavy sigh of relief, falling onto his back beside me. “You sure know how to shock the hell out of a guy.”
“Sorry,” I snicker and curl up beside him.
“Sure, you are,” he mutters with disbelief. He takes a few deep breaths of his own and kisses the top of my head. “I think we should put the babies on the window seat.”
“That’s a good idea. Then, they can look outside.” I nod against his chest.
He stands, grabbing my hands and pulling me with him. He kisses my forehead before grabbing the kangaroo and otter. I grab the turtle and monkey. We put them neatly on the window seat, facing out so they can see the view. I go back and grab the tiger Caleb picked out and set him up on the nightstand so I can keep him close.
“Let’s grab a snack.” He slings an arm around my shoulders. “I think I need a drink after you scared the hell out of me.”
As we walk out the door, Jaxon lazily makes his way up the stairs. He and Cassie must have finished their nap. He gives Caleb a dirty look and growls, “What the fuck were you two doing in there?”
“Talking about babies,” Caleb tells him with a straight face.
Jaxon turns an unflattering shade of purple while Caleb snickers and leads us downstairs. He loves to mess with Jaxon, but I hope my brother doesn’t really think we are actively planning to have kids. That isn’t even on my radar and won’t be for a long time.
Right now, all I want to do is enjoy being able to hug and kiss my boyfriend whenever I want.
Chapter 14
“Rise and shine!” Jaxon’s bellow causes me to shoot straight up in bed the following morning.
Caleb groans and throws a pillow at Jaxon, hitting him in the head with it. “Get the fuck out.”
“No can do, sunshine.” Jaxon grins, throwing the pillow back. “It’s time to start training my little sissy here how to kick ass.”
“Oh, no,” I groan, plopping back down. “Tomorrow would be better.”
“Nice try.” He laughs. “Both of you, up. Now.”
“Goddamnit.” Caleb throws the covers back and storms into the bathroom. He slams the door shut, but I can still hear him grumbling loudly about getting locks for the bedroom door.
Jaxon gives me a satisf
ied smirk and leaves the room. I roll my eyes but, reluctantly, get out of bed. I know if I try to go back to sleep, he’ll just drag me out of bed or get Cassie to dump water on me. He’s bound and determined to start my self-defense training as soon as possible.
Not knowing what training will consist of, I linger in a long hot shower using the bathroom at the end of the hall so Caleb can use his own. All too soon it’s time to turn the water off and force myself out of the shower. After quickly throwing my wet hair into a ponytail, I slink to my room and dress in a plain tank top and sweatpants. With shoes and socks in hand, I head back to Caleb’s room and go about putting them on while I wait for him to finish getting ready. Just as I bend down to tie my shoes, Caleb stomps out of his bathroom fully dressed and clearly less than happy to be awake. I giggle at his half-open eyes and messy hair. He tries to scowl at me, but his bottom lip pokes out in an adorable pout, which only causes me to laugh harder. I walk past him to get to the bathroom, and he swats my butt playfully as I pass. I yelp and give him an incredulous look as I continue to the bathroom for my toothbrush. He flashes me a cheeky grin before he leaves the room.
After giving my teeth a good scrub, I head downstairs and find Caleb and Jaxon eating cereal at the table. Dad, Leanne, and Cassie are nowhere to be seen. A quick glance at the clock tells me Dad already left for work since he said he’d be pulling long hours to make up for our long weekend away, but Leanne and Cassie are probably still asleep. No one in their right mind would be awake at five in the morning unless they had to be.
I plop down silently and make quick work of fixing myself a bowl of cereal. Both Caleb and I eat slower than usual. I drag breakfast out to postpone the inevitable with Jaxon, and I think Caleb does it for the same reason.
The second I take my last bite, Jaxon hops up and pulls me to the backyard. I roll my eyes at his back, wondering if he’ll be like this every morning. When I first arrived, I didn’t sleep well, and I would hear Jaxon wake in the early hours sometimes. He would go out for runs a lot before anyone else woke up. I wanted to join him, but I never gained the courage to ask if it was okay. Now, I wish I had because being in better shape might make training less tiresome.
Today, Jaxon being a morning person frustrates me, especially now that I’m able to sleep normal hours. I have a theory his pushiness about my training is a subtle way to keep Caleb and me from being alone as well. His sudden protectiveness strikes me as odd since he wouldn’t even look at me two days ago. He went from the fun-loving brother I’ve known for months, to an oddly protective brother who wouldn’t look or speak to me, to not wanting to leave me alone and constantly checking on me. Caleb doesn’t seem to think much of his strange behavior, though, and I try to let it go.
Jaxon spends the next six hours testing how much control I have of my affinities like we did before the meeting with the council. My power over the elements comes to me easier, now, and I grin at the simplicity as I summon fire in the circle Caleb outlines, and then snuff it out. Maybe the training Jaxon’s so serious about will be easier than I thought. He’s relentless and only lets me take breaks to use the bathroom or grab water, but I can handle it as long as violence isn’t part of it. The routine continues through the week and I begin to relax into the new schedule.
Jaxon’s attitude throughout the week frustrates Caleb to no end, but I try not to let it get to me by reminding myself what the gods and goddesses had to say. I need to be ready, or I’ll fail. Jaxon’s urgency and odd behavior isn’t as strange when I consider the meeting. Maybe he took the warning from the gods and goddesses harder than I thought. He doesn’t want me to mess up and ruin everything, which means training until I’m ready.
“We don’t know how soon things will go downhill, and you need to be ready,” Jaxon repeats throughout the week.
By Friday, I know what to expect and I no longer worry about training. After Caleb demands a quick lunch break, Cassie and Leanne pop in to let us know they’re going grocery shopping and should be back within the hour. The guys and I eat quickly before Jaxon forces us back outside to go through the morning’s routine once more. When I finish the same tasks I’ve come to know inside and out, I set up to start again. It startles me when Jaxon nods to Caleb, who steps toward me and takes a defensive stance.
“Hit me,” he orders.
“Wh-what?” I take a step back, wondering if he lost his mind. I could never hurt him—it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.
“I said hit me.” He steps toward me, and I take another step back.
“I’m n-n-not hitting you, Caleb,” I whisper, glancing around for someone to step in and stop him.
Jaxon stands to the side with his arms crossed over his chest, observing Caleb and me. After he gives me an encouraging nod, I realize he’s obviously not going to help me get out of this situation.
Caleb doesn’t relent.
“Hit. Me,” Caleb growls, bringing my attention back to him.
I stare at him wide-eyed as he takes another menacing step forward.
I begin to panic, questioning everything he’s promised me. He swore he’d never hurt me, but my stomach drops at the look on his face and the tone in his voice—it’s linked to too many bad memories. Samael would talk low and quiet when he was in a particularly violent mood. I shudder, remembering a few of those times.
My chin wobbles. “Caleb, please.” Tentatively, I reach my hand out to him, silently pleading for him to take it.
Caleb looks at my outstretched hand impassively, then takes another threatening step toward me. My chest tightens, and I drop my hand to wrap my arms protectively around my body. My vision blurs and my body shivers. I take a few shaky breaths and try to calm myself. I don’t want to associate Caleb with Samael and my past. I don’t want to be afraid of him.
Caleb stops short, his expression pained. He turns to Jaxon and shakes his head. “I can’t, Jax. I’m sorry, I can’t do this to her. We can figure out another way to teach her to fight, but I won’t do this.”
“Caleb,” Jaxon argues. “She needs to face her fears. If someone comes after her, we can’t have her freezing up and panicking. She needs to push through and be able to fight off anyone who tries to hurt her, even if it scares her.”
“Fine, I get it!” Caleb yells. “But not like this. We can ease into it.”
“Fuck that, I’ll take care of this.” Jaxon stomps toward me.
I freeze in fear as he bounds toward me. Vaguely, I register Caleb shouting Jaxon’s name in warning, but I’m too focused on trying to make my body move. I know my odds of outrunning him are slim to none, and because of that, I stay in place, ready to let him do whatever he has planned.
Jaxon stops directly in front of me, grabs my arms, and shakes me. His grip isn’t nearly as hard as I expect, but when he shakes and yells at me, my mind shuts down completely.
It used to happen to me sometimes when I was hurt physically—I couldn’t think, move, or speak. I couldn’t hear what was being said or register anything. I would always feel the pain later when I was alone. But I learned at an early age that, if I wanted to survive, I needed to shut down—something I would do whenever I knew someone was going to be violent.
All at once, I’m back at my old house, with my mother and Samael. My eyes close tightly, and my heart races with adrenaline. The only sound I hear is my blood rushing in my ears. I vaguely notice the hands holding me up let go, and my legs give out, sending me to my knees. This is a good thing. Sometimes, if I cower and show enough fear, it ends sooner. Mom always goes easier on me if she know she’s scared me enough. I put my forehead to the ground and keep my arms wrapped around my middle.
I don’t know how long I stay in the same position, but someone suddenly pulls me off the ground. Every muscle in my body locks up in anticipation for what’s to come. I don’t say a word or dare make a noise, I just hold my breath and wait for it to be over. My lungs start to burn, desperate for oxygen, but I refuse to let any sound, even a breath,
escape. It’ll only make him angrier, so I fight the sensation until my body gives out.
I’m first aware of a distant buzz of voices replacing the sound of blood rushing in my ears once the world comes rushing back to me. My lungs slowly suck in air again, despite my efforts to stop it. I must have passed out for a few minutes while I held my breath. Still, as much as I want to take long deep breaths, I keep them short and shallow and silent.
I try hard not to focus on the voices, not wanting to hear the horrible things Samael and my mother say to me.
“—aby.” Caleb’s desperate voice breaks through my panic, and I wonder where he came from. “Come on, baby. Please, take a breath for me.”
With a start, I realize Caleb has me on his lap as he runs a soothing hand up and down my back. Reality wiggles its way back into my brain, and I remember Samael and my mom aren’t the reason I’m here. It was my brother.
“See!” Jaxon hollers in frustration, and I cower further against Caleb. I don’t feel any pain yet, but he may not be done with me. “This is what I’m talking about! I hardly touched her and she—”
“Never. Again,” Caleb interrupts, his voice calm but deadly. “You will never do that to her again.”
I hear no response as Caleb lifts me and stands. I have no idea where he’s taking me, but I don’t care. I just want to be safe and hidden.
“I will deal with you later, Jaxon.” Caleb takes a few strides, kisses my forehead, then whispers in my ear, “Just hang on, baby girl. I’m so sorry for scaring you.” He continues to apologize over and over as he takes me wherever he’s decided to go.
